


An Apple a Day

by ButterflyGardenia, PaperHatsandPaperBoats



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 124,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25413562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGardenia/pseuds/ButterflyGardenia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperHatsandPaperBoats/pseuds/PaperHatsandPaperBoats
Summary: Following the events of the Vatican, creating a false sense of safety became the norm. Their routines of plotting, scheming, pranking, and researching can only delay the inevitable for so long.My take on season two
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 458
Kudos: 1442





	1. Chapter 1

“Ugh, I’m so bored,” Ava groans, dropping her head to the pew in front of her, forehead colliding with wood in an echoing thud.

“Please refrain from giving yourself another concussion, Ava. Pay attention,” Beatrice lightly scolds from the seat next to her. A tiny smile blossoms at the corner of Camila’s mouth on Ava’s other side.

“I can’t help it if I would rather be unconscious than endure another second of this bible shit,” Ava’s words are slightly muffled, her head still against the pew.

“Language, Ava,” Beatrice says while lifting Ava’s head up with gentle fingers.

“You can’t honestly believe this. If the apple was such a forbidden fruit, why do you eat them all the time? Like basically Eve created sin because of a piece of fruit. Of course it’s a woman’s fault. Score one more for the patriarchy with this asinine story.”

“Ava, stop talking,” Lilith turned around from the pew in front of Ava and flicked her in the forehead.

“Hey!” Ava whisper yelled, “You can’t hit me. Camila, tell her she can’t hit me.”

“I can hit you anytime I want, every second you’re here is a form of training,” Lilith smirks and turns back around.

Ava looks between Camila and Beatrice, her mouth slightly open in disbelief. Beatrice places a hand on Ava’s knee to calm her and leans in to whisper, “She’s teasing you. Let it go.” Beatrice leans away, removing her hand, missing the blush that creeps up Ava’s neck and the goosebumps that cover her skin. While Beatrice’s words were meant to calm, and they did, they also spark an idea in Ava’s mind.

When the morning sermon ends, Ava grabs Camila’s hand and runs out of the chapel to the weapon’s room, leaving a confused Beatrice behind.

“Where are we going? You know we’re not supposed to touch the weapons without Mother Superion’s permission,” Camila pulled her hand from Ava’s grip and stopped just outside of the weapon’s room.

“We’re not here for the weapons,” Ava flashed a devilish grin and entered the room. She rummaged around in a few cabinets before turning back to Camila, “We’re here for these.” 

Camila’s face remains neutral, if slightly confused, as Ava waited for her to catch on. After one too many seconds pass, Ava’s grin drops, along with her hands that hold the tracking beacon and communication set she used while learning to phase.

“Oh come on, this is like warrior 101. I’m going to get back a Lilith and I need your help,” the grin appears once more on Ava’s face yet Camila’s does not change.

“Contrary to what you may think, no one can hear your thoughts unless you speak them. What are you planning to do with those and how does it involve getting back at Lilith?” Camila pouts slightly and crosses her arms.

“Thought you’d never ask. First,” Ava holds up the tracking beacon, “You are going to plant this one Lilith. Second, I need you to steal the tablet from Beatrice. Third, you’re going to keep an eye on Lilith and let me know every time you see her grab an apple. Four, hijinx.” Ava’s grin is nearly completely crinkling her eyes shut, her hand stretched out waiting for Camila to take the tracking beacon. 

“Your plan is sound but you are hardly participating,” Camila slowly reaches out and takes the beacon, “Where do you actually come into play?”

“That’s the best part,” Ava directs Camila away from the weapons room and around to a small alcove and continues explaining her plan. She tells Camila she needs to be one hundred percent quiet about this. While Ave does not feel bad in the slightest, she knows Beatrice will be disappointed in her revenge plot and Mary will think her an amateur in the field of espionage. 

Later that afternoon, Camila informs Ava that the beacon has been planted and hands her the tablet stolen from Beatrice. For a full two seconds, Ava feels bad. She can practically hear the words of disappointment from Beatrice about wasting her time on useless vendettas and splitting her attention away from training. Those two seconds pass though, and Ava resets her resolve on hijinx.

\----

“I understand what you’re saying but there is a choke point here in this back section that we could use to defend the citadel,” Lilith points at a map pinned up on the wall, it’s covered in lines and circles, a battle strategy for the most recent known location of Adriel. 

Lilith has been converging with Beatrice, Mary, and Mother Superion on the plan for over two hours now. One claiming to know the layout more than the others. The tunnels, the traps. It’s endless. So endless they miss lunch. A Sister brought in trays of food for them some time ago but they only descend on the food when Mary’s stomach grumbles and she effectively cuts the meeting.

The four women eat in relative silence, Lilith’s brow set in anger at not being heard or listened to. She brings an apple up towards her mouth, deep in thought, the stone wall cool against her back, a gust of wind rippling the ends of her robes. As she goes to bite down, she recoils in pain having bit her own thumb. She looks around in equal parts horror and embarrassment but none of the other women have noticed a thing. Lilith shakes her hand and blinks her eyes rapidly, looking around the room. She catches the eye of Beatrice, who offers a small smile, but furrows her brow slightly at the shocked expression on Lilith’s face.

“Something wrong?” Beatrice asks, drawing the attention of Mary.

“I.. No. Nothing’s wrong. Go back to your food,” Lilith looks down at her plate, not knowing how or wanting to explain what just happened.

Across the room, a little red face was peaking through the wall, desperately holding back their laughter.

“Camila!” Ava shouted once she withdrew her face from the wall, touching her earpiece to stabilize the connection, “Did you see that? Ha, she had no idea what happened. I’m a fucking genius.”

“Ava, I feel bad. She looked so hurt and confused,” Camila’s voice came around the corner to find Ava, taking out her earpiece, “I think we should stop. She’s been through enough.”

“What, no! I still need you. Look, what if we just did it one more time. So she doesn’t think she’s actually losing her mind. Ya know, like a double tap confirmation for the big reveal. Please?” Ava grips Camila’s hands, a little pout playing on her lips.

“Fine, but just once more,” Camila shakes her head and turns to leave.

“You’re the best!” Ava shouts at Camila’s retreating form.

“Who’s the best?” Beatrice’s voice startles Ava, dropping her earpiece in the process. Down the hall Camila turned back for the briefest of seconds, locking eyes with Ava. Camila flashed her an apologetic look then turned and ran around the corner. 

“Oh, um, God? Yeah, God, just sending one out to the big guy upstairs,” Ava gave Beatrice a thumbs up and then internally shook her head at how embarrassing she was being. Ava closed her eyes and sighed, deciding it was best to drop the conversation and reached down to retrieve her earpiece. 

She violently jerked her hand back feeling an electric shock from the earpiece. So violent that she toppled over into a sitting position, cradling her hand. Within seconds Beatrice was kneeling beside her, reaching for her hand to assess the damage.

“Ava, what happened, are you okay?” Beatrice asked, ghosting her fingertips over the palm of Ava’s hand. 

Ava couldn’t help the audibility of her gulp when she turned to face Beatrice. The tingle of Beatrice’s fingers along her palm, the hot whisper of breath against her neck, the care and concern. Ava’s eyes roamed all over Beatrice’s face, she tightened the hold on Beatrice’s hand unconsciously. Ava notices the slight pull in Beatrice’s eyebrows, the tiny narrowing of her eyes, the dip in her eye line, the slow drag back up.

Beatrice cleared her throat and stood up, holding her hand out to Ava. Ava let herself be pulled to her feet, let herself be grounded by two hands placed on her shoulders. 

“Ava. Ava, can you hear me?” Beatrice shook Ava’s shoulders lightly, attempting to break the shorter girl from her reverie. Ava feels the hands leave her shoulders. The next thing she feels fills her mouth with blood.

“What the fuck, Lilith!” Ava yells, cupping her cheek, staring into the deepest smirk she’s ever seen. Beatrice returns to her side, her hand now cupping Ava’s cheek, using her thumb to wipe a tiny drop of blood from her lip. Ava short circuits again.

“While you may have meant well, that was uncalled for Lilith. I forbid you from hitting Ava outside of training sessions,” Beatrice narrowed her eyes at Lilith and then quirked her eyebrow up sensing the other girl may retaliate. 

“Her face is just so slappable sometimes,” Lilith laughs to herself then holds her hands up in surrender, “You’re right though, I did mean well. She looked.. Broken or something. It was spooky.”

“Look in the mirror Lilith, you’re terrifying like all the time. Go slap yourself,” Ava huffed, she wanted to still feel the split of her lip to continue fueling her anger. The halo had already healed it and Beatrice standing up for her was doing all kinds of warm and fuzzy things to her. Not to mention the hand that just moved to rest on the small of her back

“Ava,” Beatrice sent her a look that was meant to shush her, “Lilith, do you promise not to hit Ava?” Lilith nodded, the smirk still fully on her face, “Ava, do you promise not to antagonize Lilith?”

“What! How did I antagonize her! I was just standing here!” Ava’s mind flashed to the apple incident and felt a little guilty, but not guilty enough to warrant a slap to the face.

“Whatever the scenario, just leave each other alone if you can’t play nice. Deal?” Beatrice looked between the two girls.

“Deal,” Lilith sends Beatrice one final sweet smile and stuck her tongue out at Ava when Beatrice looked away. Ava’s mouth fell open as if to yell again, but Beatrice’s eyes were back on her.

“Are you okay?” the concern in Beatrice’s voice and eyes snapped Ava’s mouth shut.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ava replies after a beat.

“Where did you go?” 

“I’m right next to you.”

Beatrice studies Ava’s face, looking for something she’s not quite sure of. She wants to clarify her question, understand why Ava completely zoned out but she dropped it instead. She breathes a little laugh out of her nose and hands the earpiece to Ava.

“Whatever you’re doing with this, do not get caught, and do not implicate me in your crimes.”

Ava watches Beatrice walk away before putting the earpiece in and testing it.

“Camila, you there?”

“Yes, Ava. Did Beatrice scold you?”

“No, but meet me outside my room in ten minutes. I need to up the ante. Witch bitch is going down.”

“Language, Ava!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Less humor, sorry about it..

Camila clicked the pause button on the video she was watching on the tablet. Hesitant wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how much she didn’t want to look up at the grinning girl in front of her. From her peripheral, all she could see was a wide, white crescent moon shape bouncing up and down. Clearing her throat and sending up a strong prayer, Camila decided to pick up her head.

“I believe I understand the point of these videos Ava, but being the halo bearer does not make you invincible. Or a cartoon for that matter,” Camila waved the tablet calling out the cartoons and placing it on the desk. “If you attempt even one of these scenarios you will kill Lilith and yourself. Probably a handful of civilians and most likely Beatrice.” Camila lets her shoulders drop at the same pace as Ava’s smile. 

“What if you just tried to talk to Lilith about how she makes you feel instead of,” pointing to the tablet, “Acquiring anvils and dynamite.”

“I’m not actually going to blow her up Camila, it was for inspiration. How clever rivals should be, not just cruel like Lilith,” Ava crosses her arms and drops down into the chair across from Camila. 

“Look, she’s impossible to talk to. I know she said she was glad I wasn’t dead or whatever but... But she thinks I’m weak. She knows I’m weak.” Ava whispered the last part and rested her head in her arms on the tabletop.

Camila reaches out and lays her hand on Ava’s arm, not knowing the right words to say to the halo bearer. She wishes she had the comforting words of Beatrice or the biting remarks of Mary to pull Ava out of this but she doesn’t. Camila offers a small smile when Ava turns her head in her hands to look at her. 

“Do you think she knows I would have given her the halo before she was taken? I still would if I didn’t think I would die immediately. Still a little selfish.” Ava smiles now, tinged with sadness, her chin resting on her arms, looking at Camila.

“You should talk to her.”

“And say what? Words aren’t exactly my strong suit if you haven’t noticed. She’d probably get offended and cut me down two sentences in.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try. Want to practice with me now?” Camila’s face lit up then, looking at Ava expectantly and with confidence. She could help her with this easily.

At that moment, Beatrice walked into the room to join the other girls, pausing as she noticed how intimate the girls looked, deep in conversation.

“Bea, hey,” Ava sits up a little straighter, “I was spacey earlier. Sorry about that.”

“No matter,” Beatrice waves her hand and looks to Camila, “You’re needed in the office.”

“Yes Sister,” Camila stands, squeezes Ava’s shoulder, “Find me later if you want to practice.”

Beatrice and Ava watch Camila leave, Ava’s mouth draws into a tight-lipped smile when her eyes eventually land on Beatrice. 

“So.. good day?” God why was Ava so bad with words sometimes. Beatrice makes her way to the chair Camila vacated.

“All things considered, yes. It was a good day,” Beatrice pauses, tilting her head slighting at Ava, “You missed your training this afternoon, Ava.”

It wasn’t a question, just a called out observation. 

“To be fair, my coach was busy,” Ava’s smile split her face, hoping her excuse placated the girl in front of her.

“Ava, you know we would have made time. Your training is the most important thing going on right now.”

“Why do you always say my name? In almost every sentence, you always say it. Why?” It wasn’t a deflection from her missed training but more of a realized observation of her own. She watched Beatrice get lost in thought, calculating the right response, her mouth opening and closing several times, before she steadied her eyes on Ava.

“I say your name to draw attention and importance. To startle you into paying attention to the words I’ve said.” Ava was quiet for a long time after Beatrice’s thought out reply. Her mind working out whether she felt scolded, dumb, or put down.

“Do you think I’m that daft? That I wouldn’t pay attention if you didn’t say my name so often.” Ava’s eyes bore into Beatrice’s. Expression unreadable. 

“You’re not daft. You take things seriously when you know it is directly related to you. I make what I say directly related to you so you understand the severity of what your life is right now. Why we need you.” Beatrice folds her hands in front of her on the table. She spoke slowly, with care, but from Ava’s expression, Beatrice can tell that she had hit a soft spot. Beatrice reaches out and takes one of Ava’s hands between her own, hoping to draw her attention without saying her name.

Ava looks up with glassy eyes. 

“Thoughtless and self-centered,” Ava whispers, “You don’t think I’m stupid but you think I am those things.” Ava smiles bitterly to herself. Beatrice remembers that conversation, the day Ava decided to live and leave the OCS.

“That was a lifetime ago. You know what we’ve been through. You know how I feel about you.”

“Do I?” Ava’s expression changed to one of looking, searching for something.

“Friend by your side right?” Beatrice offers a small smile and a squeeze of her hand, unable to make eye contact. Ava watched eyes that could not look into her own.

“Right,” Ava stands, the tingle of Beatrice’s hand still on hers, “I have to go. I’ll see you at dinner.”

Ava walked out to the gardens, through the courtyards and found herself laying on the cobblestones in front of the target range. The clouds slowly drift through the sky. Toiling bells echo softly in the distance.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Mary said, kicking one of Ava’s shoes. Ava props herself up on her elbows looking up at Mary. After a beat she lays back down, choosing not to engage. She hears the rustle of clothes and two metal clangs against the ground before she feels the heat of Mary laying beside her. They lay there for several minutes, soaking in the sun before Ava starts to squirm.

“I’m not dumb you know. Or thoughtless. I think all the time. All I used to do was think. All day. Every day. Unable to do anything about my thoughts.” Ava trailed off and let her words be taken over the side of the walls.

“You’re dumb and you know it,” Mary responded, eyes still trained on the sky. Ava turned her head to observe Mary’s profile. The hard line of her jaw, line of her hair, mirth in her eyes.

“So are you,” Ava turns her head back towards the sky.

“Not as dumb as you.”

They fall back into silence again. Ava’s mind racing. 

“I’ve only really been alive for like two months yah know. I get to be dumb. I get to learn. None of you let me.”

“What do you mean we don’t let you?” Mary shifted and looked over at Ava.

“I had three days to understand the tales of the halo. Of all of this. Then I had four days to hear stories from the other sister warriors. Between that time, you tried to kill me, Lilith tried to kill me, Lilith died. I killed a nun. I had real, hand made, good food for the first time. I wrote a sentence. I haven’t… You.. I just need a grace period but none of you are letting me have that. You all expect so much.” Ava sighs next to Mary, it’s heavy with regret and sorrow. 

“You killed a nun?” Mary teased.

“Why would that be your take away. Be nicer to me. Allow me grace Sister Mary,” the sarcasm dripped off of her last sentence as well as the pray hands on her chest. 

“Listen shithead, I kicked you off a cliff and I’ll throw you off this one,” Mary moves to a sitting position, imploring Ava to do the same. “But I’d also jump into a throng of wraith possessed idiots to protect me and mine. You are a part of that now. "

Ava looks at Mary with her eyebrow quirked, lips pursed. She knows Beatrice would have had a better response, a clearer response, but she chose to unleash on Mary so she should have expected this response.

“Look, you’re arrogant, but not dumb. You have the halo, you’re my Warrior Nun, my leader, however much I wish that didn’t go to your head. But it goes to your heart too. I’m starting to trust you, barely, but I trust you. The other shit will come, eventually. I’ll give you enough grace until I need you to put your life on the line to kill Adriel. We don't go easy on you because when that day comes, when you have to lay your life down, we want you to get back up.”

“I can do that when the time comes. I think. But this downtime, it’s torture. Everything is boring.” Ava huffs and lays back down. 

“Bitch, you’re in a cement mansion learning ninja skills with people who adore you, how is that boring or torture?” Mary follows suit, placing her hands behind her head.

“Literally, it’s awful. Lilith definitely does not adore me, she hits me every chance she gets for no reason and gets to call it training,” Ava sneers the last word, “You actually shot me two days ago. Camila is too good for this world and it’s exhausting trying to break her. Beatrice is just confusing. And I was literally dead two months ago!” Ava yells the last sentence so loud, a few birds across the courtyard flutter away.

“Suck it up buttercup, this is the game. Lilith will be heartless until the day she dies but she means well and you know she is making you better. Camila is too good for this world, don’t fuck her up. I have never had one confusing moment with Beatrice so that shits on you. Normal will come, just let it.”

“Normal is relative.” Ava closes her eyes, feeling done with the conversation.

Ava and Mary lay in the sun until the toiling of the dinner bell pulls them from their places on the stone. They stand, stretching, making their way to the dining hall.

“Listen, I know I didn’t give you shit back there to settle your head or whatever but talk to Lilith. Talk to Beatrice. Stop corrupting Camila,” Mary pauses, turning back to Ava, putting one hand on her shoulder, “We’re here in ways you might not even know. I’ll end you in a heartbeat, but I’ll elevate you just the same. I give a shit. About you. Our sisters. I know your life experiences come from a tv screen but you must have watched shows on friendship. That’s us. Not me most of the time because I can barely handle your undead ass, but I’m here. Just ask me to be there.”

Ava moves in to hug Mary but finds a stiff hand against her chest. “No way, that’s not us.” Mary pats Ava’s cheek twice and turns to make her way towards dinner.

Ava tells Mary she’ll see her in the hall, making her way to the room with her tablet and earpiece. She valued what Mary said, more than she would ever care to admit, but she still had a rivalry to stoke.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lilith is a gal of few words, creating a "true-to-character" conversation felt kind of challenging.

Five minutes later, Camila finds herself in an empty hallway, Ava breathless after running through her scheme once again, grin wide, waiting for Camila’s reaction. 

“This is the last one right? No more after this?” Camila didn’t really want to participate but she didn’t want to disappoint Ava either. 

“Swear, unless it goes really well and we need like a third time’s the charm situation.”

“Ava, that’s not what I agreed to,” Camila huffed and crossed her arms.

“Fine, fine, okay,” Ava glances at the tablet, “Target is about to be in position, you ready?”

Camila nods and crouches down into a kneeling position. Ava laughs and makes her way to Camila’s crouched form. She places one hand on Camila’s shoulder and throws her leg over the other, climbing onto her shoulders. Ava taps Camila’s head when both legs are over her shoulders, “Liftoff!”

Camila struggles to stand with Ava on her shoulders but steadies herself in a full standing position, Ava’s palm flat on the ceiling of the crypt. Camila holds up the tablet for Ava to view, and takes a few steps to the right for the perfect placement and counts down from five.

At one, Ava phases her hand through the ceiling feeling her fingertips catch the toe of Lilith walking by. A floor up, the determined look on Lilith’s face slips as she trips, unsteadying her confident stride. She looks around, hoping no one noticed, smooths down her habit, and continues walking.

“Go, go go,” Ava wiggled on top of Camila, urging her forward. She reaches up again, laughing to herself, and phases through the ceiling. Lilith trips again, huffing to herself. She pulls her foot up to see if her boot was broken but found nothing. Her eyes examined the polished floor, looking for any offending item. Lilith pursed her lips, puffing hot air through her nose and watched her feet as she continued watching.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Ava slips off Camil’s shoulders, “Ready for phase two?” Ava bounced on the balls of her feet, preparing to phase to their second location.

“I guess but hurry up, Beatrice will notice if we’re not at dinner soon,” Camila runs off towards the dining hall as Ava disappears through a wall.

\----

“Camila?” Ava taps her earpiece a few times, hearing static.

“I’m here but I would prefer not to be. Where have you been, it’s been like fifteen minutes?”

“Irrelevant. Are you at dinner now?” 

“Yes. Here. Lilith is at the table across the hall.”

“Apples?”

“Yes. Always.”

“Perfect. Over and out,” Ava pulled up the tablet and found the blueprints for the cradle. She needed to get into the floor under the dining hall in order to pull this off. Ava knows she’ll need to have a conversation eventually, with more than one person, maybe everyone, but she still wants to pull this off before she does.

Ava found her way into another crypt, less dead bodies and murdery nuns, but spooky nonetheless. She followed the tablet’s tracking beacon on Lilith until she was sure she was right below her.

“Camila?”

“Here. Where are you?”

“Here. Ish. Cause a quick five second distraction.”

“What do you mean?,” Camila whisper-yelled into her communication device, attempting to be as subtle as possible, “Is this like a go-boom distraction or a I spilled my water distraction.”

“Good clarifier, spilled water. Does Lilith have her tray?”

“Yes.”

“Perfect. Distraction in three… Two… One.”

Camila knocked her glass to the floor. The sound of a shatter echoing off the walls of the hall.

Ava jumped and phased through the floor, grabbed Lilith’s tray, emptied the contents in the crypt, and returned the empty tray to Lilith’s spot at the table. She turns and sprints down the corridor a ways before phasing up again behind a beam. She peeked around and watched Lilith’s reaction.

Lilith had turned towards the commotion the instant it hit her ears, standing, a knife drawn faster than a heartbeat, prepared. When she sees Camila standing, an embarrassed look on her face, she sheaths her knife and resumes dinner. She reaches for her fork and looks to her plate to find nothing but crumbs. She looks around, feeling a sense of deja vu from earlier. This time, no one catches her eye to offer a smile, no one asks if everything is okay. So she stands with her tray and carries it to the deposit window and moves to leave the room.

Ava watches the whole time. The clever rival scenario she wanted dies as soon as she sees the outcome. She wants to be able to laugh, she wants to make a joke about Lilith’s confusion and anger. She wants to be able to be the prankster Beatrice told her Shannon was but this isn’t it. It’s hurtful and sad and Ava feels all of the guilt that she tried to push aside. She is guilty.

Ava runs to the front of the line to grab her own tray of food, asking for a little more of everything and follows Lilith out of the dining hall. She sees her down the hall, watches her retreat to her room. Ava almost turns back around but she puts one foot in front of the other and proceeds towards Lilith’s room.

“What do you want?” Lilith says after opening the door to Ava. “Did you do this?” Lilith gestures into her room where her belongings are all halfway in the room and through her walls.

“I want at least one hundred things hourly and I think it’s obvious I did that.” Ava tried to display a neutral smile, but regret and guilt bleed into it. “Can I come in?” 

Lilith steps aside letting Ava pass after a few moments, staying at the door long enough to close it. Ava sets her tray on the floor and makes her way around the room, pulling the bed, desk, a mirror, and a trunk out of the walls and placing them back in their rightful spots. She then takes the seat at the desk, setting her tray down. Lilith chooses to sit on the bed, facing Ava.

“Why are you here?” Lilith asks with a fight already brewing in her chest.

Ava looks to the tray then briefly back at Lilith before selecting a spot on the wall behind her head.

“I wanted to prank you. Be like sister Shannon. Get back at you for your… physical outbursts,” Ava pauses, deciding to actually look into Lilith’s eyes. “I took the apple from you as a joke from the Eve scripture this morning and I took your tray just now. And I also tripped you in the halls. And your room. But… we are not the joking rival type.” Ava trails off, not sure where to go from her omission. Lilith looks at her with ice in her heart.

“I wanted to be like Tom and Jerry, Wiley Coyote and Roadrunner. Back and forth. Back and forth forever. But that’s not us because you might actually hate me,” Ava diverts her gaze, unable to stomach the hard, cruel look on Lilith’s face.

The pause in conversation or confession was pregnant. Heavy with contrition.

“I don’t hate you, Ava,” Lilith breaks the silence. Her eyes glassy and wide.

“I owe you my life, we all do, but why do all of your actions since we’ve been back make it seem like you do?”

“If you haven’t noticed, I might be part Tarask now which means I inherently hate the halo. I think.” Lilith trails off for a beat, the ghost of a smile pulling at her lips. “I’ve never owned the path of my own life. Do this, be that. I’ve never been allowed my own actions. When I.. When I find that I get a choice it’s to climb over people. To be better than them. To get further down the path first.” Lilith pauses and looks at Ava with so much openness. Begging her to understand.

“How very self aware of you,” Ava’s eyes swim with emotion as she offers a small smile to Lilith.

“I did hate you. Want to kill you. I almost did.” Lilith looked down at her hands, “And I did mean what I said, I am happy you’re not dead. That you’re still here. It’s just hard to move past something I was pre-programmed to want my whole life.”

Ava knew Lilith was talking about the halo. She’d picked up bits and pieces of Lilith’s life from the other sisters. Ava would have given it back in the early days of her resurrection. She would have given it away gladly. But she now knows removing the halo will kill her. Even overexerting herself causes her to revert to her quadriplegic state. She wants to live. She knows that’s at the detriment of Lilith’s life plan.

“I.. I want to.. This is so embarrassing. To be stuttering to find words,” Lilith trails of once again, unable to find words that Ava will understand.

“It’s okay. Camila wanted me to rehearse what I would say to you earlier. We don’t know how to talk to each other. You’re terrifying, you know? When I’m around you, it’s like I know I’m not good enough.”

“You are though. Good enough. I’m.. I wish you didn’t feel that way.”

“Were you maybe going to say sorry?” Ava flashed Lilith a toothy grin that the other girl shook her head at.

“Shut up,” Lilith’s lips barely quirk into a smile but Ava will take what she can get. “I get why it chose you.”

Ava looked at Lilith now. Really looked. Her gray hair prominent against her tanned skin. Cheekbones sharp, eye hard but trying not to be. Mouth in a relaxed line. Her hands moving every so slighting with nerves. She was just a kid. Same as her. Burdens on her shoulders. The weight of humanity. The biggest difference was that Lilith presumably went to hell and Ava has a halo. There is no way Adriel was an actual angel, but from all the books and teachings, they were complete opposites. Meant to fight with each until the end of time.

“I don’t hate you either. For what it’s worth. Jerry never hated Tom in this scenario. He just wanted to keep the chase up to show Tom’s owners that he was worthy enough to keep him around to try to kill Jerry, right? We keep each other around to try and prove our worth. You’re Jerry in the scenario obviously. I know you could kill me in a second even if you are a mouse.” Ava felt good about her explanation but the look on Lilith’s face said otherwise.

“I can’t relate to your, I’m assuming, metaphor? I don’t know who these men are but I think I understand what you're trying to say but maybe talk like it’s you and me.”

“You’re right,” Ava shook her head slightly, wishing she would have talked this through with Camila instead of plotting mishap. “What I mean is we make each other better. I push you, you push me back. You could literally crush my trachea right now and watch me die, but I know you won’t. You won't, right?” Ava asked after Lilith deliberately looked at Ava’s neck.

“I won’t,” Lilith actually smiles, “Beatrice would kill me.”

“Why would Beatrice kill you?” Ava cocked her head to the side, hoping for a clue as to why she’s felt confused about Beatrice lately.

“She just told us to behave not five hours ago. If it comes out that I crushed your trachea and left you for dead, she would skin me with her knives faster than I could teleport to a different country.” Ava and Lilith smile at each other picturing the scenario.

“What’s that even about? The teleporting. Are you like the hell equivalent of a halo. Can you phase?” Ava asked, back straightening up in excitement.

“You are the hell equivalent of the halo, Ava.”

“Hey!” Ava laughed while Lilith smirked. 

“But really, I have no idea. I can’t control it,” Lilith’s voice was thick with uncertainty, she looked more lost than she had in the time Ava had known her. 

“Maybe we can train together?” Lilith scoffed at Ava’s response.

“You would want to train with me? Miss, ‘she’s not a teacher, she’s a tyrant’. We have not successfully trained without Beatrice stepping in to stop it since the minute we all started sparring. Even if I barely touch you.”

“Barely touch me! You literally shattered every bone in my shoulder three days ago with a bow staff. You knew I had depleted the halo and you just kept hitting!” Ava’s voice was tinged with humor, losing the effect of scolding before it was even a thought.

“To be fair, Bea told you not to use it during the whole training session to learn. You just didn’t listen. So that’s on you.”

“That is not on me. I need a...” Ava trailed off thinking back to her conversation of a grace period with Mary. Lilith was the push point she needed in training. To stop being reliant on the halo. To actually get better at defense and offense without a power that was so easily depleted. 

“What is it that you need, princess?” Lilith looks at her now with full confidence, the smirk back on her face. The sad, defeated girl in the dining hall all but forgotten.

Ava thought about it more. Her conversation with Mary was not about people giving her grace. It was about stepping up gradually, not people coming down to meet her. She knew she needed to rise to the occasion and prove that she was worthy of the legacy of the halo. She knew Lilith was arguably the only person that could force that in her because she didn’t care about her feelings. Ava didn’t think Mary cared either, but she did. Camila was like the sun, the fact that she cared was there no matter what.

If Camila was the sun, Beatrice was the tide. To Ava, it was a science that she couldn’t grasp. Sure there were papers and facts about it and obviously gravity, but it was more the concept that was confusing. How could such a small moon have a pull so significant that it can alter the vast oceans of the Earth. Why does something that’s just.. there, have such an effect. 

Beatrice cared the same way as the tide, always there, consistent. Consistent from the first time Ava turned into her while crying in Mother Superion’s office. Consistent in her phase training. Consistent from the moment Ava stepped into the tomb, to the moment she stepped out of it. Beatrice was the single most consistent person Ava had ever had in her life. She cared like it was scientifically impossible not to.

Ava widened her eyes, her heart hammering in her chest, trying to settle the tide rising in her mind. Ava shook her head, clearing it. What could she possibly say to Lilith? Ava doesn’t know what she needs. Not in the slightest.

“I need you to be exactly who you are,” is what Ava decides to say, “Don’t hold back. Try to kill me as often as you want but.. But maybe also get to know me a little.”

“I can do that,” Lilith responds after watching the full range of emotions run across Ava’s face for far longer than most people would allow. “I can do that for you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Purely a filler chapter - though I think there is a clear direction

The next morning, Ava was walking to breakfast before training with a skip in her step when she saw Lilith round the corner walking in the same direction several meters ahead. She grinned to herself before taking off at a sprint down the hall towards the other girls. Before Lilith rounded the corner to the dining hall, Ava jumped and attached her body to the taller girl’s back, gaining a piggyback ride into the hall.

“Ah! What are you doing you psychopath? Get down,” Lilith's hands found their way to Ava’s ankles around her waist, tugging slightly as she staggered forward.

“Ha, takes one to know one” Ava giggled into Lilith’s ear, tightening her grip around Lilith’s neck, “I’m catching a ride to breakfast. Obviously,”

“Ugh, you are the worst. We are not this type of friend,” Lilith sneers.

“Oh, so you think we’re friends.” Ava wiggled around on Lilith’s back half expecting to be dropped at any second. To her surprise, Lilith kept walking, looping her arms around Ava’s feet to secure her in place. “To the food window!” Ava yells, pointing in the direction of the line, Lilith recoiling at the offending sound in her ear.

“Hi! Good morning. Are we all friends again?” Camila appears at their side, a smile splitting her face. 

“Good morning sweet girl, yes!” Ava throws a fist in the air, “We are friends. In this life and the next!”

“Baby Halo, are you drunk? Why are you yelling so early in the morning?” Mary slides up next to the group in line, eyeing Ava at being on Lilith’s back after their conversation on the target range yesterday.

“I had a good day yesterday. Woke up on the right side of the bed too. Voldemort and I are best friends now,” Ava tickled Lilith’s cheek and immediately found herself on the ground.

“Best friends who can try to kill each other at any time,” Lilith smirks down at Ava, a smile on her face despite her situation, “Your words not mine.”

“Lilith!” Beatrice appears out of nowhere, arms crossed, face in a frown. “What did I tell you yesterday? You are not to touch Ava outside of training.”

Ava jumps up and grabs onto Beatrice’s elbow, “Hey,” Ava whispers, squeezing her hand to gain Beatrice’s attention, “We were just playing, she didn’t hurt me. Promise.”

“One must not play if the outcome is injury,” Beatrice said, completely void of emotion, before retreating to the back of the line.

“Bea. Beatrice. Wait,” Ava tried to call her back but Mary redirected her shoulders, forcing her to face the front of the line.

“Give her space. She’s been up for hours,” Mary pat Ava’s back with one loud thud as to end the conversation.

“Why has she been up?” Ava turns back to look at Beatrice but the other girl refuses to meet her eye. Again.

“Your dumb is showing, Ava. She’s been researching Adriel,” Mary sends a pointed look to Lilith, “And any known record of Tarasks possessing humans. Just because we haven’t heard a word on his whereabouts doesn’t mean he’s not out there planning. Getting stronger.”

Ava wanted to protest and tell Mary she knew the threat was still out there but it wasn’t worth it. She knew Mary was just redirecting her focus. 

“She should have asked me to help.” Is what Ava chose to say instead.

“Can you read Latin? Or French? Or Italian? Thought not. She’s the only one that can realistically do it.”

“But that means it all falls on her,” Camila chimes in, her eyes full of sadness.

“Alright, collectively we have to know at least two of those languages, Beetlejuice, whatchu got?” Ava turns to Lilith. Lilith sneers at her before answering.

“Spanish and French.”

“Baby fresh, what about you?” Camila points to herself in question, looking between Ava, Lilith, and Mary. “Yes, you.”

“Um, Spanish and French.” Camila’s mouth formed a tight-lipped smile, feeling guilty for not knowing more.

“Mary?”

“Fuck you.”

“Right, right, okay well. I’ve seen every tv show ever so maybe if she reads aloud I can come up with some ideas.” Ava nods her head once, her idea seems sound. She grabs her tray and the girls make their way to an open table.

“Ava, I don’t mean to make you feel bad but this is real life. Television storylines will not solve century old biblical anomalies.” Camila set her tray down lightly next to Ava, being as delicate with her body motions as not to further impede on Ava’s mood.

“Like I said, your dumb is showing,” Mary drops herself across from Ava, cocking her head and raising an eyebrow. Lilith sits next to Mary, deciding to stay quiet as she is one of the biblical anomalies in question.

“Hear me out. In every ‘let’s make a plan’ scene in a movie or a show there’s always this nerd or quiet background character that goes,” Ava pretends to push up a pair of invisible glasses, “The science in Star Trek isn’t actually that far fetched, hypothetically humans can time travel, and I can show you how it’s done. Welcome to my TedTalk.” Ava’s voice was overly nasally and mocking but she felt like she made her point as she took a bite of her toast.

Mary held her fork halfway to her mouth, stunned. Camila giggled. Lilith scowled. No one said a word as Ava looked at each of them with a glint in her eye as she chewed her toast.

“Am I interrupting?” Beatrice asked in a hesitant half whisper, taking in the statuesque positions of her friends in various stages of perplexity. Beatrice almost didn't join them after her outburst in the line, she wasn't entirely sure if they would want her to either.

“Uh, Beatrice,” Ava moved to stand but her thighs hit the table, spilling her glass of water across the table into Lilith’s lap. Lilith immediately bolts up, the cold of the water seeping through her pants, her arms up in the air surveying the damage.

“Ava! Come on! We said kill not make uncomfortable,” Lilith shakes off her pants and wipe down the bench and table. Ava opens and closes her mouth like a fish out of water, looking between the mess and Beatrice.

“I wasn’t antagonizing, I swear,” Ava threw her hands up defeat, “that was clearly an accident. You saw right, Camila?”

Rather than get involved, Camila took a huge bite of her apple and looked down at her tray. Beatrice looks between Lilith and Ava, both with wide eyes, looking for confirmation that their actions were sound and wouldn’t garner retribution. She just huffs and sits down on the other side of Ava, taking a sip of her tea rather than acknowledge Ava’s comment.

The girls ate in awkward silence for several minutes. Not knowing how to break the ice. Ava started fidgeting, her knee bumping against Beatrice’s, then Camila’s, her thumb tapping on the table.

“Stop fidgeting,” Beatrice whispers to Ava, hoping she’ll remember their march on the Vatican a few weeks prior and calm down.

“So listen,” Ava turns on the bench towards Beatrice, “We were all talking and we think we can help you with research so you don’t have to stay up so late and come to breakfast like Yzma over there.”

Mary lets out a snort and receives an elbow to the stomach from Lilith. Beatrice ever so slightly raises an eyebrow at Ava, silently questioning how her attitude is similar to Lilith’s.

“By that I mean tired? Tired for sure. We can do the French and Spanish stuff and then you can read me the other stuff and I can media it.”

“Media it?” Beatrice asks, completely confused.

“Ava, don’t,” Mary warns.

“Yeah, like use movies and tv shows to solve it,” Ava grins at Beatrice, the same toothy grin Beatrice has grown to adore and can’t help but quirk the corner of her own mouth up at.

“We can give it a try,” Mary’s mouth dropped open, Lilith choked on her water, both stunned Beatrice gave in to such a ridiculous idea, “How about tonight after evening prayer?”

“Perfect! We’ll be there, right?” Ava looked pointedly at the sisters and received skeptical head nods in reply.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angry Beatrice, probably can't even picture it in real life

That evening the girls found themselves in the library, Lilith sporting a split lip Ava cannot stop talking about.

“So I’m not saying I’m a butterfly or a bee but from Lilith’s face, I floated in for the sting, am I right?” Ava shimmies her shoulders in her chair as they all get settled in for the evening.

“You landed one hit. One. I wouldn’t go bragging about that. If you didn’t have the halo you’d be in at least four casts,” Lilith teases, opening up a book.

“She’s right, Av..” Beatrice stopped herself before saying Ava’s name, “You are improving but boasting does not make a warrior.” Beatrice offers a small, sympathetic smile to Ava before opening a book of her own.

Camila and Lilith were reading tomes written in Spanish and French respectively. Ava and Beatrice moved to a different location in the library so Beatrice’s reading wouldn’t disrupt the other girls.

After several hours of reading, researching, note taking, stretching, playing a game of frisbee with a journal that Beatrice scolds, Mary barging in, calling everyone nerds and throwing bags of chips then laying down on a couch, multiple trips for tea that Ava volunteered to get, and a bloody nose, Beatrice read a line in Latin that peaks Ava’s ears.

_The gates of Hell have been protected by the warriors and champions of God since the beginning of time. While there is an understanding between the realms of good and evil, both gates are guarded by protectors. Protecting the innocence of Heaven, enclosing the demons of Hell. The best of Hell defend the gates of Heaven. The most skilled, ferocious, and unforgiving of Heaven fortify the gates of Hell._

“Wait, repeat that,” Ava requests, bolting up from her sprawled out position on the floor at Beatrice's feet. Ava’s request was loud enough that Lilith, Mary, and Camila joined them at their table. The four listened to Beatrice recite the lines once again, taking in the passage, turning it over in their minds. 

The story is not unique or important to the sisters. It’s been written for centuries, everyone knows each gate is protected. Entire wings of museums have been dedicated to depicting the guardians.

“Hear me out,” Ava paused, waiting for nods of reassurance, “In my vision, the Tarask showed up and tried to fight Adriel. We know that Adriel is evil but we don’t know anything about the Tarask. I mean, Gargamel here is still herself sort of, but when she was possessed in the tomb, she knew we shouldn’t have gone in. She was protecting the halo from falling into the hands of a devil.”

Ava paused for two reasons. She wanted the sisters to understand what she was getting at but her voice got ahead of her thought so she needed to think how to word the next part. The sisters were looking at her with rapt attention. She hasn’t really gotten a chance to talk to them about the vision in detail other than to tell them Adriel was evil and divinium wasn’t created from his armor but the skeleton of the Tarask.

“Divinium is Tarask bone. What if the hell guardians are actually the Tarask. They were tasked with guarding the gates of Hell to keep everyone in and somehow Adriel got out. And now their life’s work is to return their one lost member of hell.”

Beatrice’s brow furrowed, thinking this over. Camila opened her mouth to speak but turned to Beatrice to guide the conversation. Lilith’s expression morphed to one of hope, that maybe she did have a devine, positive purpose after all.

“That doesn’t explain the halo,” Mary’s voice broke the thoughts and reveries of the others. “Why did Adriel have it? What is its true purpose? How did it bring Ava back, give Shannon powers, give all the warrior nuns powers?

“Mary makes a good point. Why does the halo exist?” Beatrice asks, flipping the page of the book, finding no other mention of the guardians of the gates. They sit in silence, eyes focused on the moving expressions of Ava thinking.

“Life force!” Ava stands up suddenly, unable to hold in her energy, “The halo gave me life. It gives sisters warriors the strength of several people. What if the halo is a Tarask life force? Like the big guy was like, you lava monsters with horns aren’t powerful enough, here’s a halo for your... Your heart! What if the halo is a Tarask’s heart?”

Silence. Again. Ava feels her smile slowly slip into a furrowed brow. It makes the most sense. It’s practically obvious to her. The looks on their faces say otherwise. In particular, Beatrice was looking the least impressed with her theory.

“Nothing in the history of the archives has ever mentioned the Tarask being a force for good. Warrior Nuns have been banishing them for the last several hundred years,” Beatrice said with finality, effectively eradicating Ava’s theory.

“Nothing in the record said Adriel would be alive and evil.” Camila offers as a retort, cutting off Ava from saying the same things.

“Nothing said the Tarask could possess humans either,” Lilith chose to interject.

“They may have a point, Bea. The archives are wrong, starting from the very beginning. The whole catholic faith was built on bullshit.”

“You go too far,” Beatrice stands, staring down Mary for her comment. Beatrice can feel herself getting worked up. This was supposed to be a bonding session of studying and reading. She can feel the weight of doubt from the others. Doubt in the records, the word of God. Doubt in faith.

“Relax, Bea. I was,” Mary pauses, taking in the rigid form of Beatrice in front of her, nostrils flaring, chest heaving, hands shaking. “You’re right, I went too far. But what she is saying, you can’t deny it holds weight.” Mary watches Beatrice pace two steps in either direction. 

“Have any of you read the archives? Have any of you read the warrior nun journal from front to back multiple times? What you’re all saying, it’s bordering on blasphemy,” Beatrice says with so much finality in her voice, wanting to cut off the conversation and the stream of unforgiving thoughts in her mind.

“None of us can read them, Beatrice,” Lilith says, “You’re the only one that can but one perspective isn’t enough anymore. After what we’ve seen, experienced, those words don’t matter.”

“Don’t matter? Lilith, this is the history of what we’re doing. If we discount all of that, this will have all been for nothing. Our lives will mean nothing.”

“Bea, no it won’t. We have lost too many people, saved too many, for this to mean nothing and you know that.” Mary stands and moves towards Beatrice, “You know that. We’re not attacking the vows. The faith. Not even close. We’re questioning the words of people written centuries ago. We’re trying to plan for now.”

Beatrice continues to pace. She can’t wrap her mind around so many things. The first and biggest was the fact that everything that she staked her life on, bet her eternal soul on, her saving grace, way probably a lie. She knew she felt the tickle of that feeling outside the Vatican, fighting for their lives, but here, now, in the quiet of a library. Everything her perfection was working towards. The training, the languages, the suppression. If it was for nothing, Beatrice felt like she would be nothing. 

The second was her vow. Does it even mean anything now? If she was honest, the amount of times she has asked God to rid her of the pull of Ava outweighs the years spent under the vow completely. But she still had it. She had the ability to suppress the pull. Does she even still have the blessing of a vow now or has it left her behind. Blown up with a portion of the Vatican. Gone the second she decided to infiltrate the catacombs all together. She didn’t think of it then, but it’s all she can think about. Am I nothing?

She doesn’t know why she can’t calm down. She doesn’t know why she can’t control her temper or her words. Anger and confusion are building, she can feel it boiling over. She can’t stop it. The years and years spent in devotion. Repenting, praying, fighting. She tries to push it down. Be the steady figure she has always been. Be the perfect example of the church she needs to be. Her hands shake with exertion, she needs to shut her mind down.

“Bea, I was only trying to do the media thing. If you don’t think it’s possible we’ll keep reading and I’ll throw out another crazy idea okay?” Ava moves towards Beatrice as well, but keeping her distance, matching Mary in her physical approach to their literary leader. “It’s just a silly thought.” Ava gave up on maintaining a boundary and moved closer, her fingers wrapping around the curve of Beatrice's shoulder. The taller girl recoiled and spun towards Ava.

“Silly, crazy? Ava, we can’t afford to be silly and crazy right now. We need you to look inside the halo and find the meaning of Adriel’s existence. You need to focus on understanding the teachings of the halo, not being silly and crazy.” The anger is Beatrice’s voice hits Ava like a knife to the heart. 

It was too late to take back the words flowing from her mouth, unhindered. Untrue. So burdened. Beatrice can’t look at Ava. She can’t watch her facade crumble. Can’t watch the unnecessary destruction her words are causing. Words she can’t stop.

“It wasn’t silly to me,” Camila whispered in the silence that followed. Camila stood and moved to place a hand on Ava’s back. Ava’s eyes were trained on the floor, shoulders dropped in defeat, fingers playing with the edges of her sleeves.

“Nor me,” Lilith added. “She makes a point. What if it’s true. Ava has seen more of the truth than all of us combined. We haven’t had a second to even ask her about it.” Lilith pauses and takes a glance at Ava several feet away. “I don’t want to believe that a portion of me is evil. Especially after whatever inside me tried to stop you from seeking out Adriel. I want to believe what Ava said. Vows and all. I still believe in my vows and the church. But try to believe in another truth for just one minute, Bea.”

“I think we call it a night and regroup tomorrow,” Mary moves to bring Beatrice out of her head with a hand on her shoulder. Mary had seen Shannon get so lost, warring with herself. Duty versus faith versus feeling. It would swirl and snarl inside her head and heart, pushing people away rather than drawing them closer. Unable to find the words to explain her internal war. The look in Shannon’s eyes during those moments is now perfectly reflected in Beatrice.

“We’re good here. I’ll put the books away, go to bed,” Mary squeezes Beatrice’s shoulder, and moves her towards the door.

“Ava, don’t,” Mary warns as Ava moves to follow after Beatrice. 

“She’s not okay. I should do something.”

“You can’t. Whatever she needs, she needs to do it for herself,” Mary shrugs and starts piling books. Ava looks between Lilith and Camila. Both have tight lipped frowns on their faces, Camila is the first to meet her eye.

“Mary’s right. How about you come make tea with me instead?” Camila offers a small smile. Ava smiles at her and nods her head before turning around and running out of the room to the loud protests of Mary

\----

“Hey, wait,” Ava rounds the corner at a run, out of breath. She moves to grab Beatrice’s arm to stop her but decides against it when she turns back towards her on her own.

Beatrice simply looks at Ava, completely void of emotion. Teeth grinding so hard her jaw aches, breathing heavily out of her nose, heart pounding, hands in fists, eyes so dead they scare Ava. Beatrice wants to say sorry. Take back everything. Say she was just tired. Say she didn’t know why she got so mad. But she can’t. All of her energy is focused on breathing normally, keeping her heart at bay. 

Ava’s eyes dart around Beatrice’s unreadable face. 

“What are you feeling?” Beatrice’s eyes move to Ava’s eyes then immediately away.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” Beatrice blinks her burning eyes rapidly.

“You don’t normally… get that way.” Ava watches eyelids flutter and tracks one single tear down Beatrice’s cheek.

“Why are you so mad at me? I’m sorry for being silly. I won’t do it again. I just thought..”

“I’m not mad, Ava.” Beatrice cuts her off, swiping aggressively at the rouge tear.

“Stop saying my name like that,” Ava practically whispers the sentence. 

“Like what?”

“Like you’re scolding me. Like you have to protect me all the time. Like I’m not your equal. Like I am less than you.” Ava’s chest is heaving, her words getting louder as she spoke, nearly ending in a yell, her heartbeat in her throat. She can feel tears stinging her own eyes and she doesn’t understand why. She came out here to help Beatrice but she finds herself angry at the other girl for shutting her out. 

“You can say you’re not mad but all you’ve done lately is tell me what I’m doing isn’t warrior like, or playing will hurt me, or I’m not listening or paying attention enough. That I need to be more. I’m doing the best I can, Bea.” 

“Ava,” Beatrice breathes out a shaking breath through her clenched teeth. She moves to reach out but pulls her hand back as if burned by the look on Ava’s face.

“Stop it! Stop saying my name. I know everything is important. Just stop!” Ava wraps her arms around herself. 

Beatrice is struck numb by how small Ava looks. She hates herself for her outburst, she hates that she is the one that is making Ava look this way. Defeated, hurt. It breaks her heart. It also breaks the icy shield she put up around it minutes ago. Beatrice works out her tight jaw, flexes her fists, putting on her suit of armor to help Ava instead of putting words to her outburst. She’ll lock that away with the rest of the things that have been running through her mind as of late.

“Hey,” Beatrice’s hand runs the length of Ava’s bicep. She will not say her name, no matter what, from this point forward, “Hey. Can you please look at me?” Beatrice’s whisper barely touches Ava’s ears, her hand on Ava’s arm though, that draws her attention back up.

“What did I do, Bea?” Ava coughs to cover up a sob.

“It’s not you. It’s never you. I’m sorry.”

“It feels a hell of a lot like me.” Ava sniffs, and wipes her nose on her sleeve, shaking Beatrice’s hand off of her.

“It’s not. Do you remember me telling you about growing up? All I have is my faith. Having you all question that? It was too much all at once. I was scared. I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

Ava grabs tightly to Beatrice’s hand, “You know that’s not all you have. You have us. A badass nun once told me she would never leave me. Guess what, that’s a two way street. You’re kind of stuck with me” The corner of Ava’s mouth twitches up in a sad smile. “I’m scared too ya know. Like, all the time. Have you ever looked into Lilith’s eyes knowing she is about to literally kill you with a stick.”

“She would never kill you.”

“I mean sure, the halo won’t allow it, but just picture that. Terrifying, right?” Ava laughs trying to break the tension, break apart the anger in her heart, the confusion, the fear. Beatrice just smiles back.

“We should head to bed. It’s been a long day. I am truly sorry,” Beatrice catches herself before she says Ava’s name again.

“You can say that again. Can I walk you to your room?” Ava’s smile is back on her face though Beatrice knows she doesn’t deserve it yet. She knows sleep will not come easy tonight. She’ll run through her outburst over and over, like a chaotic slideshow of embarrassment, anger, sadness, and confusion.

“Sure.” 

Ava loops her arm through Breatice’s and they make their way through the halls, towards her room. Ava describing the one punch she landed on Lilith for the fifth time. Beatrice just smiles and listens.


	6. Chapter 6

Breakfast the next morning was a tentative affair. Sure they trained in stealth and coming and going undetected but walking on eggshells around a certain sister warrior was not in the training manual. 

Camila was whispering with Lilith, hunched over a notepad at the breakfast table, when Beatrice joined them. Camila squeaked and slammed the notebook shut, throwing the pencil behind her in the least subtle way imaginable. Lilith just rolled her eyes and turned on the bench to pick up the writing utensil.

“Good morning, Beatrice,” Lilith greets casually, taking note of the dark circles under Beatrice’s slightly puffy eyes. 

“Lilith,” Beatrice sets her tray across from them and begins eating in silence, her eyes trained down at her food. Moments later, she is startled by a yelp.

When she looks up, she finds a double over Ava and a furious Lilith, water once again spilled, this time down the front of her shirt.

“Ava!” Lilith throws her wet napkin at the laughing girl, hitting her in the face, but not quelling the laughter at all. Camila is attempting to hide her smile behind her hands.

“What did you do this time Baby Halo?” Mary calls, dropping down next to Beatrice, her hand patting Beatrice’s knee twice in acknowledgment. 

“She poked me,” Lilith says through gritted teeth.

“That’s it? You’re that murdery over a poke?” Mary chuckles to herself.

“Ugh that was so good,” Ava wiped a tear from her eye still laughing, “You jumped like two feet in the air. The water cup was just,” Ava executes a perfect chef’s kiss. Ava jumps out of the way of Lilith’s hand windmilling in the direction of her stomach. “Too slow Jigsaw!” Ava yells over her shoulder as she runs to the breakfast line.

“How many names do you think she has for you?” Camila asks a fuming Lilith.

“I’d guess about a hundred more. Strap in, girl has seen more tv than anyone I’ve ever met,” Mary laughs to herself. “Bea, you coming down to spar later?”

Beatrice clears her throat, she can play this one of two ways. One, say no, be clipped and distant until everyone forgets the scene from the library yesterday. This only works if she acts the same way with Ava. After their conversation last night, being distant would erase any progress she made and her apology would be moot if Ava felt like she was ignoring her. Two, pretend her outburst held no real meaning, agree to spar, put on her steadfast armor and continue on, business as usual as if last night never even happened.

“I’ll be there,” Beatrice nods and matches the smile on Camila’s face, though much less bright.

“That’s my girl. You need to get in there with Ava and actually teach her, Jigsaw here can’t teach to save her life.

“Hey! Not you too. Is that one supposed to mean I’m puzzling?” Lilith asks Mary, knowing Camila most likely doesn’t have a reference point either judging by the slight bobbing of her head.

“No. It means you murder people in really fucked up ways,” Ava made her way back to the table, sitting next to Beatrice, as far from Lilith as the table would allow.

“Language Ava,” Camila reminds her for the hundredth time. Beatrice notices that instead of yelling at Camila to stop from using her name, Ava looks at Camila fondly. As if being reprimanded was an act of endearment. The feeling it brings up in Beatrice is unfamiliar. She used to love saying Ava’s name just to say it but something in her tone ruined it for Ava. Something made Ava feel like she was being belittled. If Beatrice were a confrontational person, she would ask Ava about it later. But she knows herself well enough to know she’ll never bring it up.

“Sorry little one,” Ava reaches across the table and taps Camila on the nose.

“I’m older than you. And taller,” Camila retorts with a slight blush on her cheeks.

“Yeah, but you’re cuter. You look like a little baby otter,” Ava grins and looks to Mary for approval. Mary reaches around Beatrice and flicks Ava in the head eliciting a smile from Lilith.

“Were you two writing notes to each other,” Mary uses her fork to point at the notebook between Camila and Lilith. Ava reaches for it before Lilith can stop her and flips it open.

“Lilith was friendly enough to write notes to Camila, not a chance in...” Ava pauses, looking at the sheet in front of her. Her mouth hanging open, eyes wide. “Dude!” Ava yells, taking in the drawing. It was a Tarask wearing a bowtie walking Cerberus on a leash in front of a café called Hell. “Look at this.” Ava passes the notebook to Mary, Beatrice barely getting a view of what was on the page.

“I thought it could be the first piece of our new archive,” Camila says in the sweetest tone Ava had ever heard. She steals a quick glance at Beatrice to note her reaction, She wasn’t even sure if Beatrice was able to view the page but even bringing up a new archive could have serious consequences.

Mary lays the book down on the table, the drawing on full display for everyone to see. The detail was astonishing. The molten texture of the Tarask, drool coming from all three heads of Cerberus, the fabric of the bowtie. It could have been an old black and white photo.

“I didn’t know you could draw.” Ava grins at Camila.

“My pen is just as mighty as my sword,” Camila grins back, wiggling in her seat.

Beatrice once again found herself at an impasse. During her sleepless night she had plenty of time to think about Ava’s theory. It was sound. It made sense. Beatrice could spend the next several years reading every page in every book to discount the idea of the Tarask being a hell guardian or she could follow along, listen, learn, ask Ava about what actually happened in the tomb with Adriel.

“It is very detailed Camila,” Beatrice turns to Ava, “After sparring this morning I would like to set up a meeting to get the full account of your conversation with Adriel and the vision he showed you.”

“Set up a meeting? I’ll have to check with my assistant to see if my schedule is open,” Ava jokingly looks to Camila who nods her head in reply. “Great, I’m free, please pencil me in for one o’clock,” Ava mumbles something that sounds like so serious as the girls finally focus on their breakfast.

\----

“Hey Lilith, before we start this dance, do you want a mint? I have a feeling I’m going to be landing a few today, I’d like to feel that cool minty breeze on my face when I pummel yours.” Ava shakes a metal container of mints, smiling sweetly at Lilith.

Lilith rolls her eyes but sticks her hand out to take the mint anyway. She pops it in her mouth and pulls her arm around in a stretch, her eyebrows scrunching as Ava watches her closely, mimicking her stretch, something mischievous in her eyes. 

The mischief hits Lilith’s tongue seconds later. She spits the mint out onto her hand and throws it at Ava. “What in God’s name was that!” Lilith spits on the ground several times, using her sleeve to rub the taste from her tongue.

“Wasabi mints,” Ava can barely get the words out. “Ugh I wish I had a phone. Your face was gold. We would have been internet famous in seconds.”

“Stop spitting on the floor ya nasty. Clean that up.” Mary looks between an angry Lilith and a giggling Ava. “What did you do?” Ava throws the box of mints to Mary who flips it over in her hands and reads the label. “You truly are the devil, you know that.”

“Lilith, why are you spitting?” Beatrice asks, floating into the training room. Lilith looks to Ava, her eyes wide, head shaking, mouthing no over and over. Lilith could bury Ava but she also knows Beatrice will somehow find a way to scold her as well.

“A bug flew into my mouth. I’ll clean this up,” Lilith makes her exit to find cleaning supplies. Ava sighs in relief as Beatrice moves to stand next to her.

“What did you do?” Beatrice bumps Ava’s shoulder. Ava feigns innocence and just shrugs. 

\----

Ava wipes sweat from her brow as Beatrice flexes her fists, a cut on her lip healing itself. Beatrice stands in front of her, a statue of poise and perfect, unwavering. Ava hasn’t landed a single hit in the thirty minutes since Beatrice stepped onto the sparring mat. Her arms feel like jelly, her feet hurt, if it weren’t for the halo, Ava is convinced she would have died at least twice. Beatrice bows her head for their final round. 

“Can we maybe get a little two on one here?” Ava asks between gulping for air. 

“You can hardly manage a single round with just me, you will certainly not last ten seconds against Lilith and I.” 

“Obviously not for you, I want Snape on my team. Us two against you.”

“Snape wasn’t evil Ava, he saved Harry dozens of times,” Camila calls out from behind a wooden dummy.

“Irrelevant, Camila. That one was more for the physical vibe of our dear sister.” Ava waves her hand in the air, circling Lilith’s body from across the mat receiving a middle finger in response.

“How about you and Lilith take the final round and I’ll critique you.”

“Perfect,” Lilith jumps, pulling her knees to her chest several times before cracking her knuckles and sauntering over to Ava.

“Aggressive,” Ava mumbles and assumes a ready position.

“Lilith, when I say pause you must pause okay? This is an educational sparring session, not a take out your aggression session.” Beatrice levels Lilith with a look that stopped Lilith from protesting. “The same goes for you.” Ava nodded at Beatrice’s request.

Ava and Lilith shake hands before starting the final round. Well, Lilith slapped Ava’s away and received a middle finger back. 

“This is gonna be a shi-- This is going to be a mess,” Mary leaned in to whisper to Camila on the sidelines. 

“I’m excited,” Camila grinned looking at Mary’s perplexed face and shrugged. 

At Beatrice’s ‘go’ Ava and Lilith rotated around the mat, attempting to anticipate the first lunge. Ava knew Lilith didn’t expect her to make a move first, she hadn’t in all their prior sessions but she did this time. Going for the element of surprise. 

Lilith easily blocked the punch and swung around to Ava’s exposed side.

“Stop!” Beatrice yelled, Lilith nearly fell over herself stopping the momentum of the punch mid-swing. Ava halted with her entire left side open to the delivery of Lilith’s hit. Beatrice moved into the ring and positioned herself behind Ava, hands on her shoulders. “Play that last punch back in slow motion.” 

Ava stood up taller, Lilith repositioned one step to the left. Beatrice moved her hand from Ava’s shoulder down to her elbow, guiding the missed punch and pulling back on Ava’s elbow at the point of overextension.

“You punch like you’re punching through something, not at it.” Beatrice pulled Ava’s arm back again and guided her arm slowly towards Lilith, “Lilith, don’t try to block this one.”

Lilith did as she was told and let Ava’s fist lightly brush her chest, no weight behind it at all.

“There,” Beatrice held Ava’s elbow, her fist resting against Lilith, Beatrice’s grip on Ava’s opposite shoulder starting to dig into Ava’s skin, “That’s where you should stop. When you punch through, you pull your whole body in one direction, exposing your entire oposite side for attack.” Beatrice repeats the same motion, slowly pulling Ava’s arm back and stopping it against Lilith. 

Ava’s face is growing increasingly warmer, her heartbeat beating louder in her ears. The whispers of guidance in her ear are more distracting than helpful. Attempting to keep her face neutral and focused is harder than it should be.

“Okay, I got it,” Ava wiggled out of Beatrice’s hold, feeling frustrated and not knowing why. She looks to Mary and Camila on the sidelines. Mary has her lips pursed and her head cocked, Camila is looking intently at Beatrice, her mouth in a small, tight-lipped smile.

“Prove it. Reset,” Beatrice says with irritation written on her face.

Ava and Lilith rotate around the mat once again. Lilith striking first, Ava takes half a blow against her shoulder after a weak block. She ducks low and sends a punch into Lilith that’s blocked with a knee. She feels a finger break but blocks Lilith’s return. They go back and forth like this for another six attempts before Ava finds an opening. A punch Lilith puts a little too much power behind and Ava sends a kick right into Lilith’s side, sending the other girl down to her knees.

There is a moment of utter silence, Lilith on her knees, hands in front of her on all fours. Mary and Camila in the peanut gallery, quiet, waiting. Beatrice’s brow furrowed, arms crossed, like a coach watching a game video. 

Ava breaks the silence by jumping up, fists in the air and yelling an echoing “Yes!” though the training room. When her feet land, Lilith rotates from her crouched position and takes out Ava’s feet.

“Ugh, come on. That was a victory. All fours mean you yield, right?” Ava looks up at Beatrice, a look that says that is decidedly not right. Lilith stands above her and offers her hand. Ava almost doesn’t take it.

“Nice kick,” Lilith says when Ava finally takes her hand and bounces up.

“You fell really gracefully,” Ava grins, “So I’d say a C-plus for today and call it quits?”

Beatrice nods and walks out of the room.

“See you at one!” Ava yells to Beatrice’s back.


	7. Chapter 7

Beatrice left the training room to Ava’s voice calling after her reminding her of their meeting. Beatrice has no idea why she called it a meeting. They talk about things all the time. Why did she have to make it so formal? Why did she have to decide to guide Ava through one single punch during training? What possessed her to get so close. To pull that cliched move men do in movies to teach a girl to swing a golf club or shoot pool.

Beatrice is absolutely mortified by her actions in there. She can only hope she didn’t make Ava uncomfortable. Hope she didn’t linger or push or pull too much to give herself away. Once in her room, she put her forehead against her closed door, letting the cool wood calm her anxieties.

Beatrice thinks several unkind things about Ava. She was too daft to realize. She was too self-absorbed to notice. She was too cocky and into the fight. She was too focused on being physical with JC to even register that Beatrice was even touching her.

She spins around and wacks the back of her head against her door in frustration. Ava was frustrating and daft and self-absorbed and cocky. None of that had anything to do with Beatrice. She needed to get her armor back on and separate everything she felt for Ava from everything happening in real life. Ava would never be her real life. Real life was her vow. Real life was the OCS. Real life was the church that she was questioning the very purpose of.

She spent the entirety of last night bouncing between panic and fear. To reaffirming her faith, to calling blasphemy, to seeing reason, to knowing she needed to hear Ava’s side of what happened in the tomb. She knows she needs to get Lilith to talk about what’s going on with her. Her need to understand outweighs her past of blind faith in the written words of those before her.

Everything was always a report, a recount. A clear mission, a clear outcome. Ava was a wrench thrown at every single thing she built for herself. The walls around her heart. The walls around the outside world. The damn she built to block out the flow of outside influence.

She takes a deep breath, collects her thoughts, stores them like she always does, and moves on. She picks up the Warrior Nun journal and moves on. Opting to dive into the stories of someone else instead of focusing on her own.

One rolls around far too quick for Beatrice’s liking. She didn’t pick a place to meet but the knock on her door tells her Ava is ready for their meeting before she is. Beatrice closes the book and moves to open the door.

“Hey,” she sidesteps and lets Ava in the room, closing the door behind her and staying put. Ava casually drops herself on Beatrice’s bed, crossing her legs. Beatrice takes a long breath in before turning back towards Ava, fully taking over her space.

“Sparring was a bit intense right?” Ava attempts to break the tension. “The slow-mo bit was.. Extra. But I think it taught me a lot so thank you.”

Beatrice chose not to respond, only opening a notebook on her desk and plucking a pen from a cup.

“Tell me about your conversation with Adriel in the tomb,” Beatrice asked curtly. Not wanting to invite any conversation about the sparring sessions and how her fingers still longed to touch Ava.

Ava repositioned herself on Beatrice’s bed. She pulls her knees up to her chest, wrapping her hands around herself. Drawing herself in closer to protect her heart.

“It was dark. So, so dark,” Ava spoke in a very small voice. Beatrice could see her knuckles turning white, her eyes glazing over a bit.

“Hey,” Beatrice whispers, drawing Ava back to reality. Beatrice almost stands and goes to Ava but makes herself stay put. Ava pulls her eyes up from the floor and Beatrice is momentarily stunned by the devastation she sees in those eyes.

“Could you maybe come over and sit with me? Not in like a creepy I’m in love with my therapist type way just you know, friend by your side way and you feel really far away right now and I think it would just be better for me if you were over here instead of a million miles away,” Ava rambles, her eyes darting around the room, landing on Beatrice’s several times in her single breathed request.

Wordlessly, Beatrice stands and makes her way to Ava. Slowly and tentatively, she sits next to Ava, who immediately shifts closer, their shoulders brushing.

“This is going to be harder than I thought,” Ava lets out a tiny, humorless chuckle, “Can’t even get through one sentence without freaking out.”

“It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot,” Beatrice places her hand on Ava’s knee. “We can go slow. If you get lost or you want to stop, just say the word and we’ll stop.” Beatrice offers Ava a reassuring smile, she watches Ava lick her lips and nod her head slightly.

“Okay, like I said, it was dark,” Ava swallows audibly, Beatrice watching her throat bob, her jaw clench. “And that psycho just ghosted out from the shadows. I don’t even know how he managed to make a shadow for him to immerge from, I mean, it was dark as fuck, like zero light, Bea.”

“It was dark. I understand,” Beatrice writes that in her notebook, smiling down at the page as Ava taps on the words.

“Circle it and underline it like 5 times,” Ava smiles at Beatrice, holding her gaze, she can feel herself starting to relax with Beatrice next to her. She stretches her legs out on the bed, feet dangles over the edge, back against the cool stone wall.

“Okay, so it was dark. It smelled like old, gross air. It was hard to breathe. I think the ground was sand or dirt-” Beatrice put her hand on Ava’s thigh causing her to stop talking.

“I don’t mean to discount the value of describing the cave whatsoever but maybe we can focus on the parts of your experience that relate to Adriel and what he showed you?” Beatrice left her hand on Ava, steadying her, focusing her.

“The devil’s in the details, Bea.” Ava bumps her shoulder. At this point, she knows she’s stalling. She doesn’t want to picture Adriel’s face, she sees it often enough in her nightmares. But Beatrice might cut their meeting short if she doesn’t actually give her something of substance.

“Alright,” Ava sighs heavily, the hand on her thigh providing comfort and a huge distraction, “It felt like he could read my mind. No, like he was inside it somehow. He knew everything about me already even before I said anything to him. That was when I knew I was in trouble.” Beatrice’s hand twitched on her leg, Ava looked at Beatrice now and found a deep crease between her eyes. Ava found herself reaching for Beatrice’s hand on her thigh and holding it. Not entirely sure if it was for herself or Beatrice.

“He shifted into Father Vincent for a second, I didn’t know it at the time but that was pretty fucked up. He did this creepy thing of not speaking with his mouth but like, speaking through my brain.”

Ava tried her best to recount the conversation she had with Adriel. How he was tricked, describing the vision world.

“The Tarask wasn’t killing people on behalf of Adriel, it was removing people from its path to get to Adriel. I’m not saying the Tarask could have been a little gentler but if I was one I wouldn’t have gone on a spearing spree. It was gross. Blood everywhere. Adriel killed it then this doofus was like, I volunteer as tribute, the first Father Vincent I’m guessing, and Adriel shoved the halo into my back. Flash forward to finding out divinium is actually Tarask bone and the one in the walls was probably some guard put there to keep dumbasses like me out.” Ava stopped for a second, trying to think of anything she left out but found herself getting angry. Angry that she almost gave him the halo. Angry that he possessed so many innocent lives instead of facing them directly. Angry that he even existed at all.

“He told me I shouldn’t underestimate myself. He knew what to say to get me on his side. He lied more than he said anything of substance. He played the victim like a little bitch. Like, he was a full on bitch. Ugh, the more I think about him the less evil and more whiny, desperate baby he becomes.”

“Ava, I can’t put that in the archive,” Beatrice laughs but immediately stops, her eyes widening, “I didn’t mean to say your name. I’m so sorry. That wasn’t a scold, sometimes your name feels like the punch line of a joke and I need to say it. I mean, you’re not a joke, that’s not what I mean.”

“Bea, stop. You’re freaking out. It’s okay. I shouldn’t have blown up at you last night. That wasn’t fair.” 

“Why did you?” Beatrice asks in a whisper, noticing the smile fall from Ava’s face.

“I told you already.” Ava looks away, her hands fidgeting. 

“Because it sounds like I’m scolding you.” Beatrice follows the movements of Ava’s fingers, twisting and pulling the edge of her shirt.

“Partly.”

“What’s the other part?” 

Ava’s hands still. She doesn’t even know why Beatrice saying her name affects her differently than any of the other girls saying it. It does sound like a scold some of the time but the other times it sounds like something Ava can’t put her finger on. Like hearing Beatrice say her name feels a little like coming home, like she finally belongs somewhere. It feels like the vocal equivalent of a bowl for your keys on the front hall table or placing the final piece in a puzzle. It was like she finally had a place she knew she could come back to over and over and not be worried about losing it. 

Ava wants to admit it makes her heart feel too big. That just hearing her name makes her smile. She wants to admit that it scares her at the same time. How can someone saying your name, a name she has heard dozens of people say for her entire life, invoke such a profound feeling? If Beatrice were to ask her to jump off a cliff into the ocean but added her name to the request, Ava would kick off her shoes and jump. She felt controlled in the best way. Not controlled, but guided maybe? Cared for, looked after.

Ava’s eyes widen, she remembers something Adriel said, about using and controlling and seeing through divinium.

“He could access divinium from inside the tomb!” Ava throw’s Beatrice’s hand off her thigh and jumps up from the bed, running for the door. “Bea, we need to hide all of the divinium.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As is real life, the slooooow drag of Ava and Beatrice will be like ice melting on a cold day

Camila yelps in surprise as Ava phases through a wall directly in front of her and knocks the knife she was cleaning out of her hands.

“What are you doing Ava!” she turns to see Ava throwing weapons out of the closet, the clanging of metal echoing off the high ceiling of the chapel. Mary and Lilith appear at the door, peeking their faces around it in an attempt to see what’s going on and not get stabbed by divinium throwing stars. 

“What in God’s name are you doing?” Lilith yelled over the crashing of the weapons. Lilith let out a yelp when Beatrice attached herself to her back, looking over her shoulder at the commotion.

“She thinks Adriel is tracking us using divinium,” Beatrice yells.

“Yeah, that kind of crazy checks out,” Mary watches Ava continue to throw weapons, not responding to Camila yelling at her to stop so she does what she has to. She pulls out one of her shotguns and shoots Ava in the foot.

“Jesus fucking christ!” Ava yelps falling to the floor grasping her now bloody foot. “I just got these shoes. Why do you always shoot my feet? Every part of me heals!”

“Not my fault you wear a tiny shoe size.” Mary shrugs and reholsters her gun.

“That doesn’t even make sense! Just.. Stop shooting my feet! It takes weeks for a new pair to arrive.” Ava felt Beatrice behind her before she saw her, a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“You can borrow a pair of mine until new ones arrive. I’ll help you stuff socks in them again.” Beatrice lifted Ava up by her arms, kicked a few knives out of the way as they left the weapons closet.

Beatrice sets Ava down on a bench a few feet away. Lilith and Mary start gathering the weapons as Camila just looks on, too stunned to move or help.

“Baby H, explain to me how you think Adriel can track us by this,” Mary waves around a glowing blue dagger.

“He sort of told me he could. In the cave. That’s how he communicated with Father Vincent. He said his influence changed hands, the sword with all the other warrior nuns. FV was just the first dickhead that bought into his insanity and listened to god damned talking metal.” Ava flexed her toes, her shoe discarded next to her, bloody sock thrown across the room. 

“But how did the metal talk?” Camila asked, finally shaking her shock and bringing a box over to Mary and Lilith.

“He gets in your brain. He doesn't even need to move his mouth, actually, everyone shut up until we get all this put away.” Ava stood, walking with a false limp with one shoe over to the box Camila brought out. “Lilith, help me lock all of this away.”

“How are we meant to protect ourselves? We can’t really do any damage without these?” Lilith asks, crouched down next to Ava, filling the box.

“Well, we take them out when we need them and only then. And then we all need to learn sign language or something so he can’t hear what we’re doing.”

“Or a code language!” Camila chirps, “I have so many ideas.”

“Okay stop it, ideas after we hide the secret surveillance objects.” Ava holds up her hand to stop Camila from continuing and stands with the box of weapons. “K, guide me Darth Vader, how do we hide this?”

Lilith rolls her eyes and leads Ava to the only room in the Cat’s Cradle equipped with the same level of protection as Ava’s vest.

\----

“So, that was pretty intense earlier and then you just disappeared,” Mary breaks the silence at dinner. A sarcastic smile on her face, fork pointing between Lilith and Ava.

“Yeah, where did you guys go?” Camila asks, licking her lips and putting her cup of tea down on the table. 

“Do you think if I got a piercing the halo would push it out?” Ava asks instead of answering their questions. “Like, I could weld divinium with my hands or whatever and make an earring that way but do you think if I just used a regular earring it would work?”

Ava felt a hand on her knee, but chose to ignore that too. She didn’t really want to talk about how she had dragged Lilith to the firing range and just cried. She didn’t want to say that she had screamed into the air with tears flowing down her face until her voice could no longer utter a single sound.

_“Ava,” Lilith whispered, coming up behind a hysterical Ava. “What’s wrong?”_

_Ava’s chest was heaving, unable to control her breathing, her tears, her voice. She sank to her knees and started punching the ground, feeling her knuckles break and crack, feeling the warmth of blood on her hands. Lilith dropped down next to her, stopping her hands._

_“Hey,” Lilith held bloodied hands in her own, locking eyes with Ava’s wild and fully unfocused ones, “Talk to me. What’s going on?”_

_“I don’t know,” Ava forced out with a sob, “I don’t know.”_

_Lilith released Ava’s hands, hesitated for half a second before bringing Ava into her, holding her the way Mary did in the catacombs of the Vatican. It had helped her then, she just hoped it would calm Ava now. Lilith repeated ‘It’s okay’ over and over again until she felt Ava relax the tiniest amount in her arms. Both exhausted and tired of fighting whatever demon she was trying to keep at bay._

_“I don’t know what I’m doing, Lilith. I can’t... I don’t even know for a fact that our only weapon is also a weapon against us. If you... If they... if she... I just can’t lose you all.” Ava buried her face in Lilith’s arm._

_Lilith never thought this breakdown would be with her. She never in a million years would have thought Ava would have dragged her to a secluded area to have a breakdown. Camila, obviously, you could break down with Camila then be laughing within three minutes, Lilith had experienced that first hand. Beatrice was another obvious choice. The words of wisdom, calm and reassuring, just dripped off that girl. Mary, probably just as unlikely as Lilith for an outsider but Lilith knew enough about Ava and Mary to know that she would actually be the second option for this, if not the first given the subject matter._

_So Lilith just holds Ava, lets her cry. Tries to find any rhyme or reason to the outburst. Quantify it in order to assess the situation and deliver an equally appropriate response. Lilith genuinely wants to laugh at her analysis of emotion. It’s not a science. It’s messy and unpredictable but Lilith doesn’t do messy or unpredictable. She doesn’t do emotional if it’s not forced out of her. So she just holds on tighter, attempting to ground the girl in her arms._

_“You won’t lose us, Ava,” Lilith whispers into Ava’s hair. “So what if we need to put our weapons away. We still have you, we still have each other. Even Duretti is providing aid after Mother Superion talked to him about what really happened. Plus YouTube doesn’t lie, he can’t deny a devil lives among us. We survived once with two arrows, two shotguns, and a sword. We can do that again.”_

_Lilith feels Ava hiccup a few times, she doesn’t feel tears falling against her arm anymore. She feels Ava start to relax further. She hears her sniff and feels her move her arm up to wipe her face._

_“I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from,” Ava mumbles against Lilith’s arm._

_“Don’t. Don’t say sorry for feeling something real even if you can’t place the feeling yet,” Lilith doesn’t know where the words come from but they do and they feel right. Ava doesn’t need to apologize for feeling. Lilith doesn’t need to apologize for feeling either. No one should._

_“Thank you,” Ava moves herself out of Lilith’s embrace, wiping at her eyes again, running her hands through her hair. “You don’t want me to be but I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dragged you up here and dumped all of this on you.”_

_“It’s okay,” Lilith paused for a moment, a smile tugging at her lips before adding, “Tom,” with a clear tease in her voice._

_“Shut up,” Ava smiles despite the tears in her eyes thinking back to her Tom and Jerry metaphor that failed on Lilith, “That doesn’t even make sense.”_

_“It doesn’t seem like anything makes sense anymore,” Lilith responds in a voice that is much farther away than right next to Ava._

_“No,” Ava clenches her jaw and looks at Lilith, “It really doesn’t.”_

“What would you want to get pierced?” Beatrice's hand squeezes once and then leaves her thigh. Ava will be forever grateful for the fact that Beatrice can read her so well.

“Well, I was thinking my nipple,” Ava grins as Beatrice loudly and visibly chokes on the water she just attempted to swallow. A coughing fit follows, Ava patting her on the back to clear her airway. Mary pinches Camila, fully holding back a laugh. 

“Get it Baby H, that would be hot,” Mary responds, breaking up the coughing fit still going on.

“You think?” Ava asks, cocking her head to the side and looking down at her chest. “Like, I would definitely pick my left nipple, if Adriel tried to take me out with a shot to the heart it would be like a Civil War movie, the metal of a picture frame in the breast pocket of a soldier saving them from a bullet. It’s so obvious, right? I should name the piercing so it has more emotional weight behind it.”

“What would you name it?” Camila sits up a little straighter, she looks to Mary conspiratorially from across the table.

“Hmm, good question. Maybe like Castelvetrano because that’s my favorite olive.”

“Okay fuck off, you had one olive in your whole life. Pick a better name,” Mary teases from across the table.

“True, but that was a damn good olive. Alright, alright,” Ava looks to the ceiling thinking. She already knows what she would name it, she just needs time to find a different name. One that was less pining and obsessive than Beatrice because that would never happen and it would be embarrassing to admit that at the dinner table. It needed to be more mainstream. “Natalie Portman.” Ava nods, a grin on her face.

“Huh, so not like Brad Pitt or Chris Evans?” Mary implores, knowing that Ava even saying a girl’s name was pretty huge given the scenario.

“Nah, Natalie feels right ya know. Garden State is like my favorite movie. Plus I’m a sucker for Padmé in Star Wars.” Ava goes back to eating as if her response wasn’t impactful to everyone at the table. Lilith was a bit clueless but Mary, Camila, and Beatrice were experiencing something else.

Camila was aggressively tapping against Mary’s thigh under the table, her hand holding her fork bouncing just subtle enough to not be noticed. Mary had the smuggest of faces but her glass covered it from Ava and Beatrice’s view.

Beatrice was still attempting to recover. She was no longer coughing but Ava just admitted to wanting her Civil War savior to be a woman. She knew if any of the sisters looked at her closely enough, they would see a blush completely taking over her face. She could still feel Ava’s hand on her back. After she blinked and swallowed a few times, she realized that Ava’s hand was still very much on her back, it wasn’t just the ghost of a feeling. Why was it still there? Did she even realize it was still there?

Beatrice collected herself with a deep, quiet breath and went back to her dinner, listening to everyone talk casually. Swap stories of the day, tease each other. The whole time, Ava kept her hand securely on Beatrice.

After dinner, Beatrice wanted to follow Ava back to her room to continue the recount of Adriel but found that Lilith and Ava were walking off together. It seemed as though they were purposefully separating themselves, Beatrice walked back to her own room instead.

“Hey so, thank you. Again,” Ava said to Lilith in front of her room door. “I do want to train with you still, with our abilities. Without everyone else, if that’s cool.” Ava looks down at the floor and Lilith is a little taken aback by the sheepish nature of the usually confident and cocky girl.

“I would like that. Six, tomorrow morning, before breakfast. Does that work?”

“Yeah,” Ava looked up, her face bright with a grin, “That’s perfect. But be prepared. I’m gonna phase and use my halo to the absolute brink. No warden overseeing this prison yard.”

“You should feel embarrassed for that comment. And I look forward to dragging you to hell with me,” Lilith said with a smile.

“Were you really in hell?” Ava asks at barely above a whisper.

“We’re going to find out.” Lilith winks, “Goodnight Ava.”

“Goodnight Satan,” Ava blew her a kiss and retreated down the hallway.

\----

Beatrice was going about her nightly routine. Washing her face, brushing her teeth, moving to pray, when a knock came through her room.

She went to the door, and cracked it open, hiding most of her body behind the door to find Ava standing on the other side, a small smile on her face.

“Can I come in for a sec?” she asked quietly in the dimly lit hallway. Beatrice nods and moves to let Ava inside. Ava hung by the doorway just staring at Beatrice.

“What?” Beatrice asked after several long seconds of silence a small smile on her face.

“I’m just realizing I’ve never seen your hair down before,” Ava continues to stare. Beatrice’s hands move to her hair on instruct, flattening it down, Ava’s gaze too strong for her to be anything but self-conscious of her appearance.

“No, don’t, it’s really nice,” Ava reaches up to run her fingers through it herself but stops at the last second, knowing she shouldn’t actually even be privy to this view at all. Beatrice watches Ava’s hand fall back to her side, wishing she would have continued reaching out.

“What are you doing here?” Beatrice eventually asks after one too many seconds of Ava staring.

“Right. Right, actually I wanted to keep talking. I interrupted our conversation earlier and I thought we could pick up where we started before.” Ava rocked on the balls of her feet, her hands swinging with her body.

“You mean where you darted out of the room when you thought it was getting too emotional?” Beatrice’s eyes widened at the words coming out of her mouth. Her mouth reacted before her brain could even comprehend what was leaving it.

“Yeah,” Ava practically breathed out, “That.”

“Okay,” Beatrice moved to her bed, sitting down, crossing her legs mirroring Ava’s movements from earlier that day. At ease in her own room. 

“So my name,” Ava drops herself down next to Beatrice. Crossing her own legs, her knee bumping against Beatrice’s. She didn’t speak for a long time.

“Your name,” Beatrice broke the silence.

“Right. Sorry. Um. The other parts,” Ava paused. She could do this and break everything or she could word it like friends might. “I think I have a lot more to live up to with you.” Ava pauses thinking about every interaction she has had with Beatrice and the other sisters. The single question ‘what are you afraid of’ comes back to her from the hallways of ArqTech. This. This is what she was afraid of. Exposing her actual feelings for a nun who had taken a vow. Exposing her feelings to a friend. Jeopardizing the friendship in any way for a feeling that may not be reciprocated. A feeling that so new and real and hard to truly quantify.

“You can read every language there is. You fight better than any of us. You lead like you have the halo. I just… I want to pay attention to you. I want to learn from you. And when you say my name I feel like I’m not living up to the... The depth you put behind it. After Sister Melanie. Sometimes it feels like my name brings you pain. The way you say it, so full of feeling, so weighted. I just.. I don’t want to bring you pain. I don’t want to do anything that will make you hate who you are. Or hate me. And I feel like you do when you say my name sometimes. I don’t want to be ignorant or miss the entire point again. I just want to.. I think I just want to feel as big as it feels to hear you say my name and I don’t yet.”

“Ava,” Beatrice pauses, hoping the way she says her name actually means what she wants it to mean, “I could never hate you, I say your name because it just feels right to say it. I said it was a punchline. But it’s because I want to say it. Deliver it into the world like it means something because you do. You mean a lot. You matter. To me. To all of us. You already live up to it, even if you don’t think you do.”

Beatrice pauses and becomes acutely aware of how close they are, she can feel Ava’s breath on her cheek, feel the heat of her body on her skin.

“I just want to make sure I matter to you,” Ava pauses, “To everyone. I want to make sure I’m the last warrior nun and I want to know that after all this you can be regular people, vows or not. I know I’ll die but I want you to live.”

“You do matter,” Beatrice moves her shoulder against Ava’s and keeps it there. “I don’t want you to leave though. To die. I don’t think I’ll be able to matter without you here so you can’t die.”

“You’ll matter with or without me.”

“Will I though?” Beatrice locks eyes with Ava, once again exploring her face with her eyes. Her brow, her lips, her jaw. She finds herself consuming all of Ava at once.

“You will,” Ava whispers, her lips a hair from Beatrice’s. She wants to close the gap. Feel Beatrice against her. Taste her. But she doesn’t. Ava is all too aware of their collective uses of _we_ , and _all_ and _everyone_. She holds her position, letting Beatrice make the move if she chooses to. She doesn’t.

The two explore each other for far longer than is socially acceptable. Eyes roaming, breath mingling. Not knowing that bridging the gap for the other person will be exactly what they want. They sit there, on a small twin bed, staring, looking, seeing, feeling before Ava breaks.

“Okay,” she clears her throat, not moving away, still feeling the kinetic pull of Beatrice against her lips, “You say my name as often as you want and I will start believing I live up to it. Deal?” Ava breaths out. She watched the tip of Beatrice’s tongue dart out and wet her lips.

“Deal,” Beatrice moves her hand from beside her, releasing her hand from the grip on the sheets of her bed, to hold it in a promise in front of Ava. She watches Ava hold her pinky in front of her.

“Pinky promise me,” Ava’s pinky briefly brushes against the tip of her chin, “That you will always tell me what you feel. That you’ll always be here with me. That you won’t leave. That you know I’ll be there for you too. A friend by your side always.” 

Ava’s pinky hangs in the air, wrapped in the sigh she let out after the word always. Beatrice knows she can’t completely honor this but she wishes she could. She wishes she could tell Ava how she makes her feel. Like she wants to throw away her vow and run away with Ava. Like she wants nothing more than for Ava to make her say her name, breathless and wanting. How she wants Ava to want her more than a friend by her side. But she pushes that down. Way down into the boxes she compartmentalizes and raises her own pinky.

“Deal,” She feels her own breath ricochet off of Ava’s face and hit her with a force she wasn't prepared for. But she endures. She takes it the way she takes Ava’s pinky in her own. A promise of understanding, perseverance, and friendship. Wishing it was something more.


	9. Chapter 9

Ava is sitting in the middle of the sparring mat when Lilith arrives at six sharp. She stops in the doorway shocked to find Ava had beaten her there.

“I thought I’d have to come drag you out of bed for this early morning wake up call,” Lilith laughs to herself and sits down next to Ava.

“Couldn’t sleep. Been here for hours,” Ava says, eyes staring off into the distance. Lilith furrows her brow.

“Why? What have you been doing.”

“I tried meditating, then I got bored and couldn’t focus. Then I pictured all of you dying super painfully and slowly. That was fucked up,” Ava’s voice is so neutral and void of emotion it scares Lilith. “I guess I’ve been sitting in that for like two hours.” Ava’s eyes are unblinking. Lilith can tell she is as lost as she was in the hallway several days ago when she punched her. Broken almost. More broken than watching her scream into nothing. More broken than watching her break her own hand against the stone pavement.

“You know when you like someone and you can’t do anything about it. Like in a movie when a girl pines over a dude who doesn’t know she exists. It’s a boring subplot that serves no purpose other than to show empathy in the main girl but it’s all angsty and confusing and really annoying and definitely doesn’t pass the Bechdel test.” Ava didn’t take her eyes off a spot somewhere behind Lilith during her monologue. Lilith might have to get used to Ava’s emotional whiplash. Angry to sad, furious to joking, confused to expressive in a matter of minutes.

“Um… Unrequited love?” Lilith asks after several beats of silence.

“Yeah.”

“What about it?”

“What?” Ava’s eyes finally focus enough and she looks at Lilith for the first time during their conversation, not just through her. “Nothing, not important.” Ava jumps up from the floor, holding her hand out to help Lilith up, “You ready for this Hannibal?”

Lilith takes Ava’s hand and stands, “Only if you’re ready to get cannibalized.”

“Gross,” Ava grins and moves to a ready position. “Okay, teleport behind me.”

Lilith brushes off this display of emotional whiplash from Ava and balls her fists, looking at a spot behind Ava, trying to focus her mind and control her movements. She feels her face scrunching up in focus. Feels her mind start to fracture a little bit. Watches Ava’s eyes get a little wider and she feels herself flicker in and out of space. After several long seconds, Lilith gives up and shakes out her fists.

“I can’t control it yet.”

“It’s been like five seconds. Never would have pegged you for a quitter. But sure, if you want to give up, go ahead.” Ava smirks at Lilith, knowing she was making her mad. 

“I’m not giving up, it’s just hard.”

“Again, you only focused for five seconds. I had to practice for hours and hours to make it through twenty feet of stone. It doesn’t just happen over night. So come on, redo.” Ava gets back in her ready position as Lilith begins to focus again.

Lilith’s body flickers a few times before she becomes solid again in the same spot. Ava charges at her solid form, Lilith only has a split second to deflect the punch.

“What the hell!” Lilith yelled blocking another hit.

“Come on, get emotional. Get in the fight. Move past me,” Every sentence is punctuated by a kick or a jab. Unbeknownst to Lilith and Ava, Beatrice and Camila had made their way to the door of the training room and stood watching.

They watched Lilith and Ava move around the mat in a dance of hits and blocks. Ava moved with more grace than she’d ever displayed before. Lilith was getting more aggressive, flickering a few times before suddenly Ava’s hand punched through just air, losing her balance and feeling a shove from behind her, sending her to the ground.

“Yes! You did it!” Ava thumped her fist against the mat in excitement, Lilith bounced on the balls of her feet, grin evident even from across the room. Camila’s clapping drew their eyes to the two girls in the doorway.

“Did you see that!” Ava yelled, Lilith smile faltering just a bit at her unnoticed audience.

“You were both so great!” Camila sing-songed as she floated to the mat helping Ava to her feet.

“Me? No, did you see Sauron? She blinked herself perfectly behind me!” Ava put her arm around Camila’s shoulder, distracting herself from Beatrice as she walked to the edge of the mat.

“It was just once,” Lilith’s tone was shy and embarrassed.

“Ugh, modestly looks horrible on you, Lil,” Ava jokingly punched Lilith in the shoulder.

“Not a horrible nickname, I’ll take it,” Lilith’s smile was tight but her eyes gave away how much she was trying not to grin.

Ava and Lilith spent the next hour practicing before breakfast, though unable to successfully flash again, she knew she was getting better. Ava spent the entirety of breakfast replaying the training shot for shot for Mary, exaggerating several pieces of the story for Lilith’s benefit. 

\-------

“Mary, you ready?” Ava bounced on the balls of her feet on the sparring mat before their afternoon training session. Her shirt discarded on the floor, clad only in a sports bra and joggers.

“Absolutely not, but let’s get this over with,” Mary walks towards her, Camila on her heels with a warm washcloth and bandages.

Mary hands Ava a cup of ice and a leather glove. She sits down on the ground and unzips a pouch.

“What are you doing?” Beatrice asks, “Wait, why is your shirt off? Woah, no, stop, what’s going on?” Beatrice’s eyes widen as Mary pulls out a long needle. She watches Ava’s hand disappear down the front of her bra, cup of ice in her other hand.

“Princess wants a piercing,” Mary holds up the large needle in one hand and a small metal bar in her other. Ava has positioned herself on the mat, laying down in front of a kneeling Mary.

“No. Get up. You are not doing this.” Beatrice kneels down and pulls at Ava’s arms to stand her up and look at her. Beatrice nearly loses her resolve as she hovers over Ava, clear view of her bare torso, her cleavage, beads of melting ice dripping down her body. Her eyes followed a drop all the way down to the top of her joggers before she had the forethought of modesty.

“You good, Bea?” Mary breaks the stare.

“Yes,” Beatrice squeaks out, blinking rapidly, refocusing on Ava’s face and forcing herself to keep her eyes there. “You are not doing this,” Beatrice said again, pointing at Ava for emphasis.

“Why not? It’s basically for science. Testing the halo and all that. Part of the new archive, right,” Ava looks to Camila for support. She receives an uncertain, eyes raised smile and a shrug instead of conviction.

“Pierce your ear then not your..” Beatrice points but can’t say the word. Mary snorts, still sitting on the ground

“The ear is so boring and _common_ ,” Ava sneers the last word.

“You can’t be serious,” Beatrice crosses her arms and sets her jaw. Ava furrows her brow in confusion.

“I’m dead serious and as a former dead girl that means I’m super serious” Ava stares Beatrice down before sinking back to the ground in front of Mary. “Alright, it’s numb. Bea, Camila, look away, this is about to be epic but might be gross. You can look when it’s done.” Ava puts the leather glove in her mouth and closes her eyes.

“Have you ever pierced a... Anything before?” Beatrice rounds on Mary, eyes furious, fist shaking by her side.

“I watched a Youtube video, it’ll be fine,” Mary smiles sweetly, “It’s for science, Bea. Okay, take off your bra. Lighter?” Mary turns to Camila, hand out for the lighter.

“I can’t watch this,” Beatrice turns around, breathing heavily.

“I told you to turn around,” Ava’s words are muffled and barely understandable with the leather glove in her mouth.

“And I will not look at it when it’s done either. The likelihood of an infection is so high. I swear to God if you die from this I will never forgive you.” Beatrice finds herself tapping her foot with nervous energy. She can’t hear anything happening behind her, no one is yelling in pain, but she can’t turn around and potentially catch Ava naked from the waist up.

After one long agonizing minute of absolute silence, Beatrice turns around to see Mary with silent tears streaming down her face, Ava’s face beat red, silently shaking, and Camila looking down at the mat, both hands covering her mouth.

“What is this?” Beatrice just stared at them until Mary broke the silence and burst out in a massive laughing fit. Ava curled in on herself, her knees pulled to her chest laughing.

“Bea, you should have seen your face,” Mary finally stopped laughing enough to speak, wiping the tears from her face.

“This.. this was a joke? You’re such a... I can’t believe... You suck so much Ava Silva!” Beatrice twirled around on her toes and sped out of the room furious at the trio still laughing on the floor.

\-----

“Bea. Beatrice. Hey. Are you still mad? Can you hear me? Bea.” Ava sat across from Beatrice at a table, chin resting on her hands, trying to get Beatrice to look up from her book. This went on for a few more minutes until Beatrice slammed her book shut and hit Ava with an icy look.

“Oh okay, okay, so you’re still mad. Totally fair, that wasn’t nice but for what it’s worth, it was Mary’s idea I just added the bells and whistles.”

“Bells and whistles?” Beatrice lifted her eyebrow in question.

“Well, Mary just wanted me to pretend like I had already done it, get you to think I had pierced it but I thought it would be funnier to have you, ya know, come upon it happening. Really, set the stage, sell it.” Ava can’t help the way her shoulders wiggle in pride at how she truly sold it, grin splitting her face.

“You’re insufferable,” as much as Beatrice didn’t want to even break her stoney facade, she felt the corners of her mouth betraying her. She looked down at the table to hide that little betrayal from Ava.

“But you love me.”

Beatrice rolled her eyes and didn’t respond.

“You do still love me, right?”

“Who said I ever did.”

“Ouch, okay well I still love you and _if_ I were going to get a real nipple piercing I would have named it after you. I love you just as much as I love Natalie Portman. And if I keep it with the Civil War theme, you're the only girl that has my heart.” Ava continues to grin, not knowing the effects of her words. Her light tone and grin gave away the fact that she was still very much playing around. Friend by your side still fully echoing in Beatrice’s head solidified this fact.

Beatrice took several long breaths before moving her eyes up to meet Ava’s. She finds a mischievous glint there and knows wholeheartedly that she is joking. So she shakes it off.

“I’d name mine Sister Freya. She fought during the Vietnam war when fighting didn’t even really make sense for the OCS. So many unnecessary deaths. So many wraiths controlling both sides of the fight. She saved people from both sides because she lost her way. Well, not lost, but decided to go against the orders of the church.” Beatrice recounted this particular story, she’d read it several times to grapple with Sister Freya’s recount of going against the church, her vows. It felt reassuring that a Warrior Nun had rejected an order so vehemently and without regret.

“Can you read that to me at some point. What language is it in?”

“It’s English. You can read it to me,” Beatrice reaches across the table, taking Ava’s hand in her own. “Prove that you can actually read.”

“Rude. You know I can read.” Ava grins across from Beatrice, gripping her hand, moving their hands in a thumb-war position. Ava starts moving her thumb back and forth over Beatrice’s before she catches on.

The count down to the thumb war doesn’t matter. Ava whips her wrist and Beatrice knows what’s happening. Ava’s eyes are shining with competition. Their thumbs dual, at a stalemate. Both thumbs on either side of their clasped hands, waiting, biding time. Beatrice moves hers to a straight up position, Ava trying to match but her thumb is too short.

“Beat you,” Beatrice grins at Ava, her thumb trapped under Beatrice’s, winning yet another fight.

“I feel like you cheated,” Ava grinned up at her.

“How could I have cheated?” Beatrice asks, a laugh in her tone.

“I think you know.” Ava looks deeply into Beatrice’s eye. Conveying so much without saying anything.

Beatrice swallowed deeply, thinking about the accusation. Sure her thumb was longer, her hands bigger. But she didn’t overpower Ava. She didn’t purposely try to bring her poor joke into it and make this about retribution for the piercing. 

“I don’t think I do,” Beatrice cocked her head to the side, confusion on her face.

“It’s obvious,” Ava says, locking Beatrice’s gaze to hers. No idea where the conversation is about to go. “I give you everything you want. You wanted to win so I let you.”

Beatrice thinks about this admission. She knows so many ways she can spin it. Ava has never once beaten her in sparring. Never once beat her in anything.

“Oh, so you let me best you two days ago,” Beatrice laughs out, her thumb still covering Ava’s, not releasing her.

“Obviously,” Ava smiles back at her.

“And then the day before that when you nearly begged Mary to call time on round three of seven of sparring?” the laugh in her voice every present.

“Obviously,” Ava responds with again, smile not faltering.

“Six days ago when Camila dragged you to the infirmity. Was that for me?” Beatrice’s eyes were so full of mirth and sarcasm and tease that Ava could just smile at her.

“Obviously” Ava laughed this time, moving her thumb underneath Beatrice’s.

“I wanted to receive a mild heart attack while watching you nearly get your ni..nipple pierced this afternoon?” Beatrice lightly licks her lips thinking back to the melted ice dripping down Ava’s body.

Ava just shrugs her shoulders and nods her head, her smile so large and real it lights up her eyes.

“You’re such a lush,” Beatrice teases.

“I like that. What’s a lush?” Ava asks, her grin still in place.

Beatrice’s laugh stops in her throat. She grapples with explaining this term. “It means you.. It means.. You’re.. It means you thrive on the affection of others. You want to please.” Beatrice manages to stutter out the worst definition and finds solace in Ava’s unwavering expression.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Ava twists Beatrice’s wrist in her own, attempting to flip the thumb war paradigm. “I do want to please you.” The smirk on Ava’s face makes Beatrice lose all sense of resolve, her limbs go numb.

“Yah! Beat you,” Ava stands, fists in the air across the table like she’s won after the two seconds of thumb dominance. Ava walks around the table and hugs Beatrice from behind, her chin resting on her shoulder. “Try to beat me for real next time.” Ava skips out of the room. Not carrying a single worry in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

“You know your mission, yes?”

“Ava, for the last time, yes. I came up with it. Stay off the comms channel unless it’s important.”

“Copy.” There was a brief pause before, “Don’t go for tequila.”

“Ava!”

Beatrice hears the communications line in her ear crack off as she makes her way towards the door of the nightclub. News of several disappearances forced this particular mission. After one too many articles of people simply disappearing into the night, with accounts of glazed over black eyes, the Sister Warriors knew Adriel was to blame.

If Beatrice was being honest in this situation, the mission could not have come at a better time. They all needed a break from the monotony of the Cat’s Cradle. Especially Ava.

She swears Lilith would have attempted to murder Ava in her sleep tonight if they weren’t currently stationed around a bustling strip of shops and clubs. There was only so much pent up energy and sulking she could take from Camila. Mary had started taking day trips after Ava got too good at target practice. She was in and out like the old days.

Which meant Beatrice spent the entire time in the presence of the halo bearer with no distraction other than the girl herself. Ava would find Beatrice wherever she was. The training room. The kitchen. Mother Superion’s office. Hiding in the van for a moment of silent meditation. Every time it was startling, like Ava was purposely shocking her by phasing through walls and doors instead of actually using them. Ava wouldn’t even do anything when she found her. Just ask her to read out loud, sit on counters quietly, pretend to meditate. She was just always around.

After the piercing incident, Ava said she wanted to make it up to her by helping her with reading. Amping up her training. _Start following the rules_ were Ava’s exact words. But it seemed following the rules of the order only applied when she was beside Beatrice.

When Ava wasn’t with her, she was bothering Lilith. Upping the stakes of their prank war. Ava had discovered Amazon and Camila had been enabling her. Now that the jokes were all in good fun, Lilith even pranking back, Camila was fully invested in helping both parties best the other.

Beatrice thinks Camila is using this to fill the void of action and excitement. Regardless of her intentions, Camila was creating a monster one wig or whoopie cushion at a time.

After one particular instance involving that wig and some facepaint, Ava had phased into Mother Superion’s office, shit eating grin paired with four long, bloody claw marks on her painted face, Lilith hot on her heels, Beatrice had enough. She had closed her eyes, taking in several long, deep steadying breaths and opened her eyes to two very guilty, gray haired girls. 

Ava reached up and tugged the gray wig off, her eyes wide, hair wild. Lilith had a tight frown on her face, looking anywhere but at Beatrice. That was yesterday. So yeah, this mission could not have come at a better time.

The rule following portion of the last two weeks found Beatrice dutifully training Ava for what comes next. Several different fighting styles, a multitude of weapons. It took Beatrice two full days to get Ava to stop making jokes long enough to actually start landing punches. And land them she did. After a week and a half of dedicated training, Beatrice had walked away with two bruised ribs and a situationally triggered blush every time she thought about it.

Ava had rushed to her slumped over body, cradled her in her arms like she might break apart at any second. Her thumb wiped away one silent tear Beatrice hadn’t even known slipped out. Ava held her gaze with so much worry and fear, her thumb continuing to stroke her face long after the tear fell. She whispered she was sorry over and over. Beatrice was so mesmerized she hadn’t even realized she stopped breathing until she coughed, sending blinding pain to her abdomen. Ava had asked to look at it, to check for internal bleeding. Her fingers delicately brushed the reddening skin as she sheepishly admitted to not knowing what internal bleeding even looked like.

She had then carried Beatrice down the hall to the medic, yelling for help the minute she found the nurse. Camila had sprinted in expecting blood and gore from the level of fear and panic in Ava’s voice. The blush was for many reasons. Embarrassment at the over the top yelling. Crying after being hit. The feeling of Ava’s hands on her face and torso. She can still feel it.

Ava had babied her for two days after that. Pulling punches, pulling out chairs. Jumping up to get a pen as they mapped out their plan to solve the case of the missing people. Running to get more tea when the pot was empty. Two whole days of this was exhausting but flattering. The overprotective behavior was the closest Ava had been to her following their thumb war. Ava had backed off a bit since then. Treating her the same as the other sisters. No more, no less. 

It threw Beatrice off her game, having gotten used to being treated normally, no charged glances or touching. She knew she needed to draw a line in Ava’s constant affection when she felt Ava lean into her at the dinner table and wipe the corner of Beatrice’s mouth with her thumb, dragging it slowly along her bottom lip. That line led directly to Ava tormenting Lilith with renewed vigor. So once again, Beatrice is beyond grateful for a mission.

“ABC, you all in place?” Mary calls over the intercom.

“Check,” Ava responded.

“About to walk in,” Beatrice whispered, moving with a crowd of people into the club.

“Present,” Camila practically sang. Beatrice could picture Camila antsy with impatience, ready to pounce at the word go.

Mary and Lilith were positioned at a table outside the cafe across the street from the club acting as the safety nets if anything inside made its way out. Camila and Ava were already inside the club, Camila stationed by the bar, Ava by the dance floor. Beatrice was to act as bait.   
Single girl, alone at a club, gets a little too drunk, demon swoops in for the possession, he shoots, and he misses folks, it’s a sad day for hell. Beatrice fondly recounts Ava summarizing their plan so simply in a sportscaster’s voice. 

Beatrice makes her way to the bar, sending a subtle glance in Camila’s direction. Camila was drinking an Aperol slowly and twirling the flower from her drink in her hand, scrolling her phone in the other. She had a wide brimmed black hat pulled low, masking her eyes. A large cream sweater over her training gear. Arrows strapped to her back underneath it, her crossbow tucked inside her oversized bag. Casual, unassuming, not wanting to be bothered, not bait. 

“No tequila, Bea.”

“Ava, get off the line or so help me I’ll bust in there and drag your ass out,” Mary hissed over the line, wishing she could control who got to speak when.

Beatrice turns casually, attempting to locate Ava. She zeros in on her suppressing a grin across the dance floor. Beatrice shakes her head at the wink Ava sends her while popping the collar of her white button up and turns to order. She’s never ordered alcohol before so leans in and asks the bartender to make her their favorite. She turns around as the bartender mixes the drink. 

At first glance, nothing seems out of the ordinary. People are chatting, dancing, drinking. Even at the second sweep of her eyes, nothing seems out of place.

“You looking for someone?” A voice asks Beatrice, startling her by how close they are. Beatrice turns to find someone very much leaning into her space, then looks behind her, thinking this girl couldn’t be talking to her. When she finds no one next to her, she turns back to the girl picking up a drink from the bar and points at herself in question.

“Yeah, you,” the girl lets out a small laugh and takes the straw of her drink between her teeth, roaming her eyes up and down Beatrice. Beatrice wore her hair down, a dark button up shirt and light colored slacks. 

“Gin and tonic,” The bartender sets the glass in front of Beatrice, startling her yet again.

“Put it on my tab,” the girl calls out to the bartender, “I’m Nia.”

Beatrice looked down at the hand extended to her, “Beatrice,” she gave in and shook the other girl’s hand.

“So, do you come here often?” Nia leans in closer still, talking directly into Beatrice’s ear.

“Gross, gag me already.”

“Ava, last warning.”

“Sorry but come on.”

“Stop,” Beatrice says without meaning to, she blinks rapidly, attempting to recover, “I mean, I don’t normally _stop_ into places like this. They aren’t usually my scene.” Beatrice takes a sip of her drink, the taste of pine overwhelming her tongue, she knows she’s making a ridiculous face at the taste but she can’t seem to control it.

“Oh wow,” Nia laughs, “that was probably the cutest _I hate this drink_ face ever. Come on, let me get you another one.” Nia turns Beatrice around to face the bar with a hand on the small of her back and leaves it there for a few seconds too long.

“What do you normally drink?”

“Get an Aperol spritz, Bea, you’ll like it,” Camila’s voice came through the intercom.

Beatrice relays the name of the drink to Nia and receives a positive nod of approval. 

Several minutes later, Beatrice finds herself pressed against a wall, Aperol in hand. Nia was leaning next to Beatrice, her dark wavy hair pulled to one side falling just above her hips, her green eyes looking intently into Beatrice’s own. Her tanned skin the peak of sun-kissed perfection. Beatrice finds herself licking her lips just looking up at Nia, alcohol was a dehydrant after all, and she was feeling pretty parched. 

“So you don’t come here often, what do you do if you’re not here?” Nia asks, once again invading Beatrice’s personal space.

“Lie Bea,” Mary’s voice rings in her ear.

“I teach Latin. At the orphanage.” Beatrice offers, a small smile playing on her lips. She takes a drink of her spritz to drown out the lie much like a hail Mary.

“Latin, that’s pretty unique. I know a bit of Latin. What’s your favorite phrase?” Nia smiles and leans into Beatrice so their shoulders are touching. Beatrice tries to find a single Latin phrase but her mind short circuits. 

“What’s yours?” Beatrice practically coughs out. At this point, Nia is either a long game demon or not a demon at all. The latter is somehow even more terrifying to Beatrice. 

“Carpe vimun.” Nia half smiles at Beatrice, raising her glass.

“Seize the wine? That’s your phrase?” Beatrice nearly scoffs before catching herself.

“Oh, you judge. What’s yours pretty girl?” Nia whispers directly against Breatrice’s ear, her lips grazing her skin. Beatrice feels goosebumps forming on her arm. She swallows and looks into Nia’s eyes. The green of them seemed to penetrate her armor. She needs to fortify that armor and focus on the mission, not flushing and blushing at this maybe not demon.

“Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.” Beatrice hopes no one can hear her heart beating out of her chest through the comms. She hopes Ava and Camila cannot see the blush creeping up her neck.

“You either find a way or make one,” Nia smirks this time, a dimple prominent on her cheek. “I love that. Want another drink?” Beatrice looks down at her own glass and realizes she drank way faster than she intended and nods to Nia.

“Same thing?” Nia asks, her hand on Beatrice’s forearm, “Wow, those muscles though.” Nia laughs as Beatrice nods her head and licks her lips and looks away. Nia walks towards the bar, leaving Beatrice alone for the time being.

“Ava, do you see red?” Beatrice asks in a hushed hurried tone as her eyes dart around the dance floor for Ava. She spots her with Camila, both of them jumping around to some song she can barely hear.

“I’ve been seeing red for twenty minutes. What do you mean?” Ava calls breathless over the comms.

“You see wraiths?” Beatrice hiss-whispers in response, leaning away from the wall in defense.

“What? No. Sorry. No red whisps or chills. It’s great here. Great. It’s all good.” Beatrice sees Ava being dipped by Camila, her face seeming to be tight and void of her usual grin but takes their dancing as a good sign.

Nia returns with another drink for Beatrice, Nia’s hand noting her return by finding the small of Beatrice's back again. Nia offers her a smile that almost seems shy, Beatrice shakes it off.

“So what do you do?” Beatrice asks, taking the straw between her lips, noting that Nia watches her mouth the whole time.

“I’m traveling abroad for now. Just traveling. I’m from Maine. In the states. Just graduated. Doing the whole, finding yourself thing, ya know. Did you do that before teaching?” Nia leans in even further, her arm reaching behind Beatrice, resting on the tiny ledge behind her, circling her back.

“I travel for work so I’m always finding myself,” Beatrice smiles to herself, the parallels of her lie feel so real that it barely feels like lying.

“That’s so great. Being around kids. Teaching. If I didn’t get a degree in psychology I think I would be teaching.”

Beatrice and Nia talked for another twenty minutes about ambitions, goals, friends, wants, dreams before their drinks were finished. Ava and Camila were still on the dancefloor, Beatrice knew that because she kept stealing glances to make sure the mission was still going according to plan. She knew she wasn’t focusing like she should but all seemed well so far.

She would occasionally hear Mary check in with Ava but nothing of importance passed her ears. She was focused on the mundane life of Nia. How simple people’s lives could be, without burden, without vows. 

Nia pulled Beatrice back to the bar one final time, “Do a shot with me?” Nia half smiles, looking for approval.

“Okay. I’ve never done a shot before so don’t comment on my face again.” Beatrice jokes and finds herself leaning into Nia instead of the other way around.

Nia holds up two fingers and the bartender returns with two glasses of clear liquid, two lime slices and a salt shaker. 

“Okay so this is the play,” Nia darts her eyes around like they were conspiring against a major threat. “Salt, liquid, lime. You got that?” Nia grabs the back of Beatrice’s head, focusing her, their foreheads nearly touching. Ava’s sportscaster voice fills Beatrice’s mind again. Nia’s eyes darted back and forth between Beatrice’s own, before dropping down to her lips, not subtle at all, and moving back up to Beatrice’s eyes. 

“I got it. But maybe show me first?” Beatrice thinks she’s flirting, maybe, at the very least, she’s trying and it feels nice. To just exist as a normal girl in a bar talking to another girl. It doesn’t feel like a mission. It doesn’t feel like an act or a fake persona to bait a demon. It also doesn’t feel wrong. She just wants to keep talking to Nia and see how this whole shot thing plays out. Nia laughs and orders one more shot and one more lime.

Nia licks the top of her hand and shakes out salt, she takes the lime in her left hand and the glass in her right. Nia slowly licks the salt from her hand, keeping eye contact with Beatrice as her tongue peeks out and licks, she throws her head back with the glass and bit into the lime after the glass hit the top of the bar. Beatrice was genuinely impressed by the dance and motions of taking a shot. It was fluid and practiced. 

“Okay. I think I’m ready, that was... that was a perfect play by play of what I should do,” Beatrice put her hand on Nia for the first time the whole night. For the briefest of seconds, Beatrice thought she was cheating, like she wasn’t worthy of her vows, like someone from the church would burst in and excommunicate her. Like her parents would appear out of nowhere and berate her. But her vows and her mission were separate. Mary had taught her that years ago. Feeling and _feeling_ are different. This was all just part of the mission. Right?

Nia took Beatrice’s hand from her forearm and brought it to her mouth, her tongue darting out, licking the top of Beatrice’s hand slowly, delicately, eye contact piercing. Beatrice’s eyes widen at the tongue against her hand but she settles in. This is the play. Nia shakes salt on her hand and Beatrice, unable to stop herself, takes Nia’s hand in her own and looks into her eyes before dragging her own tongue along the top of it and shaking out the salt on her hand before she can question what she’s doing. 

Nia looks at Beatrice with a glint in her eye, “Ready? What are we cheersing to?”

Beatrice thinks, casually looking to the dance floor seeing her friends jumping around. Camila’s hands on Ava’s shoulders, Ava’s back to her.

“To the unexpected people in our lives that mean so much,” Beatrice raised her shot glass. Nia clicks their glasses together before licking her hand, Beatrice licking her own, neither girl breaking eye contact the entire time. 

Beatrice shakes her head at the taste.

“That was tequila.” was what she heard in her head but she could barely give a second thought to the voice when Nia was looking at her like that.

“Do you want to dance?” Nia asks, her lips once again against Beatrice’s ear. Beatrice just nods and lets herself be pulled towards the gyrating bodies on the dancefloor.

Nia spins Beatrice around a few times before looping her arm behind Beatrice’s back “Is this okay?” Nia asks, her lips a centimeter from Beatrice’s, the fronts of their bodies fully flush against each other. Beatrice felt the awkwardness in her body as she attempted to sway with the push and pull of the music.

“Leave room for Jesus, Bea.”

Beatrice rolls her eyes at the comment from Ava and leans into Nia, “I’m not.. This is like a shot to me. Teach me?” Beatrice asks, her lips skimming Nia’s ear. She feels the other girl shiver before tightening her grip on her.

“Teach you?”

“I don’t dance. I’ve never just danced for fun before.” Beatrice found herself admitting and feeling okay with admitting such things.

‘“Yeah. Yeah I can do that,” Nia moved her hands to Beatrice’s hips and rotates her body. Beatrice finds her back against Nia’s front. Nia’s hands on Beatrice’s hips, her hands moving her in time with the music. “You good?” Nia whispers, her tongue somehow swiping along Beatrice’s ear.

“I’m good,” Beatrice feels Nia against her back, feels the deep thrum of the music. Feels Nia’s fingers dig into her hips. Beatrice feels her body moving against Nia. She feels Nia’s hand move to unbutton the top button of her shirt. “Just loosening you up a bit, you’re too buttoned up,” Nia whispers. She feels the collar of her shirt being pushed to the side, being replaced by the ghost of Nia’s lips. Beatrice feels herself smile, she feels the alcohol in her system now. Her fingers tingling, her face flush.

“Is this okay?” Nia breathes out against Beatrice’s neck.

“Yes,” Beatrice breathes out before she can even pick a real response in her brain. Beatrice feels Nia’s tongue trace a tiny circle against her neck followed by a stronger press of her lips as they move to the music and Beatrice does nothing to stop it. The only barrier is a nagging feeling deep in her stomach. Wanting the mouth on her neck to belong to a much pailer, shorter, sassier version of Nia. But she relishes in this regardless of that feeling. Her lips. Her teeth.

Beatrice is vaguely aware of the chatter in her ear piece but the music and Nia drown it out. Beatrice feels Nia’s hands rotate her body again, turning her back to face her. She watches Nia’s tongue dart out and licks her lips as she leans in.

“Can I kiss you?” Nia asks against Beatrice’s ear. Beatrice feels her throat closing up, her chest tightening. The reality of the situation hitting her all at once. She was meant to be bait for a demon, but this, Beatrice felt like the demon, completely full of sin. This act for the mission suddenly felt like her worst plan ever. It changed into something sinful when she let Nia kiss her neck. If it was so sinful, why does Beatrice find herself nodding to the question. Why does she want Nia to kiss her?

Beatrice had only questioned her vows once. Had only really wanted to go against them just once, for just one moment, just to feel what kissing someone would feel like. She could reason since that thought had crossed her mind just a handful of weeks ago in front of massive cement blocks that the feeling never really went away. This wasn’t so much about Nia as it was about Beatrice finally deciding to be herself. Maybe this had nothing to do with Ava either. The thought of her vows made her sick to her stomach. Sick with equal parts resentment, excitement, doubt, and want.

She nodded regardless of her spiraling mind. She wanted to take a page out of Sister Freya’s entry and decide to go against the church. Just this once. Her mind briefly flashes to images of where her heart truly lies. Across the dance floor. Feet away. Unattainable. Just a friend by her side. Nia was something else. Maybe a demon. Maybe someone who was genuinely interested in her. 

She watches Nia smile before leaning in. She watches Nia’s body fly back into Camila’s arms. She watches Nia being carried out of the nightclub by Camila and Ava.

_What the fuck?_

Beatrice ran after the two girls, “What are you doing?” she yells when she catches up just outside the van parked down an alley. Mary and Lilith are standing guard on either side of the van, weapons drawn. Camila and Ava ignore her and lift Nia into the back and tie her hands and feet together.

“Stop! Ava, what are you doing?”

Ava stops and turns towards Beatrice with a confused look on her face. “You weren’t responding. We asked you over and over if you were being possessed or whatever and then…”

“Ava yelled vampire and then the line went dead,” Mary filled in the rest of Ava’s sentence. “What happened in there?” Mary turned towards Beatrice, lowering her guns.

A deep blush takes over Beatrice’s features, she clears her throat several times, “Why is Nia unconscious?”

“After yelling vampire, Ava sort of knocked her out with a sprinting punch to the face. I thought she saw a wraith so I caught her and we carried her out here. Did you see a wraith Ava?” Camila recounts the events for Beatrice, visibly embarrassed by the failure of the mission.

“Well,” Ava puffs her cheeks out and releases a dramatic sigh, running her hand through her hair, “Not exactly.”

“Are you serious right now? You punched someone out cold because you thought they were a vampire? You have got to be the dumbest person I ever met.” Mary shakes her head and fully holsters her guns.

“Hey! Demons are real, vampires could be too. And she looked all, you know, predatory.”

“Bea, do you think she was possessed?” Lilith asks such a pointed question Beatrice doesn’t know how to respond. Her mouth opens and closes several times before she just looks down at the pavement.

“Bea?” Camila whispers next to Beatrice.

“I don’t… I don’t know. She was sweet and kind but I don’t know what a demon even acts like. If _Ava_ ” Beatrice bites out Ava’s name, “Didn’t see red then she wasn’t a demon.”

“Ava?” Lilith questions her this time.

“Fine! I didn’t see a wraith,” Ava huffs and crosses her arms.

“What the fuck Baby Hay? We had one shot to get Adriel. This is the only word we’ve had on him in weeks.”

“That’s not fair, this won’t be our only shot. We picked one place at random. We can do this again at any other place on this block tomorrow,” Ava defensively waves her arm down the alley indicating the other clubs and bars. “Something was wrong with her. I took a chance and I was wrong, sue me.” Ava crossed her arms as Camila moved to untie Nia.

“I will do more than sue you, you little shit. What was even wrong with her?” Mary asked, her brow furrowed, “What did you see and don’t give me bullshit about mythical creatures.”

“She walked in and just zeroed in on Beatrice. Didn’t even order a drink, she just did this like, finger raise and a drink appeared out of smoke. She didn’t even look around or anything. It was like she had a target and Beatrice was it,” Ava paused, hoping that was good enough for them.

“What was wrong with that?” Mary stared her down, Ava knew it wasn’t good enough but all she had to go on was a gut feeling. Her gut telling her to get Nia away from Beatrice.

“It looked like she was up to something! She literally didn’t look away from Beatrice and her hands were all over her and then her… her mouth and it just looked nefarious okay. So I jumped in.” Ava didn’t make eye contact with anyone, she practically whispered her last sentence knowing even as she was saying it her excuse was weak and ruined their mission.

“Is it really so hard to think someone would be attracted to me? Want to _be all over me_ like you say?” Beatrice addresses Ava alone yet the other girls heard every word.

“What? No, that’s not what I mean. I just. Of course people can find you attractive. I mean, look at you. Watch you. Listen to you. I just, ugh. The plan was to find wraith demons. I maybe got sidetracked and thought someone was going to take advantage of you and not respect you and your vow and then I panicked okay! I panicked” Ava yelled, the halo starting to glow behind her.

“Enough.” Beatrice held up her hand, stopping Ava from getting closer to her, the light from the halo stopping at the same time. “Wake her up Mary, drive her home. You three, walk home.” She pointed between Lilith, Camila, and Ava, and walked out of the alley.

“Where are you going?” Camila called after her. Beatrice just held up her hand to silence her, not even turning around to give them an answer.

The four girls stood looking at each other before, “You’re an idiot. Go home.” Mary points down the alley and Ava turns and leaves. Camila and Lilith trailing after her.


	11. Chapter 11

“Ava?” Lilith whispers ten minutes into their hour long walk back to the Cradle. The halo bearer hadn’t uttered a single word since they started walking. Lilith watched her kick at rocks, fists balled to her side, never unclenching. Lilith was content to let her be in her feelings until the halo started to glow a dull, muted yellow. 

Camila grabbed Lilith’s hands at that moment, Lilith squeezed it in return, shocking herself a little by the action. They released hands as Camila moved to place her hand on Ava’s shoulder, halting her forward march.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Camila whispered loud enough for Lilith to hear.

Ava let out a frustrated sigh and looked to Lilith. Wanting Lilith to just read her mind so she wouldn’t have to voice her emotions.

“Maybe you should Ava, the halo. It’s glowing. You need to steady your mind.” Lilith deflects the look on Ava’s face by attempting to encourage her to speak.

“I’m such an idiot. Mary was right, I blew our shot,” Ava kept her eyes on the ground, feeling Camila’s hand move from her shoulder to take her hand in her own.

“You’re not an idiot. Do you think maybe you were jealous and that clouded your judgment?”

“Jealous of what?” Ava’s look of confusion so genuine Camila almost wants to laugh. Lilith scrunches her brow for half a second before realization covers her face. The looks, the talks, it all adds up.

“Oh,” slips out of Lilith’s mouth before she can even stop it.

“What?” Ava asks, dropping Camila’s hand, staring down Lilith.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” Lilith’s wide eyes dart to Camila for the briefest of seconds before falling back on Ava, “You are an idiot. Mary was right. But she was not right about you blowing our shot. That wasn’t your fault.”

“It sure feels like my fault,” Ava turns and continues walking towards home, Lilith and Camila following after. “I didn’t mean to mess it up. You know that right?”

“We know,” Camila bumps Ava’s shoulder with her own, “Adriel didn’t show. The wraiths didn’t show. We can try again another night.”

“I want to be the bait next time. I never get to carry my own weight around here. It would be nice to just feel like I can succeed at least once without screwing it up.”

“Your weak little arms can’t handle the weight yet,” Lilith pinches Ava and smiles at her.

“Rude. I could lift you over my head right now if I wanted.” Ava kicks another rock down the street, her voice not totally convincing.

“Oh, prove it then,” Lilith moves around to stand in front of Ava, crossing her arms, eyebrow raised. Lilith hopes a little friendly challenge will pull Ava out of her mood, settle her mind a bit.

“I don’t really think this is a good idea. We should get home,” Camila chimes in, looking back and forth between Ava and Lilith.

Ava held up a hand to stop Camila, “I think it’s a perfect idea actually. You ready to get swept off your feet, Maleficent?”

“Are you flirting with me, Ava?” Lilith’s smile transforms into a smirk. Camila lets out a little squeak next to her.

“You wish. You can’t fight back though, this is just a lift to prove you wrong.” Ava watches Lilith silently nod her confirmation. Ava moves closer to Lilith, placing her arm around her waist, then looping her arm through Lilith’s own. Seconds later she moves her grip, her arm going around Lilith’s shoulders, her neck. Then she squats down to loop a hand through Lilith’s leg a little too high up her thigh.

“Okay, what are you doing,” Lilith pushes Ava away slightly. Camila openly giggling next to the two.

“Settle down, I’m trying to find the right angle. I know human touch is a foreign concept to you but I’m not trying to cop a feel or anything.” Ava wipes her hands on the front of her pants and roles up the sleeves of her shirt.

“I think we call it, Ava’s mind is somewhere else. You could get hurt,” the humorous tone of Camila’s voice matches her cheeky grin.

“My mind is exactly where it needs to be, Camila. I’m going to lift this sack of rocks and then we can go home.” Ava intertwines her fingers together and pushes out, her knuckles cracking as she moves to find the right hold on Lilith.

“Can you just.. Bend down a bit,” Ava has one arm around Lilith’s shoulder again. Lilith complies and bends herself over Ava’s shoulders. Ava reaches behind Lilith, hand wrapped around her knee and starts straining to lift Lilith onto her shoulders, firefighter style. Lilith feels her heels leave the ground at the smaller girls efforts but her toes still remain on the pavements. She starts to feel her chest heat up, sees a dull glow from the halo. She is about to protest the use of abilities when her body flies off the ground, held about Ava’s head for a split second before flying out of her hands down the road.

“Uh, Goddamnit Ava, I said lift, not throw,” Lilith groans, kicking two crumpled trash cans away from her. Ava and Camila run to her side, Camila reaching out a hand to help her up.

“I’m so sorry! But you swore! So a bit worth it.” Ava starts dusting the debris off of Lilith, hiding her laugh behind tightly shut lips.

“You cheated. That doesn’t count. Your arms are twigs. Say it,” Lilith huffs, hitting Ava’s hands away from her.

“Fine, my arms are twigs. Happy?” Ava throws her hands up in the air and once again starts walking towards the Cradle. 

“No. I’m covered in garbage.” Lilith falls into step beside her, Camila hot on her heels.

“How is that different from how you live your life regularly?” Ava laughs and jumps away from a punch directed at her stomach. Camila grabs the fist hanging in the air and pulls it to her chest in a tiny hug.

“You’re not garbage, Lilith. Your arms are not twigs, Ava. Let’s just go home, okay?” Camila stands between the two girls, one arm around Ava’s shoulder, one around Lilith’s waist. They walk in comfortable silence for a while before Camila breaks it.

“Where do you think Beatrice went?” it’s a whisper and if the street was completely deserted, they might not have heard it at all.

“No idea. She doesn’t normally just run off like that. She’s been drinking. Again. Not normal. This one punched her girlfriend. Also. The whole idea of Beatrice getting cozy with another girl is so shocking in and of itself, I don’t even know how to process that.” Lilith rambles for the first time in her life. Ava is taken aback.

“What do you mean by all of that?”

“We’re nuns, Ava. Beatrice is like… Picture a statue. They’re always present, always solid. Unmoving.” Lilith pauses, looking to Camila to confirm her analogy. “I’ve known her for six years and I don’t know anything about her. We get on fine in training. We’ve laughed on occasion. She has never once spoken out of turn. Never once gone against the teachings of God. She never questions. She watches. She plans. She is the smartest person I know. That’s her normal. That,” Lilith gestures behind them, “Was not normal.” 

“She’s right,” Camila adds, “I think she is a little more affectionate with me because I’m so new though. She talks to me the most but never about herself. Well, she used to talk to me the most, but since you’ve arrived, it’s less,” Camila sends a look to Ava, “But even then. I’ve been next to her for a year and couldn’t tell you a single personal detail. She is so reclusive. Guarded. But not around you. She’s different.”

“Not _let a stranger kiss your neck_ different, but Camila’s right. She’s always been different with you. Like you’re a defenseless baby bird and she has to protect you.”

“Do you think she likes me?” Ava asks after processing how the other girls described Beatrice. Ava wouldn’t have used any of the same words. Beatrice wasn’t guarded with her. If she thinks about it, there were very few interactions when they hadn’t touched or been really close. Ava knew about her parents, her childhood. She knew her more than she has known anyone else in her entire life.

“You know she does Ava, we all do,” Camila offers with a wide smile.

“No I mean, like, nevermind.”

“Do you like Beatrice?” Camila whispers again, barely audible. Lilith covers the laugh in her throat with a small cough. Camila hits Lilith though her eyes widen immediately and she mumbles out a quick sorry to Lilith.

“I think I was jealous.” Camila and Lilith stop walking, it takes Ava a few steps to realize they are no longer next to her.

“What do you mean?” Camila asks after catching up with Ava.

“You asked if I was early and I think I was.” Ava darts her eyes between Lilith and Camila, bracing herself for their reactions.

“You think or you know you were jealous?” Camila asks, already knowing the answer.

“I know I was. I didn’t want anyone to touch her. When that girl had her mouth on her, why did I want that to be me? Why did I just fully punch her out for no reason other than I wanted it to be me? So yeah, I was jealous.”

“Okay, how does that make you feel?” Camila loops her arm through Ava’s and continues walking, Lilith remaining silent on her other side.

“A little confusing, but not confusing at all,” She turns to Lilith, “Does that make sense?”

“If it makes sense to you, it makes sense to me.” Lilith shrugs and says nothing else.

“Is this you coming out?” Camila stops them yet again. The words too much to just walk along the street to.

“Coming out of what?” Ava asks, another look of confusion on her face.

“I mean, is this you telling us you might like girls as well as boys?” Camila is facing Ava now, Lilith over her shoulder.

“Oh, right, like coming out, coming out. I didn’t know that needed to be stated but sure. I think I can like anyone that makes me feel something,” Ava looks at Camila who doesn’t give a verbal response, she just feels Camila envelop her in a hug so tight she finds it hard to breathe.

“What’s this for?” Ava says, not fully returning the hug, her arms held out to the side of Camila.

“You might not think it but that was big,” Camila leases her, smiling.

“Why is it big?” Ava resumes walking, the other two following.

“What do you know about sexuality?” Camila asks quietly.

“I mean, I know what sex is. I know what relationships are. I know that there is a spectrum of sexuality. Isn’t that enough?” Ava shrugs and looks to Camila.

“So what you’re saying, that you liking Beatrice, is not hard for you to process?”

“Why would it be? You’ve met her. You’ve seen her.”

“We have yes, but we are nuns Ava. We are not supposed to see sexuality. We are not supposed to see temptation when it comes to the body. We just see people.” Lilith takes over for Camila.

“Okay, sure. I see you. I see Camilla. I saw those people in the club. I see people. It’s not different. I don’t believe in faith yet. I know there is good and evil. I know love is real. Why do we have to make a big deal of this?” Ava asks, continuing to walk, kicking rocks.

“It’s not,” Camila says, her hand gripping Lilith’s waist, stopping whatever words were about to come from her.

“It’s not,” Lilith echoes. “You should talk to Beatrice when she gets back tonight.”

“And say what? _I know you’re married to God but would you maybe want to divorce him, go against everything you’ve ever known and worked for your whole life and kiss me then date me and then maybe marry me instead?_ That’s the most batshit idea you’ve ever had.”

The trio walks in silence until the Cat’s Cradle comes into view. The end of the conversation playing in their heads. Ava was right. She wasn’t just a kid admitting a crush. She's a former dead girl with a holy relic keeping her alive admitting to a nun with expert fighting and weapons training that she had a crush. It felt doomed before it even began.

“I get your unrequested love comment from the other day now.” Lilith finally breaks the silence a few hundred meters from the gates. The van was already back meaning Mary was too.

“What?”

“The other day, when we were training. You were all, spacey and broken looking. When you talked about unrequited love.”

“I was really up in my head that morning. I don’t even remember what I said.”

“Regardless. I think you’ve liked Beatrice for a while but it took getting jealous and someone else swooping in on your girl to make you realize it.”

“Never, and I cannot stress this enough, say swooping in on your girl again,” Ava fake gags and shudders, “Besides, she’s not my girl. She never will be.”

The girls break off in the hall towards their rooms. Camila hugged Ava and told her she was proud of her. Lilith reluctantly agreed to a high five after rejecting a hug. Ava made her way to her room still feeling like she ruined the mission but also feeling like she broke a little bit of her bond with Beatrice after her realization. The realization that there would be no possibility of anything more with Beatrice. Realization that she wouldn’t be a real part of this found family because she’ll never take the vows, she'll never be as good, like she will always be letting them down.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Past and current trauma description

Ava stopped suddenly in the hallway. There, leaning against the wall outside her door, was the object of her current less than positive thoughts, Beatrice. Ava blinks several times, making sure it wasn’t a dream, before moving closer to stand in front of Beatrice.

“Hey,” Beatrice spoke first, eyes looking directly into Ava’s soul the mixture of emotions completely unreadable.

“Hey.” Ava had to look away, the force of the eye contact too much to bear.

“Can I come in for a minute,” Beatrice tilted her head slightly to Ava’s door. Ava nods and opens her door, making her way into the room as Beatrice shuts it behind her. Silence fills the room.

“I’m sorry,” Ava finally says. Beatrice stands in the middle of her room, face impassive.

“Ugh,” Ava spun around and faced the wall away from Beatrice after she didn’t respond or even move, “you are. You’re fucking perfect. Everything about you. I just can’t not want to try and protect you okay. So I’m sorry I ruined the mission. I wasn’t saying you were unattractive. Like someone wouldn’t want you because they can. And I know you can protect yourself. I was just…” Ava trailed off, her fists moving up and down by her side. 

Ava turned and grabbed on to Beatrice’s hands, looking into her red eyes and her heart broke. She released her hands immediately and turned around again, huffing. “You’re not just anyone. You’re fucking you and you matter and you make me feel like I do, finally. Feel like I can walk and run and jump. You’re goddamn poetry. You’re like the best story arch in a tv show. Clever, cunning, important and I..” Ava trails off. She turns towards Beatrice now, pacing around the room. 

Ava wants to throw up. She wants to punch and yell and scream. She wants to explode. This should have just been an easy, _I’m sorry, it won’t happen again_ but her opening was too much and she has no idea why she kept talking after saying sorry.

She wants to rewind and erase her conversation with Lilith and Camila. If she never realized she was jealous, she would have never realized she liked Beatrice and then would never have to live with the fact that it would never happen.

She knows the halo is glowing. She wants it to just consume her. She knows if she lets her mind open up just a bit more, the wall of Beatrice’s room will replicate the night sky. Open, dark, full of stars.

“I don’t know what I’m doing!” Ava yelled and Beatrice feels herself lightly skid across the floor a few feet away from Ava, unwillingly. The halo glowing brightly on her back. Beatrice just braces herself. Not knowing the right words. Not wanting to say them.

“I was fucking killed. I was killed by the only person that knew me. I was literally a pity kill. And for what!” Ava yelled, pacing faster, halo glowing brighter still, the items on her desk shaking. She can’t stop herself. “I was nothing. I am barely anything now. I was dead. I should have stayed dead. I dreamt of dying for so many years. Just ending it. Ending it all. What was the point? I felt like I couldn’t breathe for so many years.” Ava dropped to her knees. Beatrice just stood there, unable to move, struck by the words coming from Ava’s mouth.

“A second fucking chance. I didn’t even want the first one. I should have died in that crash. I wish I did. I awoke calling for my mom for years. The god damned fucking sneer of Sister Frances when I awoke from those nightmares. That was all I had. I can’t do this Beatrice. I can’t do this.” Ava fully sunk all the way into the floor. Burying her face into her hands against the stone of the floor.

Beatrice held back a deep sob. A longing to make the girl in front of her feel better but she couldn’t fix the past. She couldn’t change anything that Ava had already experienced.

“I wasn’t good then. I’m not good now. I ran away. I still might. I hate this.” Ava sobbed out against the floor. Beatrice listening to her with rapt attention, “I know like ten people. Three tried to kill me. One did. One is a tiny boy I will maybe never see again. I slept with one of them. I tried to make my life about him. Push everything away and fit in. One thought I was trouble. One helped me know how to actually put clothes on for the first time. You, The sisters, Superion. Ten. That’s all I have and I have failed every single person. Beatrice. I can’t do this.” Ava whispers the last sentence, her entire body giving up. The halo unshining and dead on her back despite the strong emotion.

“I don’t want to do this. Take it out. I don’t want this. Please. Please take it out. Please, Bea. Please take it out.” Ava sobs on the floor, barely able to make out words. Her body shook with sobs.

Beatrice wiped a tear from her face and laid down next Ava on the stone floor. Ever so slowly wrapping her arm around her. Taking one of Ava’s fists clenched close her mouth in her hand. She held her, listening to Ava cry, feeling her body convulse, rubbing small circles on Ava’s back.

“I can’t do this. I am not this person. I am just me. And me is literally the worst person I’ve ever met.” Ava sobs out against Beatrice’s forearm.

“You know you don’t mean that,” Beatrice breathes into Ava’s hair. “You haven’t really met you through me. Through us. You haven’t met yourself vulnerable, selfless, willing, and able.”

“I am none of those things, Bea. I have never been those things. I will never be those things.” Ava turns, burying herself further into Beatrice.

“The thing is Ava, you are already those things. Think about it. Camila followed you today. She wants to help you, she looks up to you. You make Lilith better. You bring her out of her shell, she laughs with you. She teases. Mary... Mary has adored you from the second she thought you had a glimmer of Shannon in you. That’s why she protected you, followed you for so long. She wanted Shannon’s stories and feelings but she got you. Brash and selfish. But I look at Mary and see that she sees you and loves you.” Beatrice runs her hands through Ava’s hair.

“What about you?”Ava looks up to Beatrice with tears in her eyes, her face puffy from crying.

“I love you,” Beatrice doesn’t even falter in her admission. “You know I do. You know more about me than anyone. You do this horrible thing of making me open up to you,” Beatrice laughs lightly through her nose, her thumb rubbing circles into Ava’s temple, calming her down. “You make me want to be as carefree as you even if you’re not carefree at all. You make me want to fight for you to live. You make me want to be by your side. You make me love you.”

Beatrice continues to hold Ava as her trembling slows.

“You matter. You will always matter. To Lilith. To Camila. To Mary. To the OCS. To me,” Beatrice brushes her lips against Ava’s hair, her own body trembling, waiting to break. “You are a force we have never encountered before and I’m not willing to give you up just yet. I don’t want you to give up on yourself either.”

“Why does no one want me?” Ava whispers out after several minutes of silence, just letting Beatrice hold her.

“We all want you. Did you not just hear what I said?” Beatrice once again kisses Ava’s head, not sure if the action was for her or Ava. “Camila needs you to direct her energy. Mary needs you to be her sidekick. Lilith needs you to pull her abilities to the surface. You are so wanted and needed.”

“Why do you never say you unless I ask you directly?” Ava asks, completely curled into Beatrice, mouth talking against the fabric of her shirt. 

“Same way you used to not like when I said your name. It means the most. For me, you are so completely you. You tease, you push, you pull. I want you in a million different ways. When I get a goofy version during a serious moment, I’m okay with that. I want you in every possible form of you. You think it’s the best version of you, I’ll push you to be better to show me more.” Beatrice continues to rub circles into Ava’s temples.

“I love you,” Ava whispers out in exhaustion.

“I love you too, Ava,” Beatrice responds in the same tone knowing Ava is about to succumb to her emotions and fall asleep. She moves and lifts Ava to a sleeping position on her bed. Tucking her in. Beatrice stands when she thinks Ava is fully asleep after running her hands through her hair over and over.

“Wait,” Ava’s hand reaches out as Beatrice moves to leave, “Stay with me. Please.” Ava’s eyes are open and alert and Beatrice complies. Sliding into the bed behind Ava. Ava pulling Beatrice’s arm across her chest and tucking her hand underneath her chin, moves her back against Beatrice, finding her comfort. Beatrice let’s Ava burrow into her, holding on tightly, knowing she needs it.

“I’m sorry,” is the last thing Ava mumbles.

“Don’t be.”

\----

Beatrice woke to a tickle against her nose, strands of Ava’s hair covering her face. Instinctively, Beatrice tenses up, tightening her arm wrapped around Ava. Beatrice replays their conversation from last night to the steady rhythm of Ava breathing.

Ava’s emotions were unpredictable, hard, chaotic at times but they were valid. She needs to get Ava to speak to Mother Superion, begin mental fortitude training. But more than that, Ava probably needs to go to therapy. Talk to a professional before she begins these sessions with Superion. Fortitude and mental expansion and exploration were very different things. In order to control her emotions, she needs to voice them and understand how they have made her who she is. 

Ava needs to understand that failing or messing up is okay. That sure, someone might get hurt, a mission could be a failure, but no one would leave her because of it. That her home is real. Her family is real. Families fight, they yell at each other, they push each other, but they never leave.

Beatrice can sooth Ava, talk her down a cliff, tell her she is loved over and over, but that’s really just a bandaid over a bullet wound. A wound that continues to open up, deeper, the more Ava immerses herself in the training, the history, the missions. She told her she loved her last night. Ava said it back. Beatrice knows it’s a love of family, of friends. She knows that’s why she didn’t hesitate when she said it to Ava. It felt satisfying to say it. She would say it over and over if she could. Maybe one day it would mean what she wants it to mean.

“I can feel you thinking,” Ava whispers, Beatrice noting the change in her breathing pattern. “You do this thing with your hands when you think too hard. Like you writing down your thoughts. It tickles.” Ava gripped Beatrice’s hand on her stomach, squeezing lightly.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Beatrice whispers back. Ava turns to face Beatrice, the light from the sun outlining her head, hair sparkling.

“It’s okay. It’s probably time to get up anyway. I have a feeling you don’t need an alarm to get up,” Ava’s hand moving under the side of her face against the pillow.

“Force of habit,” Beatrice smiles at the sleepy face of Ava.

“Love a good nun-pun in the morning,” she laughs out lightly.

“So last night. I think we should talk.”

“I knew you would say that,” Ava’s sigh washes over Beatrice’s face, her eyes closing, somehow looking more tired and smaller to Beatrice than ever before. “I’m sorry.”

“Never be sorry. Not for that. I just don’t think you’re okay, Ava. I think… I think you should talk to someone about what you’re feeling.”

“I talk to you. I talk to Lilith and Mary. Is that not enough?”

“I mean like professionally. We can tell you we love you and we value you forever but there are some things that are… too much. That loving you won’t cover. I don’t know how to talk to you about them but I wish I did.”

“What are you saying? You want to stop talking to me?” Ava sits up, pushing herself away from Beatrice.

“No, absolutely not,” Beatrice sat up as well, their crossed knees touching on her tiny bed. Beatrice places both hands on Ava’s knees. “I want you to talk to me forever. My second vow was my pinky promise to you. I will be here forever, right? I’m just not a professional. I will be here for forever, but you’re aren’t here sometimes. You leave and retreat to somewhere I don’t know you. Where you don’t know you. And I think you need to talk to someone that can help you explore that side of you.”

“You want me to go to a shrink?” Ava stands and moves to the center of her room, fully shaking the sleep from her face, replacing it with a hint of fury. “Why? I’m fine.”

Beatrice stands and walks slowly towards Ava. She reaches for her, Ava’s hands first, then her elbows, making her way to Ava’s jawline, both hands clasping Ava’s head gently.

“You’re not fine. And that’s okay,” Beatrice whispers to Ava. “You’re not fine and we still love you. I want you to love you as much as we do, okay?” Beatrice stops for a second, running her thumbs over Ava’s temples, looking into her eyes.

“You begged me to take out the halo last night. You begged, Ava. It… It broke my heart. You can say it was a one time thing. But even right now, I can see you getting mad and lost.”

Ava wraps her hands around Beatrice’s. She looks into her eyes, starts to count her freckles to calm down. She feels a thumb rub against her cheek. She hasn’t even realized she started crying. Beatrice wrapped her arms around Ava and pulled her in. Holding her, letting her cry against her shoulder. They stood there, holding each other long enough for a knock to startle them. 

They pulled away from but not completely. Ava’s arms stayed wrapped around Beatrice’s hips. 

“I can agree to therapy,” Ava says in the smallest of voices, so out of character.

“I’ll be there every step of the way.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Hello? Is anyone home?”

A faint yell cut through the air where Ava was laying in the courtyard. She peaked out of one of her eyes and lobbed her head from left to right looking around for the owner of the yell. When she saw nothing, she shut her eye and continued her _hiding from everyone and everything_ afternoon nap in the sun. 

“Hey! Hey you, can you let me in?”

The voice seemed to have located Ava from beyond the fence. Ava huffed, rolled her eyes, and stood up to greet the offending person. As Ava was stretching one of her arms around her chest, her feet stopped carrying her forward.

It was the girl from the club. The girl that had put her hands and lips on Beatrice. The girl who was sporting a rather dark black eye courtesy of Ava’s fist.

“Yes?” Ava’s arms were now crossed, her voice curt.

“Hi,” Nia’s smile did not falter at Ava’s cold demeanor. “Does Beatrice live here?”

Ava looked around her and up to the top of the Cat’s Cradle. She runs her hand through her hair and looks around the grounds of the Cradle. Were outside people supposed to know nuns lived here? Do nuns commonly live in churches or is that just the OCS? Ava didn’t have a clue.

“This is a church.” Ava simply stated, stealing her face from showing any of the confusion she was feeling.

“Yes, I can see that,” Nia held up a small slip of paper, “Someone called Mary gave me this address to find Beatrice last night.”

“What did she look like?” Ava narrowed her eyes, not fully convinced Nia wasn’t evil or up to something. 

“Who?” Nia shifted her feet and cocked her hip, hand sliding into her pocket.

“Mary.” Ava raised her eyebrow in a challenge.

“She’s black, has braids. About this tall. Would kick my ass in a fight. Scowls a lot.” Ava can’t help the laugh that suddenly comes from her mouth, she fakes a cough to cover it up. 

“Okay, yeah, that’s her. How do you know Beatrice?” Ava fully knows why Nia is here, she just doesn’t want her here so if she decides to press her for information and make her uncomfortable, so be it.

“We met at a club last night,” Nia smiles to herself. Ava wants to slap it off her face.

“What are your intentions?”

“Intentions with what?”

“Beatrice.” Ava is trying to remain neutral. _She’s playing some sort of game. Asking clarifying questions like she didn’t know exactly what I meant, what an idiot. Who even is this girl?_

“Coffee probably. Maybe a walk on the beach. See where it leads us,” Now Ava wants to slap the smirk off Nia’s face.

“She doesn’t drink coffee.” Ava knows that Beatrice hates coffee but knows exactly how to make her the perfect cup of tea.

“So she does live here.”

“No. I actually don’t even know who that is. You should probably go.” Ava turns to leave, feeling extremely petty but not caring.

“Wait!” Ava continues walking away. “Come on, wait! I just want to talk to her!”

“Talk to who?” Camila had appeared from around a stone pillar. 

“No, don’t engage, go, go,” Ava hissed out at Camila, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her away.

“But that’s the girl from the other night. The one you punched. Why is she here? Is she suing you? Oh no, Ava, you can’t go to jail.” Ava puts her hand over Camila’s mouth until they’re safely hidden behind a wall.

“She is here to talk to Beatrice,” Ava whispers, dropping her hand from Camila’s mouth.

“Oh good. I’ll go get her,” Camila responds in her normal octave, not picking up on Ava’s odd behavior.

“What! No. Why would you do that? I literally just told you I like Beatrice. Why would you want to bring her out here to talk to that… that girl?” Ava pulls Camila back against the wall. Camila looking more and more perplexed the more Ava fought her.

“It would be cruel if we kept it from her.”

“What are you both doing?” Beatrice stares down Ava who had Camila pinned against the wall with her hands on her shoulders.

“Nothing,” Ava’s hands dart behind her back, standing as straight as she can. Beatrice studies her rigid form, her fake smile and raises her eyebrow.

“Camila?” Beatrice levels her in a slight squint. Camila doesn’t answer right away, instead looks back and forth between Ava and Beatrice, worrying her lips between her teeth.

“Nia’s here. She’s out by the front gate. She’s asking for you,” Camila turns and whispers _sorry_ to Ava behind her hand.

“Thank you, Camila,” Beatrice looks at Ava with a mixture of confusion and skepticism before walking past her to the gate.

Ava peaks around the wall, hoping to get a view of the conversation or whatever is about to happen but she feels Camila dragging her away by the back of her shirt.

“Stop, Camila stop, let me watch. She could still be evil.” Ava tries to take her shirt out of Camila’s hands but her grip was too strong. They grapple with each other before Ava wiggles out of her shirt completely and runs into the courtyard. She hears Camila yell for Mary and Lilith behind her followed by her feet chasing after her.

 _Shit shit shit._ Ava runs through the courtyard without a shirt as a bullet narrowly misses her feet. “No! You don’t get to shoot at me right now!” Ava yells over her shoulder. 

“Then get your ass back here and put on a shirt!” Mary cocks her gun again, running after Ava, Camila and Lilith flanking her.

“Do the blinking thing Lilith,” Camila breathes out loudly.

“Why are we chasing her?” Lilith asks, her question drowned out by another gunshot and a loud groan from Ava.

“Wait, yeah, why are we chasing her?” Mary holsters her gun as they all stop running. She looks to Camila who has a very guilty look on her face, mouth in a comical frown.

“Were those gunshots? Did you just shoot her!” Nia yells as she and Beatrice come running around the corner into the open courtyard. Nia is pointing to Ava, leg covered in blood, trudging over to the group.

“I’m going to kill you. I’m going to melt your guns down, make a sword, and kill you with it!” Ava yells before she sees that Beatrice and Nia have joined. Nia looks horrified, Beatrice deeply flushed in embarrassment. 

“And scene!” Ava claps her hands together like that of a clapperboard after the silence and open-mouth staring became too much. “I think we really nailed that performance, right?” Ava sends a sharp elbow into Mary’s stomach.

“Perfectly executed if I do say so myself. Our best take yet. Brava!” Camila claps her hands, catching on faster than Mary and Lilith.

“That was… That’s fake blood? Those guns aren’t real?” Nia stutters out, her face pale and shocked.

Ava rips the bottom half of her pant leg off and wipes away the blood showing perfectly healed skin. “Totally fake. Trigger Finger here couldn’t hit a target to save her life, let alone a moving one. Guns are fake too.”

“Excuse me, Nia, I need a word with Ava then we can go,” Beatrice grips Ava’s arm and drags her out of earshot. “What are you doing? Why is Mary shooting at you? Why is your shirt off again?” 

Ava can feel the heat of Beatrice’s words against her neck. Ava can tell she is furious. Her grip tightens on Ava’s arm when she doesn’t get a response.

“I don’t know why she was shooting at me, go ask her.” 

“You could have exposed us all if Nia saw any of that.” Ava could see Beatrice grinding her teeth, her jaw clenching.

“Exposed? That’s not fair. I honestly have no idea why she was shooting me!” Ava whisper yelled back at Beatrice, turning to shoot daggers at the other three. “Get over here,” Ava called to Mary.

“Sup?” Mary joined their sidebar as nonchalant as ever, rolling her eyes.

“Why were you shooting at me?” Ava questions but Mary just turns back to the two remaining sisters.

“Camila, come here.” Camila sheepishly walks to join their huddle.

“Yes?”

“Why was I shooting at Ava?” Mary gripped Camila’s shoulder, stopping her from turning back towards the Cradle. Lilith exchanged an awkward, tight-lipped smile with Nia not knowing if she should join the huddle or stand in her spot, completely uncomfortable.

“Weather’s nice,” Lilith chose to say to break their unpleasant situation. Nia just looks at Lilith incredulously, a look of annoyance on her face. Lilith just frowns and nods her head, opting to never try to attempt small talk again.

“Well, Ava slipped out of her shirt and was going to spy on Beatrice and-”

“I was not spying!” Ava actually yelled this time, not caring if her voice carried beyond their sidebar.

“Then she ran away from me so I called for you. You kind of just started shooting on your own.”

“Hm, force of habit I guess. Plus, Camila actually sounded legit afraid, can’t have the Baby Halo hurting our baby otter. Sorry, Bea. Go get your girl.” Mary nodded towards Nia.

“Sorry Bea? Are you kidding? You shot me. Again. For no reason.” Ava shoves Mary, but the other girl barely moves.

“Not my fault. Get better at spying. And keep your shirt on. This is a place of God.” Mary pats Ava’s cheek and turns to leave the huddle.

“No, get back here. Take some of the blame off me. Bea, this wasn’t my fault. I was just trying to make sure you were still safe, okay? And I know I said you could take care of yourself. But you know, you never know right?” Ava had grabbed on to Beatrice’s hand while attempting to pull forgiveness out of Beatrice. She gets a sigh instead.

“It’s okay, just, please, all of you, when a civilian is present, keep yourselves in check. And keep your clothes on. We cannot risk exposure.” Beatrice turns to leave but feels Ava’s hand tug her back.

“Where are you going?” 

“I’m going to take a walk with Nia,” Beatrice pauses, looking behind her at the girl in question, “Let her down, tell her she shouldn’t come by anymore, explain all of this. Why did you give her this address anyway?” Beatrice removes her coif and hands it to Mary. 

“Didn’t want the punch out and a stranger driving her home to be weirder than it already was?” Mary shrugs and frowns.

“Fair. Alright, I’ve got to pretend to be a normal Latin teacher. Do not follow me,” Beatrice releases Ava’s hand and points directly at her.

“Fine,” Ava didn’t meet her eyes but kept them trained on the ground. Beatrice unclasped her outer coat, also handing it to Mary, now standing only in her training pants and a t-shirt.

“Take those to my room. I’ll be back in an hour. Two max.”

“Bet,” Mary hands Beatrice her phone, “Call if there is trouble and we’ll come running.”

Beatrice nods, glances at Ava, then turns to leave. “Oh, we’re going to ArqTech in three hours. Please be ready to go when I get back.”

“What for?” Ava calls after her.

“Therapy,” Beatrice smiles directly at Ava, causing a significant stomach flip in the other girl, and leaves with Nia.


	14. Chapter 14

“Date go well?” Ava asks Beatrice after they’ve all loaded into the van on their way to ArqTech.

“It wasn’t a date, Ava,” Beatrice doesn’t take her eyes off the road as she pulls out of the Cradle.

“You were gone for a long time. What did you do?” Ava tries to make her voice sound calm and neutral, almost like she doesn’t really care, but she knows Beatrice has already picked up on her tense nature. 

“We walked and talked.”

“Where did you walk?”

“The beach”

“What did you talk about?”

“Ava please, I’m trying to drive. I can’t focus if you keep asking questions.”

“Fine,” Ava grumbles in the seat next to her, the previous grin from beating Lilith to the front seat completely gone.

“What did you do while I was gone?” Beatrice tries to lighten the mood and shift Ava’s mindset before they get to ArqTech.

Ava is silent for a beat, thinking about her own afternoon. 

_”What are you doing Ava?” Camila comes up behind Ava in the kitchen._

_“Baking,” Ava doesn’t look up from arranging ingredients on the table. After a quick survey of the items, Camila is sure that none of those items will result in anything edible._

_“Do you even know how to bake?” Camila takes an egg from Ava and cracks it with one hand into her empty bowl._

_“You ever hear of a show called Great British Bake Off?” Camila shakes her head, “Well, I know the mechanics of baking the best things in the world.” Ava opens the jar of sugar and tosses the lid, startling Camila by the sudden crash._

_“Mechanics?” Camila had moved to grab the measuring cup and scooped out sugar into the bowl._

_“Yeah. Break, mix, pour, set, watch the oven really anxiously and pace around the kitchen aggressively.” Ava takes a fist full of flour and throws it into the bowl. Camila places her hand gently on Ava’s flour-covered hand._

_“Let me help you,” Camila flips over Ava’s hand, examining it, “That was probably half a cup. Here,” Camila hands Ava the measuring cup. “You need two more but use this.” Ava does as instructed, Camila using her finger to wipe away the mountain of flour at Ava’s overzealous scoop. Her next scoop, Ava is more careful and removes the excess flour on her own._

_“Good. What was your plan with this?” Camila holds up half a head of broccoli._

_“Color? Everything else was white,” Ava shrugs and goes to toss in red pepper flakes._

_“Wait. Do you know what those are?” Ava turns the bottle and reads._

_“For a little spice?” Ava grins but it doesn’t reach her eyes._

_“What exactly do you want to make?” Camila asks as delicately as she can. She can clearly see Ava is going through something._

_“Anything really. Something a wholesome little granny will taste and say, ‘Oh my dear, you have outdone yourself, absolutely scrummy’,” Camila laughs at Ava’s fake British accent._

_“We can do that but let me help you,” Camila smiles at Ava, Ava slowly matching her._

_“Okay.”_

_An hour later, Ava and Camila are covered in flour, laughing on the floor when the timer goes off._

_Camila stands to get the oven mitts, Ava bounces lightly on her feet, ready to see their creation._

_“It’s not lame that we made sugar cookies, right? Like I could have made a knife shaped cake if I really wanted to.”_

_“You know, you don’t have to be the best at everything, right?”_

_“I mean, yeah, I know. I’d like to be good at least one thing though ya know, maybe it’s baking.”_

_“Baby steps eventually win marathons, Ava.” Camila pulls out the sheet of cookies and places them on the counter to cool, flicking Ava’s hand as she reaches for one. “You have to start small. The first time I picked up a crossbow I accidentally knocked the trigger and the string sliced the full length of my thumb,” Camila holds it up to show her the scar. Ava slides down the counter and sits on the floor again, rubbing little circles into the flour. Camila follows suit._

_“It’s taking a really long time to get better at anything,”_

_“I don’t have the patience for anything but I know it takes as long as it takes. You are improving Ava, every day. You’ll get there. You just have to believe you will.” Camila was collecting the flour on the floor while talking. She pinched her tiny pile and blew it from her fingers at Ava. Ava scrunched her nose and laughed with Camila._

“I made cookies with Camila,” Ava’s smile returns to her face at the memory. Beatrice snuck a glance at Ava, her own mouth tweaking into an involuntary smile at the expression.

“That’s very… cute.” Beatrice laughs through her nose.

‘I’m sure your date was cute too,” Ava smile turns mischievous, a glint in her eye.

“Not a date, Ava,” Beatrice shakes her head and thinks back to her time with Nia.

_“So, I had a good time last night,” Nia smiles and looks at Beatrice as they walk slowly down a quiet side street._

_“I did too. Thank you,” Beatrice smiles back, holding Nia’s gaze before looking back down the road. Nia was easy to talk to, she was easy to exist next to. No one was trying to kill her, or kill the people she loves. But it wasn’t real. Wasn’t sustainable._

_“Cool. So I was thinking we could have a repeat. Maybe start the night a little slower though, talk more, we could even eat. I know this really good place less than a mile away.” Beatrice stops Nia with a hand on her arm. This was the moment she needed to end this. Stop it before it happens._

_“I had a good time but it’s going to be a one time thing,” she knows her face is void of emotion, knows it comes off colder than she wants it to, but if she let her face show her true emotions, it would be confusing and selfish._

_“Oh. Okay yeah, sure, sorry, I read it wrong,” Nia shakes her head the tiniest bit in surprise, a humorless laugh leaving her lips._

_“You didn’t,” Beatrice squeezes Nia’s arm once before dropping her hand. She turns back down the road, walking again, the worst of this already over._

_Nia watches Beatrice’s profile. Watches her go through several different emotions at once. Furrowed brow, eyes darting, worrying her lips, looking down at the ground then back up._

_“Can I make a guess?” Nia asks after a few blocks of comfortable silence and people watching._

_“I’m sorry?”_

_“The little aggressive one with the bloody leg.”_

_“Ava? What about her?”_

_“I’ve never been punched in the face before but I’m assuming most bar fights are crimes of passion,” Nia wiggles her eyebrows at Beatrice and bumps her shoulder._

_“I thought you didn't remember,” Beatrice finds herself smiling a little, the tension of the let down fully dissipated from their interaction._

_“I didn’t until I saw her red angry face again this morning,” Nia laughs out loud at the memory. “Girls got it bad. She wasn’t going to even let me in to talk to you. Are you two a thing? If so, I should be apologizing.”_

_“No. No, we’re not a thing,” Beatrice hears her owns words lightly muffled in her own head_

_“Why not?” Nia asks, wondering where Beatrice’s mind just went to, her eyes holding a far off look._

_“It’s complicated.”_

_“That’s a pretty basic nonanswer. Uncomplicate it for me.”_

_“Ava is… special. She has a lot of learning and growing to do if she wants to take up the mantle of… group leader,” Nia snorts._

_“A leader of what? That merry band of actors that lives in a church?”_

_“We can call it that, yes.”_

_“Super hot and mysterious? Of course you are. She’d be an idiot not to prioritize you a little bit.” Nia watches Beatrice clench and unclench her fists. “She doesn’t know you like her.” It’s not a question but an astute observation._

_“That’s complicated too.”_

_Nia and Beatrice find themselves on the boardwalk. Silently looking out at the water._

_“I don’t know you. I don’t know your little pitbull or those other gals but I hope things uncomplicate themselves for you, Beatrice.” Nia turns to face Beatrice now, “Could I hug you goodbye?”_

_Beatrice doesn’t respond, just takes a step into Nia’s open arms and hugs her back._

_“I’m proud of you,” Nia smiles and releases Beatrice._

_“For what?”_

_“I don’t know actually. Just feels like I should say it I guess.”_

_“Thank you,” Beatrice isn’t sure why Nia says it either, but it felt nice to hear._

_“See you around,” Nia salutes and walks backward for a few steps before turning and leaving._

_Beatrice spends the next hour sitting on the beach locked in her own head. She had effectively come out to a second person. Sure, it was masked in complications and cover ups but so was the first time. Her resolve is still fully intact but a second chip could be found if you looked hard enough._

“Whatever it was, I’m glad you’re back in one piece,” Ava turns in her seat, grin growing the more she faces the back, “Lilith, on a scale of one to you’d rather jump out of this moving van directly into a field of cacti, how excited are you for therapy?” 

Ava cackles while rubbing her cheek from the slap she received. Beatrice can tell she is distracting herself from what's to come when they arrive at ArqTech. She only hopes that Ava will be able to ease a little bit of her mind and doubt one session at a time.


	15. Chapter 15

Ava sends a grin and a little finger wave to the front desk attendant at ArqTech, “Miss us?” Ava was followed by Lilith, Camila, and Beatrice. Mary had elected to take a little trip to a neighboring town instead of joining them at ArqTech.

The woman rolled her eyes and silently held up a key card, Beatrice stepping in front of Ava, taking it instead. “Thank you,” Beatrice nods her head slightly and redirects Ava’s shoulders to keep walking.

They make their way back to Jillian’s office. Beatrice had made a few phone calls in order to arrange their current meeting.

“Ah, girls, welcome. Please have a seat,” Jillian gestures to her sitting area and takes a seat herself.

“Dr. Salvius, thank you for agreeing to see us on such short notice,” Beatrice pulls out a folder and hands Lilith and Ava slips of paper as they all take their seats.

“What’s this? Our psychosomatic summer camp itinerary?” Ava laughs to herself as she and Lilith read over their schedule.

“For lack of a better term, yes.” Beatrice hands the final sheet to Jillian.

“Wait, why am I participating? I thought I was just here to get my blood tested,” Lilith protests, looking at her own schedule. Everyone in the room fails to meet her eye and she looks from person to person.

“Lil, I didn’t make this itinerary but maybe it could help. I’m guessing Freddy wouldn’t have killed dozens of teenagers with his claws in their dreams if he had therapy, it could work for you too,” Ava places her hand on Lilith’s arm delicately, knowing that her words are probably hard to hear, regardless of their teasing nature.

“Who is Freddy?” Lilith removes Ava’s hand and throws it back at her and deepens her scowl.

“Ava,” Beatrice warns.

“This is actually pretty relevant. Freddy Krueger is like a dream demon. He invades people’s sleeping forms. He has this leather glove of razor hands and he straight obliterates people. Buckets of blood. Real brutal stuff.”

“Ava, that is not relevant to Lilith at all.” Beatrice scolds, her knuckles turning white keeping herself in her seat.

“The glove, Bea, his glove is the same as those razor claws of Lilith’s. That makes it super relevant.”

“You fail to see the big picture but can pick out tiny details with ease. Ava, Lilith is not a demon. She doesn’t kill people in her sleep. She doesn’t kill people period. Please listen and refrain from adding anecdotes for the remainder of this session,” Beatrice stares Ava down, daring her to counter back with sarcasm or another story of a fictional character. Ava shuts her mouth, pursing her lips, silencing her protests, laughs under her breath and settles back into the couch.

“You will each be doing one session of one on one therapy, one session of solo meditation, and one session of a guided group meditation. You will find instructions for your solo meditation when you enter your rooms, Camila will be helping get that started. I will run your therapy sessions and guide the group meditation.” Jillian reads over the itinerary with no emotion. Her voice even and calculated.

“Are you even a therapist or are you the only doctor Beatrice knows?” Ava smiles and attempts to nudge Lilith but the look from Beatrice stops her movements and wipes the smile from her face. Beatrice knows Ava is nervous and deflecting over and over with jokes and quips. Beatrice is forcing herself to stay in her seat rather than move to the space next to Ava on the couch. Even if it was just to _accidentally_ brush their knees together or silently place a hand on her knee to calm her down. Moving in the middle of the introduction would be even more counterproductive and obvious though so Beatrice stays in her seat and elects to just shoot Ava with daggers to keep her quiet and focused.

“I have a degree in psychotherapy.” Jillian does not entertain Ava’s antics in her reply. 

“Okay, go on,” Ava sends a sheepish smile to Beatrice and refocuses.

“Ava, you will join me first, Lilith, you can follow Camila. We’ll meet back here in forty-five minutes to switch places. You’re dismissed.” Lilith, Camila, and Beatrice stand and leave the room. Beatrice turns back to Ava just before leaving the room and offers her a small smile and mouths the words good luck.

\----

“So yeah.. I guess that’s why I really hated the plot,” Ava finished, her fingers drumming a beat against her stomach as she laid out on the couch, her feet crossed at the ankles, one foot moving along to that same beat. Jillian clicked her pen and set it down on her desk.

“That was… enlightening. I was under the impression that we were going to talk about your feelings though not why you didn’t like La La Land.”

Ava sits up on the couch, looking at Jillian with an incredulous look, “Those are my real feelings.”

“I can’t help you if you’re unwilling to talk to me Ava. I’ve been told you are struggling to maintain a positive sense of self, an unwavering need of perfectionism, lacking in the ability to fail and fail forward.” Jillian clasps her hands in front of her on her desk and stares pointedly at Ava.

“Oookay, sure. Those are also real feelings. Who told you that?” Ava slumps back into the couch.

“Does it matter? What do you feel when I say those things? Let’s start with a positive sense of self. Tell me about the things you like about yourself.”

“Well, my teeth are positively shockingly straight and white for not physically brushing them myself for over a decade. Shout out to Sister Frances for the baking soda mouthwash,” Ava points a finger to the sky and laughs through her nose.

“Ava.” 

“Fine, fine,” Ava lets out a deep sigh, her eyes looking to the ceiling. “I think that I like the way it feels to exist in my body. Like, I know what people go through, but I like the way I experience it? Does that make sense?”

“Say more.”

“I mean. You can read about someone touching sand, jumping into water, holding hands. But it’s different when you do it. Like, I just recently started being able to hold things and throw things and really feel. I like that.”

“You like that you are able to feel things?”

“Yes.”

“What else?”

“I guess I like my friends? Is that really about me? I don’t know, but I like having them in my life. I like seeing their faces and hearing their voices.”

“What else?”

Ava puffs out her cheeks, racking her brain for something else she likes about herself. “I don’t think I have anything else.”

“Then let’s talk about your need for perfection.”

“I wouldn’t ever say that about myself. I am the least perfect person there is.”

“Imagine with me for a moment, that you didn’t defeat a demon. You didn’t get there in time and someone was hurt. What would you feel.”

“Like I let everyone down.”

“And in that same scenario, what if you were not in the same space to even have an effect on the outcome of an attack.”

“The same.”

“Why is that?”

“The halo. I should be there. I should be perfect. That’s the difference between me and everyone else. I have this thing in my back that is like, _you must save the world and if you don’t the Pope can take it out at any second and you’ll be dead and no one will care, so do better kid_. The fucking Pope, right?” Ava laughs, but the humor does not meet her eyes. The laugh is sad and sarcastic.

“Do you really believe that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? I mean, every story from the journal... there is this journal written by all the past Warrior Nuns, and it’s just exceptional feat after extraordinary save. If I were to write in it, if I ever learn to write properly, I’ll like spill something on it, it will probably burst into flames and we’ll lose everything. The only thing remaining would be my, ‘Sorry, I woke the devil trying to do something noble and selfless but I have actually doomed us all and killed the Order one person at a time. My bad.’ Talk about a legacy.”

“I believe that is your anti-failure mindset manifesting itself in destructive tendencies.”

“I don’t think I’m anti-failure, destructive sometimes, sure but I have failed my whole life.”

“Why do you think you have failed your whole life?”

“Dr. Salvius, with all due respect, I was a quadriplegic for more than a decade unable to do anything. My biggest triumph during that time was lifting my middle finger. My caregiver, a fucking nun, killed me and lied about it. A holy relic was shoved into my back bringing me back from the dead to continue to fuck things up for the OCS. I destroyed a lovely family’s beach house by getting frustrated. Sorry to that family. I literally freed the devil!” 

“Do you think your sisters would have something more positive to say about you?”

“I mean, probably. They baby me though. They know I’m not ready.”

“But are they also not teaching you, helping you grow? Learning from you?”

“I guess.”

“Describe that.”

“Describe what?”

“Training, learning, teaching, growing.”

“Well, training is like walking through those cement blocks. It’s slow and tedious, but no one really gets frustrated with me so that’s been nice. Lilith and I are doing power training. She’s probably a halo bearer too I think but she doesn’t really know it yet so we’re training together. Camila taught me to make tea so the leaves aren’t just floating in the water. She’s also teaching me to be gentle I think. I don’t know if it’s purposeful or just like her. But I slow down when I’m with her. Mary shoots me more than she teaches me but… She feels like the big sister I didn’t know I wanted. Not like a nun sister but my blood. Beatrice... I punched a girl that tried to kiss her the other day. I think I want to kiss her instead. Well I know I do.” Ava pauses her monologue and looks at Jillian in the eyes for the first time since their session started, “Is that bad?”

“Nothing is inherently bad unless you put malicious intent behind it, Ava.”

“This is like, doctor-patient confidential right? I will probably have to kill you if Beatrice confronts me about wanting to kiss her. I’d kill you then jump off a cliff so promise you won’t repeat that.”

“What we say here stays here. Do you want to talk a little bit more about your feelings for Beatrice?”

“I mean, no? But yes at the same time? It’s confusing. She’s a nun. I’m effectively a reanimated corpse being powered by a metal ring. It’ll never work, right?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well besides those two gigantic issues? She’s Beatrice. She’s good and selfless and so fucking smart, doc. Like I would wager she is smarter than you at some things. And the way she fights. It’s magic. It’s like she knows the outcome before it happens. Maybe she’s clairvoyant? No, I wouldn’t want to diminish her talent with something that’s not been proven to exist. But she’s her and I’m me and I swear there are moments when me is enough, these little tiny fleeting moments where she sees me, like a romcom, it feels bigger than me, or her. It’s like that _us_ feeling you know. But then it passes and I’m still me and she’s still her.” Ava pauses and takes a deep breath. She’s had a vague version of this conversation with Camila and Lilith, she’s told Beatrice exactly the same things. She told her she loved her and Ava said it back. But that was different. This, talking to Jillian, it feels heavier. It sits against her chest like hot stone. Burning from the inside. Solidifying itself as her truth as the words come out, cooling the stone, settling it.

“Have you talked to Beatrice about your feelings?”

“I would once again revert back to the fact that she is a nun, doc. And we are in the middle of fighting the devil who may or may not have eaten your son,” _shit, low blow Ava_ “I’m sorry that was uncalled for. I didn’t mean that. Can we move on?” 

Jillian clears her throat a few times before continuing, “Let’s talk a little more about failure. Can you describe a time you failed?”

“Oh god, yeah. An hour ago I put my shoes on the wrong feet, well not my shoes, they were Beatrice’s shoes, mine haven’t arrived yet, but they are too big so I didn’t even know they were on the wrong feet until Lilith called me out. Then at breakfast I was thinking too much about… how I woke up and Camila was about to play this video and asked if I was ready and I said _pless pray_ instead of press play.”

“Would you truly quantity those as failures?”

“I mean, sure. I messed up. Those are failures to me.”

“What was the reaction around you when you failed in those instances?”

“Well, Beatrice knelt down and switched my shoes for me and told Lilith to stop making fun of me. Then, Mary laughed and made a joke about me saying the word pray for the first time making the rest of my friends laugh too.” Ava smiles at the memories.

“No one was hurt. No one was mad. Is that right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Do you, reflecting back, think those are true failures?”

“I guess not,” Ava plays with her fingers before looking back up. “No, those aren’t failures.”

“Describe a real failure for me.”

Ava pauses, trying to choose one from the immense catalog of personal failures in her mind. “I think the Vatican. After we found out Adriel was alive. My first real mission. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. Mary charged into a group of the possessed and disappeared. The other three found this like, locked in, practiced dance around Adriel and the demons and I just stood there. Watching them fight, hearing them yell to me to point out the wraiths so they could take them out. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move,” Ava’s voice breaks thinking back to that moment. “I felt the halo forcing me to move. I felt Sister Shannon’s hand on my back shoving me. Sister Melanie, Areala even. They were all there trying to get me to move to help my friends.” Ava paused, not having thought of this moment in several weeks. No one had asked her about it so she didn’t think about it.

“I didn’t move until Lilith’s claws dug into my forearm. She shook me, every part of her face covered in blood, and I went on auto-pilot. I can’t even tell you what I did because I wasn’t in control. Shannon was. Or another Warrior Nun. I remember coming to in a cloud of dust and debris. I couldn’t move my body. It was so silent. No one was moving. The dust was in my lungs. Then they were there. All of them. Bloody and scraped, covered in dust, standing above me. Camila’s tear streaked face still meets me at night in my dreams. One lone tear hitting my forehead like a bullet.”

Ava pauses again, attempting to fully recount the events. She hadn’t let herself. She didn’t want to have to relive it.

“I was pulled out and I couldn’t move for days. I thought Adriel blew the fuse on the halo or something. It didn’t recharge and I couldn’t move and I gave up so fast. Like half a day at the Cradle unable to move. I gave up. I asked them to give the halo to the next in line thinking I would never come back. Saying I wasn’t worth it. That someone else should take it. But they wouldn’t. Take it out I mean. I’m pretty sure if it comes out I’ll be dead. They weren’t willing to do that.” Ava felt a tear hit her hands in her lap. She hadn’t even realized she started crying. 

“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t help. I didn’t move. I feel like I never move for them. I run from them. But all I want to do is protect them. Save them. Get rid of this endless fight.” Ava whispers the last few words and the timer erupts into the near silent space, Ava still crying.

“I would like to continue this session in a few days. Will you be willing to come back and talk to me?”

Ava looks at Jillian again, wiping her eyes, “Yeah. Yeah, I think I would like that.”

\----

“Lilith, hello. Thank you for joining me,” Jillian motions for Lilith to take a seat on the couch. Lilith makes her way to the couch and sits down, her back completely straight, her hands clasped in her hands.

“Sorry about scratching your walls.” Lilith paused, looking down at her own hands, “And your son.”

Jillian clears her throat, “Thank you. Would you like to start out talking about yourself. Painting a picture of who you are, what you enjoy, what you want me to know about you, what you want to get out of these sessions? We can move forward from there.”

Lilith nodded and looked around the room thinking.

Jillian watched Lilith’s facial expressions move and morph from pained, to content, to neutral, to lost. She watched Lilith’s eyes shift and fall and dart and close. She watched silent tears fall down Lilith’s cheeks several different times during their session. She wrote nothing on her notepad. Lilith did not speak one single word during their forty-five minutes.

The alarm of the timer startled both of them. Jillian smiled and stood from her chair, Lilith flexed her hands on the couch.

“Lilith, thank you for coming. I look forward to our next session when your facial expressions transform into words that illuminate the well of your mind.”

Lilith stands, clearing her throat, “Did Ava say anything?” she asks, a little embarrassed, a little ashamed.

“Ava is Ava. You know she said something. What she said or didn’t say has nothing to do with you though,” Jillian smiles at Lilith, she sees the hint of a smile on Lilith’s eyes as she directs her towards their final group meditation.

\---

“Is this going to be like yoga but with words?” Ava asks in a cross legged position on the floor between Camila and Lilith, Beatrice directly across from her.

“If that is what you’d like to believe then yes,” Jillian walks around the circle. 

“You have never done yoga you mule, you can’t even make a comparison,” Lilith retorts.

“Mule?” Ava cackles, folding in on herself laughing, “that’s your insult? Honestly, thank you. Your depth of insults is like a tide pool. Oh wow, that was... Pay more attention to me Skeletor, you could learn something.”

“Shut up,” Lilith shoves Ava over, not ceasing her laughter.

“Ava,” Beatrice warns again for the innumerable time. They stare at each other, Ava with a grin, Beatrice with a stoic expression. Ava breaks first.

“Fine, Dr. Salvius, please, continue,” Ava waves her hand in the air, encouraging Jillian to go on.

“This session will not focus on your collective emotions. That will come. This will focus on you hearing yourselves next to each other. Breathing patterns. Calming energies. Existing in the same spaces with your sisters. We’re going to start with breathing exercises so please close your eyes.” Jillian instructs the four girls, each closing their eyes, Ava the last to comply after looking around their tight circle.

“Take note of your breathing. Feel each intake and exhale. I will be counting you down in a moment but take this time to feel yourselves breathe naturally,” Jillian pauses but continues walking. Her voice louder and quieter as she oscillates around the circle. “Now breathe in through your nose for...2....3....4..... Hold...2...3....exhale through your mouth...2....3....4....5…” Jillian repeats this for a full minute. Watching tense shoulders fall. Furrowed brows and tight eyelids relax.

“Good. Keep count in your own head. Follow your breath. Feel it through your nose, filling your lungs, staying there. Feel it exit through your mouth. Feel your bodies relax with each breath.”

Ava peaks one eye open, looking around the circle. The sisters are all breathing with intent, focused but relaxed. She watches Beatrice across from her. Watches her chest rise and fall. Watches her facial expression go from pinched to completely relaxed. No lines on her forehead. Fully relaxed, calm Beatrice, Ava thinks this is the face she could wake up to in the morning if she ever got the chance to wake up next to her again. Wake up before her. Watch her in the quiet, nonchaotic moments of her life. 

It feels like looking at a completely different person. Ava had seen Beatrice look at her with care, compassion, fire, fury. She had never seen her at complete ease. This was the moment. She only wished Beatrice would open her eyes. Open them so Ava could see what they looked like at ease, for once. Not burdened. Not worried. Purely her. She closes her eyes and listens to Jillian getting lost in her breathing.

Beatrice peaks her eye open. Partly to make sure Ava wasn't antagonizing Lilith, but mostly just to watch her. Ava's face is slightly blurred by the shadow of Beatrice's eyelashes, not wanting Jillian to see her eye open but she can still see her. Ava's mouth is in an easy smile like she is replaying a joke in her head. Her cheeks are slightly flush, the pink of them making her look almost angelic with the sun coming from the sky window above her. For the second time in the same day, Beatrice is struck by how beautiful Ava is. The first being able to wake up next to her. Ava's face is a replica of this morning, pulling yet again on Beatrice's heart. She hears Jillian clear her throat and realizes both of her eyes of completely open, staring at Ava without any barriers. Her gaze lingers for a second longer before closing again. 

Jillian continues to guide their meditation. Ava only opens her eyes a handful of times after the initial peak, never catching Beatrice doing the same thing. When the session ends, Ava finds herself actually feeling lighter. She can see the looks on the other’s faces and it seems like they do as well. They all stand, working out their kinks from sitting cross legged.

“Jillian, this was great, we really appreciate it,” Beatrice spoke first.

“Yeah doc, this was really eye opening,” Ava smiles and looks around the room, feeling lighter than she had felt in her whole life.

“Thank you, Dr. Salvius, I have valued your time today,” Camila says, smile just as big as Ava’s.

Lilith remains silent, much like her therapy session, but her demeanor, her expressions are lighter, more relaxed. She simply nods to the doctor and trains her eyes on the ground. Unable to convey how much the entire day has impacted her heart, her psyche.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a wrench in this plot. 
> 
> Thank you to ButterflyGardenia for a positively incredible collab session. You are a dream human.

“Can we get milkshakes?” Ava asks as they walk out of ArqTech towards the van. 

“Shotgun!” Lilith yells as soon as she sees the van, nearly skipping towards it.

“Wait, we said I could have it on the way home,” Camila calls, running after her.

“We can get milkshakes. Maybe after you can let me know how your session went. Not what you said, but how it made you feel,” Beatrice responded with a smile in her tone, her hand lightly bumping against Ava’s as they walked side by side.

“As long as we can get milkshakes, I’ll tell you anything you want. Can I drive?” A chorus of no’s at various decibels hits her even as she is reaching for the side door.

“I’m lactose intolerant,” Camila says with a deep pout climbing into the van before Ava.

“No! My little kitten can’t consume milk. This is the biggest character break in all of history!” Ava practically yells, nearly falling to her knees to curse the heavens.

“I thought I was a baby otter?” 

“Funny thing, baby otters are often called pups or kittens so it’s like the same thing,” Ava boops Camila’s nose with her finger and she drops herself into her seat.

“I don't partake in dairy either,” Lilith says from the front seat, reaching around to grab her seat buckle.

“Partake in dairy? What does that even mean?” Ava scoffs at Lilith, buckling her own belt.

“It’s like drinking glue. The texture is too offensive to consume.”

“You’re too offensive to consume,” Ava sees Beatrice roll her eyes in the rearview, “I feel like maybe therapy wound you up more than it relaxed you. Have you ever even had a milkshake?” 

“Iced glue is no different than regular glue.”

“It seems like you have some experience drinking glue, Lil. Did you talk to the doc about some elementary school trauma and that’s what all the talk of glue is about?”

“Ava, don’t diminish Lilith’s experiences or therapy session. As a rule of thumb, nothing either of you discussed today with Dr. Salvius needs to be discussed with us nor can any form of therapy be used as a joke,” Beatrice turned around in her seat and looked directly at Ava.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. That wasn’t very nice. But picture this,” Ava waved her hands in front of her face as if painting a scene. “Chocolate flavored glue or a mint glue or glue with cookie dough bits in it.” 

“Gross,” Lilith pretends to fake gag, causing Ava’s eyes to widen in surprise at the clear joke and laugh.

“Okay fine. It felt like a milkshake moment but if the majority doesn’t partake in dairy, that’s fine. I can’t remember ever even having one but for some reason, post-therapy just screamed milkshakes,” Ava pauses, grin morphing into something wild as she locked eyes with Beatrice in the rearview mirror, “We could also do a beer. Same feeling but definitely not nun-like.”

The car was silent, they hadn’t even made it out of the parking lot before Beatrice stopped the car, “Mary’s calling, give me a minute.” Beatrice reparked the car and hopped out to take the call.

“Why did she get out of the car? Where exactly did Mary go?” Ava asked but neither Lilith nor Camila responded.

“I’m down for a beer,” Camila beams at Ava after her question hung in the air for far too long, bumping her fist against Ava’s outstretched hand.

“You are not down Camila, take that back,” Lilith fully turned around in her seat, face angry, eyes blazing.

“Why not though, what is stopping us? Look around Lilith, are we even nuns anymore?” Ava tilts her head in confusion at Camila’s response.

“Our entire life is stopping us. We _are_ still nuns. Nothing has changed.” Lilith turned back around in her seat, flipping her sun visor down, running her finger across her hairline. 

“Nuns who have killed people. Nuns who may or not be excommunicated depending on the timing of the letter Duretti will surely be sending and what Mary…” Camila stumbles, her eyes holding fear as she looks at Lilith, before continuing. “Nuns who have made a bunker of the Cradle with no word from the Vatican that we blew up. Nuns who know the actual history of the faith. I want a beer. With a lime. Ideally gluten free. So what. No one is going to revoke my vow over a beer. A hundred other things sure, but I just want that little pleasure before everything goes to… shit,” Camila whispered the word shit, and sat back in her seat with her arms crossed, chest heaving slightly.

“You swore,” shocked, Ava grips Camila’s forearm, drawing her attention. “What’s going on?” Ava asked, looking between Lilith and Camila now.

Beatrice returned to the car, cutting off any reply to address Ava’s question. Ava’s only peace of mind was the fact that Lilith and Camila looked as lost as she was about the details of the conversation Beatrice just had.

“Okay,” Beatrice says after sighing and settling into her seat, running a hand over her forehead and removing her coif in one motion, “let’s get a beer.”

“What!!” What!?” Ava yells far too loud for the tiny confines of the van, and yet, Lilith’s voice completely drowned hers out. All three girls gape at Beatrice, mouths open, eyes unblinking, completely confused.

“Who are you and what have you done with my Beatrice?” Ava says the words before she can process calling Beatrice _hers_. “Why did you take your hat off?”

“Mary will meet us. She has news,” Beatrice restarts the car and drives away not answering. Ava notices her knuckles are completely white gripping the steering wheel. Her jaw clenching and unclenching. No one speaks the entire ride to their unknown destination.

\----

“Mary, what’s going on?” Ava yells down the alley as Mary pushes off the wall next to the bar’s entrance. Mary looks behind Ava at the whispering, slow moving sisters.

“We’re telling her now,” is all Beatrice can whisper before they are standing behind Ava in front of Mary.

“Ya’ll couldn’t have pretended for a little bit longer? Rolling up here looking like you’re attending a funeral,” Mary holds up her hand as Ava opens her mouth to speak again. “Not now, we need to get inside,” Mary looks around the streets, eyes scanning for any familiar faces.

“Yes now. What are we all pretending at? I just spent twenty minutes in the most agonizingly awkward silence of my whole life. If you don’t start talking right now, I’m leaving,” Ava stands her ground, arms crossed.

“Can’t let you do that,” Mary grabs Ava’s arm and drags her into the bar. The eerily quiet sisters follow after.

The five members of the OCS sit around a circular table in the back of a barely lit bar. They haven’t ordered, they haven’t talked. Camila lets out several, loud, exaggerated sighs as Lilith’s eyes take in the dated and tacky art on the wall. Mary and Beatrice exchange charged glances as if daring the other to start the conversation. 

“Alright look, nothing we say here can leave here, got it,” Mary raises her hand, flagging down a waiter, not waiting for responses. “Two pitchers of your lightest beer, handful of limes, salt, five tequila shots.” Mary nods to the waiter to complete the order.

“Mary, what’s going on? What happened?” Ava felt herself start to panic, her palms were sweating, her chest was tightening. She chugs her water to try and cool down. Beatrice places her hand on Ava’s thigh but it barely does anything.

“We need to talk. About the events following the explosion at the Vatican and the disappearance of Adriel.” Beatrice breaks the silence this time. Ava gapes for a second, before confusion covers her face, her mouth hanging slightly open before changing into a frown.

“Why haven’t we done that before? Or have you all talked and just left me out?” Ava’s voice was rising, the squeeze of the hand on her thigh doing nothing to calm her at all.

“Ava, we weren’t purposefully leaving you out,” Beatrice sucked in a deep breath, eyes closed, releasing her breath with whispered words, “Here goes.” She pauses again to shake her head and let out a strained, false laugh and looks directly at Ava. “No one knows you’re alive.”

Silence. Ava looks at each girl in turn, none of them meeting her eye. She laughs mirthlessly, wiping her sweaty palms on her thighs in a ruse to get Beatrice’s hand off of her. She can’t process this. How could they have told people she was dead? She’d been around the other sisters. She’d seen Mother Superion. They went on a mission. No. Nope. It didn’t make any sense. Ava feels her breaths start coming shorter and faster, she feels a sharp, deep pain, like a dagger through her heart.

“Talk. Now.” Ava’s voice is stern, furious even. Mary shakes her head and starts weaving the tale.

“We… We needed to buy time. Buy the OCS time to come up with a better plan or any plan that didn’t involve Duretti or Vatican influence. We told Duretti you died that night. That you didn’t make it. That the halo burned out without a human host. We knew that news would hit Vincent and Adriel. There are spies inside the Vatican. Ones loyal to Adriel. Duretti came to view you when you were unconscious, he spread the lie without even knowing he was doing it. Jillian, she helped us, she was here when Duretti arrived. You were still out. She ran fake tests, fake xrays. Even created a fake halo. She gave you something to slow your heart.”

“That son of a bitch. She just let me talk to her for an hour about my personal pain fully knowing you all lied about me being dead. What was the point?” 

“Ava, please, you know that session was for your benefit,” the emotion in Beatrice’s eyes is so confusing Ava can’t place whether it's impatience, annoyance, sadness or her own pain. She does notice that Beatrice’s hand falls back to her lap as if she was trying to reach out and decided against it at the last second.

“As I was saying, Duretti bought it, confirmed your death, even signed your death certificate himself. Then he transferred the other members of the OCS out of the Cradle. We don’t know where they went. He sent outside members of the clergy to take up residence here. Non-OCS members. That’s why you’ve only ever seen Mother Superion at midnight mass once or twice a week and none of the other sisters. She sneaks in while it’s dark so no one will suspect. She’s a silent member of Duretti’s staff now, sending us intel when she can. Like I said, we needed to buy time. And it worked.”

The waiter arrived with their drinks, looking around the table with a questioning expression. They placed the shots and pitchers on the table with five glasses. A plate of limes was placed in front of Ava, the shaker of salt in front of Camila. Ava grabbed the waiter, stopping them from leaving their table. Ava grabbed a shot and tossed it back, not letting go of the waiter’s arm, her face pinching, before grabbing another and downing that one too. She let out a ragged gasp, held two fingers up in the air to the waiter and pointed at the shots. They nodded and retreated back towards the bar.

Camila’s foot was tapping under the table in an attempt to channel her nervous energy out of her. She feels Beatrice place two fingers on her knee to settle her thoughts. It doesn’t work. Camila looks to Lilith. Her jaw is shut tight, muscles clenching, brow shifting from concern to neutral the same way her eyes dart between Mary and Ava. Neither had a complete hand in this plan, Lilith knew they only came into play if the first part worked. And it seemed like it had worked given the fact that they were now telling Ava. Finally. 

It felt impossible to watch Ava every day, flit around, carefree, while the rest of them… The burden of hiding the truth… Lilith could barely hold it in. Besides, it wasn’t their place to explain this to Ava. Lilith stole a glance at Camila, deciding to put her own hand on Camila’s other knee, seeing that Beatrice was unable to keep the younger girl calm.

Ava bit into a lime, holding it between her teeth, eyes closed, before turning and addressing Mary. “So I’m dead. Makes no sense, but I got it. What did you find out today?”

“The recon mission the other day. We, the four of us, knew wraiths weren’t going to show up at that bar. The disappearances are happening in Greece, not here. We obviously didn’t plan on Nia.” Mary scoffed and shot Beatrice a sarcastic look. “We were tracking an artifact transfer and -” Mary was cut off by the table skidding across the floor into her gut, beer spilling across the table, shot glasses hitting on the ground. Without missing a beat Camila runs to grab towels to clean up the broken glass and beer. 

Ava stood unphased by the mess she had made. “Nope. I take it back, I don’t get it.” Ava wants to run out of the bar. _First they killed me. Lied about it. Truman Show-ed me for a month. Now faking a mission? That’s gonna be a no for me dog._ How could she not have noticed none of the other sisters training outside of this little unit. Not noticed that there were dozens of new faces. How could she not notice everyone sneaking around behind her back. Mary going off on missions, no visits from the Vatican after they blew it up. No one asking her what happened that night. _Self-centered_ , Ava thought, _they knew I wouldn’t notice._

Camila returned, shuffling around the table cleaning up to give her hands something to do. The waiter hot on her heels with replacement drinks and a towel of their own. The girls watched in silence, waiting for the outsider to leave the table.

“What the fuck. What the actual fuck!” Ava slammed her fist down on the table when the waiter was a safe distance away. “I get that you probably factored in that I wouldn’t notice because I’m… me. But you’ve all been lying to me for a month. What else have you been lying about? How could you?” Ava’s yell shifting to a whisper when she asked the question, directing it at Beatrice. “After that... fake mission at the bar you all made me believe I ruined it. You. You came into my room, you slept in my bed and you still let me think I ruined it. You made me think that I failed. How could you?” Ava turns to leave, but Mary is on her feet before Beatrice can even close her mouth or wipe away the tears that are threatening to spill over.

“Sit down Baby Halo. This is bigger than you.” Ava pulls back and punches Mary in the face. Mary grits her teeth, takes a napkin and wipes the blood away, running her tongue along her teeth, but looks back at Ava. 

“Do not use nicknames you asshole. We are not friends right now. You,” Ava points at Beatrice, “You said trust your team. How can I do that now?”

“Let us explain, please,” Mary places her hands on Ava’s shoulders, leveling her. Mary looks around the bar, offering tight lipped smiles and finger waves to the other patrons looking their way. “Can you sit down and listen? Beatrice was protecting you.” 

“By lying? Don’t fucking touch me,” Ava shoves Mary away and looks to Lilith and Camila.

“You both knew, this whole time, and you let me just walk home with you last night, tell you things I never should have. I thought… I thought you were my family.” Ava’s voice breaks, the lump in her throat too big to talk through.

“Ava, please. We are your family. Listen to them,” Camila holds up her hands, both palms facing Ava as if surrendering. Ava reaches for another shot, swallowing before reluctantly taking the empty chair between Lilith and Mary. She couldn’t be close to Beatrice right now.

“We did lie, but not for the reasons you think. We needed you to get stronger, mentally and physically before we could do anything and that did mean leaving you out of our plan so you could do that. Go about your days and not worry about the fact that no one knew you were alive. Train, get stronger, know yourself,” Mary pauses, taking a shot for herself. “We didn’t want to keep it from you. The night you told us the Tarask could be heavenly beings, I met with Kristian in private the next morning. I convinced him to help me sneak back into the Vatican and removed the Tarask skeleton from the tomb. ArqTech ran tests for several days. Lilith was there too, providing samples of her own DNA. The fragments of Adriel’s armor, they didn’t match with Lilith or the Tarask. They were different.”

Mary paused, reached across the table, taking another shot. Camila took this time to pour herself and Lilith a beer. Beatrice hadn’t looked up from her hands neatly folded in her lap.

“When you were gone for three days. You were getting the Tarask. You told me that you were meeting Mother Superion about new recruits. You’re such an asshole.” Ava shakes her head, looking around for the waiter for more shots but settles on beer. “Pour me one too,” Ava grunted out at Camila, before adding a quiet, “please.” Camila handed her a glass and sipped on her own.

“The Tarask in the tomb linked more closely with Lilith’s DNA than it did with Adriel’s armor. We think whatever Adriel did to the divinium when he was forging the original artifacts altered it somehow. His link to it changed the physical makeup, like a piece of his soul was embedded. He’s been using that link to recruit enough loyal disciples to the church of fucked up devil demons to achieve his goal.”

“What’s his goal?” Ava chugged her beer, face so angry and cold, Mary almost recoils.

“Well, for one, to get out of the tomb. Fa- Vincent was the catalyst. He was grooming us to trust him, follow him blindly. When you got the halo, I think that was exactly what he needed to break Adriel out. You trusted him. Lilith trusted him too, but she wouldn’t have been as easy to influence.” Mary looked at Lilith with sadness and sympathy, but also a touch of relief that it wasn’t her. Lilith would most certainly be dead by now if the halo was truly her fate. Another sister lost at the hands of Vincent. 

“The artifact transfer. Kristian has been tracking the disappearances with us in Greece. A town called Athos. He researched any references to holy sites and heard rumor of a cave in the mountains. The journal and our archives didn’t have a record of this item, but whatever back alley church dealings Kristian gets up to, he found out that Adriel didn’t just make one Cruciform Sword. Adriel made two, Areala’s and one he kept secret. He had his disciple bury the twin sword when he knew Areala was going to turn on him. Kristian told us the one in Greece is stronger but we don’t know how much stronger. Or even in what ways but we need to get it before Adriel does.”

“Like a goddamn Horcrux.” Ava thrust her glass to Lilith to refill, Lilith complying and handing Mary one of her own. Ava threw up five more fingers when the waiter returned to check on them, pointing once again at the shot glasses and using her same finger to circle her five fingers in the air. The waiter nodded curtly and returned to the bar.

“The transfer was supposed to happen three blocks over from the bar we were at last night,” Beatrice spoke with a shaky voice, not trusting herself to lay it out for Ava as Mary had. She couldn’t stay silent any longer. She was the creator of their current predicament. She had made them agree to keep everything from Ava. To protect her for as long as possible. She had let Mary carry the brunt of explaining their situation thus far. Knowing a harder truth was yet to be revealed. “Lilith and Mary were attempting to recover the sword while Camila and I were… distracting you. I’m sorry, Ava.” Beatrice looked across the table with red eyes. Ava refused to look at her. 

“The transfer didn’t happen. But we now know definitively where it will take place. In four days. In Genoa,” Mary nods to Lilith and Camila as Beatrice continues talking, confirming the final piece of the puzzle they need to make their next move. “We couldn’t keep a trip to Greece from you but more importantly, we wouldn’t. I… We wanted to make sure you were ready. When this day came. And we think you’re ready.”

“Ready for what?” Ava looks between Mary and Beatrice.

“Throw your hat in the ring, Baby H. You weren’t ready at the Vatican. We didn’t know that was going to happen. But you’re ready enough to intercept a weapons transfer and live to tell the tale.”

“Mary. With the least respect possible, fuck you. That’s all I got. It doesn’t make sense to keep this from me. I would have trained even harder if I had known. I would have been able to help. What are you still lying about? Why didn’t we ever talk about what happened before? Why did none of you ask me what happened or even explain what happened after I woke up? Camila,” Ava shifted and locked eyes with Camila. “Why?” Begging her to give her answers. Not wanting to hear anything from the others.

“You did die Ava.” Camila looked down into her glass and mustered all of her courage to look at Ava. “You died for eleven hours and twenty-three minutes. You turned blue. When we found you in the debris after you… exploded. You looked right at me, smiled even. And then nothing. We mourned you for half the drive back home. Bea, she wouldn’t-”

“Don’t,” Beatrice warns Camila, the warning stopped Camila from moving on with her train of thought. Camila takes a small sip of her beer, pulling a scrunched face, before continuing.

“We came up with a plan. We were going to pretend that the halo went out before we could transfer it to someone else. Remove it from the equation. Let Adriel believe that no new Warrior Nun would come after him. We would find a way to destroy Adriel without the halo. This will still all end with you. When you woke up. Mary nearly crashed the car. I threw up,” Camila stopped to laugh in distress. “Lilith blinked out of the moving car and we couldn’t find her for a while. But in those hours… when you weren’t with us... we made a plan. ”

“You came back to us though,” Beatrice cuts in, “When you did, our plan made even more sense so we kept it. We kept you out of it to prevent the church from interfering. The day you locked the divinium away, we knew then that there was no way for Adriel to prove the halo was still active. We hoped he would feel a false sense of safety, get careless. Slip up. And he did. We’ll retrieve the sword and go forward from there. With you leading us.”

“Stop talking. I don’t want to hear from you. You-” Ava hated the way her own voice sounded in her head, hated that she even spoke to Beatrice that way. Less than two hours ago, she was telling Dr. Salvius that she all but loved the girl in front of her. She felt hurt and lost by the lies being revealed but the fact that Beatrice had betrayed her trust felt worse than the other three combined.

“Ava,” Lilith interjects this time, “It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t our fault either. You were gone. For real. For a long time. When Camila said we mourned you. We did. Those hours don’t include the time it took us to get it together long enough to even drive away. I said you were one of us. You are. The best parts of us. We just wanted to protect you.”

Beatrice reached for a shot now, Lilith sent her a look, but Beatrice ignored it. She ignored how much she wanted to jump out of her skin. Rewind time to help Ava. Save her. She can’t rewind time more than she can speed up Ava getting even stronger. Be over prepared rather than just barely there. But there isn’t time. There is never enough time. 

She needs to feel anything other than her heart pounding in her chest. The feeling of lying eating away at any positive thing they’ve accomplished. Shaking the salt out in her palm, she pretends the salt consumes her, folding her in on herself, wiping away the ability to feel, to be in this moment. She throws the salt into her mouth, knowing it’s probably in her hair and on her clothes. She lets the liquid burn her tongue, forgoing the lime to feel the burn a little longer.

“We leave tomorrow afternoon. We have a safe house in Barcelona and another when we arrive in Genoa. We have a few weapons, more than a dozen bullets, crafted from the Vatican Tarask bones,” Beatrice paused and took the last shot on the table as slow as the first, intensifying the burn coating her mouth, her throat, her chest. Preparing for the final blow she never thought she would have to deliver. “We are all… excommunicated.” Beatrice coughs out the last word, even the burn of the tequila not strong enough to overpower actually saying those words out loud.

Beatrice knows now is not the time to bring down the final blow on her sisters but she couldn’t hold on to it anymore. It took everything in her not to scream until her voice gave out back in the ArqTech parking lot when Mary told her. She knew it was coming. She knew blowing up the Vatican and ‘losing’ the halo would bring about consequences. In time, they will move past this injustice. In time, things will feel better. She will still entrust her eternal soul to God but she has to be okay with the fact that God might not be listening anymore.

“What?” Lilith whispers out, her eyes darting around the table. She catches Beatrice looking at her through lidded eyes, expression so guarded and pained, she feels worse. Camila hiccups as silent tears start streaming down her face, the word _no_ slipping from her lips. Ava watches Camila fall apart. Watches Lilith’s world come crashing down. She knows her legacy is over.

“The letters arrived today. Mother Superion left money and contacts for all of us. But we are on our own,” Mary finished when Beatrice could not. Beatrice had let one tear roll down her cheek. Ava watching its slow path the entire time.

“No. No. What does this mean?” Camila’s voice is barely above the whispered _no_ from seconds ago.

“It means we are all we have. It means we are going rogue,” Mary raised her glass to no one in particular and took a long drink of her beer. 

“I’m going to be sick. Excuse me,” Lilith left abruptly and practically ran to the bathroom.

“I’m going to…” Camila hooked her thumb after Lilith and got up and left.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Am I obsessed with ButterflyGardenia? Probably.

Ava sat silently at the table, looking at the three bubbles in the foam of her beer instead of Mary and Beatrice. As much as she was angry and deceived, she knew Beatrice, Lilith, and Camila gave up everything for this plan. Gave up years of dedication and from the way she’s heard Beatrice talked about it, their eternal souls.

What she doesn’t know is why they did it. Why did they risk everything? What was the point if one of them could have just easily and secretly taken the halo from her. Carried on and lied a different way. Kept the power of the halo secret and still defeated Adriel with the halo out of the equation in the eyes of the church. Why didn’t they take it out for nearly half a day? They drove her dead body back home. For what?

“Why?”

“Why what Ava?” Mary asked, pouring more into her glass, wiping the last drink from her lips.

“Why did you lie? Why didn’t you take the halo out? Why didn’t you just lie about someone else having it?” Ava furiously wipes at a tear that she tried not to let fall.

“It was our only option. To protect you. To defeat Adriel. It’s going to work.” Mary chances putting her hand on Ava’s wrist. Mary senses a shift in her demeanor when Ava doesn’t immediately pull back her hand.

“It wasn’t the only option. I can easily give you at least seven other options. You’re all excommunicated now. What if I never woke up? Why didn’t you just take the halo out on the drive home? Give it to someone else?”

“I wouldn’t let them,” Beatrice stands suddenly, her words clipped and final, “excuse me.” Ava watches Beatrice walk the same path Camila and Lilith took.

Ava swirls her glass, breaking the bubble. Breaking everything. Her tears silently fall onto the table. She didn’t want Beatrice to leave the table. She didn’t think she could handle the rest of the story without her but Ava knows she all but pushed Beatrice from the table with her cutting words. Ava tilts her chin up to the ceiling, eyes closed, willing her tears to stop. 

“Alright, keep going,” Ava takes another shot, sticking her tongue out to cool it down.

“I can give you more than seven reasons we didn’t take it. The biggest reason being all of this. This ends with you. Just like you said. Like Shannon wanted. Adriel will fall. And we will make it so. Plus we didn’t have that claw thing and no one wanted to lose any fingers” Mary punches Ava’s arm. Their waiter had returned with five more shots but Mary stopped them before they left, ordering two whiskeys. “I need something better than tequila if it’s just us.” 

“I have bits and pieces of that day. Lilith shaking me, the dust, but that’s it. What really happened Mary?” Ava finally asked when their whiskey arrived, two more tequila shots overturned on the table, none of the other girls returning to the table.

“I was surrounded.”

“Like an idiot. Why did you do that?” Ava took a sip of her whiskey. The smokey, bitter taste of it shocks her mind. Tequila she could do. Vodka sure. Whiskey, she couldn’t quite hang with yet.

“Because I knew you all would use the distraction for something bigger. _You all_ just didn’t include you right away. Lilith… She wasn’t human for a while. She killed quite a few people before she took control of her body.” Mary paused and took a calculated, practiced drag of her whiskey. “I saw Lilith shake you when Camila and Beatrice finally broke through the crowd and got me out. Then you just moved. You were everywhere at once. Like you had the training of everyone combined. We were able to kill most of the wraiths leaving the humans safe. Then Adriel stepped up and you threw us all back.” Mary paused and took another drink. Swirling the one giant cube in her glass, looking off into nothing. From the look on Ava’s face, Mary can tell she has no memory of the events.

“You faced him one on one. The four of us couldn’t break through whatever selfless idiotic barrier you put up. We just watched as he cut you down over and over but you never stayed down. And then... you blew up. We couldn’t see anything except this blinding light. It felt like an earthquake, the pillars imploded, there was dust everywhere. When we finally go to you. You looked at us like you were you. Shit eating grin and everything, just like Camila said. And then… then you were gone.” Mary stops and finishes her drink, coughing slightly. “Just like Shannon.”

Ava tries to remember. She knew she was being guided by someone else but she couldn’t remember her actions. She couldn’t remember fighting at all. Just freezing and feeling pushed and pulled. The dust she remembers. The darkness. Waking up. That’s all there.

“We carried you. Beatrice carried you. For nearly a mile before we felt safe enough to steal a car. It was a laundry van. Pretty ideal for how banged up we were,” Mary takes a deep breath and shakes her head, Ava could see her eyes misting over. “You were gone, Ava. We knew you were gone. You’re right fucking next to me now, but I can’t shake that sight. That feeling.”

Mary shakes her head again, barely able to process the last month. Hell, the last three months. Mary had lost the love of her life. She thought she found bits and pieces of Shannon in Ava. Mary had fought to bring Ava back, the last pieces of Shannon. She threw Lilith into the ocean to get to Ava, to the glimmer of Shannon. Protect her like she hadn’t been able to protect Shannon.

The conversations Mary had with Ava the last month. How heavy they felt for her. How trivial Ava’s plights were then but how loaded Mary wanted to make her responses. How much she wanted to explain and go deeper. But she didn’t. Couldn’t.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this but Beatrice. She was broken, Ava. So, so broken. I’m not going to pretend I’m not observant. I see you two together. I just listened to you go at her harder than anyone tonight. She means more. I get that.” Mary pauses, thinking back on her time with Shannon. What it means to be with a halo bearer. A nun no less. Vow be damned. Mary knew what love was. What caring about someone so deeply felt like. Wanting to help carry the burden, even a fraction of that burden, but never being able to. Mary knew that the mission came before her. Always. Shannon loved her. But if the mission was at stake, Mary would lay down her life and Shannon would have expected her to.

“I’ve never seen anyone like that. Beatrice, she... With Shannon… With her, I knew I had to let her go. Pass on the halo to someone else regardless of how fucked up that was. I held her when she died. Bea. She held you after you died. She would have killed anyone that tried to touch you or take you away from her. So if you think she rides you. Scolds you. Tells you to pay attention, tells you to focus. She held you. Dead. For twelve hours. She gets to keep you in line so we don’t lose you again...Fuck.” Mary brushes at her eyes, sniffs and looks at Ava, really looks. “We give a shit, dude. More than you know. We lied. Yes. But it was to protect you and give you... us a fighting chance at something better.”

Ava could let a fake mission at a bar go. She could let her death go. What she can’t handle is the depth of the lies. How deep did they go? Was everything that happened in the last month an act? Every talk, every breakdown comes rushing to her mind, her cheeks heating up in embarrassment at how many times she broke down.

If she removes every single emotional tie to the decisions made on her behalf, her anger, sense of betrayal. What they chose to do makes sense. She is trying to remove herself. Just like her sisters did. Remove emotion, train for the mission. Execute the mission. In the most basic of terms, that’s what this is.

“When did you know? About the sword. The next steps. When were you going to tell me?”

“We knew about the twin sword three weeks ago. If the deal happened last night, then last night. But it didn’t. We didn’t want to tell you until we had definitive intel on the whereabouts of the sword. But now we do, hence” Mary gestures her hand in one swoop of the bar.

“So last night. You weren’t going to tell me? Just to confirm, no one was going to tell me? You were going to continue letting me think I had ruined the mission.”

“Obviously we didn’t think you’d get so worked up and punch a civilian. Like we said, we’re sorry about that. We just couldn’t risk anyone finding out. We didn’t know final details until this afternoon. When I met with Kristian.”

“Oh,” Ava finished her own drink as Camila, Lilith, and Beatrice returned to the table. Camila and Lilith take their seats but Beatrice remains standing, tightly bound, reserved, closed off. A chill runs down Ava’s spine when Beatrice doesn’t look her way.

Ava knows, or at least she hopes the last month of her life hasn’t been a complete lie. The interactions. The conversations. Her bond with Camila. She wants to believe that was true. Baking, making tea, writing, learning. Being gentle and slow. That was real. Training with Lilith, pranking and laughing, and becoming someone Lilith actually wants to spend time with. That was real. Mary giving her shit, making her better, being a shoulder to punch or cry on, regardless of hidden secrets, that was real.

Beatrice. Falling for her. Being protected. Being cared for. That was maybe more real than she had even anticipated. The hot and cold makes sense. The internal struggle with the truth and protection. Ava’s chest tightens yet again, even deeper, this time, realizing that what she had built with Beatrice seems to have shattered in a matter of minutes. 

Her _family_ cared, albeit in the most fucked up way imaginable, but they cared. They trained her. Nurtured her. Actually made her battle ready under the guise of hiding several huge key facts from her. She was dead to the world. But really. What else is new. She’s been dead to the world for years.

Beatrice’s rigid body and clouded mind wouldn’t allow her to return to the conversation. Ava was hurt, Lilith and Camila may seem _okay_ after their retreat to the bathroom but this emotional struggle was far from over.

\----

_Beatrice opens the bathroom door to find Lilith holding a collapsed Camila on the floor. Camila’s face buried in Lilith’s chest, body shaking, echoing sobs filling the room. Beatrice hesitates for only a moment before kneeling down and placing a hand on Camila’s trembling back._

_“What’s going to happen, Bea?” Camila shifted in Lilith’s arms, cheeks and eyes bright red._

_“We’ll be fine. I’ve told you before and now is no different,” Lilith wipes a tear from Camila’s cheek, hoping her words reassure her. “We will be fine.” Beatrice places her other hand on Lilith’s shoulder and sits down on the floor with them._

_“When you joined the OCS, I know this is not what we anticipated,” Beatrice pauses, shuffling around to position herself against the wall next to Lilith. “None of us did. Losing our leader only to have her replaced by a… a chaotic Furby.”_

_Camila snorts and immediately covers her mouth, using her thumb to wipe away a tear. “Bea, that was… So accurate. You usually refer to her as a reluctant leader or callous or lacking in self, spatial and social awareness. I’m going to tell her you called her that.”_

_“What’s a Furby?” Lilith’s question only makes Camila laugh harder. Camila mutters something that sounds like I’ll tell you later and looks back to Beatrice, knowing her speech was far from over._

_“My point. We’ve already lost so much, even before Shannon. Ava might not be the leader Shannon was but you both have helped her get to where we need her to be now. I know everything about our lives is uncertain. I know excommunication is weighing heavy on you as it is me. But we will get through this together. Now doesn’t feel like the time to go into details but we leave tomorrow.” Beatrice finds her own eyes in the reflection of the mirror across the room. Steadying herself._

_“I’ve been making arrangements for us for if... when we defeat Adriel. I’ve also been purchasing clothes for us the last two weeks in anticipation of this outcome. Mostly for disguises but now, to live our new lives. Outside of our vows. This does not mean we do not get to hold God in our hearts. This does not mean that we will never get the chance to pass on and spend our eternal life in heaven. I hope you know that.”_

_“We know, Bea. God is still a part of me. I know our plan diverges us from the OCS, but it also feels a little bit like we are the real OCS. We’ll defeat Adriel and maybe Pope Duretti will rescind his decision.” Camila beams now, eyes still glassy, recovering from her tears, but her smile is true._

_“Lilith?” Beatrice shifts her eyes and head to look at Lilith, her head leaning against the tile of the bathroom wall._

_“I know that too. I’m just thinking about my family. How they will react to the news. I’m trying to come up with any explanation. But I can’t really tell them I’m part Tarask and I willingly followed the path of a nonbeliever right out the front gates of Heaven. I’ll run it by Ava for a quick summary from some movie my parents have never seen. Quick and to the point. Well... after I remove anecdotes and her teasing me. It will be fine.” Beatrice watches Lilith’s face morph into a small, genuine smile._

_“You became close with her this last month.” Beatrice lets herself smile too, thinking back on the pranks and the banter._

_“Hard not to when she just pops up out of nowhere with a joke or a prank followed immediately by a nickname Camila looks up for me later.” Lilith’s smile deepens. “Harder still when that stupid grin of hers reminds me of the fact that I saw her dead. Face so still and cold. I never want to see that again.”_

_The girls sit in reflection for some time before Beatrice chooses to speak again._

_“We need to talk more about next steps but tomorrow when we leave the Cradle for the last time in civilian clothes, I want you to know that I’m right there with you. In every hard emotion and thought and feeling. Know that I have valued your confidence and willingness to give this all up. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’m sorry this is how it ends. But we’ll make a new beginning.”_

_“We know,” Camila answers for both her and Lilith. The door opens then, a woman freezes in the doorway, taking in the three girls on the floor and just stares, her mouth open. The sisters look back, not moving or attempting to apologize for their current position. The woman points to a stall and then shoots her thumb behind her awkwardly and backs out of the room._

_“This is pretty gross,” Lilith laughs, “Crying on a bar bathroom floor. Ava would tell us we look like the sad drunk girls just before the redemption arch of a teen movie.”_

_“She would quote something like ‘how dare you let my best friends cry over their futures being over. Who gave you the right!’” Camila starts to laugh with Lilith. Beatrice feels the corner of her mouth twitch up at the visual._

_“Yeah, then she would pull out a water balloon from thin air and break it over our heads,” Camila reaches up and puts her fist on the top of Lilith’s head, spreading her fingers out in her hair like water._

_“She’s an idiot,” Lilith reaches up and removes Camila’s hand but doesn’t let it go._

_“Yeah. But she’s our idiot. You both have sacrificed so much for her and I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have made that choice for you. Keeping all of this from Ava. Forcing you to lie. I’m sorry.”_

_“I’m sorry too,” Camila responds, a small, sad smile on her lips._

_“Why are you sorry?” Beatrice tilts her head and furrows her brow._

_“Your struggles I guess. You’ve always been our voice of reason but you’re hardly ever able to express what you want or need. We know it was harder for you than us. Lying to her every day. She means more to you. We love her, obviously, but you... you-”_

_“I don’t know what you mean,” Beatrice cut off Camila’s sentence, “we all love her equally.” _What’s one more lie_ , Beatrice thought to herself. In the last month she has lied and told half truths, kept things secret, and snuck around more than her entire life combined. Quite alarming, given the fact that she was gay, at an all girls catholic boarding school, during her most hormonal, uncontrollable years. What’s one more lie._

_Not saying a word, Camila accepts this for now and takes Beatrice's hand. The reassurance and security was all she needed, Beatrice's eyes made their way back to Camila’s, soft and kind. Beatrice felt the weight start to fall from her shoulders, knowing Camila understood. The three former sisters sit together on the bathroom floor holding on to each other. Each one hoping that their bond will continue with or without a vow._

\----

“Do you want to go home?” Ava hear’s Beatrice speak but doesn’t move, her eyes just following the condensation dripping down the glass.

Mary knew the pain Beatrice must be feeling and couldn’t let her linger any longer for an answer that might not come. Worse yet, if Ava chose to say something cruel.

“Nah, you all should go, Ava and I will finish the pitcher and the shots and head back home after,” Mary answered for the both of them, Ava not looking at anything but her clasped hands on the top of the table. She had stolen a glance or two at Beatrice but never held her gaze. Why start now, when she was about to leave. When Ava knew she had completely destroyed their lives.

“Okay,” Beatrice finally said after her hands reached and retreated back to her side multiple times. The three of them filed out of the bar, each separately taking their own moment to look back at Ava. They knew she wouldn’t reciprocate but hoped she could at least feel that they were still with her. Still believed in her and their plan. Would still follow her until the ends of the earth, flaws and all. Ava’s eyes continued to stare down at the table until she was certain they had left.

Mary reached for the pitcher, emptying the last of it into their glasses. “You have questions. I am happy to fill you in. Where should I start?”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk antics written by two drunk idiots (ButterflyGardenia)

The number of empty glasses completely covers their entire table. One whiskey had turned into three, then five. Ava felt lighter with all of her questions asked and answered. A joke about crucifixion rang through the bar after a bloody mishap with a dartboard. Mary challenged a few locals to a drinking contest. Before long, the two hear “Last call!” cut through the noise of the crowded bar.

“Ahh shit. Beatrice is gonna kill me. You’re not even supposed to be out of the Cradle for this long,” Mary stammers, checking the clock on the wall behind the bar, pulling Ava to her feet. “Where’s my wallet? We need to go right now.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Ava’s eyes are glossed over, her feet are shuffling around the floor to maintain her balance.

“Yeah you do. Baby Halo is not a term of endearment. We also need food. And mouthwash,” Mary’s drunken clumsy hands rifle through her pockets, trying to find her wallet.

“Yes Mary!” Ava yells, being grabbed by the arm and dragged towards the bar. “How... how are you so smart? I mean, you -” Ava’s words struggle to take shape as they tumble out of her mouth. She flexes every muscle in her face, pinching and relaxing to clear her mind and her mouth. “You!” Ava pokes her finger into Mary’s chest, “Always know what to do. Genius!” Ava turns to the man standing next to them, “She’s a genius. Fully. Second smartest person I know.” She grabs the man’s hand and lifts it over her head, spinning herself around in excitement.

Mary grins, side-eyeing Ava spinning around, as she throws down a handful of bills to cover their tab. She sends a two-fingered salute to the bartending before dragging Ava back to their table. Mary attempts to stack their empty glasses together hoping their waiter, who had witnessed a roller coaster of emotions and outbursts the last several hours, would notice their efforts and not think they were drunken assholes. Mary’s image was shattered though, as Ava placed a glass on the top of the stack with fumbling hands, sending the glasses toppling over. 

“Forget it,” Mary grabs Ava’s arm again, “Sorry!” Mary yells over her shoulder before heading to the door, Ava dancing along to the song playing on the speakers. Ava lifts her foot the same time Mary’s arm extends to open the door. 

Ava’s _perfectly_ executed karate kick at the door met open air. The momentum of her action sends her flying forward onto the sidewalk, landing hard, the snap of her wrist ringing out loud and clear.

“Noo. Oh my god. Ow. Ow. Mary,” Ava pouts up at Mary, still standing stunned by Ava’s sudden collapse to the floor. 

Mary bursts into a fit of laughter, “What the actual fuck was that?” barely managing to get the words out between gut wrenching laughs and gasping for air. 

The cold sidewalk and Mary’s laughter, coupled with the pain in her wrist, slightly sobers Ava, but her pout deepens. “I thought it would look cool, badass even. No? Fine, just pretend this never happened.” Ava looks up, noticing Mary wasn’t paying attention to her at all.

“You smell that?” Mary sniffs the air as Ava pushes herself up from the ground, her wrist pulled tightly against her chest. “Chorizo". Mary pauses for a second before thrusting her finger down the road “this way! It’s got to be close by.” Mary wraps her hand around Ava’s uninjured wrist and drags her along once again.

Ava takes in deep breaths, filling her chest, trying to clear the haze and dizziness of her head. Tonight was… a lot. She feels her feet thudding against the pavement. Feels Mary’s grip on her skin. If she was being honest, she thinks she can even feel her hair growing. Her body feels so attune to her surroundings, regardless of how utterly drunk she feels.

Ava takes a moment to look up at the night sky, the stars providing her with a promise of consistency. They were reliable. They guide. They are like her found family. Sure the clouds may sometimes obscure their view, like the lies they spun last month, but after her talk with Mary, she knows they’ll all still be there for her.

When Ava lobs her head back towards the ground, feeling her feet stumbling a bit at the sudden shift from smooth pavement to cobblestones, she sees it. Understands why she could feel her hair growing. It wasn’t growing. It was standing on end. On edge. She can feel her goosebumps now. Her body, cold.

_Fuck. Fuck. Not now._ She picks up a wisp of red in her peripheral vision and stops, Mary tugging on her arm not looking back.

“Mary,” Ava was following the edges of the wisps of red with her eyes, not looking at Mary.

“Shit. What is it? Wraith Demon?” Mary follows Ava’s eyes and spins around looking left and right. She turns back and grips Ava’s face. “Ava do you see a wraith? Where is it?”

“Yeah,” Ava clears her throat, the single word coming out as a croak.

“Alright, hats in the ring now. Let’s go,” Mary moves her hands from Ava’s face and pats her on both shoulders, shaking her a little. She pulls out her knife, the blue illuminating Ava’s face on the dark street. “Which way?” Mary shifts her head, her neck cracking, she shakes out her shoulders in an attempt to shake off her own drunken state.

“Why do you have divinium Mary?” Ava’s eyes bug out, looking at the glowing blue metal.

“A question you should have asked earlier. Jilian liquified the material used to make your vest. We coated one concealed knife each in the lacquer it produced. Just in case we needed it. And right now, we need it.” Ava took in Mary’s words with so much confusion. She had so many more questions but decided to drop it for now and get the wraith.

“This way,” Ava takes off running, barely seeing the end of the wraith’s tail as it rounds a corner. They run a block, take a turn, then another block to find several shadowed bodies at a dead end, Ava seeing the wraith looming above them.

“Knuckle up fam.” Mary pulls her fists up to her chin, knife in one hand, bouncing on the balls of her feet, waiting for Ava to point out the wraith.

“Remember when I said the kids don’t talk like that? Fully applies here,” Ava looks around at the group. Four large figures stood surrounding a smaller one. Intimidating. Like a pack of wolves circling their prey.

“How do you want to do this?” Mary asks, still bouncing, tossing the knife between her hands.

“Um, get help?” Ava shrugs, laughing to herself as she windmills her arms, then stretches one over her chest, repeating the action with the other, flexing her now healed wrist. 

“What? Not an option. Get your halo in the game. Where are the wraiths?” Mary turns to Ava now, watching her eyes get wider, her skin paler.

“I’m gonna be sick,” Ava hunches over, hands on her knees and gags several times. Mary hears her take several deep breaths before righting herself, pushing her hair out of her face. “False alarm. Okay. Bitch with the beanie, definitely wraithed up. I don’t think they’ve noticed us. So I’ll knock him out and then get the wraith. Give me the knife.”

Both slightly hunched over in the shadows of the alley, trying to remain unseen. Mary hands over the knife, blade side out.

“Are you fucking kidding?! You just cut me, you ass!” Ava whisper-yells at Mary. Ava puts her fingers in her mouth, attempting to stop the bleed, spitting the blood on the pavement.

“My bad,” Mary shrugs. “Also shut up, they’re going to hear us and you’ll ruin the element of surprise,” Mary wiggles her fingers in Ava’s face.

“Spirit fingers. How fitting,” Ava cocks her hip and looks at Mary, “Wraiths are spirit right?”

“Demons, you dumbass. Okay, I’ll take the other three, just tell me if you see more wraiths. Count of three.” Mary counts them down and they burst from the shadows into the light of the alley. Burst being the operative word. Ava trips over the tips of Beatrice’s shoes, falling to her knees, knife skidding across the ground, lost in the darkness.

“Fuck! I dropped the knife!” Ava fumbles around on her hands and knees as Mary charges at the men. Ava can hear the sounds of knuckles hitting flesh, she only hopes it’s Mary’s knuckles and not her flesh. 

“I got it!” Ava yells, jumping to her feet and running at the tangle of bodies. She targets beanie hat first. Socking him in the nose with the handle of her knife before sweeping low and taking out his legs. He hits the ground hard. Ava jumping on top of him, pinning him, when she sees that the wraith hasn't emerged, only his pitch black eyes had surfaced. She delivers a series of punches before slicing his cheek to draw out the wraith.

“I see it! I see it!,” Ava rears back atop the man and buries the divinium dagger into the wraith’s chest. The screech deafening in her already throbbing head.

“Any more?” Mary yelling, while holding off two men.

“Yes!” Ava jumps up, running towards Mary, body slamming one of the two men away from her. She latches herself to the man's back, one arm wrapped around his neck, and the other punching his head. She feels herself dropping to the pavement, as his knees buckle under himself, the divinium pressing against the back of his neck. The wraith tears itself from its human host.

“Another one!” Ava says in a perfect DJ Khaled impersonation. She can’t see her but is certain Mary rolls her eyes at her call out. Ava stabs the wraith as the host falls slack beneath her.

“Any more?” Mary calls several feet down the alley, chasing the other two men away. Ava looks around, her body feeling warmer, her goosebumps all but gone.

“No. No, we’re clear,” Ava wipes her forehead of the beads of sweat, the smell of tequila engulfing her senses.

“Solid,” Mary wipes the blood from her brow and walks back towards Ava.

“Ye-” the words stopping in Ava’s throat, eyes wide, face white as a ghost, as she whips around and violently throws up, mere inches from the unconscious man on the ground. She feels Mary come behind her, gather up her hair, hand rubbing her back as she continues puking.

“Yeah, yeah, there you go. Bound to happen eventually,” Mary chastises, rubbing her back. She takes a look around the alley, noticing people gathering at the obvious commotion. 

“Alright, we gotta go, hurry up,” Mary urges as Ava continues throwing up. The first bystander approaches. Mary can see their eyes dart from a puking Ava, to Mary’s bloodied fists, to the girl slumped against the wall. Mary had barely even remembered the girl in the midst of the four men. She angled Ava upright then and started approaching the bystander.

“You!” Mary points at a woman standing in the alleyway. “Call an ambulance, get her to a hospital now!” Mary quickly returned to Ava throwing one of her arms over her shoulder, all but carrying her out of the alley.

\----

“So, that was something. You actually did a good job.” Mary rubbed her temples with one hand and elote on a stick in her other. Ava held her own elote, tilted down to the ground while shoveling kettle corn into her mouth. They had stumbled upon the only food chart still open on their drunken walk home. Now, on a park bench, they were thwarting their hangovers with junk food.

“Somphin” Ava mumbles, nodding her head, mouth full, sending a wink to Mary.

“You’re disgusting,” Mary laughs through her nose and takes a bite, the cornels bursting in her mouth. 

“You love me,” Ava bumping her shoulder against Mary’s.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

“Really?” Ava sits up a little straighter now, her glossy eyes looking into Mary’s.

“You know I do. If I didn’t you quite literally would not be here.”

Ava swallows the remnants of the popcorn in her mouth, suddenly feeling her throat dry up, a lump forming, eyes burning.

“No, nuh-uh. Do not cry right now. I cannot handle that.” Mary’s voice breaks a little, she averts her gaze from Ava’s, sniffling a bit.

“I love you too, you know. I love you all so much,” Ava admits willingly and confidently. “I died, you all lied. But here we are. I still love the shit out of you all. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.” 

“I hope you know I am more sorry for lying to you than I am for shooting you. I knew your skin would heal. _Woop woop_ halo, but I knew when we told you the truth you’d be devastated.”

“Such a small word,” Ava rolls the word _devastated_ over in her mind. It was true. She was. Still is really. They had said they were sorry. Mary had explained why they made their decisions. Answered all her questions. But damn, she still felt devastated. “I would have loved to have been shot at that moment. In so many different moments actually. I think it would have hurt less. But I understand why you all did it.”

“I know we hurt you Ava. And I will say this over and over again like I already have, we only did it to protect you. It was selfish but not misguided. You’re still here. I woulda been fucked up if we lost you.”

“I would have been dead-- but my fucked up ghost would have haunted the shit out of you,” Ava smiles at Mary now, eyes glistening. Mary wiping at her own eyes. “Are you drunk still? Because,” Ava closes one eye, “I can only see one version of you if I shut my eye.”

“Remember when we first met?” Mary asks her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Or course.”

“I drink a lot. Tonight was a notch above that, but I’ve been drinking damn near my whole life.” Ava snorts at her response. It’s not altogether that funny, but she pictures a rebellious twelve year old Mary doing shots with seventy year older fishermen at the local watering hole. Pictures that same twelve year old card sharking drunk men out of their hard earned money.

“I wish I had a ‘my whole life’ story,” Ava once again looks up to the stars, drawing in reliability. Consistency.

“You’ve got me.”

Ava feels her body shudder before she can process the fact that Mary’s statement had wracked her body with a deep, emotional sob. Her tears stream down, aggressive, unwavering, hot. She can’t stop them.

“Hey,” Mary whispers, drawing Ava into her. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here.” Ava lets herself cry against Mary. Allowing her chest to unravel, her mind lighten, she needs to speak her truth to Mary. Needs to voice everything and not have it be all in questions like they have been talking in all night.

“I love you. I love all of you,” Ava sobs out. “I want you all to be a part of my _my whole life_ story. I’m just so confused about what was real and what wasn’t.” Ava grips Mary’s shirt, burying her face into her. Mary holds the back of Ava’s head against her chest.

“We love you too,” Mary breathes into Ava’s hair. She pulls Ava back, looking into her eyes. “You know that. You have us. We never wanted to hurt you.” Silent tears flow from Ava’s eyes as they search Mary’s for any sign of a lie.

“I know,” Ava finally says and she believes it. “I just… Mary.” Ava pauses. She’s drunk, She’s tired. She wants to go home. But she needs to say this. “Before I black out or throw up again. How did you and Shannon work? How did that happen?”

“Okay. Left field, but okay,” Mary pauses, not sure if her emotional state was capable of having this conversation. “Shannon,” Mary has to pause again, saying her name already causing her throat to close up. “Shannon was so much like you but so, so different.”

“So when you say you love me, you’re like, really in love with me? Because I would like to reject you gently.” Ava wiggles her eyebrows at Mary and lets out a small laugh.

“Shut up you ass,” Mary lets out a laugh of her own, punching Ava’s arm but relishing in her grin, as she had for a full month. “We worked because we loved each other and that was enough. She believed in us. Believed so fully. She put time into everyone. If I randomly pointed at someone I didn’t know, she could tell me their full given name, their mother’s name, why they became a nun. Then five minutes later that same person would be laughing and talking with me because Shannon would introduce me like I had known them my whole life.”

Mary knew there were happy tears in her eyes. She hadn’t had a happy memory of Shannon in months. She was stuck with wanting to figure out the why. The who. The what. But a park bench, with Ava, felt so right to pull out her happy, beautiful memories of Shannon.

“You think you prank well, but Shannon, she would have decimated you in minutes and you wouldn’t have seen it coming. I loved her. I loved her so fiercely. I loved her drive. Her dedication. I loved her love.” Mary couldn’t continue. Her throat had fully constricted. Memories and visions of Shannon flashed in her mind. She didn’t want to talk it away. She wanted to see and feel everything her mind was finally letting her. She was finally releasing the sound of the halo being removed. Releasing the sound of Shannon’s last breath. Releasing the fact that she didn’t kiss her under the watchful eyes of Vincent and the other nuns. With closed eyes, Mary let herself smile at the memory of Shannon rather than cry.

“She sounds so perfect. I wish I could have known her. I wish I could have had that best friend _you better not fuck my friend up or I’ll fuck you up_ talk. I saw her in a dream. She was way taller and stronger, but bet I would have intimidated her for you.”

“You wouldn’t have had to do that. She would have looked at us and thought, okay yeah, that one is chaotic, not going to mess with Mary to feel that wrath,” Mary laughed now, a tear still gliding down her cheek. “She would have loved you.”

They sat there, relishing in made up memories and real ones. Finishing their corn. Sobering up.

“Mary?” Ava shifts on the bench, pulling her knee up to fully face her body towards the older girl. Mary raises her eyebrows to encourage Ava to keep talking. “Beatrice.”

Mary’s mouth pulls into a tight line. Knowing this was bound to come up. Ava hadn’t asked any more questions about Beatrice or the fact that she protected her dead body for hours. She knew this was coming. She watches Ava’s throat bob in a deep swallow.

“I like her. The way you loved Shannon. And… and tonight, I wanted you to tell me one thing she did to prove she wasn’t a liar. That this _thing_ between us was something more than just keeping me alive. Do you think protecting me means more than that for her? When I told you she was confusing, that day by the range, it was because I liked her but I don’t think she feels the same way.”

“I don’t know her truth, Ava,” Mary thinks about her next words. Ava and Beatrice were obvious idiots but it wasn’t her place to offer her insight. “All I know is, when I said she would have killed us if we touched you, I meant it. She was like a rabid raccoon protecting a full ass trash bin behind a restaurant. You are the trash if you were confused by that analogy. You are alive because we all love you and want to protect you. Beatrice is part of that we. Whether that means more for her, you’re just going to need to talk to her about that.”

“So… what you’re saying, if I’m reading it right, when we get home I should go to her room and tell her I love her?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely not. That is the opposite of what you should. We’ll walk home. Walk off this hangover and in like two weeks, when you sort through all of the information we have dumped on you. All the lies revealed, then, and only then, can you even speak to Beatrice about how you _love_ her. You are highly emotional and fucking unstable right now. I will not let you fuck her up because you want to get it.”

“Get what?” Ava tilts her head in confusion.

“You fucking know what,” Mary stands, extending her hand to Ava. “Let’s go home.”

\----

Mary reluctantly stops outside of Beatrice’s door, a slurring, aggressive Ava next to her bouncing on her feet. Mary used one hand to halt Ava’s movements, raps her knuckles lightly against the door with her other. Hoping it wasn’t loud enough for Beatrice to hear.

“Oh, thank God we are finally home.. Wait, this isn’t my room,” Ava’s eyes go from tiny little half open slits to wide and alert, looking up at Mary. “This is Beatrice’s room. Why are we here?”

“By your drunken rambling on the way home, your ridiculous ass woulda ended up at her door one way or another, I just made sure you got here okay,” Mary responds as the door creaks open an inch. Mary sees a blurred eyed Beatrice before the door completely opens.

“Bea,” Ava breathes out, taking in Beatrice’s hair, her pajamas, the dim lighting casting shadows over her facial features. Ava’s mouth hangs slightly open. Mary lifts a finger under Ava’s jaw to close it. What her hazy mind fails to catch on to is the actual expressions of Beatrice’s face. Shocked that Ava had come to talk to her after their confessions. Confused why they looked like they’d been in a fight. Hurt at the memory of Ava’s words. Curious about the long conversation between the two given how late it was.

“I’m dropping her off. She knows where her room is.” Mary turns to Ava and gets a nod in confirmation. “Sorry, not sorry Bea.” Mary turns and leaves a drunk Ava with Beatrice releasing herself of Ava duty for the night.

Ava shifts and leans her arm against the wall, thinking she looks like hot shit when in reality, she smells like the floor of a bar, blood covers a significant portion of her clothing and knuckles, the knees of her pants completely ripped from her fall. Beatrice’s eyes roam over her body taking in her disheveled appearance.

“Hey,” Ava draws out, eyes half lidded, the smell of whiskey hitting Beatrice’s face.

“Hey,” Beatrice reaches up and scratches her nose, the smell too offensive to ignore. “Long night?”

“Actually no. Believe it or not, we actually had a great time. Not long enough,” Ava stands a little straighter, smoothing down her tangled and wild hair, noticing the blood on her knuckles for the first time. She discreetly tries to rub it off on her shirt but Beatrice follows her every move. Beatrice clears her throat now, looking down at her own tightly clasped hands, the tips of her fingers turning white. Ava is clearly drunk. Whatever happened between Mary and Ava was indiscernible and Ava was clearly in no position to talk about it. Beatrice wasn’t altogether sure if she even wanted her to. 

“Let me walk you back to your room. We have an early morning,” Beatrice motions down the hallway, stepping out of her room. Ava is acutely aware of the shift. Her drunken mind and heart had talked the entire way home about Beatrice but now, in front of her, she was in no state to be in her presence. Too drunk. So dirty. Smelly. This is not the time or place to have any kind of conversation. Ava just nods and follows Beatrice.

Beatrice opens Ava’s door, her hand hovers just behind the small of her back guiding her into her own room. She doesn’t bother with changing Ava into pajamas but takes the time to take off Ava’s shoes when she is sitting hunched over on her bed. Beatrice lightly pushes Ava’s shoulders to lay her down, pulling the blanket over her. 

Ava’s sleepy eyes follow Beatrice as she helps get her settled in. After all the events of the evening, the only thing she could see was how gentle and kind Beatrice’s actions are -- still. Ava felt at home and allowed her eyes to shut and her mind to rest. 

Before leaving Ava's room, Beatrice sets a glass of water and two aspirin on the bedside table for when she wakes up. She stops on her way out, looking back at Ava, the light from the hallway illuminating Ava’s gaping mouth, she can hear her snoring already. Her hair pooling over her soot covered face. She knows Ava is a wreck at the moment but she can’t help but stare for a second longer. _She is our idiot_ replaying in her head from early.


	19. Chapter 19

Ava stirs at the muffled sound of shuffling outside her door. It’s so faint the pounding in her head drowns it out as she falls back into painful, hungover sleep. Outside the door, Mary and Beatrice stand, neither moving to knock on the door.

“Go ahead,” Mary nods her head in the direction of Ava’s door, taking large gulps from a water bottle.

“That’s okay, be my guest,” Beatrice gestures to the door with her hand and places them back behind her back. Mary narrows her eyes and Beatrice, screwing the top back on the bottle.

“What’s with,” Mary waves her hands in front of Beatrice, “all of this.” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Beatrice clears her throat now, hands moving from behind her back to smooth down the front of her dark slacks.

“You’re being awkward. Why are you being awkward?” Mary pushes, she does not want two full days in a car to be awkward. She knows she got closure with Ava last night, drunk or not, but it’s clear that something still hangs in the air for Beatrice.

“You of all people know what we revealed yesterday. You also just dropped her at my doorstep like that was perfectly acceptable. It was not,” Beatrice lifts an eyebrow, wiping the smile from Mary’s face. “What happened to you two last night?”

“We talked over drinks. No big deal,” Mary shrugs and twirls her bottle in her hand.

“Then why is your eyebrow cut and your lip split? Why were you both covered in dirt and blood?” Beatrice crossed her arms, eyebrow raising even higher.

“Semantics, Bea. She asked valid questions. I answered. We left. _Killed two wraith demons._ Then came home,” Mary mumbles the part about wraiths.

“Excuse me? You brought your divinium knife last night? We don’t even know if the lacquer fully conceals the use of divinium. You could have ruined everything!” Beatrice speaks in a harsh whisper.

“And an innocent girl could have died. We did what was right. Also, you’re deflecting. Knock on the door and get your girl.” 

“She’s not… Fine”

“Whatever, I’ll wait here,” Mary removes the bag from around her shoulder and hands it to Beatrice, leans back against the wall a few feet from Ava’s door. She raises her own eyebrows this time, daring Beatrice to counter her.

“Fine,” Beatrice wraps her knuckles against Ava’s door. 

Ava is woken up once again, the knocking on her door mirroring the pounding in her head. She attempts to answer, her throat too dry and scratchy for any sound to come out. She lifts her arm, stretching it towards the door across the room, attempting to use her mind to open the door. Her arm falls in a heavy thud against the side of her bed in defeat. Her dry, sluggish eyes look around the room for something to throw at the door letting the person outside know they could come in. Her head lobs to the side, finding a glass of water and aspirin on her bedside table. She pushes herself up, grabbing at the glass with one hand, popping the aspirin in her mouth with the other.

She chugs the entire glass in one go, releasing a deep sigh from her now saturated throat. She clears it once, twice, before grunting out a “Come in!” into the quiet of her room.

The door slowly opens, Ava’s arm slung over her eyes, forearm, and bicep squeezing her head to stop the pounding. She hears the person clear their throat in the doorway but knows it’s either Mary or Camila so she doesn’t even attempt to change her position.

“Ava. Good morning,” Beatrice calls, staying at the door. Her voice causing Ava to jolt up, throwing her legs over the side of her bed, sitting up straight. She was collected and calm for less than half a second before a wave of nausea and the pound of her head forced her to slump over, head in her hands. Her palms feel the pulsing of her brain the same way the softness of Beatrice from the night prior bursts through her memories.

After several moments of massaging her forehead, she looks up, wiping the corners of her mouth and rubbing her eyes. She watches Beatrice take slow, calculated steps further into her room. Ava's heart warms, sending a radiating rhythm through her body, matching the pounding in her head, though this feeling was much more welcome. Ava resolved her icy feelings towards Beatrice almost immediately after the three sisters left the bar the night before. Those feelings further solidified as Mary recounted the tale of why they lied. Ava has no idea what Beatrice could be feeling now.

She notices that Beatrice’s movements are stiff, questioning. Ava tries to remember if she had done anything stupid when Mary dropped her off last night or if the uncertainty was due to their lack of resolution. She really hopes she didn’t embarrass herself but the body language exuded by Beatrice brings a coldness into the room, pushing back her warmth, she could feel a sobering conversation coming. Feel something heavy being carried into the room.

"We need to talk." Ava's stomach flips, palms sweating. Beatrice looks on at Ava with no emotion, like she’s about to read off a report on how Ava should leave or how she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. "About our plan for the next few days."

“Jesus Bea, why would you pause like that,” Ava throws herself back down into her bed. Arm once again covering her eyes. She feels relief in her chest as she settles back into her bed, the weight of her arm grounding her. This talk is just about their current travel plans and not what Ava may or may not have done last night. Or feelings that may or may not exist. Or that fact that Ava needs to apologize for being mean. 

“Pause like what?” Beatrice takes a few more steps into the room, stopping by the desk chair.

“Nothing,” Ava removes her arm and stares up at the ceiling. “What’s the plan?”

“I think you should shower first. Get breakfast. But I have brought you new clothes,” Beatrice drops the bag on the floor next to her. “I’m hoping the sizes are right, I had to guess. They are plain and simple so they're probably not your style but they blend in. They’re unassuming,” Beatrice knows she’s rambling. She also doesn’t want Ava to think she picked terrible clothes for her or picked something to define her, regardless of the fact that she put hours into picking clothes for each of the sisters. Thinking about their personalities and going through pages and pages of clothes on multiple different sites to curate the best outfits for everyone. 

“We plan to leave in three hours. We’ll be hitting rush hour to blend in so the ride will be long.” Beatrice pauses, taking a few more steps towards Ava, sitting down at the edge of her bed, looking at her for the first time. “I know yesterday was a lot. I know we sprung so much on you right after your first therapy session. If I had known… If I knew that we would get intel, I would have waited. Split up tearing into your emotions the way we did. I’m sorry.” Beatrice looks away from Ava now, once again down to her own lap.

Ava peaks down her nose at Beatrice, noting her insecurities. Realizing her movements weren’t cold, just uncertain. She sits up now, slowly, positioning her back against the wall.

“I get it. Mary explained everything. I’m not mad. I’m just really sorry I yelled at you. I understand why you acted like a raccoon. I get why you all lied. We are good here,” Ava reaches across the expanse of the bed and grabs Beatrice’s hand, “We’re good.”

Beatrice lets the weird raccoon comment go and looks at Ava now, really looks. Dark circles under her eyes, hair all over the place, cheeks pink and streaked with dirt, eyes red. Beatrice can tell she is giving everything she has just to be sitting up right now.

“Okay. I’ll leave you to it,” Beatrice stands no, Ava’s hand dropping from her own.

“Wait,” Ava reaches out, her arm falling back into her lap as Beatrice turns back around. “I don’t super want to do this right now, but are we okay?” Ava stares down Beatrice with as steady a gaze as her head will allow. Attempting to clear the haze from last night. Knowing her question will not shake the silent, complicated, pent up relationship she feels in her own head but needing to ask. Get some form of confirmation that they were actually okay.

“Of course Ava, I’m the one that should be asking you that.” Beatrice crossed her hands in front of her turning to face Ava from the middle of the room. Ava smiles at Beatrice then, its small, one side of her mouth tweaking up, not a full grin. But it feels like a small enough gesture to indicate that she hears Beatrice. That things will really be okay. She watches Beatrice nod and turn back towards the door, but stop again, two steps later. She turns back towards Ava.

“I want to say one thing and I’ll leave you alone until you feel ready to talk.” She takes in a shaky breath and rubs both hands over her face. “I’m sorry. For everything. This last month. You don’t know what it was like. Seeing you alive after holding you when you were… when you were dead. I know I wasn’t really me. But I was so much more me at times too. I know that’s confusing and I promise I’ll explain later. You died and I felt like a part of me did too. I can’t lose you again, Ava.”

Beatrice looks up at Ava now, her head tilted to the floor still but Ava can see her eyes overflowing with unshed tears. This is the moment Ava wanted to avoid in her initial ask. Those crying eyes she can’t ignore. The overwhelming need to pull Beatrice into her, comfort her. Wipe the tears away. She wants to get up from her bed, shake her hangover. Plan their packing lists. Help in any way she can now that she knows what they’ve all been through while she was obliviously floating from one thing to the next.

But she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t move. Ava stays rooted in her spot and watches Beatrice walk away.

Ava throws herself back down in her bed, groaning as another knock reverberates against her door. Ava doesn’t bother saying anything. Assuming whoever was knocked knew she was awake given Beatrice just left her room and would come in. They say nothing and another, much harder knock rings through her room. 

The door burst open with Mary yelling, “I’m coming in!” as she barrels through the doorway, shaking off the sight of Beatrice wiping tears from her eyes, and gliding over to Ava’s bed. Mary drops herself unceremoniously onto it, throwing an unopened bottle of water at her chest.

“Dick,” Ava mumbles while opening the water bottle and taking multiple deep pulls from it. “What could you possibly want this early in the morning?”

“For one, I have handled my hangover better than you, so I wanted to gloat. For two, I want to make sure you don’t fuck up packing. For three, I want to make sure you didn’t fuck things up with Beatrice.” Mary downs the last of her water bottle, not sure if Ava made Beatrice cry or if her tears came from something else. Ava chugging her own bottle.

“I’ve been asleep till she came in like two minutes ago. What could I possibly have done?” Ava gasps at the cold water, looking at Mary like she doesn’t know why she feels as bad as she does.

“Fair. Okay,” Mary points at the bag on the ground and scoots back in Ava’s bed, resting her back against the wall. “Those are your clothes. Put anything else you want in that bag.”

“Pack what? I have no possessions. Have you packed?” Ava raised her brow at Mary in question.

"Well..no." Mary cuts herself off, moving to the next question "Have you eaten?"

“Again, Mary, no. Two minutes ago I was unconscious. What is wrong with you?”

“Shut up. Have you brushed your teeth? Lemme guess, no, right?" Mary looks towards Ava’s door, not looking at her.

“Seriously, you're hung up on that? My breath may be bad but your vibe is worse. What's wrong with you?” Ava grabs Mary’s hand forcing her to look back at her.

“Beatrice was just awkward so now I feel awkward okay. I’m awkward. Shut up about it. Just shower, brush your teeth, then meet me in the cafeteria in 30 minutes.” Mary brushes Ava’s hand off of her and stands. “Beatrice tried really hard on the clothes so… don’t give her grief if you don’t like them,” Mary retreats towards the door, “See you at breakfast.”

“Wait, how are you not feeling like a train hit you then carried you for miles, rolling you over and over again through like cacti and sandpaper and a field of needles?” Ava sits up from the wall looking intently at Mary.

“Like I told you yesterday, been drinking my whole life, right. Get on with yours. Go shower, you smell like shit.” Mary turns and leaves Ava, mouth hanging open, on her bed

\----

“Hi, Ava!” Camila stands from the breakfast table, running to meet Ava when she’s halfway to their table. Camila’s smile was so infectious, soft, warm, open, honest, and loving. Ava only wants to wrap her into a tight hug, knows what the other girl must have felt horrible lying to her but she lets her have her peace. “I know I didn’t get to tell you yesterday but you know I love you right? I’m sorry I had to keep the truth from you. I have valued every second of time I’ve had with you and I am so sorry.” Camila rambles, her eyes darting back and forth between Ava’s own.

“Camila. I know. Can you just,” Ava stops and repositions their bodies, one hand on Camila’s shoulder’s angling her away from the table, “Can you just let me know that… That you wanted to bake with me. That you wanted to teach me to write and plan speeches. It wasn’t just because… because I died and you were lying about it?” Ava looks at Camila now, eyes earnest and doubtful.

“Oh Ava,” Camila shifts her eyes and takes a deep breath, “Every second I spent with you was genuine. I _hated_ keeping this secret from you. We all did. I loved teaching you, learning with you. And baking. And watching movies. And pulling pranks, And talking. I wanted to do all of that,” Camila pauses and makes sure Ava is looking into her eyes, “I wanted every second that I got with you.”

Ava mulls this over in her mind for less than a second before shifting her tray and pulling Camila into a hug.

“Thank you,” Ava pulls back, her hand still in Camila’s, “I love you too you know. You’re my baby otter.” Ava grins and links her arm with Camila, directing them towards their table. Ava sat with Camila, nodding to Mary and Beatrice as she sat. 

“She lives,” Mary punches Ava when she sits down next to her.

“Still pretty touch and go at the moment. No sudden movements or loud noises or I will throw up on you,” Ava looks down at her food, knowing she needs to eat but the thought almost makes her gag. They eat in silence for a minute before Lilith’s figure looms over them.

“I don’t want to complain but these outfits,” Lilith looks down at her clothing and back at Beatrice, “Do not work.”

The girls at the table take in Lilith’s outfit. Black pants that stopped a few inches above her ankles, Lilith’s feet pulling down the edges of the pants to meet the top of her shoes. A faded gray, too short shirt, Lilith using her arms to cover her exposed torso, one hand specifically shielding her scar. Too small boots, and a too small leather jacket over top, Lilith squirming around in it, attempting to feel less constricted.

“I got you,” Ava stands from the breakfast table, mouth full, pulling off her own black t-shirt, handing it to Lilith. 

“Ava!” Beatrice scolds, looking into her steaming cup of tea. Not looking up at Ava’s exposed body this early in the morning. Mary looks up at the commotion, laughs out her nose, and goes back to eating.

“What? I have a smaller torso. I could make that shirt work. You picked solid clothes, Bea, the sizing is just a little off.” Ava smiles at Beatrice reassuring her, then winks at Mary.

“Put your shirt back on. Lilith. Why are you wearing those? I gave those clothes to Camila. You must have mixed up your bundle of clothes with Camila’s last night when we left the office,” Beatrice looks to Lilith with a subtle, apologetic smile on her face. All eyes turn to Camila. She’s wearing an oversized black mockneck sweater and light pants cuffed several times at the ankles.

_”So, that was a lot to process. I understand if you have questions or concerns. I am willing to field those now,” Beatrice faces Lilith and Camila now as they enter the cathedral of the Cradle. The walk back from the bar had been in relative silence. Emotions a little too high outside the confines of a tiny bathroom._

_“As much as I respect you and I want to ask you things, this” Lilith waves her hand in front of Beatrice, “is not the way. I am feeling emotional and that is saying more than anything. Why are you so ‘report ready’ right now?”_

_“Yeah Bea, we all just did that. We’ve all been excommunicated. I don’t think I can talk to you when you’re like this,” Camila admits quietly, though her voice still echoes off the expanse of the cathedral._

_“Like what, Camila,” Beatrice stops walking now, standing in the center of the room with Lilith and Camila, arms crossing, protecting her heart._

_“Cold. Hard. You’ve blinked like four times since we started walking home.” Camila looks at Beatrice, her face still void of emotion, hands gripping tightly to her clasped arms. Beatrice maintains her hard features while looking back and forth between Lilith and Camila before turning around. She starts to pace a little, her arms falling to her side, her hands shaking._

_“I know,” Beatrice sighs deeply. “I’m sorry. I am attempting to compartmentalize our priorities until the appropriate moment to experience the right reactions.”_

_“Stop,” Lilith says, taking a step forward. “There is never going to be an appropriate moment. That bathroom was not appropriate but we talked. Now. At home. Our last night at home. This is it.” Lilith pauses now, looking to Camila. “I understand if you don’t want to talk to us. You didn’t go to therapy today. But I did. I didn’t… actually say anything. But I knew I could have, in that space, if I wanted to. This is your space to… unleash.” Lilith slightly shrugs at Camila, but looks back to Beatrice, hoping her little speech hits something in her._

_Beatrice halts her pace, arms and hands slack at her side, her shoulders loose._

_“After the first notice of being relocated to Malaysia, I have been expecting excommunication. Especially after the Vatican. But… I don’t lie. And all I’ve been doing for a month, may more, is lie. Yes, we told her and it feels worse. She…” Beatrice trails off and turns around again, not being able to make eye contact._

_“She was upset. We would all be upset if we learned the same news. I was horrible to Camila when I was told of my own reanimation. She didn’t mean it when she yelled at you. Emotions were just running high. I’m sure Mary is clearing everything up.” Lilith responds with an even tone, trying to keep Beatrice calm after seeing her hands ball into fists._

_“If you don’t want to talk about this anymore we can go over the plan so the two of us are briefed for tomorrow,” Camila offers a small smile, moving to grip one of Beatrice’s balled fists._

_“I don’t want to get into emotions now. I’m not there,” Beatrice shakes her fists out and squeezes Camila’s hand once before dropping it “If you follow me to Mother Superion’s office, I have your orders.”_

_Beatrice leads the other towards the office. Breathing deeply and intently during the walk. Her mind battling with her heart. Don’t feel too much. Don’t think too much. Don’t cry. Push it down._

_Once in the office, Beatrice pulls down a map that was rolled up into the top of the bookshelf. It shows a red line of car travel, circled safe houses, secure stops along the way. Timing and persons of interest noted in the bottom right hand corner._

_“Woah,” Camila breathes out, taking in the map. “How long have you been working on this?”_

_“You know most of what is present, the route, the stops, I’ve just added photos of our key players in the exchange,” Beatrice moves away from the map, pulling out four duffle bags from under the desk. “I didn’t think this would happen so fast but I have taken the liberty of packing your bags for you. Lilith, this is your, Camila, this is yours,” Beatrice places the two black bags on the counter in front of each girl. “Any personal effects in your room can be added to these bags. In them, you will find clothes, a few weapons, and a first aid kit.” Beatrice pauses now, knowing her voice holds no emotion. Knowing she must sound like a robot._

_“So we leave tomorrow. For good?” Camila looks for confirmation. Beatrice nods her reply._  
<  
_“And that circle, in Barcelona, that’s our safe house for the night?” Lilith walks and points to the map._

_"Actually for two, then we’ll drive at night to Genoa. The transfer happens in four days but I want us to have time to prepare before then. The safe house in Barcelona has a full training room outfitted with divinium blockers. I want us all to be in sync and be as prepared as possible.” Beatrice recites her plan as if memorized for a presentation._

_“You think we can resync in two days? I have a hard time believing that. Ava’s emotions are… untrained. She can’t compartmentalize like you. She’s brash and impulsive and ridiculous. You can’t expect her to bounce back in two days.” Lilith nearly laughs at the idea of them resyncing like they had the last few weeks. Laughs thinking Ava will forget everything they hid from her._

_“She’s right, Ava will most likely be on a bender with Mary right now. Supervised, obviously. But she isn’t okay and neither are we. She’s going to wake up tomorrow, levitate and probably blow up a few rooms. We need to plan for that. Make sure we hide ourselves from the other non-OCS sisters here now. What is your plan for a fully hungover, emotional, erratic, Ava?” Camila starts giggling to herself now, picturing Ava’s reaction like a cartoon villain tearing through a village._

_“I had not factored that into my plan,” Beatrice hadn’t thought of this one small, profoundly significant piece. Each word carries the weight of that blunder “I will speak to her in the morning.”_

_“And say what, she tore into you at the bar. She’s probably not going to want to hear from you right when she wakes up,” Lilith counters, sitting down at Mother Superion’s desk._

_“That may be so but we… I think she.. We’re…” Beatrice trails off, her stuttering too embarrassing to continue._

_Camila tilts her head at the shift in Beatrice’s voice, going from calculated and precise to soft and uncertain. “You’re worried. I get that. I know you two are close. Let’s trust Mary for now. Trust she is being the outlet none of us could be at the moment. Okay?” Camila smiles now, lifting her eyebrows in question._

_“She’s right, Beatrice. Mary will sort it. And tomorrow when you decide to be the first person to talk to her, go neutral. Go as if nothing you did was to hurt her. Go gently.”_

_“I will take your advice under consideration Lilith,” Beatrice moves the two black bags towards Lilith and Camila now. “Take your bags. We should get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us.”_

“Do you want to take mine or should I..,” Ava trails off, waving her shirt between Lilith and Camila looking around the table, still clad only in a sports bra at the breakfast table. “Yeah, put this back on, cool, cool. Sorry” Ava throws her shirt back over her head.

“You’re ridiculous,” Mary whispers in her ear.

“We can switch after breakfast Lil,” Camila smiles at Lilith, feeling completely comfortable in her own oversized clothes but knowing Lilith is not.

\----

“We look like a minimalist clothing ad,” Ava calls, walking up to the group assembled outside their van. Her tight, light wash jeans and tucked in black t-shirt fitting well with the other simple outfits and neutral tones, “and I like it!” Ava adds after Mary sends her a warning glare. 

Lilith and Camila had swapped outfits, Lilith looking more comfortable, Camila no longer cuffing her sleeves and pant legs. Beatrice had a white button up tucked into burgundy, high waisted slacks, topped with a black bomber jacket.

“Mary, take a picture! Get the Cradle in that background.” Ava yells, shooting her duffle bag into the back of the van like a basketball, pumping her fist when it lands on top of the pile.

“Ava, please be careful. There are breakable items back there,” Beatrice moves to the back of the van, rearranging bags, making sure nothing was broken. Beatrice almost held back her reprimand, not wanting to upset Ava, but decides that if she wants things to go back to normal, reprimanding Ava was a part of that.

“Sorry. Mary! Get Bea’s stony look on camera,” Ava grabs Camila’s hand, throwing her arm over her shoulder, “Nosferatu, come here.”

“For what?” Lilith doesn’t move closer, only narrows her eyes. Ava just points at Mary’s phone then tilts her head and points at her huge fake grin. Lilith rolls her eyes then but finds herself walking towards Ava and Camila, staying a few inches away, arms still crossed. Mary staps a candid photo, smiling to herself.

“Okay, pretend we’re in a magazine, show off your cheekbones, Lil,” Ava squints her eyes and pushes out her lips. Camila smiles sweetly, wrapping her arm around Ava and reaching out to pull Lilith closer.

“No,” Lilith shuffles her feet closer, letting herself be pulled in.

“Okay well just look at the camera then. Bea, get in here.” Beatrice ignores Ava in favor of unzipping bags to triple check they have everything.

“Jesus this is uncomfortable,” Mary lowers her phone and walks to Beatrice behind the van, pulling her into the group. “First and last selfie in front of the Cradle,” Mary flicks the back of Lilith’s head to get her to look up at the camera. “Put your tongue in your mouth, Ava. If we’re going to do this, you’re not going to ruin it.” Mary sees Ava pout on the screen of the phone.

“Can we do a funny one after?”

“Sure, good one first, on three.” Mary counts them down, watching Lilith’s eyes lighten, Camila and Ava wear matching grins, the corners of Beatrice’s mouth lifting. “Okay, funny one.” Lilith fake-scowls at Ava, Camila pulls fish lips and crosses her eyes, Ava’s tongue is fully out of her mouth, eyes bugging wide. Mary mean-mugs the camera, a fist to her chin while Beatrice puffs out her cheeks. 

They take turns passing around the phone, laughing, and making fun of each other. Fond memories fill the air, masking over the pain of leaving their home for that last time. Laughter covering up any unshed tears.

“Load up heathens, we’ve got a sword to steal,” Mary hollers out, herding the others into the van.


	20. Chapter 20

“Ava, stop. It’s been thirty minutes and you haven’t stopped talking about our roles on this trip. Let us just be our own roles now.” Lilith turns and nearly yells back at Ava.

“You’re really nailing the broody teenager vibe, Daria,” Ava laughs at her from the back seat. Camila turns from the middle seat and smiles at Ava. The nicknames were back, the bickering was back. Maybe resyncing in two days is possible.

“You walked right into that one, Lilith,” Mary chuckles in the driver’s seat.

“Did we bring snacks?” Ava has decided to stretch out on the back bench seat, her shoes off, bare feet against the cool window.

“Would you like a protein bar, nuts, crackers, or fruit snacks?” Beatrice turns back now, holding up one of each option. Ava laughs then.

“Your mom is showing Bea,” Ava keeps laughing, Camila’s giggle joining hers.

“My mom is not here, Ava, therefore she cannot be showing.” Beatrice tightens her lips and turns back around, dropping the snacks in her lap. So much for being prepared. The mention of her mom soured her mood, wanting to put her earbuds back in.

“Was Lilith the only one listening when I was handing out roles?” Ava sits up now, looking at the backs of their heads, no one turning around to engage her.

“I tuned you out honestly,” Mary calls over her shoulder, keeping her eyes on the road, “but I got the gist. Broody, badass, baby, boss-mom. Could have been less than five seconds but you somehow made it thirty minutes.”

“Same. Sorry, Ava. After a while, it just became background noise. Like a fan at night,” Ava sees Camila shrug to herself and look back at the Warrior Nun journal in her lap.

“I’ve been listening to an audiobook. I’m sorry if you brought up my family and I didn’t participate,” Beatrice holds up her tablet to prove her point.

“No, Bea. Your role on this road trip. You’re the boss-mom. Not your actual mom. She who must not be named and all that. Not that she’s like Voldemort or evil I just, wouldn’t talk about her is all. I’ll change your role. You can be… the professor! They always know what to do. Can I have fruit snacks?” Beatrice hadn’t turned to address Ava’s rambling until she had confirmed her snack choice. She tossed the little bag back to Ava who didn’t catch it, her hand just missing the bag, hitting her in the face.

“Can you just toss the whole snack bag back here actually? My stomach wasn’t settled enough at breakfast and I’m starving.” Ava can hear and feel her stomach grumbling.

“I’m sorry but we don’t have a snack bag,” Beatrice admits, snacks were stuffed into each of their duffle bags spread out in the back, but there was no designated bag. She did this mostly because she knew Ava would demolish a snack bag in the first hour of the drive.

“Then where did those come from?” Ava was struggling to open the packet only to have them shower down over her torso.

“My pocket.”

“All four of those?” Ava remembers Beatrice’s outfit, there were not enough pockets to carry four different snacks.

“Yes. Here,” Beatrice hands Ava a tablet now, “I have preprogrammed a few television shows and movies on there for you. Plug these into the bottom of the tablet,” Beatrice hands Ava a set up earbuds. Ava taps the screen open, clicking open the media app.

“Bea,” Ava leans forward, nearly resting her chin on Beatrice’s shoulders. “Thank you. You have all my favorites on here.”

“I had to limit your list of favorites to the ones I’ve heard you talk about more than once but when we get to Barcelona, you can replace any that you don’t want,” Beatrice turns her head then, Ava’s lips far too close to her own to stop her eyes from shifting down. Beatrice can feel Ava’s hot breath. No longer smelling of tequila but of strawberries and sugar from the fruit snacks. So much more _her_ than the day before. Ava feels alive and here and almost like hers again.

Not hers. She will never lay claim to Ava. She recounts Ava calling her _my Beatrice_ more fondly than she should. She tries to remember all the good that has come from the last month. If she doesn’t, sitting in the van will be too much. As Ava settles in with the tablet, Beatrice needs to reimmerse herself back in her audiobook. Force herself to focus on the words. Be in the book and not in this van. She takes a moment to herself to look at each girl in turn. They were alive and here. The last time the five of them were in a vehicle all together, one of them was dead.

_”We need to go,” Camila states in the driver seat of the immobile van, hands gripping tightly to the wheel, her voice cracking as she wipes her tears. “We need to get out of here.”_

_“Go,” Mary responds. She can’t turn around. Won’t let herself. She can hear Beatrice’s sobs loud and clear. She knows nothing has changed. The halo isn’t working. Isn’t fixing this._

_Mary hears shuffling behind her before she feels a hand slip into hers. Lilith had reached up from the back of the van, crouched down now, forehead leaning against the back of Mary’s seat. Mary feels her chest convulse, hot tears start to fall again as she squeezes Lilith’s hand in both of hers. She rubs her thumb along the top of Lilith’s hand now, letting the rhythm of it, the circular pattern take over her mind. Cloud everything else out._

_Camila pulls over into a rest area twenty minutes outside the city. With the engine cut, Beatrice’s sobs became more apparent once again. Camila looks to Mary, then Lilith, nodding her head, indicating that they should move to the back of the van and check on Beatrice._

_Lilith doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to look into the unmoving face of Ava, she had kept her back to the two behind her for the trip thus far but she takes a breath and turns around. Camila and Mary open the doors then, all three watching Beatrice hold Ava, rocking slightly._

_“Bea,” Mary tries first. “Beatrice, we need to… We need to make a plan.”_

_“No!” Beatrice whips her heads around at them now, eyes bright red and puffy, tears still streaming down her face. “We don’t need a plan, we just need to wait. We wait. She’ll come back. She will. She has to come back. She’ll just…” Beatrice’s hand starts to shake Ava’s chest, pushing down, starting to pound. Mary jumps into the back of the van now, wrapping her arms around Beatrice, stopping her arms._

_“Bea,” Mary breathes out against Beatrice’s ear, “Stop and think. You know what we have to do. Like Shannon. For the mission.”_

_“Fuck the mission, Mary! Fuck it all. We are waiting. We’re waiting and that’s it. She came back once. She’ll do it again. Just wait,” Beatrice starts thrashing her shoulders attempting to get Mary off of her. Away from Ava. Lilith recoils at the outburst, so unlike anything she had seen from Beatrice._

_“I’m not leavin’ so stop jerkin’ around. I’m right here. We are all right here. So just stop,” Mary tightens her grip, eyes stinging, her hand almost draws back, wants to run out of the van when Beatrice’s movements cause her to feel the cold of Ava’s skin. Reality sinking in._

_Camila climbs into the back now, sitting on the other side of Ava. She dips a ripped piece of her shirt into water and starts wiping the blood from Ava’s face, silent tears dripping down to her arms, her crossed knees. Lilith shifts in the back, coming up next Mary, placing a hand on her shoulder and closing the doors. She reaches up and turns on the overhead light._

_They sit like this for a long time. Waiting. Watching Ava’s unmoving face. Her lips turning bluer by the minute._

_“Beatrice,” Lilith attempts now. “We’ve waited. Longer than seven minutes. Longer than twenty. Nearly an hour. I don’t want to do this but we need to move the halo.” Lilith feels Mary grip her leg, offering silent comfort._

_“We… we aren’t removing it,” Beatrice’s body once again shakes in Mary’s grasp. She moved the hand gripping Ava’s torso to brush strands of hair from Ava’s face. Thumb running along her cheeks. Fingers moving all over her motionless face. Gliding over her eyelashes like the strings of a harp. Her cold lips. Her eyelids, her forehead. Through her hair. The others hear and feel her take in a composing breath. Mary feels Beatrice’s back stiffen._

_“This ends here. We’ll bury her. With the halo. We will never speak of her grave. You must swear it. Swear,” Beatrice chokes on another sob before looking up, taking another deep breath, attempting to hold on to this strong, steady version of herself. “We will honor her as she would have wanted. She is the last Warrior Nun. She will be remembered as such. Even if it’s just by us.”_

_“I swear,” Camila fills the silence, putting her hand on Beatrice to draw her eyes up and away from Ava._

_“I swear,” Mary and Lilith say at the same time, Lilith’s voice breaking._

_“Okay,” Mary clears her throat. “We’ll go back to the Cradle. Before we get back, we’ll find a coastal town and bury her in a cave on a cliff side. She can be by the water. She loved the beach,” Mary coughs to clear the lump in her throat._

_“Wait. No. No. We need to... We need to wait. That’s not long enough. That’s less than a full day. We should give her… longer. She needs longer,” Beatrice hiccups now, her tears running out, dehydrated, exhausted._

_“Bea,” Camila tilts Beatrice’s chin up now, “She’s gone.”_

_Beatrice flinches away from Camila’s touch, the back of her head hitting Mary’s shoulder, “She’ll come back,” Beatrice starts to rock again, Mary once against tightening her grip._

_“She might. You’re right but for now. That’s our plan. We’ll give her until Valencia when we need to leave the coast. For the time being, until we get there. I think we should cover her,” Mary reaches into a pile of white sheets._

_“No. I’ll hold her. She doesn’t need a sheet. She just needs to come back,” Mary feels Beatrice’s back muscles tighten further as she reaffirms her hold on Ava._

_“Okay,” Mary nods to Camila and Lilith and they exit the back of the van._

_“I’ll keep driving until I can’t and then we’ll switch okay?” Camila asks the other two in the darkened parking lot. She didn’t ask if they were okay. She didn’t ask if Beatrice would be okay. She already knows the answer will be no._

_“Alright,” Mary nods in agreement and pauses. She pulls Camila and Lilith into her, hugging them both, feeling their bodies, alive, here. They stay there for long enough to breathe each other in, remind themselves that they still have each other. “Alright,” Mary clears her throat. “Let’s go.”_

\----

“These loafers suck Mary. My feet are so sweaty, my pinky toe is constantly healing and rehealing itself,” Ava finds Mary after their first bathroom break. The other three inside buying coffees and snacks.

“But you look so cute,” Mary pinches Ava’s cheek and ruffles her hair, Ava immediately reaching up and slapping her hand away.

“Why do you still get to wear your normal clothes?” Ava huffs and plants her toe on the ground rotating her foot around it.

“Because I have a normal life. I didn’t need my mom to buy half the Frank and Oak catalog for me on my first day of school. Here,” Mary turns towards Ava, reaching for her sleeve, “May I?”

“May you what? Are you going to rip my sleeves off because Beatrice will be so pissed if I ruin these clothes,” Ava’s eyebrow raises in question.

“No. Relax, I’m going to,” Mary starts to cuff the sleeves of Ava’s shirt, “Show off those guns a little bit. Plus, you look like a child playing dress-up with their mother’s clothing, sleeves could use a little role. Sorry to Beatrice but you should have like a graphic tee and some board shorts. That’s so much more your vibe.”

“Rude!” Ava protests while still shifting her shoulder and letting Mary cuff her other sleeve. “You told me to like my clothes and I do. Also, I’m adult enough to steal a sword and if I wanted to I could be adult enough to go in there and buy alcohol.”

“With what money? Bea is holding all the cash. Admit it, you’re basically useless. Your role is really the baby.”

“So you were listening! And I am not useless.”

“You know how to use a credit card? Count out accurate change? What money even looks like here? Ask for the key to the bathroom? Work an automatic hand dryer? Drive the car?”

“Fine, fine,” Ava feels her shoulders slump, realizing there are so many things she hasn’t learned about real life yet.

“Hey,” Mary punches her shoulder, “You know I’m joking right? None of those things even matter. You have a shit ton of value. You’re not useless.”

“Well no. I didn’t know you were joking until you just said you were, so no.”

“I’m sorry,” Mary threw her arm over Ava’s shoulder and steered her towards the store “it’s just so fun to make fun of you. Or it used to be. You give it back just as much as you get. But I’ll stop if it’s too much too soon.”

“If you stop making fun of me, I don’t know how I’ll keep up with this like, _everything is normal_ act. It’s just a little harder when you know I feel useless a lot. So it feels true when you pick at the actual hard stuff.”

“I hear you and I’m sorry but if you think working an automatic hand dryer is serious, we really need to talk about your priorities.” Mary laughs as she opens the door to the store.

\----

“Ten minutes of leg stretching and we’re back in the car!” Lilith yells at the group as she walks off towards a cluster of trees.

“Hey,” Beatrice comes up next to Ava, “I got you these.” Ava turns and smiles at Beatrice.

“What are Airheads?” Ava asks, taking the package from her, turning it over in her hands.

“I’ve actually never tried them. I just thought the name was funny. Fitting somehow,” Beatrice tilts her head towards Ava, smiling lightly.

“Beatrice, are you calling me an airhead! I’m not even mad, impressed honestly,” Ava laughed now, shouldering Beatrice.

“How are you feeling?” Beatrice directs them towards a picnic table.

“I feel fine,” Ava jumps on to the bench and sits on the tabletop, looking down at Beatrice. “How are you?”

“I’m fine too,” Beatrice responds, opening her kombucha. Ava takes the time to study Beatrice while she takes her first sip. She looks tired. She looks worried. 

“I think maybe we should stop lying to each other,” Ava’s lips move to a half smile when Beatrice looks up at her. Beatrice screws the top of her drink on, settling her hands in her lap. 

“Yeah, we probably should,” Beatrice’s tongue darts out to wet her suddenly dry lip. “I’m worried all the time. About you. About all of us. I know we’re going to get the sword. I know we will eventually beat Adriel. Being in the van… is hard for me.” Beatrice pauses now, looking at Ava wanting her to understand but knowing she won’t. “The last time we were all in one vehicle together you were gone and every second of being in that van reminds me of that.”

“I’m right here,” Ava drops herself down to the bench, straddling it and facing Beatrice, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know. But the memories are real, Ava.” Beatrice plays with the top of her drink now, unable to look at Ava.

“Hey,” Ava reaches out but stops her hand from redirecting Beatrice’s gaze. “Would you maybe want to sit back with me the next leg. Watch a movie?”

The simplicity of it, the normality of watching a movie together, feels like a punch to Beatrice’s heart and she can’t place why. They’ve never been normal. Everything was charged and clouded and layered. Watching a movie was so, so easy.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

\----

They load back into the car, Lilith looking into the rearview window only briefly as she watches Beatrice climb back into the bench seat with Ava. Mary lowers the passenger seat all the way back to take a nap. Camila reopens the journal, her notebook on her lap taking notes.

“What do you want to watch?” Ava asks as they hit the freeway again.

“You pick,” Beatrice settles in next to Ava in the middle seat instead of the far left seat, the sides of their legs touching.

“Booksmart it is,” Ava beams up at Beatrice now. “I’ll have you quoting this before long I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” Beatrice smiles back, feeling whole, content, happy even, as they make their way to Barcelona.


	21. Chapter 21

“Land!” Ava pushes her way out of the van and throws herself on the ground when the van finally comes to a stop outside the safe house.

“Your level of dramatics is truly unparalleled. It was only ten hours,” Lilith chuckles to herself as she moves to the back of the van to help unload with the others.

“Only take your day bags. We can leave the rest here overnight, that van will be safe,” Beatrice lets the others know as she and Lilith start handing out duffles.

“Ava, get over here, we need your energy,” Mary hollers, Ava bouncing up from her kneeling position in the dirt.

“Ava, your pants,” Beatrice scolds while looking down, seeing the dirt patches. Ava grimaces then dusts off her knees.

“It’s fine. I’ll get it out later. Am I meant to wear this tomorrow in the car because I was absorbing your body heat and got really hot in there so I think I’ll need a new outfit,” Ava waves her arms up and down, airing herself out.

“We’ll be here two nights so we can do laundry if necessary but you have five outfits in your bag. You’ll also find more...suitable shoes,” Beatrice looks down at Ava twirling her toes around again.

“I love these burgundy loafers. They’re the best. I can’t wait to walk three miles to the house in these. I can honestly see myself fighting Adriel in them,” Ava sends a wide eyed look to Mary then and catches the duffle bag thrown at her. 

“Mother Superion told me to leave the van in the outer security ring. The house is less than a quarter mile, we’ll go on foot from here. I hope your loafers can keep up.” Beatrice nods in resolution as the girls load up on what they need for the night and following day and make their way to the safe house. 

“Why are there fence posts but no fence?” Ava looks around, walking along the dirt path towards the posts.

“Ava, wait!” The warning was muffled by the sound of electricity, Ava’s body convulsing, sparks flying, as she was shot back in the air several feet, landing in a plume of dust and smoke.

“Uuuugh, what the fuck,” Ava remains on the ground groaning, letting the last of the electric shocks run through her body before tamping out the tiny embers on her shirt.

“Ava!” Beatrice skids to a stop and drops to her knees next to her body, hands patting at the embers, her fingers then going to Ava’s throat feeling for a pulse. “Are you okay? Can you hear me? Say something?” 

“I’m fine, I’m okay,” Ava grabs on to the fingers on her throat, “What the hell.”

“I should have warned you. We needed to punch in a code to drop the electric fence. I’m so sorry I didn’t say that earlier.” Beatrice attempts to help Ava sit up.

“It’s okay I should have-” Ava feels her body rise, her knuckles dragging against the dirt then feeling nothing. “Beatrice!” Ava’s limbs flail around as her body continues to rise into the air. Beatrice stands, throwing her body over Ava’s torso, stopping her from rising. “What’s happening? I can’t control it!” Ava continues to jerk around, yelling into the night as her body keeps rising.

“Mary!” Beatrice yells, feeling her toes list off the ground trying to keep Ava down.

“What the fuck!” Mary yells while throwing her body on top of Beatrice, using all her weight to keep Ava down. “Cam, Lil, get over here! Ava calm down and turn it off!!”

“I am calm!” Ava scrunches her eyes shut, balling her fists, willing the halo to halt her upward movements.

Lilith and Camila run over tossing their weight on Ava’s body, on top of Mary and Beatrice.

“What is happening!” Camila yells over their heavy breathing and grunting.

“I have no idea, just try to push her down until the electricity wears off! It will run out eventually!” Beatrice yells over the high-pitched noise coming from the halo. Ava feels the four of them over her body, feels the current running through her, strong and unwavering, how long could this last?

Ava quiets her mind. Feels the current. Tries to steady it, release it. She mentally channels the current, attempting to expel it before the five of them float off the ground completely. The four girls are suddenly thrown back in a burst of energy, Ava releasing the electricity through the halo, throwing everyone off her unceremoniously and dangerously in a burst of light. Ava falls to the earth, creating another plume of dust, the back of her shirt marked with a circular burn.

“What the hell, Ava!” Mary yells out first, sitting up and brushing herself off several feet away on the ground.

“You know I didn’t mean to!” Ava stands immediately, running to Beatrice first to make sure she is okay, Camila and Lilith pushing themselves up from the dirt.

“I’m so sorry!” Ava reaches for Beatrice’s face, thumbs running over her cheeks, briefly looking at the other girls as they stand dusting themselves off. Ava wraps her arms under Beatrice and pulls her to her feet, keeping her arm around her waist. 

“I’m good,” Beatrice coughs once, wiping at her face, reassuring Ava, her hand touching the hot, exposed skin of Ava’s back, “Electricity charges the halo. Dr. Salvius said so but this definitely proves it. Add getting a taser to the list of purchases and our working recharge theories.” Beatrice stands now on her own unsteady feet, Ava’s arms still outstretched in case Beatrice needed help. “Mary, punch in 0116. You should see a call box right off the driveway.” 

“Electric pulse puts you back in professor mode. We’ll get you a matching taser too,” Mary comments while punching in the numbers. She hesitates only for a second before waving her hand between the fence posts. Feeling no shock or resistance, she gives a thumbs up to the others. They collect their bags, Ava still holding on to Beatrice, and walk towards the front door of the safe house.

\----

“Identify yourself,” comes a distorted voice behind the door after Lilith knocks. Ava held her shoes in her hand now, sweaty feet covered in dust. The walk feeling much farther after the electric shock.

“The cradle is empty, the crows have come to nest,” Beatrice recites from a slip of paper Mother Superion had left for her. They hear one lock undo, then another, and another, seven in total, before the door fully opens.

Standing in the doorway, light pooling behind her is an unknown sister warrior.

“You must be the halo bearer,” The sister holds her hand out to Beatrice noticing the passphrase in her hands.

“No,” Beatrice steps aside and reveals Ava, “This is the barer.” Ava, hair standing on end still, covered in dust, clothes tattered, grins at the sister, smacking her hand in a low high-five. The sister brings her slapped hand to her chest, eyes closed, then moves to make the sign of the cross. The girls watch her in silence, looking from back to Ava, whose grin was slowly transforming to confusion.

“Casa dels Corbs welcomes you with open arms. I am Sister Leah,” the sister turns to the side, her arm gesturing to the entryway, slightly bowing, inviting them inside. They walk in, taking in the grand foyer, the chandeliers, the overly fancy decor.

“Nice digs,” Mary comments, looking around at their all white, pristine surroundings. The unused couches, the gleaming piano in a room of its own, the dual staircase winding up to the second story.

“Who even comes here to appreciate this… luxury?” Ava asks, mouth open, looking all around the space. 

“You,” Leah clasps her hands in front of her, her smile adoring. “This is all for the potential protection of the halo barer.” Leah moves to Ava, taking the bag from her shoulder, “Let me show you to the master suite. Come.” Leah places her hand on Ava’s back and walks her towards the stairs.

“Where should we go Sister Leah?” Beatrice asks as Leah and Ava are halfway up the stairs. Leah stops, slightly bowing to Ava as if to apologize for the disturbance. “There are two rooms on the second floor, two on the first. I assume you can locate these rooms for yourself?” Leah offers a tight, almost annoyed smile, as she turns back towards Ava, offering her hand to help her up the steps.

“Does this feel a little Stepford Wives to you?” Mary asks, her awe struck look morphing to confusion.

“I guess when your only mission is the hypothetical protection of the halo and then the halo shows up, you go a little… overboard?” Camila shrugs and looks around.

“I’ll stay on the first floor, closer to the door,” Lilith offers, “Guard it if the seven locks and shock fence don’t work.”

“I’ll stay down here too, I’m better long distance than the shotguns, no offense Mary,” Camila smiles now, nodding to Lilith as they go exploring the first floor to find their rooms.

“None taken,” Mary looks to Beatrice now, “Ready?”

Beatrice wants to feel comfortable and safe here but something feels off and she can’t place it. It’s too clean, too nice, too accommodating. She attempts to shake it while nodding at Mary and following her up the stairs.

\----

“So, I get this whole space to myself?” Ava looks around, up at the replica of the Sistine Chapel on the ceiling, the gold, four-post bed, the attached drawing room, the huge clawfoot bathtub, and heated bathroom floor.

“Of course,” Leah bows her head again, “You are the halo barrier, you deserve this and more.”

“What’s with the bowing?” Ava slightly frowns and tilts her head, “You know I’m not like royal or anything. You don’t need to bow.”

“Ava, of course I do. You are the champion of the Cruciform Sword. To be in your presence,” Leah nearly shudders at the thought, “It’s immaculate”

“Okay, maybe don’t bow anymore, no offense to you, but it’s a little weird. You honestly don’t owe me anything, I can bet you that.”

“But Ava, you are the barer. You are the daughter of Areala. Our one true leader.” Leah looks at Ava as if she had invented water.

“No, yeah totally get that, but I’m also just a person. You don’t need to bow or give me the best room. You also and if I’m following my tropes right, make me breakfast in the morning, steam my towels, press my pants, hold doors, praise me for nothing, and specifically, because I’m getting a vibe, kiss my feet.”

“I would if you wished it,” Leah bows once again.

“Okay nope, I wish that you didn’t bow anymore. We’re going to be normal. I’m just me, think of me like any of the others,” Ava points to the door now, looping in her friends to the situation, “Treat me like your friends okay? Real friends.” Ava smiles now, hoping that quells the weird worshipping happening for her.

“As you wish,” Leah cringes, stopping herself from bowing. “Can I draw you a bath?”

“What? No. No, what did I just say? Stop doing things for me. Just like, tell me about your life or something. Who are you? What’s your favorite song? TV Show? Color?” Ava sits down at the edge of the bed, looking at Leah.

“I don’t have favorite things. Everything is good enough.” Leah smiles, like she answered the test question correctly.

“Yikes. Okay. Would you like to watch a video with me?” Ava pulls out her tablet hesitantly because this could go one of a thousand different ways. Rejection of media, fear at the technology, the video she picks not being liked. She had never met another member outside their sect of the OCS. If Leah was anything to go by, they were much more strict, way more disciplined. Lacking any humanistic characteristics.

“Of course my... Of course Ava.” Leah smiles and sits down on the bed. 

“Do you like humor, mystery, drama, suspense, hero types?” Ava asks, looking to Leah with a genuine smile, encouraging an actual response.

“I guess heroes?” Leah relaxes a few feet from Ava. Ava smiles at her and asks her for the wifi password. After Leah sets it up, Ava pulls up a video. 

“So this girl is like you, but not like you?” Leah asks after Ava plays several different videos.

“How do you mean?” Ava knows what she is getting at but wants to make sure Leah knows she is just a normal person that can have friends and family.

“Korra is an Avatar, she is the halo barer of her time. And yet…” Leah trails off, worrying her hands. “And yet she is normal, has friends, and family and can joke and laugh.”

“Yes! Yes, Leah, that's the whole point! Ugh, thank God. So I have friends, the people who came here with me. I can do things on my own. No one needs to worship my existence, I am so normal I swear. I have the halo, yes, but it is protected by you, my friends, so many other people. I’ve just a vessel.” Ava points at Leah now to hammer her point home.

“I see. So I need to unlearn my teachings?” Leah is not sure how to process this information.

“Not unlearn, just learn a different way. The halo is so important, yes, but the barer changes hands. I’m like number two hundred in this whole thing. You don’t need to worship the human, just protect the value of the halo. And by protect I mean make it feel welcome?” Ava lost her resolve as a mentor at the close of her sentence. She isn’t sure how to make this less awkward or appraising. 

“Do you have siblings?” Ava chances.

“Yes. Multiple.”

“Okay great, treat me like them. You love them in theory but sometimes they just get on your nerves but you love them just the same right? So that’s what the halo is. You love it unconditionally but treat it like your blood. If we do that for the next two days, we’ll be right as rain.”

“Right as rain?” Leah asks, uncertain of the metaphor.

“It means we’ll be great. I’m your sibling, treat me like that, but don’t tell mom if I get into trouble.”

“I’m not in contact with my mother.”

“Okay, I’m sorry if that is tough on you but, just don’t tell Beatrice if I do something stupid.”

“Who is Beatrice?”

“Ugh,” Ava takes a deep breath, thinking this must be what the other sisters feel like interacting with her, “I’ll introduce you tomorrow. Just go, get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night.”


	22. Chapter 22

Beatrice lays awake in her bed, if she closes her eyes she feels like she is back in the Cradle. The bed is the same size, the one window overlooking similar terrain, even though the house is immaculate, she can smell the damp, unused smell of the room that smells like her own at the Cradle. Beatrice can’t handle the similarities. Being in the same space she left ten hours ago. Feeling like the same person. She needs air. She needs to ease her mind.

Beatrice walks out barefoot. She passes the dull light under Mary’s door, the bright light coming from Ava’s. She walks to the grand staircase, descending in near darkness. She stands in the foyer, trying to remember if she even saw a way to the back patio she saw from her bedroom window when they first arrived. She chances a move left, hoping the back door would appear directly behind her.

She sees a light ahead, thinking it's the patio light, before hearing a grunt and the shuffling of plastic. Beatrice finds herself in the kitchen then, a pair of bare feet, bare legs, and sleep shorts peaking below the open refrigerator.

“Ava?” Beatrice stops in the doorway. She sees Ava drop down from her tiptoes, halting her reach for something from the top shelf of the fridge, sees her ankles turn before she sees her startled face peek out from behind the door.

“Ugh Beatrice, you scared the shit out of me. You really shouldn’t creep up on people you know. We don’t know this house, you could have been a possessed doll or something. I could have killed you.”

Beatrice signs and shakes her head before looking back up at Ava, “What are you doing awake so late? You have training in the morning.” Beatrice takes several steps into the kitchen towards Ava.

“I’m starving and since you didn’t pack a snack bag like the professor you should be, I’m rooting through kale and spinach and bananas for anything I can get my hands on.” Ava shuts the refrigerator door in defeat, but opens the freezer with renewed vigor, “It looks like Sister Leah doesn’t partake in pizza rolls or frozen burritos.”

“Ava, have you ever even had those things? We don’t partake in those either,” Beatrice laughs, lifting herself up on the kitchen counter.

“Yeah, sure, but I’ve seen commercials. A girl can dream,” Ava digs deeper into the freezer, rooting through other frozen fruits and vegetables. “Oh my god!” Ava yells out in the silence of the kitchen standing up straight with a bottle of vodka held up in her hands, her grin wide.

“No. Put it back,” Beatrice points back to the freezer, daring Ava to do anything with the bottle. Ava just grins deeper, reopening the fridge and pulling out lime juice and seltzer.

“Oh Bea, just wait until you try my cocktails, you’ll be wishing I was a bartender instead of a halo barer.” Ava grabs two glasses after opening several cabinets to find them. She doles out a shot in each glass, adds the seltzer, and adds a dash of lime juice to the mix. She plunges her fingers into each glass and swirls them around to mix them, then puts her fingers in her mouth to taste it.

“Ta-dah!” Ava turns around towards Beatrice now, walking towards where she sat on the countertop. “You’re going to love this.”

“Did you love it?” Beatrice asks, smiling down at Ava.

“My fingers kind of taste like lavender soap so I’m not sure but, I think you’ll like it.” Ava takes a step into Beatrice now, her hips pressed against Beatrice’s knees. Ava holds the cup under her chin, teasing her.

Beatrice can feel the hem of Ava’s sleep shorts and the pressure of Ava’s hips against her knees now. She can see every feature of her face. The glint in her eyes so bright up close. She could count her eyelashes. Her grin so wide and deep and real, Beatrice can’t help but feel the corners of her mouth shifting up to match it.

“Fine. I’ll be the judge of your drink but I’ll warn you. I’ve only had four drinks in my entire life so we may need a second opinion. Also, how do you know how to make drinks?” Beatrice feels her blush dissipate from her cheeks the longer she talks. 

“TV, and I trust you. If you hate it, I’ll remake it. Bartenders need a harsh critic.” Ava’s grin now carries something mischievous. Beatrice takes a drink to drown out that expression from affecting her in any kind of way.

Ava takes a step back, lifting herself up on the kitchen island, taking a drink of her own.

“You want to talk?” Ava asks after taking a few sips.

“I think we need to but this,” Beatrice raises her drink, “Is maybe not the ideal way to go about it.”

“And maybe it’s the only way.” Ava counters, tilting her head and offering a sarcastic cheers.

“Where do you want me to start?” Beatrice takes a long drink, feeling the vodka.

“Maybe why you’re down here and can’t sleep?” Ava shrugs and looks at Beatrice, inviting her to talk about anything at all.

Beatrice laughs through her nose incredulously, “There are so many reasons I don’t sleep, Ava. What I owe the world. God. What I shouldn’t think I owe anymore.”

“No,” Ava cuts her off, “Why your hands never stopped moving in the car. Why you couldn’t focus. Why the others never even suggested you take a shift driving.”

“You noticed.” Beatrice sighs, closing her eyes, looking to the ceiling. It wasn’t a question, more like a confirmation of her subconscious actions.

“I notice you. It’s impossible not to.” Ava’s counter catches Beatrice off guard. Of course Ava is observant. She has been since she arrived. She comes off as aloof and sarcastic and idiotic but she is observant.

“Like I told you, the last time we were in a car together,” Beatrice stops to collect her mind, “You were dead. I would have killed anyone that tried to take you from… That tried to take the halo. I knew you needed time and I wanted to give you as much as we could. I may or may not have fought for more time than was allotted. But you’re here. I didn’t sleep… I don’t sleep because all I see is you, dead, in my arms and I have to, I need to prevent that from happening again.”

“I will keep reminding you,” Ava drops down from the counter and moves to Beatrice again, “I’m here. I’m right here. You can sleep. You can relax, You can get that taser you talked about. Shock me alive.”

“Yeah,” Beatrice rubs at her nose, “Yeah, Ava.”

“Wait, don’t. Don’t stop talking to me. I know I joked but don’t stop.” Ava brings one hand to Beatrice’s thigh, moving further into Beatrice’s space, her hips once again meeting Beatrice’s knees. “You don’t need to carry that with you. That pain of losing me. I’m right here. You gave me time, the halo time. You can do anything and everything for me. That’s pretty much a fact. Bring me back from the dead? Check. Train an idiot? Check? Stop me from levitating into the sky? Check? You have been there for me through everything, even death. Trust that I’ll wake up tomorrow. Trust that I’ll start being more careful. Swear those fence posts came out of nowhere. Sleep through one night.” Ava is completely in Beatrice’s space now, her hand on Beatrice’s jaw, hips locked in between her knees. 

“I don’t even believe you could make it through a routine bathroom break without somehow bursting into flames but I will try.” Beatrice smiles against Ava’s hand, tightens her thighs to keep Ava securely between her knees. “I will try to believe you’ll wake up tomorrow.”

The shift is palpable. Their eye contact feels heavy, charged. Ava watches Beatrice’s eyes dip lower, she knows she’s looking at her lips. Ava feels the tip of her tongue dart out to wet her lips almost unconsciously. She is acutely aware of the way Beatrice tracks it with her eyes. Ava watches Beatrice clench her jaw and swallow. She hopes, wishes Beatrice could read her mind, _please, please just kiss me._

Ava finds herself slipping out of the moment as more time passes. Of course she could make the first move but Ava battles with herself, would it be consensual, does Beatrice even want to kiss me? So she steps back, out of Beatrice’s space, smiling softly.

“Do you want to look at the stars with me?” Ava looks up at Beatrice now, smile widening, breaking any tension in the air. 

“Sure,” Beatrice clears her throat and wipes her hot, clammy hands on the front of her pants before hopping down from the counter, letting Ava take her by the hand.

“Did I ever tell you the only consistent thing in my life, before all of you, were the stars? I had a three inch view of them my whole life in bed. I don’t know the constellations or what they even look like fully but I know stars and I know how they calm me. Maybe we can do that for you. Get you to sleep,” Beatrice feels Ava squeeze her hand as they make their way to the patio.

“Holy shit!” Ava yells a few steps out of the patio.

“Ava, you’ll wake the others!” Beatrice pulls at her hand, stopping her from yelling further.

“I’m sorry but just look,” Ava points up at the milky way in near full view. “You can see everything!” Ava whisper yells and pulls Beatrice’s hand to her chest, holding it close. Beatrice wants to marvel at the stars. Wants to realize how vast the universe is, but all she can think about and feel is Ava. Gripping her hand, her knees still feeling Ava between them. It was new, the intimate closeness, but it was not unwelcome.

“Oh look, lounge chairs!” Ava calls, dragging Beatrice towards the chairs. “Stay here, I’m going to bartend new drinks.” Ava takes Beatrice’s drink and goes back to the kitchen while Beatrice settles into the chair.

“Bring a blanket!” Beatrice calls over her shoulder, receiving a thumbs up from Ava. 

Beatrice lays down, the cold cushion of the chair the only real thing in the moment. How could she have been so lucky to have run into Ava tonight? How could Ava be as open and inviting as she is after everything. Why did it seem like she wanted Beatrice to kiss her in the kitchen? Why does this feel like a fever dream that won't last? Why does it feel like Ava won’t last? 

Beatrice breathes in, closing her eyes, hands behind her head and catches a flash of a still face, blue, Ava in the back of the van a month ago. Shocking her from her relaxed state, jolting up. She tightens her hands, rotates her neck, breathing through it. Ava is here. She is here. She is in the kitchen. The mantra playing like a scratched record. A mantra she had recited hundreds, maybe even thousands of times in the last months. Every pause in her speech, every doubt. The image was there.

“Hey!” Ava smiles down at her now, smile immediately dropping at the pale, jarring look on Beatrice's face, “Hey,” Ava sets the drinks down and wraps the blanket around Beatrice, “Are you okay? Look at me. Where are you?” Ava’s hand finds Beatrice’s face again, stroking her cheek.

“I’m okay,” Beatrice sniffs, “I’m here, promise. I just. Missed you?” her last sentence coming up as a question.

“I missed you too,” Ava smiled now, reaching for their glasses, handing one to Beatrice. “Okay so last drink, no hangover for tomorrow. And no reprimanding me if I’m sluggish.” Ava clinked their glasses together.

“If I don’t people will notice.” Ava moves into Beatrice’s chair, moving the blanket over herself, slotting herself into Beatrice's side, not surprised at all that they fit together so well. 

“You can go one day without reprimanding me,” Ava shifts her chin away from Beatrice’s chest to take a drink. 

“I don’t know if I can. It’s kind of our thing.” Ava feels Beatrice's chest shake at a silent laugh.

“No, puns are our thing remember,” Ava pauses, “We haven't done that in a while.”

“Since you died,” Beatrice didn’t hesitate, didn’t hold back, just tightened her grip around Ava’s shoulder as they laid together in the chair. “I keep saying, but Ava, so much of the last month has been me replaying you. Gone. No expression. Nothing. I… I have a lot to say. But I think I’ll just say this for now. You right here,“ Beatrice emphasizes her words by pulling Ava close, “This is all I care about. You alive. You close. You smiling. You being... chaotic. I will take a chaotic you over any version of you. Just as long as you’re here. Okay?”

Ava feels Beatrice drop her chin from the top of her head, feels her lips replace it. Feels the grip around her shoulder tighten, feels the heartbeat under her cheek quicken.

“I will tell you over and over. I’m right here Bea. I’m right here. With you.” Ava buried her face into Beatrice. Feeling her heartbeat. Smelling her. She relishes until she knows she needs to pull away. Ava sits up on the lounge chair. Cross-legged by Beatrice’s legs, picking up her drink, looking up at the stars. Drawing consistency and a promised _always_ from them.

“To that little cluster that looks like a dog,” Ava raises her glass, begging Beatrice to do the same and drop the heaviness.

“To that dog,” Beatrice responds after a few moments, looking at Ava with an adoring smile. They don’t break eye contact as they take their drink.

“Do you know about stars?” Ava asks, sitting up a little straighter.

“I do,” Beatrice smiles, already knowing Ava’s response.

“Of course you do,” Ava drops herself back down next to Beatrice, shimming her body for more space to look straight up into the sky, Beatrice shifting accordingly. “Tell me about them.” Beatrice looks down at Ava for the briefest of moments, committing her wonder to memory.

“Do you see that really bright one?” Beatrice points and Ava’s hand goes up with hers, Beatrice guiding her finger. “That’s Mars. Right there,” Beatrice repositions her hand, “That’s Jupiter.” She continues moving Ava’s hand around the stars, her fingers trying not to intertwine with Ava’s. “That one,” Beatrice traces a pattern with Ava’s hand, “Is Leo.”

“I can’t see it,” Ava whispers, tilting her head towards Beatrice, Beatrice looks back. In the dull light coming from the kitchen, Ava seems more beautiful than ever before. The faint lighting illuminating her eyes, her lips, her cheeks, her everything. Beatrice just stares.

“Bea?” Ava breathes out against Beatrice’s lips. Waking up her resolve. And yet, Beatrice moves her head closer to Ava’s while shifting her head back to the sky, trying to line up their eyes, as Beatrice traces Leo out once again.

“It’s right,” Beatrice outlines the constellation again, “there.”

“I see it,” Ava turns again, taking in the side of Beatrice’s face. Her freckles, her eyelashes. She wants to stay here forever. Safe. Easy. Until Beatrice clears her throat and sits up, then stands from the chair.

“Shall we?” Beatrice holds out her hands, finishing her drink in one go with the other. Ava reaches for her own, finishing it, and sets her glass back down, grabbing onto Beatrice’s hand.

“I think I’m going to stay down here for a bit, stay close to the stars,” Ava says, standing, keeping Beatrice’s hand in her own as they make their way towards the door to the kitchen.

“Do you mean find any snack you can get your hands on?” Beatrice laughs, knowing she is calling out Ava by the look on her face. Back in the kitchen, Beatrice drops Ava’s hand, facing her as they lean against the counters.

“That and my room is too big. I think I want to sleep over there,” Ava points to the breakfast nook bench, right below the large bay window.

“Okay. I’ll stay with you then,” Beatrice makes her way to the bench, settles down.

“You don’t have to do that, Bea.”

“My room reminds me of the Cradle. I would much rather be in a kitchen with you than there”

“Okay,” Ava moves towards Beatrice now, sitting on the left side while Beatrice takes up the right. 

“No food?” Beatrice laughs to herself.

“I would rather eat this shirt,” Ava pulls at the front of her shirt, “Than eat kale right now. I’m good here.”

Beatrice shifts in her seat, her back against the window, stretching her feet out on the bench, but pulls them back just as her ankles hover above Ava’s thighs.

“This might be really uncomfortable,” Beatrice offers, her knees now hugged against her chest. Ava holds out her hands, thumb and pointer fingers in L-shapes, one eye shut.

“This is actually the exact size of the chair outside, we did well then, why not now?” Ava drops her hands now, smiling at Beatrice.

“You know that’s a lie but I like your attempt. You looked very studious.” Beatrice smiles with her teeth now, feeling happy. So happy. It could be the two drinks she’s had but she knows it's not.

“Okay,” Ava jumps up from the bench, moving to the table, untying several chair cushions. “Shift forward a bit,” Beatrice does as she is told, and Ava drops the seat cushions behind her, Beatrice settling into them.

“K, now let me in,” Ava grins, wiggling her body, “sleepover round two.”

Ava drops herself down on the bench by Beatrice’s hip. She was living her wildest dream but trying to play it cool. 

“Blanket?” Beatrice holds up her hand, pushing Ava up from her position.

“Right, right,” Ava runs back outside, grabbing the blanket and returning.

“Lights.” Beatrice points as Ava moves back towards her. Beatrice is stalling. She knows it. Sleeping with Ava in her arms had happened before but this, this all felt different. So charged. So heavy. The same way things had been feeling all day.

“Marco?” Ava calls after the kitchen plunges into total darkness.

“Polo,” Beatrice responds, a laugh apparent in her voice. She feels Ava’s hand on her shoulder moments later.

“All clear professor? You need anything else? Water? Kale? No? Good,” Ava keeps her hand on Beatrice’s shoulder as her eyes adjust enough to slip onto the bench against her. 

It’s awkward at first, finding the best position on the bench. Shifting, elbow to the stomach, knee to the back. And then it just clicks. Beatrice drapes her arm over Ava’s torso, Ava pulling her arm in closer, holding Beatice’s hand against her chest. Her back fully pressed against Beatrice’s front. Ava can feel every breath Beatrice takes, the rise and fall, fast at first, then slowing, settling. They fit again. So perfectly.

“Good night Ava,” Beatrice whispers into Ava’s hair, gripping the hand that had slipped into her own, held tightly.

“Good night, Bea,” Ava snuggles back further, feeling warm, safe, and better than she had in her entire life.

\----

“Oh! There you are!” Beatrice is startled awake by the voice and the sun peaking over the horizon, through the bay window. As she attempts to sit up, she feels Ava’s head against her chest, feels Ava’s body in her arms, realizes she hasn’t woken from nightmares for the first time in a month. She shifts her eyes towards the voice in the kitchen, instinctively moving her finger to her lips shushing the person.

“Oh,” Leah pauses now, taking in their position, “Asami.” Leah whispers, looking at Beatrice with narrowed eyes.

“I’m sorry, did you just put a curse on me? My name is Beatrice.” Beatrice tries not to move, not wanting to wake Ava.

“Oh!” Leah exclaims loudly, clapping her hands.

“Shhh.” Beatrice shields Ava’s head from the gasp.

“I’m sorry. You are Beatrice. I should not let you know of any wrong doings the halo barer enacts during her stay here,” Leah smiles now, knowing her mission is resolved.

“You should always tell me if Ava does something wrong actually. You have it backward,” Beatrice shimmies her body out from under Ava, slowly and carefully, the barer not stirring at all.

“We didn’t get a proper introduction yesterday. I’m Beatrice. Whatever Ava told you is completely incorrect.”

“So she isn’t a normal girl with friends and family that should be treated as such?”

“Well, no. That’s true. But… If she does something mischievous, you must let me know immediately.”

“I have sworn fealty to the halo. If she asks me to conceal the truth I will do so. No questions asked. You are not above that,” Leah stares down Beatrice now, daring her to counter her loyalty. Leah must not know that Beatrice and the others were no longer members of the clergy. That Beatrice would punch her out with little to no regard if Leah held something from her. Beatrice decides to let it go, bowing her head slightly to Leah. 

“Can I help you with breakfast?” Beatrice asks now, looking back at Ava. She had turned over, her face buried into the cushion Beatrice had used as a pillow, pulled the blanket up under her chin. 

“Sure. You can mix the batter for pancakes. Or does Ava prefer waffles?” Leah looks to Beatrice now expectantly, hoping for direction. Beatrice shakes her head and moves around the kitchen to make pancakes.


	23. Chapter 23

“Ah, Ava. I hope you slept well. Did you not like your room? I can have someone bring up a bench if you prefer to sleep on that.” Leah smiles at Ava as she stirs and opens her eyes.

Ava continues her own process of waking up, disregarding the voice completely. She rubs her eyes, her mouth, looking around for Beatrice. She sees her at the stove and relaxes. Slowly stretching out her limbs and her neck.

“I can also send up a body pillow similar to Bianca’s body measurements if you prefer.” Beatrice turns around at the stove at the obvious misuse of her name.

“No, the room is lovely, perfect. Beatrice and I just fell asleep here. Nothing against you or the house. I promise.” Ava stands now, touching her toes, jumping up and down a few times.

“I see, well Barbara is helping me with breakfast if you want to go get changed for the day. I have training on your schedule so I would suggest training attire.” Leah smiles at Ava, indicating she should get prepared for the day.

“Yeah, sure,” Ava all but ignores Leah as she moves directly behind Beatrice, “Did you sleep well?” standing on her tiptoes to hover over her shoulder, one hand steadying herself on Beatrice’s hip. “Don’t burn those, yeah? I’ll be back in like ten minutes.” Before Ava drops from her tiptoes, she brushes a kiss against Beatrice’s cheek, skipping out of the kitchen.

Completely lost in the feeling of heat on her cheek from Ava’s lips, Beatrice nearly burns the pancakes while short circuiting. Her hand hovers over her cheek long after Ava had left the room. That was new. Unexpected.

“You are Asami, then?” Leah questions now, directly next to the stove, judging Beatrice’s ability to make pancakes while also judging every part of Beatrice.

“I don’t know this word you keep saying. What does that mean?” Beatrice moved the pancakes to a plate, pouring more batter into the pan. All while racking her brain for an iteration of the word Leah has now said twice.

“You are the betrothed to the halo. But in a long back and forth and non-obvious way in real life but on paper, you’re page two obvious.” Leah levels Beatrice, not acknowledging her confusion.

“You make no sense sister. I can converse with you in English, Spanish, Latin, German, Russian, French, Mandarin, and Hindi. I would prefer to speak in those but if you have one you are more fluent in, please let me know.” Beatrice tips up the edges of the cakes with the spatula. 

“Do you also speak cartoon?” Leah moves closer to Beatrice now, genuinely enquiring. Beatrice knows this by the look on Leah’s face.

“Unfortunately I do not. Ava speaks several different media based languages I do not relate to so if Asami is one of those, then let’s put it past us and move forward.”

“Yes,” Leah pauses, pointing at the pancakes, miming a flip motion, “I can agree to that. The barer is quite confusing. I spent the entirety of last night following the lore of cartoons. There are no rules. Half of them are demons but the good kind. It’s all quite… sapphic as well.” Leah busies herself cutting fruit now, missing the blush that covers Beatrice’s face.

“Look who I found!” Ava comes bounding into the kitchen with Camila, Lilith, and Mary hot on her heels. Now dressed in workout gear and sneakers. “Bea, step back from the stove, your face looks really hot.”

Ava comes up behind Beatrice again while the other three make their way to the kitchen island. Beatrice finds herself gripping the spatula, preparing for another Ava invasion. But nothing comes. She feels her shoulders relax but she feels a sense of disappointment at the same time.

“She didn’t find us, just so we’re clear. Is there any coffee?” Mary rummages through a few cupboards.

“I brought tea,” Camila sets down the wooden box she has been carrying and pops a kettle on the stove.

Leah moves around Mary and Camila awkwardly, reaching for the coffee beans and percolator. “Who would like coffee?” Mary and Lilith raise their hands.

“I’ll have some,” Ava smiles lifting herself up on the counter, reaching for a pancake from the stack. Beatrice swats her hand with the spatula, stopping her, with a smile on her face.

“No way. Have you ever had coffee?” Mary laughs from the breakfast nook now, “You plus caffeine sounds like the most chaotic thing I can think of this early in the morning.”

“Come on you ass, let me have coffee. Leah, please make me coffee,” Ava shoots Leah a grin and receives a tight nod.

“I will make you coffee Ava, but I think you should think about the language you use to address people,” Leah adds another scoop of coffee to the percolator.

“Ugh, not you too. Why is swearing such a thing for the nun community?” Ava tries to reach for a pancake again, only to be hit with the spatula.

“Because,” Beatrice’s voice carries the smile on her face as she shoots a quick look at Mary, “It shows a lack of ability to be scathing and clever.”

“Don’t” Mary warns from the nook, “Unless you want to enter into another insult battle. You ran from the room last time.”

“That was more than a year ago,” Beatrice turns off the stove, removing the pan, straightening her back, “I’ve grown. You know this.”

“Fine, bring it,” Mary stands from the bench and levels Beatrice with a glare, crossing her arms.

“Instead of calling Mary an ass,” Beatrice turns to Ava, “You could have said, Mary’s inability to feel like she is a part of something makes it so she doesn’t let others feel like they can be a part of something she likes. Coffee for instance.”

“Okay, I think we shouldn’t do this,” Camila chirps from the stove now, her eyes wide and sad.

“I agree, the last time you did this you didn’t speak for a month. We have a mission in two days. So please, don’t,” Lilith moves towards Mary now, reaching out but dropping her hand before she touches her.

“As much as I want to see this, I agree, I think you should stop,” Ava’s eyes are wide, looking between Beatrice and Mary. Mary holds up her hand to stop anyone else from speaking.

“No. Why not. Goody two shoes here already started it,” Mary clenches her jaw, a glint in her eyes. “Instead of calling Beatrice a stuck up bitch I might say something like, her parents couldn’t accept her and neither could she so she threw away any parts of an actual personality into the pits of God and uses knives and languages to hide behind actually showing her feelings.”

Ava gasps, sliding down from the counter to move closer to Beatrice, reaching for her hand. Camila’s mouth hangs open, looking at Mary like she just ruined the bonds they’ve created the last month. Lilith grabs Mary’s arm now, looking to the other girls in turn.

The tension, the anger, resentment, is palpable. Leah silently backs out of the kitchen, not wanting to exist in it.

“You’ve gone too far,” Ava is cut off by Beatrice laughing. Mary joins in. Lilith retracts her hand like she’s been burnt, looking at Mary like she’s gone crazy. Beatrice nearly doubles over in laughter now, pulling Ava’s hand to her stomach. 

“What the actual fuck was that,” Ava pulls her hand away, completely confused.

“Let it go Baby Halo,” Mary continues laughing, “you too,” Mary looks to Lilith now. “It’s a thing we do. Call out the bullshit to get over it. Call it fucked up therapy if you want to. It works.” Beatrice shrugs and nods along with Mary’s words. 

“I never want to witness that again. You both are… That wasn’t okay,” Camila folds her arms around herself.

“I’m just glad we got to do that in front of people, ya feel?” Mary points to Beatrice.

“Judging by the reaction, no. I don’t _feel_.” Beatrice takes Ava’s hand back and looks at Lilith and Camila. “We’re being serious but it’s not what you think. It really does feel therapeutic.”

“Maybe just,” Ava wants to pull Beatrice closer to her, take Mary’s comment away, but she doesn’t. “Keep that between the two of you. Our hearts can’t take that again.”

“Sorry, should have prefaced that with the fact that we do this all the time. I’ve heard that same phrase before, I told Beatrice the same thing three weeks ago.”

“Let’s just do breakfast and get to training, yeah?” Ava tries to break the bad feelings in the space, attempting to get over the normalcy that Mary and Beatrice were creating from their display. The girls float around the kitchen, in their own minds, Mary and Beatrice exchanging questioning looks, feeling guilty for subjecting the other to their form of _working through issues_.

“Okay, stop. That was fucked up, we’re sorry. I love Beatrice, you all know this. Sorry for making it weird,” Mary looks at each girl in turn, attempting to smooth things over.

“And I love Mary. We can do the opposite if you like? I can tell you all the reasons why I-” 

“Nope. We’re not doing that,” Mary cuts off Beatrice, “Let’s all grow up a little, know we love each other and all that shit and move forward.” Mary nods her head in finality and moves to the door of the kitchen, “Leah, come back here and let me know how to work this coffee pot.”

Leah came back into the room, eyes training on the floor, removing the percolator from the stove and retrieving three mugs. She doles out cups for each girl, adding a splash of the water from the kettle. Ava watches her work, excitement now cutting through the tension in her mind. Leah hands Ava her mug.

“Take a small sip first, some people like sugar and cream, so if the taste is not to your satisfaction, please let me know.” Leah smiles and gestures to Ava to take a sip. Ava brings the mug to her lips, all eyes on her now, Mary already looking smug, knowing Ava won’t like it. The bitterness of the drink hits Ava’s tongue, she tries to steady her face, prove that she could drink coffee, but she feels her lips pucker, her nose scrunching. 

“Told ya,” Mary cackles, taking her own mug.

“Leah, this is lovely,” Ava sticks her tongue out at Mary, mostly to air out the taste there but it served a dual purpose. “I’d love some creamer and sugar though.” Leah sets the saucer and sugar dish in front of Ava. Ava looks questioningly back at Beatrice now, not sure what to do with the items.

“Here,” Beatrice comes behind Ava, placing her hand on the small of her back as she reaches around for the cream. She pours some in along with a spoonful of sugar. “Try it now.”

Ava takes a smaller sip than her first one, not wanting to be accosted by the taste again. She is surprised to find that two simple additions make it bearable. 

“Thoughts?” Mary asks, knowing Ava can’t possibly like her first cup of coffee.

“I love it, thanks,” Ava feels her tongue almost shrivel up again as the taste settles more in her mouth, but the sugar and cream are enough to mask any outward display of dislike.

“Liar,” Mary grumbles out.

“Agenda for the day,” Leah announces, taking the bowls of fruit to the table, “Training in one hour. Followed by meditation, then a verbal run through of the battle plan. Bed early then ten o’clock departure tomorrow morning.” Camila removes the whistling kettle from the stove, pouring herself and Beatrice tea. 

The six girls position themselves around the breakfast nook, plates, glasses, and bowls taking up the entire table.

“These are really great pancakes Bea,” Camila smiles, “I like that one side is burnt and the other is not. It’s like a burst of flavor in one bite.”

Beatrice feels her cheeks heat up, remembering the three pancakes she burnt after Ava kissed her. How lost she felt, her whole body on fire.

“I’m sorry they were burnt, I wasn’t there to supervise,” Leah chimes in, smiling at Camila.

“Training. What's the play here? Lilith and I phasing around while the rest of you try to catch us?” Ava talks through a mouth full of pancakes, still very much not okay with the words Mary spoke to Beatrice but pushing through it.

“Not quite,” Beatrice pauses to finish eating, “We’ll be going through the battle plan with the digital rendering of the transfer location. Leah, I trust you have the schematics Mother Superion sent you.”

“Locked and loaded into the virtual training room.” Leah gives the group a thumbs up and stands to retrieve a pitcher of juice and more butter.

The rest of breakfast is spent talking about their training session and the map and plan Beatrice brought with her. They eat and drink and things feel normal enough, the outburst from Beatrice and Mary entirely leaves their minds. The tension leaves as the stack of pancakes gets smaller and smaller.

\----

“Hey,” Lilith makes her way from the patio door towards Mary, cleaning her guns on the glass table in the morning sun.

“No,” Mary doesn’t look up from her guns.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” Lilith stops across from the table and folds her arms. Mary finally looks up, wiping her hands on the rag.

“I could hear it in your voice and now looking at your face. You’re coming over here with feelings and we can’t do feelings right now.”

“I don’t have _feelings_ ,” Lilith sneers, unfolding her arms and leaning against the glass table. “I was going to ask you if you were coming to training.” Mary doesn’t respond with words, just points at the dismantled pieces of her guns.

“Fine,” Lilith slaps the table with one of her hands and turns to leave, Mary seeing her shoulders drooping with each step.

“We can do one feeling,” Mary sighs and rubs a hand over her face. She avoided this for a month. If they were meant to be in sync in the next few days for this mission, this should happen now instead of in meditation later. “I’ll start.” Mary gestures for Lilith to join her at the table.

Lilith steals her face. Any number of the feelings running through her could burst out and give herself away. The hurt she felt at being ignored for a month. Excitement for an actual conversation. Nervous for whatever they are about to talk about.

“Okay,” Mary sighs again, “Sorry for not talking about anything real with you for a month after the Vatican. Your turn.” Mary doesn’t make eye contact, her eyes trained on a window of the house, a door, anything but Lilith.

“Wait. That’s it? That’s all you want to say to me?” Lilith drops into the chair opposite Mary, her features stony and cold.

“That’s all I can do right now.”

“You call out Beatrice so completely and emotionally as a joke but you can’t even explain why you haven’t talked to me since then? That’s hardly a display of your capacity to express feelings.” Lilith wraps her arms around herself, knowing her words should cut but all she hears is her own vulnerability.

“That’s different.”

“You talk to Ava constantly. The only reason she’s really okay is because you’ve been there for her. Everyone has been there for her. But…” Lilith feels her eyes start to burn. This is not what she wanted to happen when she came out here. All she wanted to know was if Mary was coming to training.

Mary notices Lilith’s eyes. Notices her holding herself in comfort. It breaks her heart. Mary doesn’t know why she didn’t confront Lilith after the Vatican. She didn’t try to understand the Tarask parts of Lilith. Never asked her how she felt, how she was dealing with it all. She just assumed Lilith didn’t want to appear weak and left her be. Her assumptions were far from accurate.

“What did you want me to say, Lilith?” Mary holds eye contact now. If someone had given her a script, she could have used that and actually tried. But Lilith was this hard, angry person. Seeing a steel wall crumble in your arms was confusing and Mary wasn’t a welder.

“Anything,” Lilith whispers, looking into her lap. Mary feels her heart drop to her stomach. A single word makes her hate her actions. Mary didn’t realize Lilith was going through anything at all. After taking the first stab at Adriel, Mary thought Lilith was owning her power. She thought Lilith training with Ava was another step in owning that. She never stopped to think that maybe Lilith needed something other than a physical outlet. Maybe she needed to be held and seen and heard. And Mary just shut her out.

“Even Ava was there for me. But you. You called me your sister, you said you saw me, but you were nowhere. Why?” Lilith roughly wiped at her eyes. Not letting a single tear mark it’s way down her face. She was being open, vulnerable, but she didn’t want Mary to think she was weak.

“I didn’t know you needed me,” Mary finally replied after several beats of silence, sighing. “I didn’t know how to talk to you.”

“I didn’t even need you to talk. I just needed you there.” Lilith finally admits, letting the hot tears run down her cheeks now, not caring to wipe them.

“I’m sorry Lil. I didn’t know,” Mary stood now, moving to the chair next to Lilith. “I didn’t know. I’m not… the best at emotions. You know that. This whole talk is not in my wheelhouse. But now that you’ve said something. What you need. I got you.” Mary places her hand on Lilith’s shoulder lightly, then squeezes it.

Lilith looks up at Mary, tears in her eyes, not caring if she looks weak.

“Just don’t shut me out okay?” Lilith holds her gaze on Mary, tears and all, hoping she doesn’t come across as needy or weak.

“Okay,” Mary reaches for Lilith’s hand now, “I can do that. I’ll be here. For you.”

Lilith grips her hand in response, feeling her shoulder shake in another round of sobs. She can’t express what she wants to. Talk about everything she’s felt, has been feeling for a month, longer even. But this feels like enough for now.


	24. Chapter 24

“Holy shit!” Ava yells, tearing the VR headset from her head, sweat flying with it, “virtual reality is fucking bomb!” Ava uses Leah’s shoulders to project herself in a jump after exiting the battle simulation.

“Your language is distasteful Baby Halo. Please refrain from profanity. I am glad you liked the simulation though.” Leah’s hands go to her shoulders, feeling the heat from Ava’s hands on both of them.

“Ha!” Ava points both her fingers at Leah in a crouched position, “Nicknames! You sounded like a robot. But yes! You’re one of us!” Ava continues jumping from person to person yelling about VR and retrieving the sword in simulation.

“Ava,” Beatrice holds Ava in place when her hands grip her shoulders, “settle down. We need to run through it several more times with increased levels of difficulty. Please focus.” Beatrice can’t help the tiny smile that makes its way to her lips just looking at an out of breath, excited, sweaty Ava inches from her.

“Yeah, yeah, hook me back into the matrix. That was so hype!” Ava tore her hands from under Beatrice to jump on Lilith’s back.

“Horde Prime, my dude, wasn’t that so legit?” Ava buried her face in Lilith’s neck, legs wrapping around her waist. 

“What are you doing?” Lilith yelps. “Are you nuzzling? Stop it!” Lilith’s hands fly over her head to Ava on her back, pushing her forehead away from her neck.

“You’re super sweaty. Which means VR is legit! Ah!” Ava yells into Lilith’s ear, sliding down and off her back and twirling Camila around by her hands.

“Do you think they make virtual reality video games or tv shows?” Ava continues to spin Camila around, grin getting wider and wider. “How is this technology even allowed to be real? We were really there!” Ava releases Camila and jumps into the air, punching her fist up.

“Ava, please calm down. We need to keep going,” Beatrice runs her hand over her hair pulled into a bun. She hadn’t worn her habit in days. Neither had the others. She wasn’t used to feeling wisps of hair in her face. The tickle of it. She hadn’t accounted for this in her scenarios but it was indeed distracting. As was Ava.

Her energy. Her grin. Her need to find the absolute best things in every moment. Beatrice should have accounted for these tiny distractions.

“Put your headset back on you idiot,” Mary calls into the room, not lifting her own goggles, watching the rest of the simulation play out. Ava comes in front of her now, lifting the goggles. Ava’s grin taking over her entire view.

“It was just so,” Ava flails back now, arms up in the air, throwing her body around, “so cool!” Ava spins in the middle of the room for a second before running back towards Beatrice. “This isn’t how you train normally right. Why is no one else this excited?” Ava drapes her body over Beatrice’s shoulders.

“We’ve all done this before. Not often. But we’ve done it,” Beatrice turns and holds up Ava’s near limbless body draped against her. Fingers digging into her hips and torso. Ava sighs happily and rights herself in Beatrice’s arms throwing her arms over her shoulders.

“That was so good,” Ava smiles and holds Beatrice close to her. Beatrice feels Ava’s hands on the back of her neck pulsing with excitement then tilting her head towards her, connecting their foreheads. “Let’s go again. Make it harder this time!” Ava squeezes her eyes shut and grips the back of Beatrice before releasing her and pulling her goggles back in place, jumping up and down, waiting to be dropped back into the simulation.

“Leah, run it again, level five now.” Beatrice places her own goggles now, gripping her staff. 

\----

“Yes! Alright. I don’t want to diminish this session but going from virtual training to mediation feels like a dumb call,” Ava is still bouncing sitting cross-legged on the floor in the study with the others.

“Ava. It’s been an hour. Please calm your mind,” Beatrice places a hand on Ava’s shoulder, attempting to calm her, settle her mind.

“How am I supposed to do that though. Level ten! We beat them at level ten! Shego even has a smile on her face at that victory.”

“We have been resting for an hour Ava, how are you still so worked up?” Mary asks from across the circle, rubbing the bridge of her nose between two fingers.

“How can you possibly calm down?” Ava was bouncing in her seated position when realization dawned on Mary.

“Coffee. It's the caffeine. Jesus I knew this would be a disaster. She’s going to crash in like two hours,” Mary turned to Beatrice now, “Are you prepared for that?”

“I honestly hadn’t even thought of that… I will remedy it if she crashes.” Beatrice’s eyes were wide. She hadn’t added that to her calculations either. Stray hair, excitement, caffeine. There were so many variables at play that could be disastrous to their plan.

“That crash will be a nightmare for her,” Lilith whispered to Beatrice, “Plan accordingly.”

Beatrice didn’t know what Lilith meant in the moment but there was no time. Leah had entered the space with the recording Dr. Salvius had sent with them. 

“Dr. Salvius has sent you three pre-recorded sessions. This is your first. If you don’t run through all three before the missions, that's okay. The first one is arguably the most important,” Leah pulls out a cord of string. 

“Dr. Savlius will guide you once I hand this string off. Trust each other. Understand each other. You’ll be great.” Leah hands the spool of climbing string to Camila.

“Join us?” Camila looks up at Leah, eyes wide and open. Hand outstretched, inviting Leah to the circle. Leah looks at the other girls in the circle, smiles on their faces, and nods her compliance. 

“Warriors.” Jillian’s voice pauses on the recording. “You are more than that. You are bonded by so much more than service. You are bonded by your faith in each other. God yes. But your belief in each other is more tangible than your Savior. The one holding the spool. I want you to say one positive thing about the person you intend to send the spool to then throw it to them while holding a piece of the string as you throw it. Each person holding the spool will do the same after each pass. I will give you seven minutes to execute this exercise.” Jillian’s voice crackles out.

“Lilith, you make me feel more powerful like I can defeat anything that comes our way. I know I can annoy you at times but thank you for never thinking I’m weak.” Camila holds on to the end of the string and tossed the spool to Lilith.

Lilith catches the spool. “You’re not annoying,” Lilith responds, looking at Camila with a small smile on her face. She looks back at the string now, contemplating her move.

“Mary,” Lilith pauses now, thinking about her words, “You left me to be on my own, figure myself out, but I know I can count on you to be with me when I need you most.” Lilith tossed the string to Mary now.

“Bet I won’t leave you alone again,” Mary calls to Lilith across the circle. “Leah,” Mary knew she was taking the cowards way out here but she also felt bad for Leah after subjecting her to the situation during breakfast. She had also played out everyone’s throw in her head before this but she still wanted to make Leah feel included. “You made us all feel welcome. Made food, created a training experience. You have helped us garner safety and I appreciate you.” Mary tossed the spool to Leah.

Leah was stunned. She didn’t plan to be a part of this group. She had nothing to say to anyone other than the barer.

“Ava,” Leah looks up now, “You are confusing and fueled by media, specifically by cartoons. You hold so many new truths and wonders of human interactions. I’ve only had one friend in my life but I feel like I can call you a friend despite your confusing nature. I like learning from you.” Leah tosses the spools to Ava now. Ava laughed and winked at Leah as she caught the spool.

“Beatrice,” Ava looks to the spool in her hands, feeling a lot all at once, “I love you. You know this. I’ve told you many times. You challenge me. You make me better. You push and pull me in the right direction. But you also let me make my own path. I just… I forgive you and I love you,” Ava smiles and throws the spool to Beatrice.

Beatrice looks down at it, not able to meet Ava’s eye, feeling the love and warmth from Ava’s words. Feeling all of her. She smiles now, then looks to close the circle.

“Camila,” Beatrice pauses now, looking at Camila with love and light, “you are the heart of us. You are the smile, the soft blanket, the warm cup of tea. You are the best of us. When you smile. When you play the piano. You make us better. Thank you for making us better.” Beatrice tosses the spool back to Camila, closing the circle. They sit in contemplative silence until Dr. Salvius speaks again. 

“Now take your piece of string, what binds you to each other and cut a piece off, enough to wrap around your wrist. Bind yourself to each other physically.”

Leah hands each girl a pair of scissors and a lighter. They cut into the string, burning one end of the string, the plastic of it melting on one end, enough to bind it to the unburnt end.

“Can you help,” Ava turns to Beatrice now, unable to work a lighter. Beatrice looks at her, holding her gaze for a moment too long before grabbing her piece of string and the lighter. She holds Ava’s wrist in one hand, burning the edges of her string in the other, fusing them together when the plastic of the string starts melting. Ava smiles up at Beatrice when the two ends fused together.

“Thank you,” Ava reaches up, her thumb lightly running over Beatrice’s jawline. Beatrice grabbed her wrist before her hand fully enveloped the side of her face, stopping the intrusion, she couldn’t handle this level of human contact right now. She needed Ava to be just another member of the OCS. Just another friend. She can’t be this _thing_ in her brain, sucking up all of her thoughts.

“You’re welcome,” Beatrice whispers out, still holding her wrist. Holding onto what she shouldn’t.

“The string on your wrist,” Jillian’s voice cuts through the hold on Beatrice. “Represents your unity. You will be with one another until the end. The strings on your wrists will be with you for as long as fire creates warmth.”

The voice on the recording pauses. Ava sits back in her seat, stealing glances at Beatrice. The other girls. They all look around the circle. Leah is the least aware of tensions and past feelings.

“The next twenty minutes will be a guiding breathing exercise. Please join hands in a circle and prepare yourselves in a seated position.”

The girls scoot in closer, all sitting criss cross, palms turning up for the person next to them to grab on to. Knees bump against each other. Ava squeezes Beatrice’s knee before grabbing her hand, shutting her eyes, knowing what's to come from the group meditation based on their last sessions. Ava didn’t need to look across a circle now. She could hold Beatrice’s hand and feel her next to her.

“I will count your breathing exercise down. Breath regularly now. In. Out. In. Out. Now breathe in through your nose for...2...3...4... Hold...2...3...exhale through your mouth...2...3...4...

Ava feels her hand grip Beatrice’s tighter. Feels her lungs open and close in time with Jillian’s voice. Feels more calm than she has in months. She feels her mind slip. Feel her hand go slack. The last thing she feels in the back of her head hitting the floor.

\----

“Ah, Ava, welcome,” Shannon smiles, hands clasps in front of here. “We have been waiting for you.”

“Fuck, am I dead again,” Ava sighs and looks around the nondescript cathedral full of women. Some of them look and feel oddly familiar, like she has seen them before, or even felt them.

”You are not dead. Just traveling,” Shannon smiles at her now, hands clasped in front of her. “When we last met, I was not myself. Our talk of ending the Warrior Nun line was fueled, in part, by Adriel. There was no way for you to know this. Nothing about your actions have created this current moment in time. But Adriel had possessed my soul then, commandeering my body using the divinium fragments left by the explosion. He was urging you to enter the tomb before you were able to enter this state and gather the facts.”

“What she is saying if you’re hot headed and naive.” Ava follows the voice and her mouth drops.

“Let me guess,” Ava points her finger and waves it up and down the speaker’s body. “Cheekbones, angry eyes, dark features, hates me instantly. You must be Lilith’s family member?” 

“Correct. Sister Ada. I’d say I’m charmed, but we are unable to lie here,” Ada bows sarcastically. “I trust that Lilith died nobly in battle. I can’t feel or see her anymore.”

“Well, no, not exactly but that’s a long story. Before you all disintegrate into a horror smoke of screams, can you let me know what I’m doing here?” Ava slowly turns on her heels again, taking in the space, the faces.

“Back on Earth-”

“Ugh no, I can’t be off planet right now. Beam me back, we can do this there,” Ava sighs and plays with her fingers.

“Let me rephrase, back in your physical form-

“Worse!”

Sister Shannon locks eyes with Sister Ada for a brief moment before continuing. “Ava, please pay attention, we don’t have much time. Your connection to us is not yet strong enough to sustain your presence here. Follow me.” Shannon directs Ava towards the now lined up Warrior Nuns.

“The women in the room are the past bearers of the halo. Each one has given their life to carry out the mission of the church.” Shannon pauses now, nodding at the women standing in front of them.

“Sister Madeline,” A woman with an eye patch tilts her chin up in acknowledgment. “1974.” Ava is expecting something more. Words of wisdom, guidance, but the single eye of Sister Madeline hardens it’s gaze as she looks back off and away from Ava.

“In time, if you are given enough, you’ll be able to access all of our stories. Tap into each one of our personal experiences, our battles.”

“Will I get an eye patch?” Ava knows she needs to shut her mouth, but her discomfort and unease are pulling out her worst habits.

“If you earn one, yes.” Shannon stops them again, facing another warrior.

“Sister Christine,” Her voice is like silk. She winks while taking a sip from a martini glass, her three piece suit immaculate and form fitting. A gold chain runs from her breast pocket to the pocket of her pants. “1962.”

“Oh I like you, how do you have alcohol down here?” Ava turns to Shannon now, “I could pull off a suit.” Ava does in a spin as they walk, picturing herself in the white suit.

“If you pull off living long enough to learn Sister Christine’s story it will be a miracle.” Shannon rubs her hands together now, jaw clenching. “Your mission in two days will not be easy.”

“How do you know that?” Ava stops walking now, looking up at Shannon, around at the other Warrior Nuns looking back at her.

“We know your life as we know each other. We know the next and the next. Those before and before. We see all.”

“God you're cryptic. How did Mary handle you?” Ava gruffs and locks eyes with an unknown Warrior Nun who was looking through her.

“How is Mary?” Shannon brought her hands up to her chin, looking at Ava. “I can see her through you, but just your thoughts. She is big for you. Important. But is she...okay?”

Ava thinks about this now. Having this conversation was not something she anticipated. Every time she did, she was the kid sister, threatening the betrothed of Mary. Now. Now was different.

“I think she’s okay. She’s finally processing. Finding the good in her past,” Ava smiles to herself, remembers their conversations.

“That’s all I want.” Shannon sighs now. “In two days time, you will be tested.”

“Wait, what? I thought we were doing a bonding thing.”

“We are. In two days you will need to choose between your head and your heart. You must choose your head for the OCS to succeed.”

“We aren’t even a part of the OCS anymore. What do you mean? What are my choices?” Ava reached for Shannon, phasing through her hands.

“You will know when the time comes. We do not get to act with our hearts,” The entire line of Warrior Nuns looks to her in unison.

“No. Creepy. But no. I will always go with my heart. My friends. My family. I will always pick them,” Ava’s mind starts to panic. The room glitching here and there.

“They were my family too. You can feel that. The mission comes first.” Shannon shares a sympathetic smile with Ava.

“No. I refuse to believe that. We are more than a mission.” Ava stands her ground, crossing her arms, frowning.

“We have all thought that but when the time comes, you will know.”

“Just say things that make sense! Just tell me what to do!” Ava falls to her knees now, feeling powerless and drained.

“It’s coming,” Shannon looks behind Ava now. “You love her but you will lose her.” Shannon’s voice started to waver.

“Beatrice? No, I won’t lose her. I don’t even have her yet. What does that mean?” Ava felt tears start to well in her eyes.

“They are waking you, Ava. We are here. Always. With you. Stay long enough. Stay for us. Stay for her. But make the right choices.” Shannon brought her fist to her mouth, kissing her knuckles and releasing her hands towards Ava as the room and the warriors faded.

\----

“Ava!” Beatrice shook Ava’s body held close to her chest, “come back! Wake up! Please!” A tear hit the center of Ava’s forehead, jolting her body, her limbs flailing. Beatrice doesn’t recoil when the back of Ava’s hand hits her cheek. She didn’t care if it stung, she clung tighter to Ava, holding her close.

“Bea. Beatrice, stop. Let me go. What the hell just happened!” Ava pushed Beatrice slightly away from her, taking in her surroundings. She was back in Barcelona. Back in the safe house. Back with Beatrice. She retracted her flailing, her pushing, and pulled herself back into Beatrice, burying herself in her chest, wrapping her arms around her waist.

“Bea,” Ava sighed against the fabric of Beatrice’s shirt, pulling her closer still. 

“Where did you go?” Beatrice whispered into Ava’s hair. Holding her just as close. Ava didn’t move, just held tighter. She was back. She was okay. Slowly, she pulled her head up.

“I… I think,” Ava stopped, not knowing how to proceed. “I was with the other Warrior Nuns. With Sister Shannon.”

“What?” Mary practically yells, moving across the room and dropping herself next to Ava. “Say more words.”

“I tapped into the other Warrior Nuns,” Ava looked to Lilith now, “Sister Ada sends her regards.”

Lilith jerked her head back in indifference, before moving closer to Ava. “Ada was my aunt. Was she okay? How did she seem?”

“Let’s all calm down.” Camila joins the huddle, “Let Ava think and process so she can tell us what she experienced.” She places her hand on Lilith and Mary’s shoulders, stopping their verbal attack.

“Okay,” Ava breathes deeply, still holding tightly to Beatrice, “I can talk to the other Warrior Nuns. Learn from them. All of them. Shannon spoke to me once before but this time they were all there. Shannon said I had a choice to make during the mission. She was spooky vague and Ada was literally your clone.” Ava released her hold on Beatrice, sitting up fully now. “I saw all of them, but I couldn’t hear them. They just said their names. I need to keep the halo long enough to tap into their knowledge. Which means I can’t die. Again.”

“How did you tap into it?” Camila asks, settling onto the floor in their tight circle.

“I don’t know, I guess I felt calm and safe during the meditation. How long was I gone?” Ava asks the group.

“Five minutes,” Beatrice responds with a sniff, wiping the stray tears from her face.

“I’m sorry,” Ava reaches for Beatrice's hand now, the movement and the emotion felt and seen by all in the circle.

“Don’t be. This is really valuable news. You have so much to learn from them. Do you think you can go back in? Get more information?” Beatrice squeezes Ava’s hand then lets it go, all too aware of the eyes on her and self conscious of her reaction to Ava fainting.

“I can try. Should I try now?” Ava rotates her neck and flexes the tight muscles of her back.

“If you think you can,” Beatrice gripped her hand still tighter.

“Don’t wake me up okay? Everything will be fine.” Ava lays down now, closing her eyes, focusing on her breathing.

“We’ll be here when you wake up.” Camila offers near Ava’s head.

Ava feels the rise and fall of her chest. The air rushing in through her nose and out her mouth. She can feel the presence of her friends close by. She’s calm and safe.

Ava cracks her eye open, hoping to find the dark hue of the cathedral but all she sees is Camila’s smiling face and the look of concern on Beatrice’s.

“Hm,” Ava sits up, crossing her arms, feeling like she failed them, “nothing. Well maybe I used it all up and it needs to recharge?”

“That could be true. No matter. We can try again later.” Beatrice rubs Ava’s back, smiling in reassurance.

“Do you think we could skip the rest of the meditation? I’m super tired. That took a lot out of me.” Ava suppresses a yawn.

“It’s the crash,” Mary chuckles, bumping shoulders with Beatrice. 

“The first one is always the hardest,” Lilith stands now. “I’m pro shortened meditation. Plus, Bea, you’re going to have your hands full with how dramatic Ava is.”

“Wait,” Breatice pulls Lilith and Mary away from Ava, “What am I supposed to do?”

“Option one, water, aspirin, herbal tea,” Lilith counts off on her fingers.

“Option two, more coffee,” Mary offers. “I’d go with number one but if we want to keep the baby super charged, I’d go option two.” Beatrice looks between them then back and a droopy eyed Ava on the floor.

“Leah, do you think you can make some herbal tea for Ava?” Beatrice picks option number one, it felt like the lesser of two evils.

“On it!” Leah shoots a finger in the air and turns to leave, “thanks for letting me have this bracelet with you all,” she calls over her shoulder.

\----

“Thanks for this,” Ava sits up in her bed, taking the aspirin with tea, Beatrice sitting on the edge of it, “my head is killing me.”

“I am told high levels of caffeine does this to a person. You’ll be better when it leaves your system. You should rest. I’ll come get you when dinner is ready.” Beatrice makes to leave but a hand stops her.

“You could stay if you want. Little nap couldn’t hurt right,” Ava smiles up at Beatrice now.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Beatrice shifts back and lays down stiffly next to Ava.

“You can relax you know,” Ava laughed through her nose, turning on her side to face Beatrice.

“I know,” Beatrice moved to her side now, facing Ava, noting her slightly pained expression. “Do you want me to massage your temples?”

“Would you?” Ava settles further into her giant bed, the pillows the softest she’s ever felt. Beatrice nods and starts rubbing tiny circles into Ava’s temple. “We honestly should have slept here last night. This bed is so comfy.” Ava hums to herself and her eyes drift shut.

“It is a really nice bed,” Beatrice signs in response. “But I liked the nook too.”

“Me too,” Ava half opens her eyes, holding Beatrice’s gaze. Her eyes drop to Beatrice’s lips.

 _This would be the perfect time to kiss her,_ Ava thinks to herself. She closes her eyes again, getting lost in the circling motion of Beatrice’s fingers. 

“We should do something fun tonight,” Ava mumbles. “Maybe Leah can set up a bonfire in that pit in the backyard.”

“I’ll ask her,” Beatrice stops rubbing her fingers for a moment to brush Ava’s hair from her forehead. Her fingers trail along her hairline, down to her jaw, under her chin, before returning to her temple.

Beatrice noted the steadying of Ava’s breath, how relaxed her features look. Beatrice smiles to herself now, slowing her fingers, letting herself relax next to Ava.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of swearing...

“Hey, Ava?” Camila peeks her head through the door, Mary stepped around her, coming into the room, only to stop suddenly, Camila running into her back. Mary turns to Camila now, fingers to her lips, and pulls out her phone. She snaps a quick picture of the two before calling Beatrice's name louder.

Beatrice’s brows furrow, shaking the sleep from her eyes and body, her arms tighten around Ava. She spots Mary and Camila standing in the middle of the room and shoots up in the bed.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Ava grumbles, buried against Beatrice’s thigh, her arm reaching up and wrapping around her.

“We’re fine, we need to wake up now,” Beatrice whispers down to Ava, a blush covering her entire face at the position they were caught in. Beatrice jiggles Ava’s arm now. 

“Five more minutes,” Ava gripped tighter against Beatrice, trying to pull her back down.

“I knew you were a cuddler but this is excessive,” Mary snorts now, Ava jolting up in the bed, hair covering half her face.

“Shut up,” Ava groans, wiping the sleep from her face. “Why are you here?”

“Dinner is almost ready. We wanted to make sure you didn’t sleep through it,” Camila beamed at the two girls in bed, barely able to contain her reaction.

“We’ll be down in a few minutes. Thank you,” Beatrice responds for the both of them, shoeing Mary and Camila out of the room with a single gesture.

“You okay?” Ava asks, knowing Beatrice must be feeling embarrassed and out of place after being caught in her bed.

“Yeah,” Beatrice reaches for Ava, “I’m good, promise.”

\----

Dinner was a rowdy affair. Reliving their VR session, how they had claimed victory, what moves were new, and how Lilith glitched in and out of the simulation. Ava described the other warrior nuns in further detail, answering every question that was thrown her way. Lilith egged her on about Ada, teasing her about the afterlife finding her annoying and impulsive. 

Mary was quiet until she asked about Shannon. 

“She was good. Better than the last time I saw her. She was less... heavy,” Ava couldn’t think of the right word to describe a soul, “She was at peace with her sisters,” Ava sends Mary a small smile.

“Remember that time Shannon pulled an Ava and snuck in Oreos but switched the filling was toothpaste?” Camila smiled to herself.

“Beatrice was so polite and said she didn’t know Oreo had a mint flavor,” Mary laughed now, her eyes glistening.

“She didn’t pull an Ava, Ava is pulling a Shannon every time she pranks. Not even close to the caliber of her,” Beatrice smiles across the table, watching Mary laugh.

“I remember when she told me I was ready for the first time,” Lilith says quietly, cutting through the laughter. “She looked so much older. Tired, but full of life. She told me I could be a leader if I wanted it but my heart was closed just as tightly as my fists. She held her hand out to me then,” Lilith held her own hand in front of her, remembering the interaction “She told me when I opened my heart, unclench my fists, I would be one of the greats.” 

Lilith looks down to her clasped hands now, then looks to Mary, quickly averting her eyes.

“Lilith,” Ava starts but stops when Lilith raises her hand in silence.

“Don’t Ava, you know you’re my halo barer. Shannon believed in me. You all do. Even now that I’m part hell guardian. She believed in all of us. I believe in us too.” Lilith looks around the table, slightly furrowing her brow at Leah, she had forgotten she was there but held her gaze for a second nonetheless.

Mary looks sideways as Lilith, half out of the corner of her eye, half fully, for what seemed like the first time. Her eyes find the compassion, the care she puts into her words. Mary smiles to herself, the girl she threw into the ocean was so far from the girl sitting at this table. She trusts Lilith, believes in her.

“I was the first person she phased with, do you remember that?” Beatrice chimes in. “Four mercenaries had cornered me and each of you were locked in your own fight. I had two knives left and had nearly given up when Shannon phased through the wall behind me and pulled me through. We stood stunned on the other side then she did that dance, you know the one,” a grin erupts on Beatrice’s face at the memory.

“I loved that dance!” Camila stood from her seat and bounced on the tips of her toes, her forefingers pointing in various directions as her shoulders shimmied.

“No way! Stoic Shannon did not dance like that. Next time I see her in the Halo Zone I’m going to open with that,” Ava laughs as Camila keeps dancing. “Also, wait, we can phase with other people? When do I get that skill?”

“You phased objects just fine,” Lilith teases again, remembering the furniture in her room half way through her walls.

“Oh yeah. I guess I just didn’t want to kill any of you by trapping you in a wall,” Ava looks off, picturing what it would feel like to accidentally trap one of her sisters in a wall, she shudders then.

“Can I get anyone anything? Drink, dessert?” Leah makes herself known at the table now as a lull follows the talk of Sister Shannon.

“I could really go for a beer right now,” Mary half grumbles out, stretching her arms above her head.

“I can do that. Anyone else?” Leah flashes her generic smile to the table now as hands go up in the air. Leah nods her head curtly and leaves the kitchen.

“What do you think her deal is?” Mary hooks her thumb after Leah’s retreating form.

“She hasn’t called me by the right name once since we’ve arrived,” Beatrice shrugs her shoulders.

“I think she’s nice. Imagine yourself in the house alone for weeks on end,” Camila adds.

“She’s a little needy, a little weird, but I like her. I feel like If I had a younger sister with like, a lot of trauma from being locked in our mom’s closet without social interaction, it would be Leah,” Ava doesn’t want to laugh, but she does anyway, the others shaking their heads along with her laughter.

“She might be obsessed with the halo, and that means Ava. That’s probably why she has her claws out for you Bea,” Mary shakes her head, her laughter slowing.

“Why Beatrice?” Ava knew what she was doing, she wanted to call it out, “You all like me, right?”

“Yeah, Ava, we all like you. Don’t pay any mind to Mary,” Camila smiles sweetly at Ava before shooting daggers at Mary and shaking her head. Mary raises the palms of her hands above the table to Camila, backing down.

“Alright,” Leah returns with a basket in her arms. “I have pale ale, pilsner, and IPA. Who wants what?”

“Jesus, that's like fifty pounds of beer, where did that come from?” Ava looks at the strain of Leah’s muscles, the number of bottle caps poking up from the top of the basket.

“I guess we just have to do a taste test of Barcelona beer,” Mary grins at the group and motions for Leah to come over.

\----

“This is actually… really nice,” Lilith looks around their little circle, faces illuminated by the glow of the fire. She can feel the corner of her mouth tilting up in a small, quiet smile. 

They had moved from dinner to the back patio after a drink or two. Leah had collected wood from the pile in the back as Beatrice constructed a pyramid with a fire starter at the base, producing a lighter from her pocket. The fire was blazing in minutes as they settled from dinner.

“Yeah, nice and normal,” Mary nods her head in agreement, lifting her bottle of beer in a silent cheers to no one in particular. Her own mind and body feeling relaxed for the first time in days, months even.

“Welcome to your first day of Normal 101. I’m your badass, totally normal instructor,” Ava grins around the circle. 

“Nope,” Mary’s frown is humorous as she shakes her head, “You're like a double baked zombie, twice dead. You’re the least normal person here.”

“Hey! I’m so normal,” Ava sits up a little in her chair, pointing at Beatrice, “She’s probably a robot programmed by super advanced AIs to carry out their work in a humanoid body to go unnoticed by the masses.”

“That’s so specific and I kind of agree. Except she bleeds a lot. Robots don’t bleed,” Mary counters Ava’s theory.

“Inch thick organic layer over the robot part,” Ava crosses her arms, daring Mary to counter again.

“I am right here, I can hear you talking about me like I’m not a human,” Beatrice pauses for a moment, brow furrowing, lips tightening. “Do you both really think I’m a robot?”

“Bea, no,” Ava reaches across and grips her hand on the arms rest. “I’m sorry, I’m joking. You’re just like, too perfect to be normal sometimes.” Ava smiles softly.

“I am far from perfect Ava, you of all people should know that,” Beatrice feels her features soften slightly as she rotates her hand under Ava’s to squeeze it back. Ava finds herself getting lost in Beatrice’s eyes, they flash gold in the fire light. She feels a thumb running the length of her finger. She tears her eyes away from Beatrice to watch their hands, her stomach dropping with each back and forth movement of Beatrice’s thumb. The only thing grounding her at the moment was a cool drop of condensation from the beer running over her fingers on her other hand

“If I had to pick any of us to be normal, it would be me,” Mary says, breaking the silent tension. “I have an apartment. I know how to cook. I have a real life,” Mary sits back now, satisfied with her normal self.

“You waste money on an apartment, you're never there. That’s very normal of you,” Lilith takes the tiniest sip of a beer handed to her. She feels her nose scrunch at first but settles into the taste, begins to relish in it even after the second sip.

“What is normal supposed to feel like?” Camilla asks quietly after a few moments of silence. No one answers right away. Their expressions shifting with the flickering of the flames.

“I think maybe it’s this,” Ava starts then pauses, “Not running for our lives, killing demons. With friends, in clothes not covered in hidden compartments for knives and guns.”

“Beatrice still has those pockets,” Mary laughs. Beatrice pulls out a slim nail file from inside her sleeve. She flicks it open into what looks like a scalpel sized knife to prove Mary right. All five girls are grinning around the fire at each other.

“Fair, then maybe normal is being able to choose what normal feels like for ourselves. Bringing pieces of our past selves to the new people we want to be.”

“Damn Baby Halo, that was deep,” Mary flicks her bottle cap across the fire, hitting Ava in the forehead.

“Shut up, that was deep you ass,” Ava picks the cap up from her lap and throws it back, Mary catching it while laughing.

“Language, Ava,” Beatrice, still holding Ava’s hand, gives it a tight squeeze.

“No way, we are not in a _house of worship_ anymore. We can swear as much as we want. That's completely normal” Ava takes her hand from Beatrice, putting the palms of her hands in front of her chest, mocking a deep inhale of breath before yelling, “Fuuuuuck!” into the night sky, releasing all of her breath with the word. She wipes a stray piece of hair out of her face then looks around the circle with a satisfied smirk. Eyebrows were raised, mouths were hanging open.

“God damnit!” Camila yells, after a few moments, her face towards the sky, her hands balled in fists, face slightly red. Ava claps her hands in shock.

“Fucking shit!” Lilith yells next, Ava starts to laugh along with Camila.

“Bullshit ass, piece of shit, mother fucker!” Mary rounds it out, their echoing yells swallowed up by laughter.

“Yes you beautiful shit heads, yes! Bea go!” Ava claps her hands, then pats the back of her hand against Beatrice’s shoulder, waiting. Illuminated eyes and grins look to Beatrice now in anticipation, Ava practically bouncing in her seat, Camila’s grin growing by the second.

They watch Beatrice tip her head back, much like Camila, they watch her throat bob once in a deep swallow, even tilted up, they can see the smile blossom on her face before she licks her lips and her chest swells in a deep breath.

“Fuucking hell!” Beatrice yells then feels her shoulders rock in a silent laugh so deep she doesn’t make a sound. She takes in the release. The pressure in her chest espaces with her swear, into the night sky. She stays that way for a beat, two, looking up to the stars, her smile so wide it’s almost painful, before she looks back at the circle, her eyes holding unshed tears of joy. This was it. This is the normal she wants.

“What in God’s name is going on out here!” 

All five girls whip around in their seats to look towards the patio door. Grins dropping, suddenly on high alert before they start laughing again. Leah stands there, mouth hanging open at the words she’s just heard come from their mouths.

“Leah, sorry, we were just… swearing. You wouldn’t understand,” Ava tries to placate the shocked look on Leah’s face but it didn’t seem to work.

“I thought I would bring you another round of drinks,” Leah slightly lifts the tray of shot glasses, cut limes, and a dusty bottle of tequila, almost like a shrug. “I wanted to do something nicer, but the vodka I’ve had hidden didn’t seem like enough for all of you.”

Ava and Beatrice share a secret look, hoping Leah didn’t know it was them who had swiped it from her stash. Leah sets the tray down on the table, the glasses clinking together as she turns to leave.

“Wait, Leah, you should stay. Have a drink with us,” Camila smiles at her, the rest of the girls nodding their heads.

“You’re one of us now,” Ava lifts her wrist with the string bracelet to confirm her point.

“I’ll just… go get another shot glass. Does anyone want another beer?” Leah couldn’t contain her smile.

“Why do you even have alcohol here? Isn’t that against the nun rule?” Ava asks, she doesn’t know why she didn’t ask at dinner.

“What else am I supposed to do?” Leah turns back shrugging, moving towards the kitchen now to retrieve the beers.

“What do you mean?” Ava asks when Leah returns with several beers, reaching to pour six shots.

“About what Baby Halo?” Leah continues pouring the shots and moving them around the table.

“Mary, say Baby Halo,” Ava looks to Mary, who complies and adds a specific extra drawl. “You don’t need to pronounce every syllable, it can just roll off your tongue. Love the use of nicknames though. What’s your last name?”

“Lopez,” Leah responds impassively.

“Great! I’ll call you LL!,” Ava watches Leah’s face morph into a real smile now. “LL, what _do_ you do all day when we’re not here?” The group shifts at the same time, leaning in closer, all eager to hear the tails of a safe house shut in.

“Um, well since you arrived I’ve been reading a lot of comics and watching cartoons.”

“We’ve only been here a day. How long have you been here?” Mary takes the shot glass in her hands, observing Leah.

“I think about four years,” Leah nods her head and follows Mary’s lead, raising her glass in a solute.

“To us. Bonded by a weird, campy, piece of string we had to burn in order to bring together,” Mary offers up the words of the cheers, thoughtful, cheerful nods fill the circle as glasses are thrown back and limes bitten.

“Wow. So four years,” Camila pushes Leah. “What have you been doing? Why are you even here? Have you been alone this whole time?”

“It’s kind of boring, you should all talk instead,” Leah’s smile morphs into the same generic smile she’s given them the few days.

“We know each other well enough, tell us about you,” Beatrice offers, sitting back in her seat, taking the beer bottle from Ava, twisting off the cap, and handing it back.

“My great aunt by blood was a Warrior Nun. Sister Christine-”

“No fucking way are you related to Sister Christine. She’s a total smoke show!” Ava bounces in her seat, remembering the sister in the white suit and martini glass. Beatrice side-eyes Ava now, feeling a slight pang of jealousy. 

“Way indeed. When I heard of her stories from my family. From my other relatives that joined the OCS. I wanted in. So I trained. Or tried to. But turns out, I’m not cut out for actual battle. You want to know an edible berry or how to track in the woods or how to suture a wound with nothing but a shirt, a stone, and a match? I’m your girl.” Leah pauses, reaching for a beer now, taking in the looks from around the circle. They looked genuinely interested. She hadn’t seen that expression in years.

“But I’m a legacy as they say. They couldn’t put me in the pile of rejects so they sent me here. To guard a safe house in the name of the halo. So many false promises.” Leah smiles bitterly.  
“When I was told you were coming I didn’t believe Mother Superion. She drops in every few months, just to say hi on her travels. But when you actually arrived. The first real people I’ve seen in a long while…” Leah trails off, not knowing how to finish her thought without sounding weirder than she already did.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Ava sends a smile across the circle to Leah, finding Beatrice’s hand unconsciously. “You are a real asset. When we defeat Adriel the whole order will change. You’ll have value because of who you are, not what you can do for them.” Ava reaches for the tequila bottle, pouring another round of shots for everyone, ignoring the squeeze against her hand.

“One more, then we can just exist here with each other. No hangovers right?” Ava looks to Beatrice for a nod and continues pouring when she receives one.

“To Leah,” Ava raises her glass when the shots are handed around. “You’re quiet and weird and I like that.”

“To you achieving the Avatar state,” Leah laughs and cheers to Ava before taking her own shot.

“Bunch of nerds, I swear,” Mary mumbles loudly, taking her own shot.

“The fact that you even know what that means is proof you are a nerd too,” Ava throws another bottle cap at Mary. Mary once again catching it, throwing it back.

“Wait, you never answered the alcohol thing,” Camila brings it back to Leah now.

“You want the truth?” Leah looks around the circle now, her cheeks are flushed, her eyes a little bleary.

“Obviously. You feel like an enigma,” Lilith prompts Leah to keep going.

“I gave up on the order. I gave up on God. I didn’t tell anyone I just decided one day. I hadn’t seen anyone other than the supply drop once a month for over a year and mother twice that year,” Leah pauses now, pouring another round of shots, disregarding Ava’s final shot. “So I renounced it all mentally and picked an alcohol to rebel against being stuck here. I was into cava for a while. I made a video blog about the different types I tried.”

“That is actually… adorable,” Ava laughs now, taking the shot Leah poured. “With an absolute lack of offense. I want to see them. I don’t know what cava is but I want to learn all about it from you.”

“Yeah,” Leah smiles to herself now, “I had a credit card so I started getting monthly subscription boxes for everything you can think of. Solving murder mysteries, teas, coffees, wine, beer. At first, it was just to talk to the delivery person but then it became how I passed my time. I got really into crystals for a few months but that just felt like replacing faith so I threw them into the woods. But then I made a game of doing a video of a cava tasting then taking a crystal, throwing it into the woods while drunk then trying to find it the next day.”

The girls looked at Leah in various stages of shock and astonishment. What would they have been doing if they were alone in a remote location for years?

“You are the only people I’ve talked to in about five months outside of my delivery people,” Leah admits and takes a long pull of her beer. “I’ve been faking what I think a real nun would be like around the halo. I hate it here. I want to leave but I have no life skills. No money. No connections at all,” Leah lifts her beer bottle now, dropping her head.

“Wow,” Ava breathes out just looking at Leah.

“Yeah, that’s… intense,” Mary reaches out and clinks her bottle against Leah’s. Leah smiles at her in appreciation.

“Beatrice, I know your name by the way. I’ve actually known you by name and reputation for years. I just thought I could play like a weirdly obsessive fangirl to the halo to make it easier and then none of you would actually question me. I also know you drank the vodka in the freezer. This whole place has cameras.”

“Wait, what? Everything is recorded?” Lilith sits up straighter now, looking around.

“Yeah, sorry. I wasn’t watching you, I swear, I was turning them off for the night and saw you in the kitchen. I should have mentioned that. Mother Superion has been watching though. That’s totally my bad. Invasion of privacy and all that. But I cut them two hours ago when I went to get the cooler of beers from the fridge in my room. I’ve cut them a lot since you’ve been here actually.”

“So you’re telling me, you have a personality that is so anti church and the OCS that you crafted this fake version of yourself to make us think you were one of the churches chosen for nearly two days?” Ava pauses, letting that question wash over the circle. She felt herself wanting to get mad, she watched the others come to that conclusion as well. She felt Beatrice stiffen next to her. Ava was tired of being lied to by the people in her life, even if it was to protect her. Leah lying? 

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m not the best with social interactions. It felt easier to play a character because the real me would have gotten attached. Now when you leave, you’ll have been part of a story I made up. I’ll just go,” Leah stands to leave, head hanging.

“Wait,” Ava stands now. “You’re kind of like an espionage queen.” 

Leah turns back towards the circle, watching Ava’s smile grow on her face. 

“You’re weirder than I thought, but she’s right. We bought your whole fake story,” Mary lifts her beer again, tilting her head towards the fire, beckoning Leah back.

“We should have found you sooner. You could have hidden the halo in plain sight. You want it now?” Ava shifts her back towards Leah, wiggling her shoulders, tempting her with a grin.

Beatrice gently pulls Ava’s sleeve now, not even wanting that to be a suggestion. Ava shifts back with a shot for Beatrice and the last slice of lime, scooting her chair even closer to her.

“No way, I do not want that thing anywhere near me. Like you’re okay, and the whole OCS is like, yeah cool, fight demons or whatever. But it’s definitely not for me. None of this is me,” Leah gestures to the house and the surrounding electric fences while handing shots to Mary, Lilith, and Camila.

“I guess to no way?” Camila offers this cheers, pulling Leah even closer to the circle ith her words. “No way will you be staying here. You’re coming with us!” 

“Yeah! We need a forestry person. I always want to eat berries I see in the woods so you can like… do that for us,” Ava smiles and lifts her shot glass, throwing it back with the rest of the circle.

“I can do more than that,” Leah turns to Camila now, “I know you’re the electronic manipulation person in the group but I’ve been studying coding and encryptions inside CCTV and I’ve been able to get my hacking time down to seven minutes in most major cities in the EU.”

“I’m still at nine! That’s so great. See. Asset!” Camila finds herself looking at Beatrice for a confirmation. While Ava may have the halo, this entire mission was hand crafted and meticulously calculated by Beatrice. The rest of the girls catch on as Beatrice locks eyes with Camila. She is the last to take her shot, still looking at Camila, absorbing the conversations around her.

Leah could be an asset. She could be a liability. Beatrice didn’t need another uncalculated factor in this fight. They couldn’t afford to take on someone else that needed to be protected.

“I can also play the trumpet and the french horn if you need a bugle girl. I can suture any cut, cauterize any wound, administer IVs, CPR, defibrillator trained. I can reset bones. I know what plants reduce scarring. I can be your musical, vlogging medic,” Leah knows she sounds like she is pleading, begging Beatrice to give her nod of approval. Approval to leave this hellish, solitary, safe house.

Leah watches Ava turn to Beatrice now. She feels blown away by the love and adoration in Ava’s eyes. It’s shocking really. When she was told five nuns, one bearing the halo, would be arriving at her doorstep this was the last thing she expected. Two sapphics, maybe four, honestly five if she paid attention for long enough. Or was this what friendship was? Leah didn’t have a concept of what female friendships were. Barely had a concept of love. But that look, the fact that Ava was constantly seeking touch, and Beatrice giving it so freely. It was so new and exciting.

Leah felt like she was watching a movie play out in real time and had used her character to insert herself. There was the seeming bully with a heart of gold, the dark, broody outcast, the stuffed animal animated as a human, and two people hiding how in love they were. Leah wanted to blog about it all. Finally leave this hell hole of solitude and submit a movie about her two day experience with these five girls.

She watches Ava grip Beatrice’s hand, pleading with her eyes and a tiny nod of her head. Leah knew then she was in. It was only a matter of time before Beatrice voiced it out loud. She could tell by the way Beatrice’s face nearly melted at the look. _She’s got it bad,_ Leah thought.

“Okay,” Beatrice reached for a beer in the cooler now, “Okay, you can come under seven conditions.”

“No, ba- Bea,” Ava blushes, then laughs through it, “no conditions. You’re in LL! Welcome to the new OCS!”

The six girls spend the rest of the night chatting mindlessly. The bottle of tequila and cooler, empty by the end of the night. Ava and Leah went back and forth on cartoon lore, Mary occasionally chiming in, Camila and Lilith look on fondly, learning new anecdotes and jokes. Beatrice revels in the fact that Ava never lets her hand go.

\----

Ava groans against a solid body. She can barely remember walking to bed. She remembers the fire being put out, she remembers a group hug, Leah being indoctrinated into their group several times over. So many glasses of water forced on her. But right now, buried against a soft, warm body, she didn’t want to remember anything else.

Ava burrows her face in closer, her lips feeling skin. She sighs into it. Loving the feeling. She rubs her chapped lips over the soft expanse, breathing it in, memorizing it.

“That tickles,” Ava hears a gravelly voice laugh next to her. She smiles against the skin now, she didn’t want to wake up from this dream. She finds herself nuzzling deeper.

“Ava,” a giggle cuts through the air, “I’m serious. Stop it. It’s too early.” Beatrice shifts down in the bed now, pulling Ava’s head up and away from her torso. She holds Ava’s head in her hands by her chest, looking at blurry, sleepy eyes and a cheeky grin.

“Why not though,” Ava moves her hands up, her fingers playing with the edge of Beatrice’s shirt. “Your skin is so soft.”

Beatrice feels her heart in her throat. Was Ava still drunk? Was this really Ava? She wanted to feel Ava’s hands on her, feel her everywhere, but now was probably not the best time. She still lets Ava grip the edge of her shirt, her knuckles brushing against her skin. She felt her chest clench, her grip around Ava’s jaw tightens. All she wants in the entire world is to pull Ava closer to her.

“Can you stop being all cheesy and gross. I’m right here,” Mary scolds, lifting her head up from the bottom of the bed near Ava’s feet, she kicks Ava’s shoulder lightly with her foot.

“I’m also here,” Camila calls from the other side of Beatrice.

“I’m gonna throw up,” Lilith calls from Camila’s feet. A few feet from Mary’s own elevated face.

“Breakfast is ready!” Leah yells while throwing open the door to Ava’s room. All eyes shift to her once again. “Aspirin, coffee, tea, and food are downstairs. Get up! Today is a travel day!” Leah flits out of the room, leaving the sisters to wake up fully on their own.

\----

“Bags packed?” Beatrice calls to the group. She receives nods of approvals. “Did you check under your bed, Ava?” Ava rolls her eyes but runs back upstairs to check.

“So on brand though,” Mary chuckles, Lilith laughs with her.

“All good,” Ava yells from the top of the stairs and suddenly stops two steps down before going back to the top. “Check this out!” Ava throws her leg over the banister and slides down the railing of the stairs, yelling the whole way. Landing on her feet and bowing.

“That was… great Ava. Thank you for that.” Beatrice grins at her before continuing with her checklist. “Food for the road?”

“All packed!” Camila held up a cooler.

“Weapons and battle gear?”

“Accounted for,” Lilith nods, kicking the bag on the floor.

“Great, are we ready to go?” Beatrice looks to each girl for a confirmation.

“Yes! All packed!” Leah came bounding down the steps, bags on her back.

“You’re really going to do this?” Ava grins at Leah and then looks around the lavish safe house for the last time.

“Honestly, fuck this place. If I could burn it to the ground when we step out of the door I would, but not necessary. I have evolved,” Leah lifts her chin up and smiles a genuine smile, repositioning her giant bag on her shoulder.

Beatrice doubts for only a moment before nodding her approval again. The girls shoulder their bags and prepare to leave the safe house.

“Wait, I’ll go get the car and bring it into the inner ring so you all don’t have to walk.” Leah moves to the door with her bag, taking Ava’s along with hers out of habit.

“That won’t be necessary,” Beatrice grabs Ava’s bag from Leah and hands it back to Ava. “We’re a team now. One trip will be enough.”

Leah beams and leads the girls out of her safe house for the last time.

\----

“So, this one, with the sword, is you right?” Leah asks Ava twenty minutes into the trip. Leah and Ava had taken the back seat, Mary driving, Lilith riding shotgun. 

“No one is anyone, Leah. She is her and I am me. We’re watching this for fun. Not for you to learn, okay?” Ava tries to stop Leah’s questions for the tenth time in as many minutes.

“But is this not what you base your life on?”

“What? No, my life is so much more complicated than television shows,” Ava looks at Leah then back at the rolling credits of episode one.

“Were you not an orphan taken in by an evil faction of rulers thought to be saviors only to become the champion that would save everyone?”

“Okay stop. I introduced you to cartoons because it’s an easy and fun escape from your mind. Now that you’re in the real world with us, outside of the house, you have a lot more to learn than cartoons or subscription boxes. Camila, do you want to show Leah the Warrior Nun journal?”

“There is a journal? Of past Warrior Nuns? Holy shit, yes please!” Leah claps her hands and leans forward against the back of Beatrice’s seat.

“Bea, trade with Leah. She can study the text, prepare herself,” Ava smiles with wide, pleading eyes. Leah was great, she was, but introducing her to cartoons and having her make it all about the halo was exhausting regardless of her down to earth attitude. 

Beatrice nods and unbuckles her seat, shifting around awkwardly with Leah and dropping into the seat next to Ava. Ava immediately reached for Beatrice’s hand, smiling up at her.

Beatrice steadies her heart and her mind for what felt like the hundredth time in the last three days. Ava was getting too comfortable, too touchy. This was the worst time for this to happen. Beatrice’s mind felt clouded with Ava’s touch, the need for it.

“What would you like to watch?” Ava rested her head against Beatrice’s shoulder.

Beatrice reaches for the tablet and pulls up the Great British Bake Off, no subtext, no reading into anything, it was easy.


	26. Chapter 26

The Genoa safe house is at the end of a deep and winding path into the La Cava national park. Leah makes one too many jokes about the fact that the very next safe house she ends up at is in the heart of a park dedicated to one of her passions. They go off road at the guidance of a hand drawn map, towards the house. Opening several chain locked fences along the way.

They parked the van in a metal garage behind the house and unloaded the truck.

“I don’t manage any other safe house so if this place is terrible, it’s not my fault,” Leah comments, as they make their way to the front door. She unlocks the door, stepping inside. The interior is more rugged than Barcelona. More cabin than chic but it will have to do for the time being. The lights are dull, the place feeling damp and cold immediately. 

“I hope there’s real food at least,” Ava comments, walking towards the fridge off to the left. “Holy crap, there’s gelato in the freezer. And pizza!” Her smile illuminated by the glow of the freezer light, she looks back to the doorway, “who stocks this?”

“I’ll look around the kitchen and prepare dinner. You all get settled and prepare for training. If you want me in training, just let me know,” Leah nods and lets the others venture off to rooms, pushing Ava out of the kitchen towards the others.

“I don’t think there are six rooms here, let’s scope and then assign rooms,” Beatrice calls as they walk around the house. There are three rooms. To twin beds in each, one with a bunk bed, much smaller than the others.

“Oh! I call the bunk beds! I’ve never slept in bunk beds before!” Ava pumps her fists, picking up her bags and running to the room.

“I’ll,” Beatrice clears her throat, “bunk with Ava. Mary, Lilith you are in that one, Camila are you okay with bunking with Leah?”

Camila nods and picks up Leah’s bag, walking to the kitchen to inform Leah then walking to her room. 

“Sleepover round four! But bunk bed edition! This is so great!” Ava twirls Beatrice around in the middle of their tiny room when she walks in after her, wrapping her arm fully around Beatrice’s waist pulling her into her, swaying slightly. Beatrice lets herself be held against Ava for a second, no longer, before spinning away.

“Ava, I know I don’t need to remind you but this is not a vacation.” Beatrice’s words are soft but she pulls Ava close to her by her wrists roughly, attempting to pass on the severity of the situation. “We are going against Adriel tomorrow.” Fear courses through Beatrice’s body, she lets it take over. She knows Ava will be ready but something within her won’t let her guard down, feel excited, until after tomorrow. 

“I know. I am aware,” Ava feels herself recoil against the cold words but lean into the grasp of her body. Yes Beatrice was holding her, hard, but her face, the rigidity of her body, her tone, it was closed off. “Why can’t we have this moment though. I’ve never had bunk beds. I’ve never had a… you.” Ava pushes the cold nature of Beatrice away for a minute. Remembers waking up again, her lips against her skin, sitting in the back seat of the van snuggled into her side.

Ava finds herself playing with the back of Beatrice's shirt, the back of her thumb rubbing against the skin of her back.

“Ava,” Beatrice sighs her name but it sounds like a censure. Ava retracts her hands and takes a few steps back. The sound of her name suddenly feeling less like a comfort and so much like beratement. 

“I get it. Okay. I’ll focus,” Ava flashes a tight lipped smile and unzips her bag to get her training gear out. “I’ll see you at training.” Ava leaves the room to change.

Beatrice follows her to the door, closing it behind her. She leans heavily against the closed door, breathing away the feeling of Ava’s hands against her skin, her lips from the morning. How easy just existing next to her was. Nothing about their real life was easy. This wasn’t a vacation for them. Traveling, swearing, drinking, being close. Sure, this was the closest she’d had to a vacation in her entire life and she scolded Ava for feeling like that too. 

Beatrice rights herself, shaking herself back to reality. She’ll apologize for chastising and saying Ava’s name like she had. She’ll clear it up, explain her fear. Ava would understand. Beatrice changes into her own workout gear, releasing the tension of Ava. Releasing her want and desire, and heads to the mat room.

\----

“I died and came back to life. Your defensive strategies don’t work for me. The halo will do the work after the fight is over!” Ava let her elbows holding her up give way, laying down fully on the mat now, spent and sweating from her sparring sessions.

They had been at it for over two hours now. Running through strategies in real time without VR. Lilith and Ava phasing and teleporting, playing offense and defense. They were exhausted and tensions were at an all time high.

“How dare you,” Beatrice stops now, her chest clenching, turning away from Ava, feeling the pain, seeing Ava’s death again, feeling her cold skin, the weight of her. She pushes it down, knowing Ava doesn’t understand the extent of her words and their effect on Beatrice, not completely. “We still don’t know the depth of the halo. The energy can run out. So come on,” Beatrice reaches down to offer a hand up to Ava, steading her voice. “ You need to start reading me. You need to know what I’m going to do before I do it. Start paying attention to my movements.”

“I do pay attention to your movements just not while fighting. You’re too fast. You can’t expect me to start in less than two hours,” Ava punches the mat with her fist in frustration while sitting up, ignoring Beatrice’s outstretched hand, ignoring the calm in Beatrice’s voice. Ava is failing and she knows it. She can’t push beyond her fear of failure.

“Then start,” Beatrice drops her hand back to her side. “You need to know your opponent during battle. If you want to defeat Adriel you need to adapt and learn as you fight. I have been doing the same four movements over and over. Why haven’t you picked up on that?” Beatrice stares Ava down, equal part questioning and challenging. Wanting to get her fired up enough to start fighting back with purpose. Wanting her to realize there was a pattern. There is always a pattern to fighting.

“I can’t!” Ava stands now, getting into Beatrice’s face. Ava is mad, she is frustrated. She doesn’t want to hurt Beatrice. She can’t clock her movements even if it was just four repetitions. She wants this to be Camila or Lilith. She can’t do this with Beatrice, not with where her head and her heart are.

“Yes, you can. Focus. Use your raw energy, use the halo, and hit me. Fight back like you mean it. You’re pulling punches. You’re pulling kicks. Hit me.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you!” Ava yells inches from Beatrice, her eyes furious. Hoping Beatrice can understand why she can’t do this. Beatrice looks back, her features softening. Their breath mixing in the inches of space between them. Both acutely aware of their heartbeat and that of the other. Flashes of skin on skin, holding hands. The cold look on Beatrice’s face in their shared room earlier. Ava feels her heart beat faster, her breath moving stronger out through her nose. Her eyes roaming over Beatrice’s face, stopping at her slightly parted lips. 

Ava doesn’t think, she feels like there is something stronger than gravity pulling her closer to Beatrice. Her eyes still furious, chest still heavy, Ava moves in closer, nearly closing the gap, her hand finds Beatrice’s jaw.

“Don’t,” Beatrice whispers a breath away from Ava’s lips, her hand gripping Ava’s wrist, stopping her. Ava looks up from Beatrice’s lips to look into masked eyes, no emotion evident.

Ava jerks back, pain and rejection written all over her face. The burning ghost of Beatrice’s grip on her wrist screaming at her. 

“Shit,” Mary whispers under her breath, standing up at the side of the mat.

“Oh no,” Camila says half a second later, standing with her. 

Ava turns and runs out of the room leaving Beatrice standing in the middle of the mat, chest still heaving. She stares into the empty space where Ava was standing seconds before then turns to the side of the mat. She knows they saw everything. The yelling. Beatrice stopping Ava.

Beatrice straightens her back, squares her shoulders, tilts her chin up in resolve. She needs to clear this up. They had a mission to complete and whatever may have happened simply couldn’t. Not now, not yet.

“I…” Beatrice finds her voice stopping in her throat, replaced by the choking sound of a sob. She blinks once, twice, before she feels her eyes sting with tears. Her knees buckle underneath her, her chest seems to cave in on itself, pulling her forward until she’s on all fours. Watching tears hit the mat beneath her.

“Find Ava,” Mary whispers to Lilith and Camila, “I got this.” Lilith and Camila make their exit in silence.

Mary walks across the mat and sits next to Beatrice. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t offer any words. She simply puts her hand on Beatrice’s back. Mary feels the near silent sobs rip through Beatrice. She feels her own chest tighten at the pain purging itself from Beatrice’s body.

“It’s okay,” Mary whispers after several minutes, noting the slowing of tears and lack of a tremble in Beatrice’s back. Beatrice seems to collapse down now, rolling over, her back on the mat, facing the ceiling as her tears subside. Mary follows suit and lays next to her.

“Did I make a mistake?” Beatrice whispers, not taking her eyes off the ceiling.

“Do you think you did?”

“No,” Beatrice feels a sob pull at her chest. “Yes. I don’t know.”

“What would have happened if you didn’t stop her?”

“I would have kissed her back,” Beatrice sighs deeply at the confession. “Then she would have freaked out. And ran. So I guess the same outcome.” Beatrice wipes at a tear and leaves the back of her palm on her forehead, hoping the pressure would alleviate the headache forming.

“You don’t know that.”

“I think I know Ava enough. She wouldn’t have wanted it to happen like that. I doubt she’ll want it to happen at all now.” Beatrice shuts her eyes, the fluorescent lights only egging on the dull pounding in her head.

“What do you want?”

“I can’t think about that.”

“Yes you can. Pull out your personality from the grips of God. Fuck your parents. Fuck the mainstream of acceptance. I accept you. We accept you. Have a real emotion and own it.” Mary reached across the space between then and took hold of Beatrice’s hand.

“I can’t do tough love right now.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry” Mary squeezes Beatrice’s hand. “I love you. I accept you. You as you. You’re a badass with a huge heart. What do you want to do with that huge heart?”

“I want us to win tomorrow. I want us to get the sword. I want to be a step closer to defeating Adriel. I want Ava to be safe and alive. I want us all to be safe and alive,” Beatrice takes in a shaky breath before adding, “I want her.” She pauses, furrowing her brow, realizing that wasn’t completely it, there was more. There was always more. “I need her.” 

A new stream of hot tears run down the corner of Beatrice’s eyes, settling in her ears, muffling the world around her, allowing her to exist in her feeling at this moment, her thoughts of Ava. She feels torn between the difference and realization of the words, wants and need. 

“When she is there, I feel both calm and electric. I feel so free and untethered but tied to her and only her. She makes me feel bigger and dig deeper to understand more than I could imagine about myself but also drives me mad with her pranks and antics along the way. I lose my mind when I’m with her but feel like I could hold the answers to life itself.” Beatrice lets out in a chuckled sigh of relief.

She isn’t sure how to describe it, the more she confessed the more complex the wording felt but feelings became clearer.

“I would call that, love.” Mary replies.

Beatrice had known she loved her but this felt more. This was the shift in acknowledging admitting it was beyond platonic. Beyond what she has ever felt. Mary watched Beatrice come to the realization, they sat together on the mat just allowing their hearts to swell with the feeling.

Beatrice wants Ava and needs her to be okay, needs her to be close. Wants her to stay. Needs her to stay.

\----

“Leah! Have you seen Ava?” Camila and Lilith had looked through the entire safe house. Leah looked up from the onion she was chopping to point her knife towards the sliding glass door.

“She ran out of there five minutes ago,” Leah turned back to her onion, before pausing, her body tensing, “Was she not supposed to do that?” 

“No! Do you know the area?” Lilith yells but attempts to calm her voice to ask her question.

“I’ve barely been outside of Barcelona, so no,” Leah rummages in a few drawers, “But I did find this state park map while looking for knives. If she isn’t sprinting or phasing through things to get away faster,” Leah unfolded the map and drew a circle, “She’s within this boundary.” Leah held up the map smiling at the two matching frowns looking her way.

“Great, you’re coming with us. Bring the map.” Camila grabs Leah’s hand and pulls her to the back door into the surrounding forest.

\----

_This was such a stupid idea. Why did I run? I could have just locked myself in my room like a normal person but nooooo, I had to run out into the creepiest wooded area I’ve ever set foot in._

Ava’s mind races as she tries to reorient herself under the dark canopy of trees. When she started running she couldn’t make herself stop. She wasn’t thinking about anything other than the cold hard look on Beatrice’s face and the need to get as far away from it as possible. 

It would be dark in an hour. She needed to find her way back before she ended up spending the night in the woods, or worse, making them miss their only shot at getting the sword.

\----

“If I were Ava where would I go?” Camila stops them at the edge of the back porch looking out into the woods. “I say we charge straight ahead, not thinking or looking and let the trees bounce us around for a bit then stop and start yelling.” Lilith covers a snort and laughs deep in her chest.

“Good plan but how do we get back?” Lilith counters, still laughing.

“Wait. I can see a clear path right here,” Leah points at disturbed leaves and bent branches. “The path starts here. I like your plan but we need to mark the trees,” Leah says then runs back into the kitchen returning with a knife and tape. “We can either cut the trees or put tape on them.”

“That’s not a bad idea. Okay, Leah, you take up the rear and mark as many trees as Lilith and I run, got it?” Camila waits for Leah to nod her head before turning to Lilith. “Count of three, ready to be reckless?” Lilith’s grin takes on a mischievous glint as Camila starts the countdown.

This shouldn’t be fun or even exciting, Ava could be hurt in these woods, but something about this feels so familiar. Chasing Ava, bringing her back home. She knows Ava wouldn’t really run again, knows Ava is probably somewhere close by pissed off that she’s lost. Lilith swears, in that moment, she can physically feel Ava’s anger and desire to get home. The feelings egging Lilith on. Running through the forest feels like a game, who can get to Ava first, her or Camila? 

On three, Camila takes off yelling into the woods, Lilith suppressing a laugh as she chases after her, Leah skipping then running behind them marking the trees with her knife, the tape dropped in the grass.

\----

“Lilith, Camila, where are you? Leah, have you seen Ava? Leah?” Mary and Beatrice left the training room in search of the others. They needed to patch things up before nightfall if they stood any chance at being successful tomorrow. Mary and now Beatrice were shouting names into the house. They split up to search faster, panic setting in the longer they searched without finding anyone.

“Bea!” Mary called from the kitchen, Beatrice practically whipping herself around the corner to get there faster.

“Did you find them?” Beatrice’s eyes were wide with fear.

“No, but,” Mary pointed to the open back door out to the slowly darkening forest.

“You don’t think…” Beatrice narrows her eyes, attempting to see any clue in the open door and porch that might suggest the four girls were actually in the woods.

“Upset Ava? Nowhere to hide but in there. I’m guessing the others chased after her.”

“Should we follow or just wait for them to come back?” Beatrice asks, already reaching in her pocket for her keychain flashlight.

“Has that been in your pocket this whole time?” Mary points at the miniature light.

“Yeah, why?” Beatrice shrugs and walks on to the porch now, flicking on the porch light.

“Let’s wait. Lilith and Camila will find her.” Mary points to the tape in the grass, “Leah will get them back.” Mary drops herself into a chair and stares out in the woods.

“We’ll wait twenty minutes and then we go in,” Beatrice drops down next to Mary now, narrowing her eyes, squinting to see anything between the trees.

\----

“Okay let’s stop,” Camila was panting but smiling, Lilith matching her.

“Ava!” Lilith yells into the trees. The sun continued to drop below the tree line, visibility was low but still there. They walk in a widening circle around their focal point, branching out further and further, yelling for Ava the whole time.

\----

 _This is the most selfish I have ever been. Why did I do this?_ Ava had dropped down and sat against the base of a tree. _Right because I couldn’t stand Beatrice not liking me anymore. I am a real idiot. She wouldn’t have been mad if I kissed her. She would have been embarrassed that others saw. Maybe. Right? No, she likes me. She wouldn’t have let me hold her hand if she didn’t. She wouldn’t look at me the way she does. She has to like me… But what if she doesn’t?_

She felt herself get worked up again. Hot, angry, frustrated tears stream down her face. She tilts her head back against the rough bark of the tree, the sky a deep purple of a bruise. She could see a star through the gaps in the treetops. 

_They are never going to forgive me for this. How did I get so lost?_ Ava closes her eyes, trying to stop the tears, loosen her jaw, remove the tight lump in her throat. She slows her breathing, counting in her head, shuts out the noise in her head.

She hears her name. Then she hears it again. She bolts up from the ground but instead of running towards what could be an echo, she yells back.

“I’m here! I’m over here!” Ava yells, forcing herself to stay put. They could run right past each other and not even know it. Ava nearly bounced on her feet when she heard her name ring through the trees louder and clearer with each passing minute.

“Ava!” Camila finally got to her, wrapping her in a hug, Leah joined the hug thanking her non-God for finding Ava in one piece.

“I don’t know why we’re hugging her, she got herself into this mess,” Lilith spoke the last few words with her arms topping off the group hug, smiling and shaking her head.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get lost I swear,” Ava pulls away from the group now, “How mad are they?”

“Who?” Camila asks, genuinely confused.

“Shit, we didn’t leave a note,” Lilith grabs Leah’s arm, “Lead us back, we have to hurry or we’ll be looking for two more people the rest of the night.”

“Aye, aye captain, follow me!” Leah takes off with the girls hot on her heels.

\----

“It’s been twenty minutes, we need to go, now.” Beatrice stands abruptly from her chair walking towards the edge of the porch.

“It has been seven, sit down. Lilith and Camila can do this. Trust your team, Bea,” Mary smirks, hoping that using her own words will calm her mind.

“Do you hear that?” Beatrice whispers, Mary sits up now, the crashing and snapping of twigs getting louder and louder. They start to hear faint yelling and what sounds like battle cries, Mary looks to Beatrice for half a second before running towards the voices in the woods.

Leah collides with Mary just inside the clearing of the backyard, sending the two crashing to the ground, tripping Lilith and Ava in the process. Camila stops herself before tripping over the pile of limbs and looks at Beatrice standing on the other side of the girls.

“I can explain. We meant to leave a note. We’re all back and it's not even dark yet,” Camila held up her hands before slowly reaching down and helping Ava and Lilith to their feet. Mary rolled Leah off of her and the six stood in a circle. Eyes were meeting then darting away. Hands were being rung, the tension was palpable.

“I’m going to go finish making dinner,” Leah backs out of the circle slowly, “thanks for letting me come on the mission!” Leah turns and runs back into the house.

“Ava,” Beatrice addresses after the glances became too awkward, “could we talk?”

Ava looks around the circle before nodding and walking inside. Beatrice nods to the others and follows Ava into the house, towards their room.

\----

Beatrice moves around their shared room, lighting the candles left on the table and window sill. Ava drops herself on the lower bunk bed, watching Beatrice’s shadow multiply against the walls with each candle she lights. Neither breaking the silence, not knowing where to start.

Beatrice lights the last candle, stowing her lighter back in her pocket before turning to Ava. Should she sit next to her or stay across the room, keep some distance between them? Beatrice already knows what she’s going to do, her feet betraying any debate happening in her mind. She watches Ava, her eyes cast on the floor of their room, before slowly making her way to the bed.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” Ava looks to the top bunk feeling the dip and hearing the springs creak as Beatrice sits down. She takes a breath to stop any tears from welling in her eyes, “It wasn’t right for me to yell at you then invade your space like that. I shouldn’t have tried to… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a heat of the moment decision. For now, we don’t need to dwell on it. We need to focus on tomorrow and then we can think about what comes next,” Beatrice reached out and hesitantly puts the tips of her fingers on Ava’s knee. “We’ll be okay.” Ava looks at the hand on her knee, then up at Beatrice, trying to smile. Or at least keep her face neutral and understanding.

Beatrice watches Ava struggle to keep the smile on her lips, she watches her eyes swim in tears she was unwilling to let fall. The light of the candles shimmering against Ava’s unshed tears. She feels her heart break just a little bit more than it already has.

“Okay. I hear you. We’ll move past it. It won’t happen again. I promise.” Ava clears her throat, the word promise coming off clipped and stuck. She looks down at her hands, rubbing the edge of her shirt between her thumb and forefingers.

“I don’t think you do. Hear me I mean,” Beatrice suddenly felt her whole body heat up. A hot bolt of nerves shot directly into her stomach. She reaches her hand out, cupping Ava’s face, redirecting her gaze. “We need to focus on tomorrow but I want what comes next.”

Beatrice hoped Ava would understand what she was saying. She willed her eyes to tell Ava what she wanted. Beatrice searched Ava’s eyes for any comprehension, searched for a tiny smile on her lips, searched for any indication that her words were understood. 

Ava watches Beatrice’s eyes roam over her face, Ava tries to follow them. Eyes to lips and back again. Beatrice was searching and Ava wasn’t sure what she needed to find. Ava reaches her hand up to cover Beatrice’s against her jaw, leaning into the touch. Her eyes widen a fraction of an inch. Beatrice wanted what comes next. Ava felt the corner of her mouth twitch. She could feel the emotion in Beatrice’s eyes, she understood.

“There you are,” Beatrice whispers, “Now you hear me.” Beatrice leans her forehead against Ava’s, closing her eyes, breathing her in.

“I do,” Ava whispers back, eyes transfixed on Beatrice’s freckles, her eyelashes, the corners of her mouth.

“Don’t run okay,” Beatrice opens her eyes, the tip of her tongue darting out. Ava tracks the movement with rapt attention, her mouth suddenly dry. Beatrice looks between Ava’s eyes and lips as her hand moves around the back of her neck, fingers running through soft hair. Ava feels her heart drop, then nearly beat out of her chest as Beatrice tilts her chin up just slightly with two gentle fingers. 

Beatrice hesitates, lips ghosting over Ava’s, searching for permission. Ava wants to cry at the softness of her action, she wants to scream her consent, wants to crash against Beatrice and never stop crashing. 

Ava felt Beatrice's faint breath wash over her, she reaches up, wrapping her hand around Beatrice's wrist, mirroring the movement from early though softer and delicate. The corner of Ava’s mouth tilts up briefly before she closes the distance. Feeling Beatrice for the first time.

It’s the single press of lips, breaths held, just feeling each other. Ava moves first, unable to hold back and she sucks in air through her slightly parted lips, taking Beatrice’s bottom lip fully into her own. The heat of Beatrice’s mouth, the thumb rubbing against the back of her neck. She could feel everything, every movement. 

She wanted to feel more. She felt the expanse of Beatrice’s bottom lip with the tip of her tongue, then the scrape of her teeth. Ava wanted to know every single millimeter of Beatrice. Her tongue, lips, body, her mind. She wanted to be able to understand every half tick of her timing, how she worked, her thoughts and feelings. 

She felt Beatrice slowly draw back, she felt a shaky breath wash over her face, then her forehead returning to hers, she felt a grin split her face before she was able to force her eyes open. As she opened them, she could only feel warmth and a surreal tingling all over her body. Still half convinced this was all a dream, her eyes focused, she was met with the most beautiful version of Beatrice she had ever seen.

Dark eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed, lips slightly reddened, chest laboring to catch her breath. The flickering of the candles around the room lighting up her features like a divine being. Ava feels her smile grow even bigger, the loud beating in her chest now in sync with Beatrice’s.

“What?” Beatrice asks, looking at every inch of Ava’s face, watching her smile grow.

“You’re just,” Ava finds herself at a loss for words. She wants to keep her eyes locked on Beatrice’s but finds them shifting down to her lip more and more. ”You’re just you.”

Beatrice smiles, absorbing the grin and red lips, all of Ava, “So are you, Ava.”

Ava moves back against Beatrice, capturing her lips in a smile and shifting back, “God,” Ava breaths the word against Breatice’s mouth, “ I love the way you say my name.”


	27. Chapter 27

“Hey,” Ava called to the four girls at the dinner table. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to distract us but I appreciate you coming to get me.” Ava and Beatrice walked into the kitchen, staying close to the entryway.

“I was in my element. We would have found you eventually,” Leah beams up at Ava from the table.

“It was a good divergent training session. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. If you get lost, Leah can track you. Easy,” Camila easily matches the grin on Leah’s face.

“Honestly, that’s not my mindset, I’m going to need you next to me the whole time tomorrow, but what they said,” Lilith says with a small smile and looks to the locked hands of Ava and Beatrice before averting her eyes.

Ava drops Beatrice’s hand then, “I really didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m sorry. I’m ready for the mission. I promise. I know it. Beatrice walked me through the plan again and I know the plays. I know the players. I know what needs to be done. I’m here. I won’t run again.”

“I’m sure you won’t Speedy Gonzales,” Lilith smirked before Ava’s face even reacted.

“Lilith!” Ava crouched down, pointing both fingers at Lilith, looking to Mary and Beatrice, “She did it! She used an appropriate nickname! Oh wow. Honestly, with this alone. We’re going to win tomorrow. Bet.”

Ava and Beatrice joined the table. Dinner was quiet and thoughtful. They only spoke of the mission. Of what they should expect, different scenarios, different traps.

\----

“Hey, Beatrice?” Ava’s head appeared from the top bunk, looking down at her. Beatrice looked up, Ava’s smile causing her own lips to tweak up almost involuntarily.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to come up here?”

“No.”

“For real?”

“No,” Beatrice finds herself laughing at her obviousness.

“Will you?” Ava’s face had disappeared behind the top bunk now. Leaving Beatrice to make the choice for herself. Beatrice thought about it for a while. It was only ten. They had left a few candles lit in the room, knowing they weren’t entirely ready for bed. They didn’t have to be in position until four the next afternoon. If they didn’t get to sleep for another hour what was the harm.

Beatrice finds herself throwing her covers off and moving to the ladder to Ava’s bed. She climbs slowly, her heart beating faster with every step.

Ava hears the creaking of the mattress below her, a smile blossoming on her face. She hears the dull padding of Beatrice’s feet on the floor, the distinct sound of hand and feet hitting the ladder. She watches Beatrice crawl towards her, Ava has to bite her lip to stop the comments playing in her head from coming out of her mouth. Beatrice lays next to Ava now, the twin bed so much smaller than the bed in Barcelona.

“Hey,” even in the dark, Beatrice could feel Ava’s smirk in the word.

“Don’t. We need to sleep.” Beatrice lightly bumps her shoulder against Ava’s.

“You came up here to sleep?”

The question shot straight through Beatrice’s body, from the tip of her tongue to the ends of her toes and then back up to settle low in her stomach. Ava heard the quiet, high pitched gasp leave Beatrice’s mouth at her statement. It was what she wanted to illicit but she also didn’t want Beatrice to feel uncomfortable.

“I won’t tease. I’m sorry,” Ava shifted closer to the wall, turning over to face Beatrice. “We can sleep. Promise.”

Beatrice reaches across to Ava now, cupping her jaw, “Turn around.” Ava’s eyes widen at the commanding tone, but does as she’s told, shifting around so she fits her back against Beatrice’s front. She pulls Beatrice’s arm tights against her torso, running her fingers over her knuckles, feeling Beatrice’s other arm under her neck.

“We’re going to win tomorrow. I know it,” Ava brings Beatrice’s hand to her mouth and kisses each knuckle before pulling it back to her chest. At each press of Ava’s lips, Beatrice feels more emboldened. The feeling of Ava against her, their bare legs brushing together, the rise and fall of her hand gripped against Ava. She wants more. She wants all of Ava.

“I know,” Beatrice wiggles her hand free, reaching Ava’s chin, angling it back, guiding Ava’s face back and towards hers, pushing herself up on her elbow. Ava turns in her arms to her side, looking at Beatrice in the moonlight, backlit by the still flickering candles in the room.

“You’re beautiful,” Ava can’t help the words spilling from her mouth any more than she can stop the hand reaching up to brush her fingers across Beatrice’s cheek. It’s the same erratic, uncontrollable feeling of her heart, beating loudly in her chest. She can’t control her breathing. She can’t control her feelings.

Beatrice lowers herself down now, slowly, watching Ava’s eyes slip towards her lips, feeling her chest rising and falling faster and faster. She swallows, she wants to feel Ava again. Taste her. Explore her lips, her mouth.

Beatrice leans in for the second time. The exhilaration shooting through her body. She would never get used to this. She leans in more as Ava shifts next to her, deepening the kiss. She feels Ava’s tongue against her bottom lip. Feels Ava bite at her lip, then suck. Hard. The feeling sends another shockwave through Beatrice, her body heating up, fingers itching, tingling to touch more, feel more. Her hand on Ava’s chin moves down to her shoulder, along her side, then down to her lower back. 

She nudges the edge of Ava’s sleep shirt up, finally feeling the hot, soft skin of Ava’s back. Ava reaches up and tangles into Beatrice’s hair, pulling her closer. Beatrice digs her fingers into Ava’s skin. She feels Ava release her lips and gasp against her mouth, tongue sweeping up to lick over her top lip. 

Beatrice can’t help herself, the rush of hot breath, the sounds coming from the girl pressed against her. She leans in more, Ava’s back pressing into the thin, springy mattress, shifting her body half on top of Ava. Their teeth clashing, lips battling as her hand roams over Ava’s thigh before pulling it up into her. Fingers bunching up the fabric of the edges of her shorts, only releasing her grip to take in the bend of her knees, pulling her closer still. Beatrice's fingers dance back up Ava’s thigh, pulling and digging into her, taking in as much as she could. She wasn’t close enough. She needed to be closer, Beatrice wanted more, and more, and more.

“Wait,” Ava breathes out against Beatrice’s lips, her hand reaching for the one digging into her thigh, then kisses her again, breathless, panting against her. “Bea. We should slow down.” Beatrice can feel Ava’s chest heaving against hers. She registers how hard she is gripping Ava against her. How she is moving against her, how Ava had responded with the same urgency.

She lets her hands relax. She rests her forehead on Ava’s, controlling her breath. She let Ava completely consume her for the first time and she lost control. She wanted too much. She pushed too much. She berates herself behind her closed eyes. If her face wasn’t already flushed, her embarrassment would be more evident. How could she let herself lose control?

“I don’t want to. Stop I mean. I don’t want to stop but…” Ava trails off, taking Beatrice’s lips in her own, slowly, with so much weight behind it. Hoping the kiss would relax her furrowed brow and tightly squeezed eyes. “But we should stop before I can’t.”

Beatrice’s heart flips as she opens her eyes. Ava still wants her. In the same way she wants Ava. They may die tomorrow, surrounded by wraith possessed humans. Attempting to get a mythical sword that may or may not exist but this was enough. Ava was enough.

“You’re right,” Beatrice whispers against Ava’s lips, then pressing into them briefly before pulling back and resting her head in the crook of Ava’s neck. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Ava feels her chest clench, she almost wants to cry. “No Bea. I want this. You. I want you. But I want to go slow. The last time I…” Ava cuts herself off. She doesn’t want to talk about JC with Beatrice. He was a distraction, a gateway into living, a buffer really, to what living again meant. Beatrice was… she was life. Exciting, challenging, hard, and carefree at the same time. Not a supply closet. She was the top of a pyramid. The sun shining off an ocean wave. Illusive. Shiny. All Ava didn’t know she wanted until she met her.

“I want what comes next. I want after with you,” Ava swallowed deeply, feeling the rise of her throat touch Beatrice’s lips hovering above her neck. Ava wanted Beatrice to latch her lips, her teeth, on to her neck, feel the hot wetness of her tongue. She almost begged her too but she stops herself. There was time. There would be time. To be slow. To explore.

“After,” Beatrice breathes the word into Ava’s neck before rolling over next to Ava again. They reposition, Ava’s back against Beatrice’s front, feeling her breath slow, Ava grips Beatrice’s hand close to her chest again, stroking over her knuckles, counting the scars on her skin. The sepia of the candlelight illuminating the jagged white lines.

“Hey, Bea?” Ava whispers into the quiet of the room. Beatrice hums her response instead of answering out loud.

“What’s this one from?” Ava brushes her thumb over the largest of the scars, a healed over slice between her thumb and forefinger. Beatrice peaks around Ava’s shoulder already knowing the one she is referring to.

“It was from a knife,” Beatrice laughs through her nose, shoulders shaking against Ava.

“Why are you laughing? What’s funny about it?” Ava continues to run her finger along the scar, not able to picture a funny scenario leaving behind a lasting mark.

“It’s just not what you think is all. It’s not funny,” Beatrice tries to bring the story up in her mind. It has been years since she remembered this particular scar. “Shannon and Mary were going head to head at the dinner table one night. Do you know the game people play when they move a knife between their spread out fingers faster and faster in a stabbing motion?”

Beatrice feels Ava nod against her before continuing. “Well, I had just mastered throwing knives. I was feeling confident so I told them I could do three circuits in less time then the two of them without looking.” Beatrice paused, remember the competitive look on Shannon’s face and Mary’s less than confident look.

“Turns out I was much too cocky for my own good back then. I had a lot to learn. Mary told Mother Superion we had a training accident when I arrived in the med bay. That’s the day I knew she would always have my back.”

“I love it. Cocky Beatrice, I can barely picture that,” Ava kisses the scar. “Maybe some day I can see her in action. Maybe match me a little bit.”

Beatrice leans her head on Ava’s shoulder, holding closer, whispering, “Yeah, maybe some day.”

As the candles fade, the two slip into a peaceful, restful sleep, wrapped in each other.

\----

They woke the next morning, wrapped in each other, feeling content. Feeling more alive and ready for the fight than they were before. Ava felt like all she needed for a boost was Beatrice. Not coffee. Not the halo’s abilities, just her.

“Morning,” Beatrice spoke first. She had been watching Ava sleep for almost twenty minutes before she actually woke up.

“Were you watching me sleep?” Ava pulled her hand, still holding Beatrice’s, to her eyes and rubbed them. Beatrice just shrugged, still staring.

“I can’t believe this is real,” Beatrice whispered, moving closer to Ava now, kissing the tip of her nose.

“If it’s not, don’t wake me up.” Ava buried her face in Beatrice’s chest, snuggling closer.

“I hear people in the kitchen. We should get up,” Beatrice ran her fingers through Ava’s hair, kissing her forehead with each stroke.

“Mm not if you’re going to keep doing that we aren’t,” Ava practically purred into Beatrice touch, relishing in the scrape of blunt nails against her scalp. She had never been touched like this and it was all she ever needed, ever wanted. Beatrice was all she ever needed. Ava had a sinking feeling. _You love her but you will lose her_ , the words of Shannon now ringing loudly in her head.

“We’re not moving too fast are you?” Ava finds herself pulling away, looking at Beatrice now.

“Do you think we are?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how this works,” Ava moves closer again, blocking out the words playing in her head.

“I don’t either,” Beatrice hums again’s Ava’s temple. “I know we have a lot riding on today. I know I don’t want to lose you.”

The words pierce Ava’s heart enough for her to gasp.

“What?” Beatrice pulls her head away and tilts her chin down to look at Ava, fear completely taking over her face.

“It’s nothing,” Ava runs a hand over her features, “it’s nothing.” Ava leans in and kisses Beatrice, slow and sweet. She feels herself sigh back into reality. The feeling, the softness, the heat. Every piece of her was wrapped in Beatrice. She was everything. If she had to lose her later then this is the moment she would relish in for the rest of her life.

\----

“How were the bunk beds?” Mary asks, attempting to keep her face in check, specifically the smirk that was blossoming on her lips.

“They were,” Ava clears her throat, her voice far too high, “They were great. We did burn the desk a little.”

“What?” Camila asks, blowing on her cup of tea, “How could you have done that?”

“We forgot to blow out the candles. It was just a slight burn mark. No real damage,” Beatrice looks to Ava, confusion at the admission written on her face.

“Must have been really sleepy,” Lilith comments, darting her eyes between Camila and Lilith, her face curled in a sly smile.

“I thought it would be a distraction from… everything else,” Ava whispers a sidebar to Beatrice. “Didn’t have the effect I thought it would. Sorry.”

Beatrice wills herself to stop her smile, only crinkling her eyes and pinching the fabric of Ava’s pants between her fingers before walking into the kitchen.

“Agenda,” Beatrice pours herself hot water into her cup of tea and joins the table. “We have three hours until we need to leave and get in position. We’ll wrap breakfast. Pack up then return here to go over the strategy one more time before loading up and heading out.”

Beatrice feels her palms start to clam up, she feels nerves weed their way into her chest and throat. This is a new feeling. She has always been calm in a storm. Ready for a battle, expectant, anticipatory. This. This feels wrong.

“You okay?” Camila leans in and whispers, “you don’t look so good.” Camila picked up on the shift in Beatrice’s posture, the draining of the color in her cheeks.

“Yeah. Yes. I’m fine,” Beatrice blows on her tea then takes a small sip, her throat suddenly dry.

“Bea and I are going to have our tea outside. We’ll be back in a bit,” Camila smiles to the others in the kitchen and pulls Beatrice to her feet and out the back door.

\----

“So,” Camilla looks at Beatrice expectantly, waiting for her to speak.

“What?” Beatrice feigns ignorance. Taking a sip of her tea instead of talking.

“You know what. What’s going on with you? You look spooked. Plus, you and Ava are definitely a thing. Talk to me.”

Beatrice stops herself from getting up from the table. Not away from Camila per se but the probing into her life. She hasn’t really done this often, the spilling of personal details, intimate details, with anyone but Ava. But she knows she can’t talk about Ava _to_ Ava so this might be her only option.

“I mean, she’s Ava,” Beatrice starts and then stops, already she was blushing. “We... we kissed last night.” Beatrice can’t stop the smile that adorns her lips, replaying the night over and over in her head. Camila smiles back, twice as big.

“That’s really exciting Bea. How do you feel?”

“Like my whole world could break in a few hours but I was able to kiss Ava so it might be worth it,” Beatrice blushes again, shaking her head while looking into her tea. “That’s the cheesiest thing I’ve ever said.”

“I like it. It’s you. For real this time. Your heart is bigger than you let people see,” Camila watches Beatrice blush, twirl the metal hook of the tea infuser in her fingers. “You do know it’s okay to have feelings right? I have so many all the time. I would explode if I kept them in like you do. You can be both things.” Camila stops now as Beatrice looks up at her.

“We aren’t nuns anymore but I know God will remain with you beyond the confines of the Church. He won’t turn His back on you. You want to know how I know that?” Camila shifts her head down, trying to get Beatrice to look up at her. “I regularly drank whiskey while at the cradle. Yeah. I know. I just -- I wanted to feel my mom with me. I had tea and prayer, but I need whiskey to keep her with me. Obviously different. I know that. But what we’ve been taught. The ways we were taught to remain close to God and loyal to the church, the rules, they aren’t necessarily real. You can have faith outside of that. You can be yourself. Love who you want and still have faith”

Beatrice laughs through her nose, shaking her head, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes.

“You and Ava. You feel inevitable. You feel like a story that was meant to play out. I’ve watched you two since the very beginning when I was Ava’s bodyguard. As you know, I am very thorough in my tasks. I saw from day one, you were there for her and she craved you. And yet, your relationship with God now is just as strong as it was then if you want it to be. It’s as constant as our love for you, we will always be here for you. Ava’s love may be bigger one day. You’ll get to that day with your head held high and us by your side.” 

Beatrice holds Camila’s gaze. How can one person be so good? So caring. Always there. Beatrice smiles and Camila, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“You really are the best of us. Thank you.”

_________________________

“So,” Mary smiles into her cup of coffee, looking up at Ava putting together a plate of food. Ava looks up only briefly before shaking her head, blushing, continuing with her actions.

“Yeah, Ava,” Lilith pops a piece of toast into her mouth, “you good?”

Ava rolls her eyes, pouring herself a cup of tea, and making her way to the table. “Why do you both have to be this way?”

“What way dear sweet Ava?” Mary asks, moving the milk closer to Ava as she sits down. 

“I wish I had a mirror to show you the shit eating grins on your faces right now. You both look like demonic baby cherubs. Knock it off,” Ava picks up the saucer, pouring milk into her tea.

“Okay, okay,” Mary slaps Lilith's shoulder with the back of her hand, “we’ll be good. But, are you good?” Mary once again tries to dampen the grin on her face.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Ava starts shoveling food in her mouth, maybe that way she won’t have to answer on behalf of Beatrice, not sure what she would be comfortable with sharing with the others.

“Do you want to talk about anything? Maybe your feelings or experiences or anything at all?” Mary tries to act nonchalant but from the sideways glance from Lilith, it came out a little forced and awkward.

“Okay,” Ava breathes through the food in her mouth, “remember that time I talked to you about how confusing I thought Beatrice was? That day at the range?”

Mary looked to Lilith then back to Ava, trying to see if she should just quietly acknowledge or feign ignorance. When Ava nods, Mary nods her response back.

“So, I’m not so confused anymore. If you understand what I’m saying,” Ava widens her eyes while looking at Mary, hoping she’ll catch on.

“Ava, I’m sorry, but I know you like Beatrice. I feel like you are about to enter into this coded talk with Mary. I can leave if you want me to, but I’d hate to have you over think your words to cover up your actual feelings,” Lilith stood then, prepared to leave the table.

“Wait,” Ava drops her head, looking at her plate, then back up, “you can stay.” Ava thinks for a moment, she needs to get these feelings out into the world, she couldn’t actually talk about her insecurities about Beatrice _with_ Beatrice so this was it.

“I kissed her, then we kissed, then we _kissed_ and then the desk burned and,” Ava runs a hand over her face, sighing. “She is way too good for me right? Like I should just fully stop now, right? She is her, and I’m me and she was a nun like five seconds ago and maybe her actions aren’t real and I’m just forcing her to do things she doesn’t want to do and oh my god, did I force myself on her? Oh shit. Oh shit.” Ava pushes back from the table, head in her hands.

“Ava,” Mary moves from her seat and crouches next to Ava’s seat, looking up at her. “Breathe, calm down, Baby H. Just breathe.” Mary’s hand hovers over Ava’s shoulder, not connecting with it while looking at Lilith with wide eyes.

“Um, yes. Mary is right. Just breathe Ava,” Lilith moves from her seat, crouching down on the other side of Ava. “Look outside.” Lilith points to the window, at the silent forms of Camila and Beatrice. “We have no idea what they’re talking about but, that doesn’t look like you did anything that was unwarranted or unwanted.” Lilith smiles reassuringly. When Ava looks away, the smile falls to a frown of fear and question as Lilith locks eyes with Mary, eyes widening, unclear if her words were comforting or weird.

“She’s right,” Mary knuckles Ava’s chin up. “Just look at that interaction. That’s adoration for sure.” Mary looks to Lilith again, nodding her head back towards their seats. She stands to move and Lilith mirrors her actions. They retake their seats, attempting normal.

“So you kissed her. That's really… neat Ava. How do you feel?” Lilith asks sitting down, her chin tilting as she side-eyes Mary. Mary’s cheeks puff out slightly before she can pull back the laugh at Lilith's attempt at this.

“I mean,” Ava looks up at the calm faces of Mary and Lilith. The two girls force their faces to remain neutral, not wanting their true expressions to throw Ava off. “She is so good. I really like her. She’s so hot. Is that something I can say? She is beautiful really. But her mind. Her mind and her thoughts and how she talks to me. That’s what I love. I mean like. I like her so much. But I’ve never even asked her about being excommunicated and how that impacts the fact that we kissed. I just, we say we want what comes next but like, what does that mean?”

“Neither of us knows how she is grappling with being excommunicated and it doesn’t seem like you do either. There will be time to talk about that. And you should. You should definitely ask about that. How she feels,” Mary reaches across the table and settles her hand there, a few inches from Ava’s own. “But she kissed you back right?”

Ava nods, thinking about the first time, then the second. “She did yes. I think she likes me, I guess I know. But I don’t know how her life before me plays into that and if I’m just influencing.”

“You’re not. Or at least It doesn’t seem like you are,” Lilith draws her hand closer to Ava’s now too. “We know Beatrice as much as she lets us. She likes you back. It will just take time to figure out the next part. How the two of you can exist and be together moving forward.”

Ava looks at the hands on the table in front of her, the soft expressions of Mary and Lilith looking at her. She would laugh if this wasn’t so serious, so real for her. This was their true bonding experience. Talking about Ava’s heart, speaking actual words of comfort, or at least attempting to comfort.

Ava reaches out to the hands on the table, grips them her own, “Thanks. This was weird. I know you both think it was weird too. Sorry about it. But thank you. I appreciate you both.”

“Yeah, same for you Baby Halo. We’ll get better at this, promise. You can come to us about having se-”

“Nooo! Nope, this is done. You both were great. Thanks. We can be done talking now,” Ava’s cheeks flushed, she scrapes her fork against her plate, moving her food around.

“I for one really loved that,” Leah looked up from the notepad she was writing in. “Really great content. Ava, love that you’re in like with someone. If you want we can talk about it too. I also read a lot of attachment theory and love language books while locked away.

“Leah, thank yoouuu,” Ava trails the end of her word as the back door opens, Camila and Beatrice returning with smiles on their faces. Ava offers a tight lipped, eyes bugging out smile to Beatrice when she catches her attention. Beatrice tilts her head in response, scrunching her mouth and getting her own plate of food.

\----

“Check list time?” Ava asks, bounces on the balls of her feet in the entryway. Ready to get to the mission and close out this day in success.

“No. We don’t need a list. We’re ready.” Beatrice sighs, looking around at the expectant faces in front of her. She knew she was their leader now. She knew she would be until Ava came into her own. Until Ava could rely on herself instead of relying on Beatrice. She bared the burden so Ava wouldn’t have to. Not until she was ready.

“Leah, do you know your tasks?”

“Yes,” Leah nods, her voice clipped and more formal than she had ever heard. “Park half a kilometer from the entry point. Watch and listen to comms. Provide back up if necessary. Move for the pick up at the signal.”

“Perfect,” Beatrice nods back to Leah. “The rest of you. Do you have any questions about the mission? Do you need any last minute run throughs?”

“What if Adriel shows up?” Ava didn’t want to ask the question but it had been burning in her brain when level ten in VR didn’t even question the fact that he would be there.

“If he shows up then we’ll alter the plan but he won’t show up. We know the players,” Beatrice cuts off the question without answering.

“But what if?” Ava pushes, feeling fear creep into her.

“We’ll go to plan B. No one engages him and we retreat. End of story.”

“If this is our only option, why would we retreat? We need this sword. Why didn’t we do level twenty or something?” Ava steps forward, towards Beatrice. The group quickly picks up on the fact that this was beyond the mission and continued to account for the items on the checklist and gather them out front.

“Ava, please,” Beatrice runs a hand over her hair, noticing everyone else carrying on. “He will not show up and if he does, we stand down.”

“We don’t know that. I just want to think about it for a minute, that’s all.”

“We needn't dwell on impossibilities,” Beatrice leans her forehead against Ava’s, taking her hands in her own, not carrying if the others see her, “All will go as planned. We’ll see tomorrow. We’ll see what comes next.”

“Do you promise?” Ava looks into Beatrice’s eyes, soaking her in. Her fingers feeling the ridges of Beatrice’s hand, the callouses. 

“I promise,” Beatrice whispers out against Ava’s lips, pausing only for a moment before leaning in and kissing her, eyes closing tightly, relishing in the feeling.

“I… I trust you,” Ava kisses her cheek, looking back towards the door. “Ready?”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was tough to write, definitely outside of my comfort zone, but we'll get through this... for the plot.
> 
> Warning: Depiction of blood and injuries.

They had spent the drive to their current location in near silence, the clicking and swiping of blades and guns the only noises in the car. Now, parked down a side alley, the tapping of a shoe against the side of the door rings the loudest.

“Leah, calm down,” Ava reaches for Leah’s shoulder from the back seat. “You’re shaking the whole car. We got this.” Leah nods her head while steading her bouncing leg.

“We do,” Beatrice takes in a deep breath, Ava smiles to herself thinking this is it. This is the part in the movie where the hero gives a pre-victory speech.

“Our lives have changed so drastically in a month. They will continue to change, for better or worse. Our plan holds steady. We hold steady today and beyond,” Beatrice glances at the clock on the dash of the car, while mindlessly repositioning the knives on her. “In this life or-” Beatrice stops, glances at Mary, smiling to herself. “In this life.”

\----

Mary and Lilith sat outside of a small café. Sitting on the same side of the table, drinks untouched, looking out.

“Positions?” Mary calls in to her mic but looks at Lilith as if they were having a normal conversation.

“ABC in place,” Beatrice calls back. Ava, Beatrice, and Camila were hidden in various positions inside the basement of an apartment complex. One by each viable entry and exit point. Their targets were set to arrive at any minute.

“Getaway, what’s your situation?” Mary speaks again.

“Primed and ready when you get back with the package,” Leah responds into the earpiece, sitting in the van parked three blocks away.

“LL, put your earpiece in your ear. You don’t need to bring it directly into your mouth to speak. That was way too loud,” Ava rubs her ear in the crouched, cramped space at the bottom of a metal shelving unit.

“Copy,” Leah cuts out now, her knee bouncing in the van again. She knows the plan as well as the others. She wants to do more than sit here but she knows she’ll just get in the way.

“Target approaching,” Mary calls into the comms. “Northwest door. Cam, closest to your post.”

The door opens and fluorescent light floods into the basement, casting cobwebbed shadows on the dark space. There were only three ways in and out. Each was covered. There was no way the positioned warriors would let the sword get away.

The cloaked figure makes their way through the door and waits in the middle of the room under the dim glow of a single, flickering bulb.

“Party’s here, and they are dramatic” Ava whispers into the comms, her fists tightening and releasing. She looks across the room to where she knows Beatrice is. She can’t see her but she feels her. The door opens again as a stream of people pours into the room, positioning themselves in robotic, perfectly spaced intervals around the room.

“Party has unwanted guests,” Ava whispers now, watching the rivets of red cascade into the room trailing behind their inhabitants. “Twenty-six in total. And it looks like they’re all wearing habits. What the..” Ava feels herself panic the closer she looks at the people flanking the room. They hadn’t anticipated this number. They had been fighting at most fifteen and that was on level ten. Something feels wrong.

“What do you mean they’re wearing habits?” Mary looks to Lilith in confusion.

“Exactly what it sounds like. Everyone with Vincent is dressed in nun habits.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. B, what’s the play?” Lilith’s voice fills the comms. “Should we make our way to you now?”

“Hold.”

The voice Ava hears is not her Beatrice. It’s something she has never heard before. Commanding. Definitive. Mission driven.

The door opens a final time. The backlighting had blocked the faces of those that had entered before but they could all pick out the silhouette even in the darkest of places. Father Vincent.

Vincent wasn’t supposed to be here either. It was supposed to be lackeys. They knew the faces of the lackeys. They knew their past, their fighting styles. Vincent was a wild card. They were not prepared for this.

“Vincent is here,” Camila calls over the comms now, breaking the trance in the room, informing those outside.

“Beatrice,” Mary starts.

“Stay the course,” Beatrice cuts Mary off. 

“We didn’t prepare for this.”

“We are prepared. He is just a man. On my signal.” Beatrice says with so much finality. Ava grits her teeth, knowing what the others must be feeling. Mary and Lilith stand from their table, moving to their positions at two of the three entrances. 

Lilith looks to Mary, gripping her arm, “In this life.”

“In this life,” Mary grabs Lilith’s shoulder, nodding her head once then moving around the building. Lilith looks after her for a few fleeting moments before turning and moving to her own position.

“Marcus,” Father Vincent’s voice rings out in the silent basement as he walks towards the hooded figure in the center of the room, his outstretched palms facing the ceiling. “I trust you’re well.” Vincent holds his arm out, Marcus grasping his forearm in response.

Ava looks on, feeling an immense coldness take over her body as she sees the flesh of Marcus’ hands. It’s blistered and scarred, a pale purple color. A bright flicker of the bulb highlights glyphs etched into the skin as Marcus’ sleeve slips further.

_Focus Ava._ Ava hears the voice in her head. It’s not her comms, it's the distinct voice of Shannon. She’s here with her. The cold in her body slips just enough to refocus on the voices.

“Have you brought what was requested?” Vincent drops Marcus’ arms, crossing his hands behind his back, the possessed humans around the room standing taller in one swift motion.

The hood nods once, deep and low before signing something to Vincent with his hands.

“Yes, she is outside. Now the artifact,” Vincent unclasps his hands and holds one out in front of him.

Marcus pushes the robe away from his body, revealing a sword strapped to his thigh. He signs once more before pulling the swords free, holding it out to Vincent in a slight bow.

“Get ready.” Beatrice’s voice completely pulls Ava back to reality now. Shannon and the other warrior nuns were not here. She was here with her three friends and a woman she loved. She needed to be focused, ready.

“Yes, I will get it to her. Your sacrifice has been noted and accounted for. We appreciate you,” Vincent bows to Marcus before unsheathing the sword, rotating it around in his hand then slicing up in one fluid motion. The sound of tearing flesh and cloth, Marcus’ body hitting the ground, and the wet, gurgling sound of gasping breath fills the silent room. The blue glow of the sword shining against the blood splatter adorning Vincent’s face. The glow catches the slow smirk forming on his face.

“Hello, girls,” Vincent’s voice sends icicles into Ava’s blood. She can’t move, frozen in fear and the what-if of losing her.

“Now!”

Ava pushes herself and emerges from the metal shelving unit as two of the three doors burst open, briefly casting light into the room, Lilith and Mary joining. She sees the wraith-possessed humans tense and leap towards Vincent, protecting him.

Camila emerges from her hiding spot, firing off bolt after bolt into the knees and thighs of the possessed humans, circling the room, containing their movements. Beatrice silently slinks on the outside of the circle using her ring to drop as many of the possessed humans as possible before engaging with force. She only makes it to her third body before she is forced to resort to her knives.

_Move!_ Shannon’s voice rings out in Ava’s head again. She was stuck a foot from her hiding place, not moving, her sword an inch out of its sheath. She was just watching. Watching Camila fire bolts, Beatrice enters into hand to hand combat. Mary and Lilith rushing through the doors. Vincent grabbing onto the shoulders of the possessed to block him from attack.

_Right now you idiot!_ Ada’s voice rings out now. Ava shakes her head and throws the sheath to the side. The halo pushes her forward, she feels her feet start to move towards the battle on their own before she gains control.

“Camila, your left!” Ava yells running towards Camila. The arrow hits a calf as Ava’s fist lands a punch, the wraith’s scream echoing only for her. Ava drives her sword into the demon, the scream getting louder as it fades away. “On me!” Ava calls into the chaos of the room.

They make their way to the center of the room. Vincent and the possessed humans turn towards them, arrows sticking out of their bodies and all.

“Don’t let Vincent out of this room,” Mary spits out, teeth grinding together, anger coursing through her body.

“There’s only one exit now. I locked the rest. Far East corner. That’s the only way out.” Leah’s voice comes through their comms.

“Lock them all. He can’t leave. Get the lights on Leah. Now.” Beatrice was breathing heavily standing shoulder to shoulder with her sisters, staring down the group advancing on them. “Don’t aim to kill. These people can be saved. Disable and release the wraiths.”

“We can kill Vincent though right?” Mary chances a brief glance at Beatrice before training her eyes back on the horde and the man in question.

“If you can help it no,” Beatrice steadies her mind, she reaches back, feeling Ava, her hand gripping her thigh without looking back. “Go!”

Camila drops to her knee then, continuing to fire arrows, stopping the forward motion of everyone she hits. Mary charges left, shooting down, until her gun rocks the jaw of a man.

“Mary, directly above his head!” Ava calls, running behind Lilith. Mary angles a dagger above the man’s head stabbing at the air.

“Got it, move on,” Ava calls hot on Lilith’s heels as her claws run over the chest of a human, the wraith leaving the body immediately, Ava’s sword piercing it back to hell.

The lights hum loudly, flickering, heating up, and turning on. The room suddenly awash in light. Twenty-six possessed became thirty, forty.

“Where are they coming from?” Mary yells, looking around the room. They had only stopped five so far. At this rate, they’d be overrun in minutes.

“The elevator! The building inhabitants! I’m shutting it down now.” Leah yells back.

“Ava! Get to higher ground. We’ll take the possessed, just call out wraiths.” Beatrice calls over her shoulder, her lip split.

“I’m not leaving you!”

“Go, we need you to guide us more.” Beatrice levels Ava with a serious look before her eyes soften and she nods her head. _We’ll be fine. I’ll be fine_ unspoken.

Ava nods then and turns to climb up the same metal shelving unit she was hiding under. She watched as the fight progressed. Calling out locations of wraiths, warning of sudden attacks, guiding her team. They had cut the group in half before it happens. 

Vincent. He targets Beatrice. Ava watches him slink out from the shadows of a pillar. Beatrice doesn’t see him, hear him.

_It’s nearly time. Be ready._

No! Ava yells to the voice in her head.

“Beatrice, behind you!” Ava lets her voice rip from her throat, already tired and scratchy from yelling over the fight for nearly ten minutes now. She jumps down from the top of the shelving unit. Feeling her ankle twist but continuing to run towards Beatrice.

“Bea!” She yells again. Was her voice not working? Why wasn’t Beatrice turning around? Defending herself.

“Ava!” She hears Camila yell her name before three possess humans jump her at the same time. As if they were waiting for her to jump down. Ava crashes underneath their weight. Feeling their hands hit her, pull at her clothes, pulling the sword from her.

Ava feels suffocated. She can’t see Beatrice. She can’t see if she heard her. She can’t see if she protected herself from Vincent. _Help me_ Ava pleads to the halo. Begging for a burst. She clenches her eyes shut, feels her back heat up. She releases a yell and a blast of light as the three figures fly away from her, bodies crumpled, wraith dissipating above them.

Ava shakes her head, looking to Beatrice now, engaged in a battle with Vincent. Two short daggers against his glowing long sword. _She’s okay. She’s got this,_ Ava thought before turning back to the others. Lilith was phasing in and out, slashing out at any possessed she sees. Ava moves towards her now.

“Lilith, with me. Lets rage,” Ava grips Lilith’s shoulder, looking at Lilith's blood-soaked face, receiving a grin and a nod. Lilith and Ava float around the space taking out five in a matter of minutes.

“Ava!” She hears Camila call out in desperation. Ava turns, pulling Lilith with her. Camila was held between the arms of two possesses, a third running at her with a knife.

“Go,” Ava pushes Lilith forward. She phases through the distance, appearing directly behind the human with a knife and grips their head. Before she can stop herself, her hands rotate, she hears the snap of their neck and lets the body drop to her feet, her hands shaking.

“It’s okay,” Ava appears next to her, the look of shock on Lilith’s face on full display. “Get the two holding Camila.” Ava follows behind Lilith again, taking out the wraiths while Lilith wrangles Camila free from their hold.

The three stand together, surveying the space, planning their move. 

“I see you’ve been training,” Vincent growls at Beatrice, pushing his blade closer and closer to Beatrice’s face. Her two blades locked in an X stopping his movements, her arms shaking. She drops to her knee, sweeping one leg around, taking Vincent’s legs out. She leaps on top of him, her knee holding his wrist in place, preventing the sword from striking her.

“You’ve prepared me for this,” Beatrice sneers above him, bringing her dagger down to his throat. She hesitates, not wanting to take his life. 

“And yet,” Vincent swallows, feeling the dagger against his Adam's apple, “I still breathe. If Adriel knew Ava was still alive she would not last the night. None of you would.” Vincent laughs beneath her now.

“End it. Divinium has controlled me for far too long. End it,” Vincent leans into the knife now his voice changing an octave or two higher, his eyes softening, a thin line of blood trails down where the knife pierces his neck.

“What do you mean controlled you?” Beatrice, still heaving, catching her breath, sweat glistening on her forehead.

“Does it matter, sister?” Vincent closes his eyes now, voice dropping lower again. “It will be over soon.” Beatrice watches him for a moment, his tattoos glowing, his hand gripping her wrist. Beatrice pulls her head back, loosening her grip on the knife. 

She feels something like heartbreak then. Hot, wet, ripping through her. Her mouth falls open then, the knife dropping from her hand. She hears a yell, it sounds like Ava. She looks down at her stomach. The pointed edge of a knife sticks out from her shirt, her own blood dripping down onto Vincent’s chest. Her thighs start to vibrate. She moves her eyes sluggishly back down to Vincent.

He’s laughing. His chest shaking in deep, haunting laughter. His grins something more demonic than the stoic look of Adriel at the Vatican. 

“You die for nothing,” Vincent continued to laugh.

Beatrice feels her hand move to the tip of the blade coming from her shirt in slow motion. She continued to hear the muffled sound of Ava yelling over the fight. Her fingers shaking as she feels the heat of her blood on the tip. She gently wraps her fingers around it as a gunshot echoes through the basement. The blade slides slickly through her fingers and back out with the thud of a body behind her. 

Beatrice gasps at the slow release of the metal. Unable to breathe, it hurts as her breath comes back to her. It catches in her throat, over and over, unable to get a full breath in without the pain consuming her body. Each gasp echoes louder and louder into the earpiece of her sisters.

Vincent rolls her body off of him, his hands too gentle against the back of her head as he lays her down. He grips the untarnished sword in his hand before moving to the exit. He stops then, hand hovering over the handle to look back into Beatrice’s half-lidded eyes.

“I trained you so you would win,” Vincent bows his head, his neck and shoulders twitching unnaturally as his mouth turns into a smirk again, and he turns away.

Beatrice pushed herself up on all fours, forcing her head up, looking to her friends. To Ava. Fighting their way towards her. They are graceful in their movements. Ava is so much more powerful than she knows. Beatrice hopes she will realize it. She hopes Camila will too, of herself. She wants Lilith to be happy as she is, not what is expected of her. Mary. She wants Mary to be able to love again. To love just as fiercely as she loved Shannon.

Beatrice wishes she had more time to love Ava. Tell her she loved her for real and not just as friends. Hold her, know every part of her. Hear her never ending stories of Diego, her memories of her mother, her life before. Grow with her. Make something. Be the after that she so wanted to experience.

She wanted so much more than this. So few remain in the horde as her family draws closer. She will not remain after this. Her vision blurs as she looks to her bloodied fingers, shaking. She feels the blood already drying into her fingertips. She feels the pulsing of her wound. She feels her body clench around the puncture. She tries to crawl towards Vincent’s retreating form, stop him. But stops when a cough makes it way up from her belly, to her chest, through her throat. Blood spills from her lips, onto the floor. This is it.

“Beatrice,” Ava drops to her knees, slides into place next to Beatrice. “Bea. Please. Please hold on.” Ava catches Beatrice as she collapses into her arms, turning her over in her arms. Ava pushes her hand against the wound. Her tears falling freely.

“Leah! Leah, get here now! Bring your medkit. West door. Lock it behind you,” Mary cries into the comms and drops herself next to Beatrice. Camila and Lilith take out the remaining possessed. “Lilith, stop him,” Mary feels her voice catch in her throat as she looks down at Beatrice.

Lilith grabs Camila and looks around the basement, trying to locate Vincent.

“Bea,” Ava sobs above Beatrice, kissing her forehead, pushing into her stomach as blood pools around her fingers. “You’re going to be okay. I can fix this.” Ava shuts her eyes, _Shannon, are you there, please. Please. Fix her. Take the halo and give it to her. Please. Ada, fix her. Christine, Melanie, Madeline. Fix her please. I’ll do anything. Please, please, please._ Ava begs, she doesn’t know what else she can do. If the halo can heal her maybe it can heal others.

_This is your choice Ava. We told you. You cannot do both. There isn't enough time. You must choose to retrieve the sword or choose to stay and lose everything you’ve fought for._

“No. Fuck you!” Ava screams through her tears. “You know my choice. I pick her. Do it!”

_Her life is not the choice. This is inevitable. All death is. The choice is to get the sword or let it leave._

“No. No. I don’t care about a sword. Fix her. Now!” Ava holds Beatrice closer to her, her lips moving against Beatrice as she yells at Shannon. Mary looks at Ava with confusion and pain, unable to understand who Ava was yelling at or why.

“What are you talking about? Leah is coming, she’ll help her,” Mary is looking at Ava, tears in her eyes. “She’ll be okay.”

“Shannon. Shannon can fix this, the halo can do it. They just won’t,” Ava buries her face in Beatrice's hair, tears falling faster and faster.

“I can’t get in! The doors are sealed. I can’t… I can’t make it,” Leah’s voice comes through their earpieces as Camila and Lilith join them on the floor.

“What do you mean, you locked them, just unlock them.” Lilith bites back.

“I made my fail-safe too strong. I was planning on blowing a hole through the door when you won. I wasn’t planning on having to unlock the doors. I’m sorry,” Leah whispers the last part.

“No. I won't accept this,” Ava shifts her arms, attempting to pick Beatrice up. She could feel how faint Beatrice’s breath was. Her skin growing paler and paler by the second. “I’m coming to you.” Ava grips Beatrice’s body, Mary standing with her, pushing Beatrice into Ava more securely.

“You can do this,” Mary levels her with a tear-streaked face. “Get her to Leah and come back. We aren’t done.”

Ava feels the halo power her, her grip tightening on Beatrice as she makes her way to the western wall. She looks down at Beatrice the whole way, wanting the halo to do anything for her but knowing it won't.

Ava takes a deep breath in front of the wall. _Shannon, please let this work. I need to get her out and then I’ll make the right choice. I can do both. I know I can. Just, please. Let me do both._ Ava closes her eyes now, feeling the halo wrap around Beatrice as she walks into the wall. She feels the crush of the concrete wall for far longer than she anticipated. Beatrice's voice filling her head, _I’ll be here every step of the way._

She feels the cool breeze of the open air before she opens her eyes, Leah running to her.

“What happened?” Leah helps guide Beatrice to the ground, the van now parked right behind her. Leah took in the bloodied and bruised face of Ava. The only clear parts of her face were the streaks of tears that continued to fall.

“Vincent. He was here. Someone stabbed her. I…” Ava tries to calm herself, collect herself enough to give Leah what she needed. “I couldn’t save her and I… I can’t stay. But Leah,” Ava reaches out, holding Leah’s shoulder with bloody fingers. “Please save her.”

Leah looks into Ava’s eyes. She holds back her own tears. She didn’t get to cry. She needs to get to work. So she nods.

“Help me get her to the van,” Leah and Ava lift Beatrice, laying her gently into the back of the van. Ava stops. She knows she needs to go back. She has only seconds but if this is the last time she can see Beatrice alive, this is it, her only moment.

Ava leans down, placing a soft, light kiss on Beatrice’s unmoving lips, “I'll see you after.” She kisses her again and looks to Leah, a plea in her eyes.

“I’ll do my best. Go,” Leah reaches to close the door behind Ava when she jumps down, but stops when Ava turns back around, her grip on the door stopping it from shutting.

Ava almost decides to stay. She almost says fuck it, Leah will need a second set of hands. Beatrice will need her here. The others can get the sword. That is still her doing both. Her knuckles turn white as her hold on the door gets harder and harder. Leah’s eyes are wide and fearful as she looks on at the indented metal of the van under Ava’s hand.

_”Steady your mind, Ava. You know the halo could not heal her. Your mind is not yet capable of that. You must go. Get the sword.”_

_“What the fuck was the whole ‘you will lose her’ shit about?”_ Ava closes her eyes, nearly yelling at the hazy, shadowy figure of Shannon that dances across her close eyelids. _“If this is when I lose her I want to stay. The others can get the sword.”_

_“The others will not succeed without you.”_

_“Beatrice could die. I can’t lose her.”_

_“We all die, eventually.”_

_“Can you stop being like this. Eventually doesn’t have to be today. Will I lose her today or not? Is Beatrice even the ‘her’ you’re referring to? Why can’t you just say things that make sense so I can actually do something right.”_ Ava feels tears push through her closed eyelids, their internal conversation nearly taking the fight right out of her.

_“Trust your team, Ava, as your team trusts you to return. Trust yourself. Future truths cannot be revealed without adequate information. Eventually is your only truth right now.”_

_“Ada are you there? Care to chime in with cold hard facts? Christine?”_

_“Your mind is only capable of talking to me in this state. The state of in between. You are not voicing your words out loud, I, and I alone, am hearing them as a shadow in your thoughts.”_

_“Fine. If she dies today and you didn’t tell me I’ll… I’ll, ugh. Just be there for me when I need you later, okay?”_

Ava blinks to clear the hazy figure of Shannon from blocking her final view of Beatrice, lying unmoving and pale in the back of the van. Flashes of a smiling face, soft touches, Beatrice alive, play in her mind. That’s what she will hold on to, not this view.

“Do better than your best. Her death isn’t an option,” Ava sets her jaw, locking eyes with Leah. “You are capable of this. I trust. You must save her. That is your only option.”

Leah hesitates for only a moment at the stern, stony set of Ava’s face before nodding and closing the door. She looks at Ava, unmoving, through the window of the van, waiting for her to go back. Leah has no idea what Beatrice's blood type is. She has no idea if Beatrice is allergic to latex. She has no idea if Beatrice has a history of any medical issues. Without proper machinery, she will have no idea what internal organs were damaged. She can do this. She knows this. She knows how to treat a stab wound. Her only option is to save her.

Ava nods once then turns to run back through the wall into the basement as an explosion rips through the air.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: descriptions of blood. 
> 
> Another challenging chapter. Unfluffy writing is hard and I commend everyone that does it. Either way. The lore is made up, the points don't matter. I just want season two.
> 
> Love you all for reading. 
> 
> Song influence that I just couldn't stop playing: https://open.spotify.com/track/3sgqeL8dmOt1Pw8TkeyjsR?si=O_g0gC5ITUitdGsUtYVGiw

“What was that!?” Ava rights herself, yelling into the darkness after being blown back the minute she hit the open air of the basement. She runs back over to the group, dust and smoke filling the air. She wipes the blood, sweat, soot, and tears away from her cheeks, her finger marks clearly visible on her face, almost like battle paint.

“How is-” Mary coughs out, her arms shielding Camila and Lilith beneath her, but she’s cut off.

“No. We don’t think about that now. What the hell just happened?” She helps Camila to her feet now, brushing her shoulders. Mary helps Lilith, doing the same.

“No idea, we were looking for father fuck face when we heard the explosion,” Mary looks around the room now, the light from the street cutting through the soot, strobing through the debri like a spot light.

“There,” Ava points to the visible hole in the wall now. “Let's go. Camila, you’re with me. Mary, stick with Lilith. Four on one. I like our odds.” Ava charges towards the hole in the wall, the others following after.

“Wait, we need a plan,” Lilith stops them just outside the blasted hole in the wall. She is coughing slightly, limping, still holding on to Mary.

Ava thinks. She tries to hear Beatrice in this moment. What would she do, what would she say? She takes stock of the group. Bloodied and battered. They were in no state for this. But they needed to do this. She should have come back earlier. Beat the explosions. Caught Vincent in the room. Ava doesn’t let herself dwell, a push from the halo doesn’t allow her to.

“You both go right, over and up, block by block, he can’t be more than a minute in front of us. Run for as long as you can. We’ll go left. I’ll be on the comms, letting you know if I see any signs of wraith. We’ll go towards the main city until we can’t, then we circle back until we can’t.”

The three nod their approvals, shaking off their exhaustion and Ava continues. “If we find Vincent, we’ll stop him and signal to you. In this life.” Lilith nods to Ava and Camila, her own face barring the marks of fingers wiping away blood and ash. They look terrifying as they take off down the streets of Genoa, Mary and Lilith going right, Ava and Camila going left. 

“Leah?” Ava huffs out while running next to Camila. The entire channel can hear her but she doesn’t care. “Leah are you there?”

There is no reply on the comms. Ava feels her heart sink as Camila grabs her hand.

“She’ll be okay. She’s seen worse.”

“Mary, Lilith, anything?” Ava redirects her attention back to their current positions.

“Nothing.” Mary clips out, her heavy breathing ringing through with her words.

“She’ll be okay, Ava.” Lilith adds right after Mary.

Ava and Camila weave their way through the streets and alleys of Genoa. Their eyes darting up and around at every place they don’t physically pass. With every passing block, Ava feels less hopeful. Why did she hesitate at the van? Why couldn’t she make herself leave? If they don’t find Vincent, this will all be her fault. She will have ruined everything.

_“Chin up, buttercup”_

“Ada?” Ava questions out loud, receiving a sideways glance from Camila.

_”It is I. Shannon let me tap in. Stop doubting yourself. Don’t respond. You and I can’t do the silent communication thing yet. I am assuming your friends think you have gone a little crazy. Just listen._

Ava splits the focus of her mind on Ada’s voice and searching the streets. It’s been three minutes of sprinting up and down and through Genoa. 

_”Trust yourself. I know my niece had less than ideal original thoughts about you before I lost her. But I feel you now. Or I’m starting to. I feel what you are capable of, even outside of another’s perspective. I don’t have much time before Shannon takes over as the closest to the halo. You will need her soon far more than I. I want to… I need to clear something up. Shannon, all of us. We can’t reveal anything. We can’t tell you our truth. What we know. But I want to try to walk the line. Johnny Cash was my era, I should have been June. Anyway, Ava, ‘her’ is no one and everyone in your life. It’s everyone you know, every part of you. Love. Focus on that instead of just your Beatrice. Death is inevitable, yes. Yours, mine, hers. All beings. I have loved working through Shannon’s riddles but let it pass for now. Inevitability is now, and decades, and centuries away.”_

“What does that mean?” Ava chokes out through labored breath, still sprinting and searching.

_”It means stop hyperfixating. Inevitable is not today. It’s not. Hear me. I’ve, ugh, I’ve said too much. I must leave. You are here.”_

“Wait! Ada, wait, please say more!” Ava yells into the air, Camila squeezing her arm, telling her to be quiet silently. Ava stops them, she needs to catch her breath before they keep moving. Her head tilted to the night sky, breathing, slowing her heart rate. Digesting Ada’s words, she opens her eyes.

“Wait. I see red,” Ava’s eyes follow the tail-end of a wraith as it rounds a corner and bursts into a crowded, open area. “Piazza Colombo. Get here now,” Ava calls into the comms while pulling Camila against the side of a wall, looking to the center of the circle. People were sitting on the ledge of the fountain, locals milling around. Ava continues following the tail of the wraith and spots Vincent. 

He stands in the shadows of an alley. His movements are jerky, warring against body and mind, almost inhuman. One hand talking on the phone, the other clutched over his overcoat, hiding the sword.

“How far away are you?” Ava whispers, tracking Vincent’s retreat down a side alley.

“Right behind you,” Mary’s voice transitions from the comms to real life then, standing behind Ava, breathing heavily.

“He’s there. You two come out the back that way. If he bolts, stop him,” Ava levels her eyes, watching Vincent look around the piazza, halfway hidden in the shadows of the alley. “He’s waiting for a pick-up. We need to get the sword before reinforcements arrive.”

Mary and Lilith nod, taking off back down the alley and turn to circle around to Vincent.

“Are you going to kill him?” Camila asks, not taking her eyes off Vincent.

“If I get the chance, yes.” Ava watches Mary and Lilith disappear around a corner, waiting for their signal once they get in position, her voice laced with a level of venom that causes Camila to shiver. “Leah?” Ava tries again, waiting for a response.

“We could be out of range.”

“We aren’t,” Ava’s lips harden in a straight line. She’ll kill Vincent for this. Then maybe Beatrice will live. A life for a life. She watches Vincent startle when he hears a noise, Mary and Lilith, behind him. He remains standing in his spot though, not startled enough to have seen them.

_I need you_ , Ava thinks to the halo and she feels it heat up under her shirt. 

“Mary?” Ava asks, cracking her knuckles, jumping up once, twice.

“In position, waiting on your signal,” Mary responds in a whisper from the alley ducked behind a dumpster several feet behind Vincent, cutting off his retreat if Ava fails.

She breaks away from their hiding spot, crouching low and running along the storefronts, around the circle of the piazza towards Vincent. She sidesteps a tourist, Camila directly behind her. Ava feels her feet leave the pavement at the curb of the alley, tackling Vincent with all of her weight, the halo glowing on her back. 

Ava’s knees hit the ground above Vincent as he lands flat on his back, his eyes wide. She looks at him for half a beat before she lands a punch against his nose, feeling the break of cartilage immediately. He doesn’t even have time to react to the first one, nor the following hits. Ava doesn’t let up. Left and right hand hitting over and over. She doesn’t stop, even as her chest cracks, her breath catching in her throat. No other emotion other than a desire for revenge, a trade off, there is no hate, resentment, just the need to end a life to save one. Her tears start to mingle with each punch she lands. Blood and tears mixing.

Mary appears at her side, reaching down and plucking the sword from Vincent’s belt, handing it to Lilith to phase out and away. Mary turns to watch as blood leaks from Vincent’s face with each punch. She wants to bask in this. His defeat. But Ava’s anguish is too loud to ignore. Her strangled, high pitched sobs, her labored breath coming in time with her punches. 

Mary hesitates for a second longer before moving in and wrapping her arms around Ava’s torso, pulling her up and away. Her hands continue to punch in the air, her body struggling against Mary’s. Mary maintains her hold as blood drips from Ava's knuckles, tears falling freely from her eyes and her head continues to whip around but her body stills half suspended in Mary’s arms.

Camila moves to place her foot on Vincent’s chest, crossbow pointed directly at his face. Vincent looks up, blood pouring from his nose and a split on his cheek and lip, eyes swollen. When he grins up at her, his hands wrapped around her ankle, his teeth are stained with blood. Camila shivers at the sight but cocks her crossbow back over her shoulder, leveling it back at him.

“Sweet Camila. I do hope you are the cause of my end,” Vincent turns his head and spits blood onto the pavement. “What justice. My last prodigy. I would welcome it.”

Camila applies more pressure on her foot, Vincent chuckling against it.

“I know the least about you. You’re different from the others. You block your mind somehow. He doesn’t know you,” Vincent pauses, his eyes widening slightly. “You are more powerful than he knows. He doesn’t know you. Use that.”

Camila finds herself cocking her head in confusion at the change in the pitch of Vincent’s voice, his words. How it sounded almost happy, hopeful at the end.

“Mary, what should I do?” Camila calls over her shoulder, her blood running colder and colder by the second, Vincent’s face shifting through dozens of emotions by the second. She wants to get out of here immediately. She chances a glance behind her, Mary was holding a shaking Ava.

“Why, why isn’t she responding? She can hear me. She should hear me. Why?” Ava sobs into Mary’s shoulder, shaking back and forth. Mary looks over to Camila, instructing her to keep watching Vincent with her eyes. Camila nods back, repositioning her foot against his chest keeping him in place. She swallows deeply, hoping Vincent will refrain from speaking to her again.

“We might be out of range or she’s busy,” Mary holds tighter to Ava.

“You know we’re not out of range. I could be back at the Cradle and she would still hear me. She would.” A fresh round of tears rips through Ava’s body as she grips tightly to Mary’s jacket, burying her face into the fabric.

“Hey,” Mary angles Ava’s face up, “Try to calm down. We don’t know anything. You need to settle your thoughts.” Mary adds the last part because the halo was starting to glow brighter and brighter. The hairs on Mary’s arm start to stand on end. Ava’s anguish was brewing into something they couldn’t contain.

“We have company,” Ava hiccups and looks above Mary’s head at the wraith demons circling. Ava shakes off her anger and fear and worst-case scenario thoughts. She needs to be here. This is the choice she made. Mary looks behind her now.

“How many?”

“Too many,” Ava lost count as they swirled closer and closer. “We need to go while we can.”

“What about the people?” Camila’s eyes widened, looking at the piazza full of people.

“I don’t want to do this but,” Mary pulls out her shotgun, looking at it like she would rather do anything other than this. “I’ll scatter them. Cam, take Ava and go.”

“Vincent,” Ava reaches behind Mary now, murder in her eyes.

“He’s mine,” Mary cocks her gun, “Go. Now.” She watches Ava and Camila hesitate before running back in the direction of the van. Mary steadies herself. She knows that shooting into the air would be traumatic for every single person in the square but it was her only option. They needed to move and move now or risk being possessed. 

Mary breathes in, thinking of her sisters, her mother, Shannon, all at once. Every significant woman in her life was with her in this moment. She angles her shotgun to the sky, looking down at the bloodied body of Vincent before firing three shots.

Screams erupted in the Piazza. People running away, tripping over each other. It was chaos but at least they were running away. Away from the wraiths. Or least most of them were. Mary looked down the alley Vincent was lying in and saw a horde of humans moving towards her at an alarming rate. Their movements jerky, their eyes black. She looked at Vincent now. She could shoot him, point blank, and feel no remorse. She should. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t know why she doesn’t pull the trigger.

“When I see you again, it will be the last day you live,” Mary kicks him in the side before taking off back towards the van, away from the horde. Away from a sputtering Vincent. The sound of Vincent’s menacing laughter echoing behind her for far longer than she knew it should.

\----

Ava climbs back through the hole in the apartment building. Her hands feeling the dry, crumbled pebbles of the concrete, her mind feeling nothing. Or at least attempting to feel nothing. She had tried Leah several more times as they got closer and received no response. She couldn’t make herself go back to the van right away. She didn’t want to face the radio silence and what that might mean. Camila stood with her in the basement while Lilith waited outside for Mary.

“Ava?” Camila moved closer but didn’t touch Ava right away. Ava was pacing, rubbing her fingers together, breathing shallow through her nose.

“Yeah,” Ava responded, not looking at Camila, her mind running off in too many directions to even really place her name.

“Can I,” Camila moved closer, letting the sound of her words hit Ava before Camila chances a touch. “Can I touch you?”

Ava flinched at the ask. The last two people she had remembered touching, their blood mixed and dried on her hands. She looks down through glassy eyes, her vision blurring. The raised ridges of her knuckles shine like bright spotlights against the deep set burgundy of their bloody backdrop. Her fingernails are red. Her fingerprints are red. With the exception of Mary’s jacket, the last two people she touched could be dead.

Her hands start shaking, slowly, then uncontrollably and she fists them into her shirt. Trying to wipe away the stains. Her fast falling tears mix with her shirt, coating her hands. Nothing washes away.

“Ava,” Camila whispers next to her, “Ava, it’s okay. Everything will be okay.” Camila reaches for Ava’s bunched hands in her shirt, attempting to stop her movements, settle her mind.

“It’s not, you don’t know that,” Ava whispers back, though hot, pouring tears. “Nothing is okay. We don’t… We aren’t.” Ava’s shoulders start heaving, she’s curling into herself with every breath, no amount of deep breathing can break through this.

Camila places one hand on Ava’s back and the other on her chest, centering her. “Listen to me,” Camila starts to rub her hands in tiny circles on her chest and back. “I want you to try to slow down. Your mind, your breathing. Just slow down.” Camila continues moving her hands, pulling Ava’s chest open to calm her breathing, her panic.

“There you go,” Camila notes the dulling of the halo as Ava’s starts to settle. She had seen it in the alley. The halo was charging up for something huge. Some disaster situation that is fully tied to Ava’s emotions. Camila doesn’t want to entertain the fall out if Beatrice doesn’t make it. She can’t for so many different reasons. So she just keeps whispering to Ava, moving her hands in circles against her, calming her down.

Camila is started from her ministrations when Mary jumps through the hole, moving towards them with confusion on her face. “What are we still doing here? Why are we not at the van?” 

“We were waiting for you,” Camila, saying loud enough to break through Ava’s numb mind. Camila holds up her hand, stopping Mary from getting closer to Ava. “We can’t go to the van Mary. Not until we hear from Leah. So we’re staying here until she checks in.” Mary hears Camila’s words and looks to Ava. Hands and face covered in blood, fingertips rubbing together in a meticulous pattern, her face void of any emotion. Mary’s heart drops, she wants to go to Ava, but she knows nothing she will do now will help as they wait for Leah.

“Who was this guy?” Lilith calls from across the room, standing over the body of Marcus, the man that brought the swords to Vincent. The sword in question was slung over her back, held close to her body in case she needed to teleport again.

Camila drops her hands from Ava as the three girls move to the dead body on the ground though she stays close, her hand hovering over the small of Ava’s back. Stepping into the strongest light still remaining in the room. They look at each other. Blood, cuts, scrapes, bruises. They don’t acknowledge the injuries. To acknowledge them would be to call out the fact that one of them wasn’t present.

“He was using sign language with Vincent. Does anyone remember his movements?” Camila looks to the others, trying to recreate the pieces of the movements she remembered. She drags her thumb down her jaw, connecting her fists with her forefingers pointing out. “Does anyone know that sign?”

“I don’t know sign language but Bea-” Mary stops herself, she can’t say her name, not yet.

“Do it again, but slower,” Lilith moves in front of Camila, “I know very basic movements but its American sign language, this guy could have been using any variation.” Lilith watches Camila do the movement again, Lilith copying her, attempting to rely on muscle memory.

“I could very well not be ASL but if it is,” Lilith repeats the motion, “It means… sister.”

“Wait,” Mary steps forward, “Vincent showing up with a bunch of people in habits. He probably lied to him. Marcus could have been on our side. Vincent probably told him he needed the sword _for_ sisters of the Order of the Cruciform Sword. This guy wanted us to have it, not Vincent. Marcus was on our side.”

“There was one more but I can assume it meant halo,” Camila mimes the movement, both hands in the shape of a sideways C hovering around her head. 

“Yeah, that definitely means halo. He was on our side,” Lilith’s voice trails off and they all look down at the man.

Ava crouches down, pulling Marcus’ sleeve back, “He has symbols on his skin. They are burned in or something, look.” She gestures for the others to come closer. “I noticed them when he shook hands with Vincent. Do you recognize these?”

Mary and Camila shake their heads as Lilith crouches down to get a closer look with Ava. The symbols look familiar to her for some reason.

“I think I’ve seen these before,” Lilith reaches out, Ava grabbing her hand trying to stop her from touching the body. “It feels like muscle memory. If I trace them with my eyes I see something. Just like the sign language. Let me,” Lilith looks at Ava, asking for permission to trace a mark. Ava nods but doesn’t release her hand from Lilith’s wrist. She holds on as Lilith lowers her hands, watches as her finger traces a mark on Marcus’ forearm. As Lilith moves her fingers, Ava feels her mind slipping, the circling of the bottom of the symbol causing her head to spin. Her neck muscles moving her head without her permissions. Her eyes roll to the back of her head as she sees black.

\----

“Oh no, fuck this. I don’t have time for this!” Ava wakes, immediately yelling into a red hue covering the expanse of the scape of their new location. This was not the Warrior Nun cathedral. This was something much more nefarious. Ava looks to the hand holding hers. Lilith. Ava groans internally. This was not her journey but she got pulled along nonetheless.

“Lilith,” Ava pokes her cheek, “wake up.” Ava watches Lilith’s features pinch then relax then scrunch up, her eyes wide in shock. “Calm down. I’ve done this before, just keep holding my hand. We can’t lose each other in here.”

Lilith grips Ava’s hand tighter, blearily looking around. There wasn’t a human, car, or building in sight. All they could see was the endlessly high wall in front of them. Colors weren’t real here. In the Warrior Nun cathedral, Ava looked like herself. Here she was all red and gray and black like she was looking at her skin through a red screen. Lilith looked the same.

“Where are we, Lilith?” Ava turns to Lilith, eyes wide, wanting to get out of this dream immediately. Ava watches Lilith look around. Her features completely relaxed, soft, unphased, like this place was normal, easy to exist in.

“I’ve been here before,” Lilith mutters mostly to herself, still taking in the space. 

“Shit,” Ava looks around again. One giant gate, red tints, feeling way hotter than necessary for a dream. She turns around. There was a vibrant, way too bright, white light behind her. It domed over the opposite horizon to the miles-high gate. 

Realization dawns suddenly, they were standing between the gates of Heaven and Hell. Ava wants to laugh at how close the gate entries actually are. If you tripped you might actually end up falling into the fiery inferno of Hell instead of the pearly gates. 

As their forms settled on this plain, figures started popping up. Lilith’s skin became more solidified, Ava could pick up the color of her own in her hands when she looked again. Settling into this inbetween space must take way longer than the Warrior Nun afterlife.

“Woah,” Lilith breaths out, looking in front of her after rubbing her eyes, then behind her.

The actual gates materialized in front of them. Both immeasurably high, hundreds of locks, both glowing from within. One a bright, blinding, white light, the other a deep, sickening red. At each entry stood a slew of sentries. The gates of Hell were flanked by dozens of Tarask. Heaven flanked by humanoid forms in white, glowing from the inside out. Their specific features blurred by the light.

One of the Tarask at the very forefront of the gates of Hell stepped forward. They transformed into what Ava could only describe as the human, clothed form of Eve from the Dürer painting hung in nearly every room at her orphanage. Cherub looking face, reddish, brownish, blonde hair, gray wrap dress.

The sound of the shift was disgusting. Squelching, bones cracking, and breaking. The sizzle of burning flesh cooling. Ava found herself nauseous looking at the form in front of her. She gags several times as the creature moves closer to the two girls.

“Welcome children of God,” it said, its voice spoken in every decibel of human vocal cords possible at once. It’s hands outstretched in a welcome.

Ava let out one loud, obnoxious laugh while tightening her grip on Lilith’s hand, pulling her away from the Tarask turned Eve. Laughing was Ava’s automatic response. Her brain was feeling too foggy, unable to process what was really going on in front of her. 

“Sister Lilith. We welcome you back to the Gated Guardians. We have so missed your enthusiasm,” the Tarask, now Eve, reached out and stroked Lilith’s cheek.

“Okay what, enthusiasm? In this one? I think we’re dead,” Ava looked to Lilith for support but Lilith was leaning into the hand on her cheek, her eyes closed. “What the hell is going on? Pun fully intended. What are we doing here?” Ava tugs at Lilith’s hand, trying to break her from the trance of Eve.

“Halo barer. Please settle your mind. You are among family,” Eve releases Lilith, but smiles at her fondly. “Your life force is as much ours as it is Lilith’s. You are alive because of the heart of Balam. You live by their heart. Passed over and over by the likes of humankind. You are us as we are you.”

Ava knows her mouth is hanging open. Her theory of the halo as the Tarask couldn’t be more clear. She knew it. Television would never let her down. But faced with the reality, none of this made sense.

“I’m sorry, what? Can you maybe explain all of this? How a glyph on a dead man got us here and why my usually aggressive friend is like putty in your hands?” Ava pulls Lilith back and away from Eve further, eyeing the Tarask lined up behind Eve. All looking at her, their eyes glowing, the cracks in the outer flesh burning bright.

“We have longed for this day. Longed for Balam’s heart, what you all refer to as the Warrior Nun Halo, to return to us as we have longed for the return of the other’s trapped or killed on Earth. Marcus, may he rest well, was a traveler, much like our dear sister Lilith. We did not see this end for him.” Eve takes a slow step towards Ava, her palms up still, meaning no harm.

“I would prefer if you didn’t come closer, thank you,” Ava takes a few steps back, dragging a tranced Lilith with her. Lilith’s eyes were searching the faces of each Tarask individually like she was communicating with them without words. Her face so full of love.

“What did you do to her?” Ava asks Eve pointedly and with malice in her voice.

“You must have hundreds of questions descendant of Balam. We did not intend to love Lilith as our own. She was simply, unavoidable. She was brought to us as the barer but she bore no sign of Balam as you do before us. We felt her still. We felt her life, we saw her as one of us even while dying. A fallen angel reborn again.” Eve was backlit by harsh red, but her face was cast in the bright white light of Heaven’s gates. She looked at Lilith as if she were her own newborn baby, so much love, adoration. Ava finds herself relaxing, muscles sluggish, she doesn’t want to drop her guard but she does regardless of where she is.

“We did not give Lilith a heart of her own. She would not have survived it then, not in her state. But we needed, wanted her to live. Naberius spoke for Lilith, claimed her, feeling her power,” A Tarask behind Eve stepped forward and bowed, one of his horns clipped. “Naberius sliced their horn producing a thin ring. It was not the heart, not like your powering force, Lilith had enough of her own, she just needed a push. Lilith absorbed that piece into her wound. She served by Naberius’ side for nearly a decade before returning to your world. She proved herself worthy, beyond measure.”

Eve took several steps towards them again, drawing Lilith up, pulling her closer. The motherly affection radiating in the space between the two.

“We watched you. The others. Training, learning, growing. We watched Adriel. When we released her, at the exact time you needed her, Lilith was ready to help you defeat the great defier of the gates.”

“Not possible babyface, she was only gone a week,” Ava shook her calm, her eyes drooping, her mind going numb. She shook whatever spell Eve was casting over her. Tried to shake Lilith’s hand enough to pull her back but Lilith was home. She was in her element. Praised, loved, adored, championed. She was as much Tarask as Ava was the halo. The same but completely different.

“Time is irrelevant Ava Silva. All that existed then and will exist is happening now. How do you think Adriel is alive? How are you here? Who were you before your body gave way to this. And still before that. Earth is so confusing. How you all forget who you were before the passing of one form to the next.” Eve smiles to herself, looking fondly to the gates of Heaven.

“Do you even know what these gates keep in and keep out?” Eve looks at the trembling form of Ava, so small, clinging to Lilith’s hand.

“Clearly not deus ex machina, please inform me,” Ava sits down on the ground. She feels exhausted like her energy was being slowly sucked out of her, feeding the Tarask, feeding Eve. She pulls Lilith down with her.

“Over and over you relive things. Not you specifically. Multiple versions exist within you at the same time. You humans get glimpses in what you call _deja vu_. When one version, one piece of your infinite soul chooses their end, they are judged by the one lifetime they lived and by their thoughts and feelings during their host’s experience and place here,” Eve gestures behind her, “and there,” her hand pointing to the gates of Heaven

“So I, we are all just a collection of souls?”

“That is correct Ava. You are your own person your entire life. No one can influence you. But others live within you always. You contain more than most.”

“Because of the halo?” Ava struggles to keep her eyes open, the energy draining from her by the second. Lilith providing no help in her conversation with Eve.

“That is correct. You alone can tap into past souls. The souls of the Halo. Speak to them. I had wished Shannon could have made a visit. Balam loved her dearly. We could feel it. She was the closest to retrieving our lost member in the Vatican. But she wasn’t able to reach her potential.”

“So now,” Ava clears her throat and shakes her head, she feels dizzy with exhaustion, barely able to focus on Eve in front of her. “So what, Adriel is a collection of bad souls set out to destroy the balance of Heaven and Hell?”

“You have a keen grasp, Ava Silva. Adriel is the one soul in a thousand years capable of amassing souls within himself. He challenged Hades himself when he was sentient enough. Though he lost. He was being sent back to us for separation when he accosted Balam and stole their life. Stole their halo. Balam’s second half felt the split and followed him to Earth.” Eve pauses, knowing Ava has caught up with her own flashes given to her by Adriel. 

“Accipiter, Balam’s other half, followed after Balam, two halves cannot be separate. But was killed. As you have seen in your visions. The bond of the two has been severed but we still feel Balam and Accipiter. We feel them as we feel each other, as Lilith feels us here. Less in your realm.”

Ava tried to absorb Eve’s words. Track the lineage of time and humanity. Of Adriel and the halo. It feels like an impossibility, but here, hovering between the gates, anything is possible.

“What does that mean though? What does it matter for me? How can I defeat Adriel?”

“It all matters. When you were reborn with the halo, you were no longer Ava Silva. You became something else. Something more. You are still you. The soul that was set to take over was redirected. You are still you. Just more.”

“More how? How can I be more than the halo? More than you all?”

“You only experience as your own soul Ava. The difference is you have the ability to know them all at the same time. All of them. Learn from them. You have visited Shannon, have you not? And you have now been to us. You have tapped into your potential. You can access it all.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Why am I more? Why can I do that when no one else could?” Ava feels her chin dip to her chest momentarily, unable to stay awake.

“You will see. In time and I am afraid we do not have more. Marcus. Map his body. Lilith will know what to do. Ava, it has been a pleasure hosting Balam in our ranks again. No longer will the Tarask fleat attempt to bring Balam back. They live on within you. They live well. We can see that now. Take our Lilith back with you. She is precious to us. If you can, retrieve the body from the Vatican. Their mate has been the one tracking you as the key to their retrieval.” Eve’s voice begins to fade in Ava’s mind, her grip holding strong to Lilith as her mind slips into slumber. She can’t stay focused long enough to keep her eyes open, she wants to track Eve, watch where she goes, see if she transforms back, but she slips into darkness.

\----

“Oh thank god, I can’t lose you too,” Camila pulls Ava in, holding her close. Mary waits for Lilith to wake up, holding her just as close, cradling her head in her arms while staring intently at Ava. “What happened? Did you faint?”

Ava blinks her eyes rapidly, trying to sit up but her body feels heavy like she has no control over it. The memory of her trip to the gate slipping. She can’t remember the words, Eve’s face, the other Tarask.

“Map his body,” Ava whispers into Camila’s neck before passing out again.

“What did she say? Is she still breathing?” the panic in Mary’s voice grows with each word. Lilith hadn’t woken up at all. “What is happening?”

“She said map his body?” Camila looks from Ava’s face to Mary, then to the lifeless form of Marcus in a pool of his own blood.

“Come in… over,” Leah’s voice comes through the comms now. Mary’s breath catches in her throat. She doesn’t want to know. She can’t deal with this. Two of her sisters were unconscious. Another could be dead. The room was littered with bodies. They were alive, but the smell of blood so heavy in the air.

“I’m here,” Camila speaks for them, swallowing thickly, tears already in her eyes as she looks to Mary.

“Get to the van now. We need to leave imme-” Leah’s voice cuts out as the earpiece fills with static.

“Can you- can you carry her?” Camila asks as tears stream down her face.

“Yes. You?” Mary digs her arms under Lilith, pulling her up and standing with her in her arms.

“I think so,” Camila moves her own arms under Ava, pulling her into her chest and standing with effort. “Let’s go.”

\----

Camila and Mary stand in front of the back doors of the van, arms shaking, the weight of the girls in their arms becoming too much. Neither wants to knock, make their presence known. They don’t want to know what’s on the other side of the door. Camila steps forward now, leaning into the van, knocking her own head against the back, her arms unable to move to hit the door while holding Ava.

The van moves and the back doors open.

“Thank god. We need to go now,” Leah looks at Camila and Mary, bleeding from multiple different spots, carrying unconscious friends also bleeding. “Wow,” Leah mumbles, “what happened?”

Camila and Mary attempt to look behind Leah, they see a set of unmoving feet but nothing else. They need to know before they get in the van. They need to know if Beatrice is alive. Neither can handle being in the van with another girl they love gone from this world.

Leah looks at their faces, follows their eye lines. “Oh, she’s less than stable but still breathing. Barely. We need a hospital right now or that won't last. Get in.” Leah drops down to the floor helping Mary lay Lilith in the van before assisting Camila with Ava. Leah stays crouched by their bodies, looking to Camila and Mary expectantly, hoping one of them is stable enough to drive.

“How far do I need to go to be safe for a hospital?” Camila lifts her chin up, leveling Mary with as much courage and energy as she can as she takes the driver’s seat. She only catches the side of her face as Mary was looking behind her at her three unconscious friends. One with needles running from her veins so ghost white she doesn’t seem real.

“Doesn’t matter. Closest one. No one knows we're here,” Mary looks at Camila, pulling out her phone from the glove compartment. The selfie they took right before leaving the cradle glows up at both of them. She swipes up and searches the closest one, holding her phone up for Camila to follow the directions. Her hand shaking. Covered in blood. She can barely see the map herself. She only hopes Camila can follow the path and get them there.

\----

“Can you change the station please,” Mary slams her fists down on the reception desk of the hospital. She had heard enough of The Fray playing on repeat it felt like she was in some fucked up, sad episode of Grey’s Anatomy. The nurse recoils, taking in the crimson streaked face of the girl in front of her.

“I’m sorry ma’am. I don’t have control over the radio. I can just,” the receptionist reaches for a button, keeping her wide, fearful eyes on Mary, “turn it off.”

“Good,” Mary closes her eyes. It had been three hours since anyone had come to talk to them, she sucks in a steadying breath before looking back at the receptionist and says “thank you,” through gritted teeth.

Mary makes her way back to Leah, Camila had stayed with Ava and Lilith in the van. Neither had woken up yet. Leah was attempting to stay strong, she had gone to the bathroom every twenty minutes or so, her hands looked chapped and dry. Mary can only assume it was Leah’s attempt to wash the blood from her hands. 

Her own were dry and cracking but the blood still showed under her nails and in the deep cuts of her skin. No amount of washing would get it out. Not now. Not ever.

“I should go check on the others and you should… wash your face,” Leah comments offhandedly, her knee bouncing.

“You did good,” Mary looks at Leah with sincerity. “I’m glad you were with us. Go check on them. I’ll stay here.”

Leah nods and walks towards the door, leaving Mary alone. Mary had cried. Multiple different times in the span of three hours. For herself, for Ava and Camila, for Lilith, for Beatrice. For Shannon. Now, alone for the first time, she cries for herself. She cried for the _if only’s_ running through her mind, the _if I had done more if I was faster if I was stronger’s_. She lets the tears fall, her head tilted up, counting the little dimples on the ceiling.

They would be okay. There was no other option. They had the sword but at what cost? Was it worth it? No. Those thoughts couldn’t invade her mind. She needed to focus her energy on Beatrice healing. Ava and Lilith waking up.

She walks to the bathroom. She could be away from the waiting room for a few minutes. She should have done this when Leah was still there if someone came to talk to them. She should have done this the moment she walked into the hospital. 

Mary nearly gasps out loud at the state of herself. Split lip, cut on her eyebrow, gash in her forehead. Entire face covered in soot and blood. No wonder the nurses were so insistent on getting her checked out. She stares at her reflection. Slow, hot tears follow the only clear tracks on her cheeks. She lets them. Let herself feel them. Her chest feels hot as she turns the tap on. She sees stars while squeezing her eyes, her fingers rubbing over her face. The copper taste of blood hitting her lip and filling her nose. She turns suddenly, pushing into an open stall, dry heaving.

On hands and knees, Mary breathes deeply, her eyes shut tight, letting the lights dance behind them, forming a familiar face. The figure smiles at her, puts its hand to its chest, reaches out with the other.

Mary does gasp now, eyes opening wide, the figure disappearing. She shuts her eyes again, heart beating, wanting one more look. Just one more. She digs the heels of her palms into her eyes, wanting the stars to come back, wanting Shannon to come back. They don’t.

She feels the tears start to fall again. Faster. Her chest heaving. She balls her fists, her blunt nails digging into the skin of her hands. She steadies herself against the pressure. Rotates her head, her neck popping, _Okay, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. Just stand up. Stand up and move._ Mary talks her breathing down. Focuses on what she can feel. 

Cold tile. Hot hands. Dry lips. Eyes burning. _Stand up. Wash your face. Move._

She takes one final deep breath and moves back to the still running tap of the sink. She does as best she can with the cheap pink liquid soap. Moving over the cuts as softly as she can with shaking hands. The final wipe of the paper towel reveals a clean face. Mary fakes a smile at her reflection and tries to maintain it as she makes her way back to the sitting area.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. 
> 
> This one is pretty dark.

“The family of Beatrice?” A nurse calls from the doorway. Mary stands and has to stop herself from running towards him.

“Yes, me, that’s me. How is she?” Mary stands in front of him, vulnerable, ready to collapse.

“Hi, I’m Henry,” he extends his hand with a tight smile. Mary takes it, her anxieties not wavering. “I’ve been looking after Beatrice. She is out of surgery. She is stable for right now. We’ll be keeping her here overnight and most likely for the next few nights. Unfortunately the ICU does not allow non-immediate family members in after eight.” 

“She’s my sister. I am her family,” Mary tries to walk past Henry, behind the still swinging doors he merged from. Henry shuffles back, blocking her forward movements, not touching her, but holding his hands out stopping her forward movements. Mary, against herself and not fully in control of her body, shakes his hand again, needing to hold, feel something.

“I’m so sorry but you aren’t listed as her emergency contact. You can come back tomorrow. I’ll be here until seven so you can ask for me and I’ll escort you to her.” Henry smiles again, both hands wrapped around Mary’s, looking at her like he holds the key to her salvation. Mary drinks in every word he says. Her tears falling unhindered. 

“You don’t even know my name. I could be that contact. Who is her emergency contact?” Mary chokes out her questions. She has no idea how this hospital got Beatrice’s real name, any insurance information, even her medical charts. They are in the middle of nowhere. The fact that this person standing in front of her is stopping her from seeing Beatrice, this person that a strong gust of wind would take away like a kite, this person she could take down in less than two seconds, is stopping her relief.

“Nah,” Mary practically grunts, not letting him respond, dropping his hands and shaking her head. “She doesn’t have family or an emergency contact. It’s me. She doesn’t have anyone but me. I get back there tonight or this doesn’t go well for you.”

“Listen. I’m sorry,” Henry repositions his hands in front of him. “Even if I wanted to. She is too strong a risk for coding again. We can’t have you back there if that happens.”

“Coding? What do you mean?” Mary retreats several steps, knowing what the words mean but not letting them sink in.

“Can I,” Henry guides Mary with his arm to a side room labeled _Grieving Room_.

“I don’t need that,” Mary retorts as tears fall from her eyes.

“Miss, I think it would be best,” Henry gestures again, “please.”

Mary aggressively wipes at her eyes before storming into the small room. She takes two steps in and already reaches the back wall, feeling claustrophobic. She wraps her arms around herself, she knows she looks weak. She feels weak. She can’t stop it. Henry closes the door behind him, keeping the most distance between himself and Mary as possible, opening his hands up in front of himself again.

“Thank you for coming in here. I want to be honest with you. She may not make it through the night. Regardless of an emergency contact. I have a,” Henry looks at the clipboard in his hands, “Mother Superion in Andalusia, Spain. She is on her way here now. I spoke with her earlier. I can give you her-”

“I have it, thanks,” Mary cuts him off, pulling her phone from her pocket, thumbing through to the private contact of Mother Superion.

“Can I have your name?” Henry smiles at her now. Mary knows he is trying to make this easier. Nothing about this is easy.

“It’s Mary,” She knows her voice is gruff and mean and she knows her clothes are covered in blood. She knows he thinks it's Beatrice’s.

“She lost a lot of blood. There was a lot of internal damage. She is intubated right now, that means she isn’t breathing on her own. She stopped breathing several times on the surgical table. I feel like you can handle that information but if you’d like me to stop at any time, please let me know.” Henry pauses, taking in her face illuminated by the glow of her phone, the silent tears falling like they aren’t real. Mary just waves one of her hands for him to continue talking.

“For right now, she is being monitored around the clock. At this point she will need one follow up surgery when she stabilizes. Would you like me to tell you about the internal organs that were damaged?”

Mary clears her throat. The bile she was unable to purge from early in the bathroom pushing at the top of her throat. She needs to get this information to Leah. For her to tell her what may happen. To tell her what to expect. What they should all expect when Mary leaves the hospital.

“Yes,” Mary knows her voice is way too high, the lump in her throat causing her voice to shoot up several octaves. “Please let me know the impact to her organs.”

“The fact that she is alive is incredible. I want to start there. She is a fighter,” Henry smiles and Mary scoffs, she wants to punch it off his face. She knows that much. That's the bar being on the floor for Beatrice.

“I know, just go on,” Mary had picked up a pen from the table between them, twirling it for something to do but snapping it in her hands instead.

“The puncture hit her intestines, her pancreas and her kidney,” Henry pauses, leaning over the table and clicking his pen on the table, the television screen illuminating on the far wall. “Would you like me to pull up a sketch of her injuries?”

Mary didn’t want him to. She can see the white cold skin of Beatrice in the back of the van. The second time she had seen one of her friends dead or nearly there in a back of a van. But she needs Henry to keep talking, gathering information for Leah to dissect later. Mary nods and Henry continues.

The screen shows a search bar, then the photo of a drawn human torso, organs exposed, shines brightly in the room.

“Here,” Henry points the edge of a pen against the screen. “This was the point of entry. It’s the apex of all three organs. The exit wasn’t as clean. Is it okay if I continue?” Mary nods, taking a picture of the pen against the screen for Leah.

“On the way out, the item shifted down, slicing through muscle and tissue and more of her intestine. The surgeon had to remove some portions that were too damaged but that was the worst of it.”

“Then why was she coding” Mary snaps one more photo of the pens path down the intestine before putting her phone away.

“Blood loss. There was amateur stitching that kept her alive long enough. Cauterizing even. Her body sustained too much trauma. When she came in she was, she was already gone but we pushed and regained ground and she stabilized enough to be a candidate for surgery.”

“She was, she was” Mary sucked in a deep breath. She hadn’t even realized when she carried Beatrice inside with the last of her energy.

“But she isn’t now,” Henry held his hand out, but drops it. “Again, I will be here until seven tomorrow. Come before then. I can let you back. With or without her emergency contact.”

“Thank yo-” Mary clears her throat, pushing the sob down, “Thank you, Henry.” She takes a step and reaches forward, gripping his hand and releases it. She nods once at his retreating form as she gathers herself in the tiny room, looking at the cartoon anatomy of a human on the tv screen. She needs to see her sisters. 

\----

Mary stands in front of the van in the hospital parking lot. Hoping Ava and Lilith are awake but knowing she can’t count on anything to go right. She wraps her knuckles against the back door of the van. Camila’s face pops out of the side door instead of the back. She jumps down and makes her way to Mary. Camila hesitates for less than a second before pulling Mary into her. Hugging her close with her sturdy arms. Mary can smell the familiar coppery scent of blood on Camila’s skin, she wants to throw up but she holds it in, in favor of holding Camila back. 

Mary holds her close, her arms wrapped around her shoulders, feeling Camila's hands dig into her back, feels her body shaking in sobs.

“It’s okay. It’s alright,” Mary runs her hands over Camila’s hair. Holding her closer, her chin on top of Camila’s head. “Ava and Lilith. Are they awake?” Mary feels Camila shake her head against her chest. Her jaw clenching, her eyes shutting tighter. _How could they not be awake? Beatrice had been through a multiple organ surgery yet they were still out._ Mary pulls Camila away from her.

“Hey,” Mary tilts Camila's chin up, one hand still on her shoulder, “Hey. It’s gonna be okay. Do you want to stick around for the hospital debrief?” Mary levels Camila with her eyes. Mary knows she needs to be the strong one here. What’s another hour? She can do this.

“I want to stay,” Camila moves in for one more hug before moving to the passenger side of the van and calls Leah out. Mary shows the photos and tries to describe what Henry told her as best as she can.

“Mother Superion is coming,” Mary lets out a deep breath at the final reveal. “Thanks for that by the way. She was the best emergency contact you had available.” Mary grips Leah’s forearm, smiling at her behind sad eyes. “Do you think you could drive us back to the cabin? I know it's a big ask but we can’t do anything tonight and we need rest. And a shower.”

“I can do that,” Leah nods and moves to the front of the van.

“We’ll be okay,” Mary nods to Camila, as she opens the passenger side door, pushing her into the front middle console before climbing in after her.

\----

Camila and Mary sat in the front room, freshly showered. Leah enters, running a towel through her short hair, pulling up short to watch the two tucked closely together on the couch. She doesn't want to interrupt or announce herself, but she needs to do something, anything to help. 

“Mother should be here in two hours if you both want to grab a nap or something. I’ll wake you when she gets here.”

Camila and Mary look up at Leah, neither moving, but looking back out the window towards the driveway. Leah bunches her lips, worrying the towel in her hands. She tries again.

“Can I make you tea at least? Or something to eat?” Leah moves to sit on the coffee table in front of them. Not wanted to intrude but knowing they need something, anything. “Maybe a beer?”

“Do you want to just… sit with us for a bit before we move?” Camila lifts her head from Mary’s shoulder, her head lobbing towards the space next to her on the couch. Leah looks at the spot, then at Mary who is looking back at her, nodding her head.

Leah drops next to Camila as softly as she can. Camila immediately moves her feet tucked underneath her to touch her toes against Leah’s thigh. They sit in silence for an indefinable amount of time. Feeling each other, the warmth of clean skin, calm, silent anticipation of a car driving up in a few hours. That is when a scream rips through the air and Mary is dashing towards the sound before Camila and Leah can even move. They react seconds later, following after Mary.

“Ava,” Mary drops herself onto the floor, her body leaning against the lower bunk where Ava was recovering. Camila and Leah rounding into the room only moments later. Mary has Ava’s head cradled in her arms, stroking her hair.

“Mary,” Ava breathes out into the silent room, her fingers digging into Mary’s wrist. “Where… where is.. Beatrice. Where…” Ava’s eyes slipped closed against, her head lolling back to the side against the pillow.

“Ava. Ava?” Mary taps Ava’s cheek, trying to get her to wake up. Mary shakes Ava, trying to get her to stay conscious to no avail. “What happened to them?” Mary looks desperately at Camila.

“I’ll go check on Lilith,” Camila stands with tears in her eyes.

“What did they experience before they passed out?” Leah asks, kneeling down next to Mary.

“Lilith traced a glyph on this dead man’s skin and they both passed out for like fifteen minutes. Ava woke up and told us to trace his body or something and they’ve been passed out since then.” Mary looks over at Leah, concern written all over her face. “Do you have smelling salts anywhere? I need to wake her up. She can’t just be comatose for this long. Not with the halo healing her.”

“Yeah. Yeah I have some in my bag,” Leah bolts up and out of the room. Mary looks down at Ava. Still unwashed, covered in grime and blood, her brow furrowed even in this state. “Come back Ava. We… I need you. So just wake up already.”

Mary pauses, looking towards the door then back at Ava. “Shannon,” Mary whispers into Ava’s hairline. “Shannon I know you can hear me. Please wake her up. We need her. I need her. I need you. So please just kick start this firecracker okay. Just this once. She shouldn’t be out. I know you were there earlier, for me, but I need you here now, for her.” Mary is rocking Ava’s head in her arms when Camila comes back into the room stopping in the doorway.

“Mary,” she looks up, Camila is pointing at Ava, the halo had started to glow a dull yellow under Mary’s arms. Mary sets Ava back on the bed, the light disappearing, as she stands over her next to Camila.

“Got it,” Leah bursts into the room, a tiny packet held in her hands.

“Wait,” Mary holds her arm out, stopping Leah with a hand on her stomach. The three girls stand there, the light of the halo making its ways out from under Ava, filling the room.

\----

_“Can you fucking not right now!” Ava yells into the open, empty cathedral. “You barely did anything for me out there. I went to freaking Hell my dudes. Were you there for that?” Ava paces around the empty space, waiting for the Sisters to materialize._

_“This Tarask shifted into Eve, like the painting. It was disgusting and confusing but maybe they were trying to appear nice? I don't know. But! I do know what Adriel is.” Ava turns on her heels, no one showing up. “Hello?” her voice echoes._

_“Hello? I said, I know what Adriel is. Come out. Shannon! Ada!” Ava feels herself start to panic. Did she lose the sisters when she went to Hell? Where were they? Ava keeps walking through the gray, cold space. Looking around the empty cathedral for the first time. She finds herself in front of an altar of candles, all unlit. Ava grabs one and strikes a match. She thinks of Shannon, Ada, Mary, Camila, Lilith, Leah. She holds the flame to the tip of the candle while thinking of Beatrice._

_“Ava,” Shannon’s voice fills the cathedral and Ava’s chest tightens as she turns and sees her, relief flooding through her. Ava fails to take in the confusion on Shannon’s face as she watches the flickering of the candle lit on the altar._

_“Shannon!” Ava runs to her, ready to throw her arms around her but stops. She can’t handle her hands running through Shannon’s body. She needs to feel someone. Anyone._

_“You’ve been touched.”_

_“What?” Ava takes a step away from Shannon, taking in her full form, not just her face. Hands clasped in front of her, back ridged, mouth in a tight line._

_“You've been to the other side.”_

_“Is this not also the other side?” Ava gestures around her. “Where is everyone?”_

_“You are not fully you yet. I was unable to see you until moments ago.”_

_“What do you mean?” Ava scrunches her brow up in confusion._

_Shannon looks down at Ava, her smile tight and her eyes apologetic. Shannon gestures with her hand, directing Ava back to the altar of candles._

_“You have been to the gates. No Warrior Nun has ever been. It’s why Ada can’t see Lilith. We have hidden ourselves from the gates, the Tarask, for nearly a century.” Shannon lights a candle of her own, eyes closed in reverence, her head lifting towards the domed ceiling She blows out the wooden reed and places it into the bowl of gray sand next to the altar. Her eyes flicker once again to the candle, eyes narrowing. “Was this candle lit before you arrived?”_

_“Why close them out though? It’s what gave all of you the power to be Warrior Nuns. The Tarask, Balam or whatever. You were all them once.” Ava leans in to blow out her own candle, not sure if she should actually be lighting it here. Not sure what the significance might mean in the real world. She very well could have just lit a path for Beatrice to cross over and that will not happen because of her._

_Shannon watches the smoke dissipate in the air as Ava blows out the candle, causing her brow to furrow tighter._ This shouldn’t be happening. Has Ava found a way to manipulate the boundaries between the different realms? 

_“That does not change the fact that it severs the connection with us,” Shannon's rumination fades away with the smoldering of the candle, “You become them and not us. For a brief period of time.”_

_“If we’re all fighting the same thing, why does it have to be different. They want Adriel back with them as much as we want him gone.” Ava stares down Shannon, wanting to blow out Shannon’s candle in spite but knowing now is not the time to be bratty._

_“That may be true but it does not nullify the fact that the Tarask have been hunting us for centuries.”_

_“They aren’t hunting you, I promise. They were just trying to get their mate or soul or something back. Okay yeah that sounds crazy saying it out loud but they didn’t want humans, you all, they wanted the halo. They wanted Balam back with them. They were just a little aggressive,” Ava spends the next few minutes fumbling for words to describe her encounter with Eve and the Tarask. The story of Balam, the other halos on Earth. The history from the Tarask perspective._

_“You have surpassed us in truth. I fear I cannot help you any longer,” Shannon turns away from Ava now, lighting more candles._

_“No. No, no no, that's not what I want. I need you. We all need you. I can’t do this without you. The Tarask. They know the past and what created Adriel and maybe they know the future like you but they don’t really know us. You all know Lilith and Camila and Beatrice and Mary. You know me. They barely know me. We need everyone to do this. To stop Adriel.” Ava moves to Shannon, reaching out. She feels the cloth of her shirt, the solid form of Shannon’s arm. She squeezes harder, pulls Shannon around to look at her. She sees the shock in Shannon’s face._

_“You can touch me?” Shannon looks down at Ava’s hand on her arm then back at her eyes. “You can..”_

_“I can feel you,” Ava breaths out, gripping Shannon harder._

_“This is not possible. This should not be possible. None of us. None of us should be capable of feeling.” Shannon pulls away, holding Ava at arm's length, her eyes dart to the still liquid wax of the candle Ava lit._

_Ava leaps forward, wrapping Shannon in a hug, her chin barely coming past her shoulder, burying her face deep into the fabric of Shannon’s shirt invading her nose, immediately feeling tears stream down her face. With every tear drop, the weight of the mission begins to fall as well. She holds steady. Feeling her. Heart beat, warmth. Ava holds her long enough to feel a sense of calmness before she looks around, finally seeing the other Warrior Nuns._

_“Ada!” Ava yells into the space, not wanting to search the faces. Ada appears next to Shannon then, looking down at Ava in mirrored shock. “Come here,” Ava reaches and grabs a sleeve and an arm. She pulls Ada into her, hugging her just as tight._

_“This shouldn’t be possible Shannon. How is this possible?” Ada looks over Ava’s head at Shannon._

_“We cannot decipher the change in the balance of our realms. We cannot begin to quantify why this has happened.”_

_“That’s Shannon speak for she doesn’t know why this happened but I don't care,” Ada smiles at Ava then jumps to Shannon, their bodies colliding in a loud thud._

_“Holy cow. We can feel each other! Christine! Come here!” Ada runs off leaving Ava grinning in front of a confused Shannon. The cathedral is buzzing with chatter and the past Warrior Nuns moving around each other._

_“So…” Ava looks behind Shannon at the chaos, folding her arms. “I’d say sorry but I really don’t think I did this.”_

_“Nomatter. This is a nice change of pace.” The weight of Shannon’s hand on Ava’s shoulder feels steady, calming. “You need to wake up before Mary does something drastic. You are ready for this fight. More ready than all of us combine. Ava, you are our Warrior Nun and I hope you are the last.” Shannon pulls Ava in for another hug, holding her close, breathing her in, feeling the weight of another human for the first time in a while._

_When Shannon releases her, holding her at arm's length, her expression shifts, a frown forms. “You must prepare yourself for a personal battle. One fueled by your feelings. You must not let that outweigh the mission. You must not let your feelings cloud your judgement. Must not let your feelings become bigger than this,” Shannon waves her arm around the room at the sisters._

_“Got it. Fight first, love second. By the way, who was_ her _?” Ava cocks her head in confusion. Beatrice was alive, she had to be, there was no other option, not from where she stood. She left Beatrice very much alive with Leah. So who could that possibly be?_

_“Tell Mary I was there. She will know what I mean. Wake up Ava and stay awake.” Shannon smiles down at Ava, folding her hands in front of her, and nods once in goodbye._

_Ava rolls her eyes. She wasn’t expecting a clear response anyway. She looks around the room, sisters hugging each other, some already sparring. Her excitement at seeing her own sisters again buzzing through her body. She takes it all in for a second longer before walking towards the door at the end of the room._

\----

“Ugh, I thought this was over,” Ava stood in pure darkness, her eyes not adjusting to pick up anything in the space around her. She felt her feet moving against gravel. She felt a cool dampness in the air. Her breath caught in her throat. She recognized this feeling. She was back in the tomb.

Ava felt her heart skip then beat wildly, uncontrollably in her heart. _No, No this shouldn’t be happening. I should be awake. I should be back. This isn’t real._ Ava felt herself crouch down, her knees pressed against her chest, her hands covering her ears.

“Wake up. Wake up you idiot. Now!” Ava yelling into the black void. Her breath was coming in pants, her chest was getting too tight. 

“Hello Ava.”

The voice causes her blood to run cold. She feels the color drain from her face as goosebumps erupt on her skin.

“You’re not real! You’re not here!” Ava presses her hands closer to her ears but she knows the voice isn’t being spoken aloud. She can feel it vibrate off the halo, off her bones. It’s inside of her.

“You know you won't make it, just like your dear little friend won't. It was such fun manipulating the hand that killed her. And I did love witnessing your heart break when she fell.”

The voice, Adriel’s voice, was echoing against her skull, filling her completely with dread.

“She’s not dead. I know it.”

“Do you? You don’t seem to know much about anything. Not in this state.”

“Stop it.” Ava feels the tears against her cheek, she hadn’t even realized she was crying.

“You’re so weak. All of you. It took one little metal tip to end one of you. Imagine what I can do when I actually try. I do hope I can witness your heartbreak over and over and over. You have so many new friends.”

“I won’t let you near them,” Ava called out weakly, she felt the heat, the glow of the halo before she opened her eyes and found she could see. She could see the rocks, the gravel floor of the tomb, but not Adriel. This wasn’t real. It never was. 

Ava stands on shaking knees, she furiously scrubs the tears from her cheeks, looking all around her as the halo grew brighter.

“You are the weak one,” Ava croaks out, she wants to sound stronger, but something is pulling her away. 

“I’ll just keep coming for the ones you love, _her_ most of all. Do a better job of shutting me out, this was far too easy.”

Ava dropped to her knees, unable to keep herself standing any longer, the pain of his voice in her head too much.

“Killing you would be too easy even. They all see it. Why else do you think you’re the last sacrificial lamb. The last Warrior Nun? Please. They just want everyone that they truly love to stop dying. You’re just a pawn. You don’t matter to anyone.”

“That’s not true,” Ava feels a sour taste in the back of her throat, she coughs through it, “I know they care about me.”

“So naive. So weak. I do hope I can get a front row seat to the next death. Until then.”

The voice echoes off of Ava’s skulls as she finds herself dry heaving in the cave. The bitter taste, the smell filling her nose.

\----

“Jesus that smells horrific,” Ava mumbles, waking up to the smell of ancient powdery sulfur, brushing her hands in front of her face, stopping her stomach from heaving onto the floor. She hears a startled yelp and a _fuck yeah_ being yelled before she feels herself become fully conscious. She slowly sits up with the help of a hand on her back.

Ava rubs at her eyes and then her temples, feeling the pulsing in her brain, the light in the room blinding in comparison to the darkness of the tomb. The dull throb was fading along with the memory of being back in the tomb. The persistent echoing in her head didn’t subside so easily.

Ava felt flashes that felt so real. Too real. She knew Adriel was in her head but the memories were already so fuzzy she couldn’t place the words or feelings other than dread. She couldn’t let her sisters know he entered her mind. She couldn’t let them know she was weak enough for Adriel to enter into her subconscious mind.

“Ava!” Mary practically jumps on her, pulling her up and into her.

“Are you hugging me? On purpose?” Ava wants to laugh, she knows she should laugh, make a joke, poke at Mary, but her throat is too scratchy for a sound to come out and a nagging feeling in her mind tells her to be weary.

Ava slightly retracted from her grasp wanting to throw Mary off of her. Something felt off. Insincere. Ava just can’t place why? 

“Yes you idiot. I am hugging you on purpose so get used to it.” Mary holds her closer, the last words coming out choked and wet. “Leah, take Camila and do the same with Lilith.”

Leah gets up to leave but Camila leans down and joins the hug, kissing Ava on the top of the head before running out the room.

“Beatrice,” Ava breathes out against Mary. “Where is she? Is she up top?” Ava attempts to push Mary away to stand and look but Mary keeps her hold, strong and steady.

Ava remembers denting the metal of the van door, looking back at Leah. She remembers the reassuring glance from Leah before running back towards her sisters. The closed, unmoving eyelids, the pale skin the last she had seen of Beatrice. Ava stiffens against Mary’s hold, her teeth clenching.

“Where is she?” Ava repeats, this time, much colder, her eyes level Mary with a look that chills her to the bone. It’s out for blood. It would level a city block. The halo sparking on her back.

“We’ve been through a lot Ava,” Mary finds her words stopping in her throat when Ava shoves her away from her completely, pushing her arms from around her as she attempts to stand. Ava struggled to push herself from the bed but her fear, anger, the heat behind her eyes lifts her if only a little, not to her feet, but at least up. She needs to be up.

“Cut the shit Mary, get to the point,” Ava manages to hold herself up on her elbows, teeth gritting, eyes flaming. Ava tries to manage her anger, she doesn’t know where it’s coming from or how to control it. She just knows there is hate in her heart and she needs to get rid of it.

Mary watched Ava, she felt like she was looking in a mirror. Her own agony of losing Shannon reflected back on her. She could feel Ava struggling with Beatrice not being here after the mission. The only saving grace was that Beatrice could still be alive in the morning. Shannon was just gone. Ava had a sliver of hope but Mary knew she wasn’t seeing any hope now. Beatrice wasn’t there just like Shannon wasn’t there. The hope was not there.

“She is in the hospital Ava. She was in surgery. She’ll be in another when she stabilizes,” Mary cut to the important pieces. She didn’t need to sugar coat it but she also didn’t need to go into detail. Ava already knew it was serious.

Ava felt Mary’s words fall heavy in her throat, making her want to gag on them. They settled in her stomach, churning, nausea coursing through her body like a stream. Her forehead felt hot with sweat, her palms sweaty, every part of her aflame. A part of her, remembering Beatrice’s form, carrying her though the wall, knew this would be the outcome. Ava knew this is what would happen but she lied to herself long enough. Decided to pretend it would just be fine. That game was over. This was real. Beatrice could be dead. Ava felt like it was her fault. All her fault.

She stiffens, muscles tight, back straight and looks at Mary directly in her eyes, “Get the keys, we’re going. Now.” She pushes away again, attempting to stand up once again. Her body feeling shaky as she finds her footing on the ground. She lets the solid floor sink in before pushing herself up from the bed. She needs to steady her mind as much as she is steadying her feet. She takes several deep breaths before moving towards the door, turning back to Mary expectantly.

“Ava,” Mary stood from the bed, moving towards Ava slowly, “I know you don’t want to hear this but we… we can’t see her tonight. I tried. I promise I tried. But they wouldn’t let me back. They won’t let you either but we can go tomorrow morning,” Mary holds up her palms, walking closer to Ava.

“No,” Ava holds up her hand to stop Mary from coming closer, “I can’t,” Ava can't keep talking, tears start to fall, steady and hot. “I need to.. I need to be there. She… I need... She needs me. I need to…” Ava stumbles by the doorway. Her mind screaming at her that no one actually needs her, no one would care if she was there or not.

Mary takes a fast step towards Ava to catch her but draws back, letting Ava find her footing. She watches Ava sway on her feet, her arms wrapping around herself, Mary’s heart breaking at the shattered form of Ava in front of her. She watches Ava sink to her knees. Watches her fold in on herself. Body shaking.

 _I just let her fight Vincent alone. I never even tried to go to her. I walked her to Leah, through a God damned wall, and just left her. She was near dead and I left her. I couldn’t even control my own mind, wake up long enough to help save her. Get to her. Make the halo heal her. Beatrice, all of them. They would all be better without me. I’m just in the way. A weak target. Adriel was right._ Adriel’s words flood Ava’s mind all over again. She holds herself tighter, trying to rid him from her mind, shaking at the memory of them. How right he was.

Mary watches for just a moment longer before turning and doing what she thinks Ava would want. She moves past her, to the bathroom in the hallway, turning on the shower, getting it ready. She runs her hand over the cold water, checking that the tap was on hot before returning to the room.

“Ava,” Mary crouches down next to Ava, placing a tentative hand over her back but not touching her, “I’ve got the shower ready for you. Mother Superion will be here in a few hours. Would you like me to help you?"

Ava chokes on a sob before letting her voice ring out, “I don’t need your help,” she barely lifts her head to look at Mary, feeling more tired than she had in her entire life. Mary looked back, feeling Ava’s exhaustion, feeling her pain. Mary felt it all, she knew it all, the pain, frustration, the doubt, and fear. She places her hand then, letting Ava know she was here.

“Can you just… leave. I want… I want to be alone. Please,” Ava looks up, jaw clenched, eyes ablaze with emotions Mary couldn’t place. Ava pulls her shoulder away from under Mary’s grip, her yes shifting away from Mary, focusing on a knot on the wooden floor of her room.

Mary would have expected lashing out, tears, some yelling, immense sarcasm. She wasn’t expecting a retreat. Mary would have sat with a crying Ava, a yelling Ava. She wanted to. She wanted to hear her. Feel her. Push through this moment with her, not be pushed away by her. Mary wanted Ava to feel like she was there for her, like she wasn’t alone. 

The sound of the shower and the steady steam coming from the bathroom started to filter through the hallways, into the bedroom. Ava felt it around her, the room heating up, spurring her negative emotions, reminding her of her time with the Tarask. Uncomfortable, too warm. She felt too emotional. Ava couldn’t do that now. She needed to push those emotions away. Love second or not at all. She didn't want Mary so close. She didn’t want Mary to be the next target. She pushed her away with her mind before she pushed her away with her words.

“Leave,” Ava said with such finality and force that Mary pushed herself away, the growl in Ava’s voice more apparent than the look on her face.

“Alright,” Mary stood, hands raised, backing out the door and away from Ava. “I’ll be in the next room if you, if you need me.”

Mary stole one last glance at Ava before turning to leave, set on checking on Lilith. She turned back in the hallway, watching a straight shouldered Ava push herself up from the floor and walk into the bathroom, closing the door firming behind her.

\----

Ava lets the water run over her body. She didn’t move for the soap. She didn’t move to change the temperature of the scalding water, she just stood. She stood until she couldn’t stand anymore and sat down. The water ran brown when it finally hit her head, her face, her hands.

She watched the darkened water swirl down the drain. The darkness in her head slipping just enough to cut through to her heart. The lack of a certain sister warrior consuming her. Beatrice wasn’t here. She wasn’t anything right now. Alive or dead. She was nothing. And everything holding Ava to this world, to consciousness, was slipping. No one needed her here. Why bother if they were all going to be taken.

Ava lifts her face into the stream of the water, shutting her eyes. Remembering hands on her skin, lips. A soft smile, redirects and reprimands with a smile. It’s quickly replaced with the damp, cold air of a dark tomb. Ava tears her eyes open, stinging in the heat of the water, before lowering her head pushing the palms of her hands into her eyelids. Seeing static.

 _I couldn’t save her,_ Ava thinks to herself. _I can go to Hell, Heaven, see centuries of dead women getting to hug each for the first time but I couldn’t save the one thing I want. I wont be able to save any of them._ Ava knows she is crying but the stream of the water hides the evidence, her mind hides the evidence. 

_I never could. I can never save the things I want. My mom. My life. The people I love. I will never get what I want because everything will be taken from me._ Ava opens her mouth, the water hitting her tongue, solidifying her thoughts as words of truth in her mind. _I just won’t want anything anymore. I can’t lose what I don’t want. I want to defeat Adriel. I want to end the order. Fight first, love not at all._

Ava closes her mouth, letting the cold water running from her mouth mix with the hot of the shower head. She clears her head. Nothing. There is nothing there. Just the mission. She stands, reaching for the soap. Rubbing her hands, her face. She washes everything away from her. The blood. The soot. Her feelings. Her weaknesses.

\----

“Ava!” Camila stands from the lower bunk when Ava returns to her room. Fresh clothes, she pushes down the fact that Beatrice hand-picked them for her, hair dripping over her shoulders, towel hung loose in her hands. Camila throws her arms around Ava, pulling her close.

Ava’s arms remain at her side. She knows she should feel the pressure of this, the hug, but she can’t feel anything. She lets Camila have this. Hold her. She needs it, not Ava. 

“Vincent?” Ava asks when Camila lets her go, taking a step back.

“I… I don’t know. I left Mary with him when we ran.” Camila searches Ava’s eyes for anything, any emotion after not being hugged back but she sees nothing there. Just cold, hardened irises looking back at her. As if sensing her name, Mary walks into the room, her pace picking up as she moves closer to Ava, reaching out for her shoulder.

“Ava,” Mary grips now, shifting Ava’s body to look at her. Mary’s eyes look all around her face, hoping for an emotion, hoping the shower woke her up. But she finds nothing. Just a blank stare.

“Is Vincent dead?” Ava steps away from Mary, draping the towel over the back of the desk chair, turning back, her hands clasped in front of her, much like Shannon. Mary finds herself recoiling at the stoic, stiff, cold movements of Ava. The lack of emotion in her voice.

“Hey,” Mary whispers and moves into Ava’s space, leveling their eyes inches apart, “what’s going on for you?”

“Is Vincent dead?” Ava repeats herself, leveling Mary with a look that chills her again. This was not her Ava. There should be a joke. There should be something humorous. This is not what she expected.

“No,” Mary’s single answer sighs out of her, Mary replaying the echoing laugh, Vincent's blood stained teeth in her mind. The horde of possessed charging down the alleyway.

“Why not? We had one job. We didn’t complete it.” Ava’s words are succinct and punctuated with a solid bite, a finality, as she turns away from Mary and Camila and runs her hands along the towel on the back of the chair, distracting herself from the stirring of rage in her chest.

“That’s not fair. We didn’t even know Vincent was going to be there. We got the sword Ava. What’s wrong with you?” Mary counters when Ava turns back around. Mary takes tiny steps away from Ava at the look on her face, distancing herself from it.

“Where is it?” Ava’s eyes dart around the room looking for the object.

“The sword? Downstairs. We’ve been looking at the text on the blade to figure out what it means. We sent pictures to Kristian. We should have an answer in the morning.”

“What is with answers and viewings in the morning? Why can’t we figure everything out now,” Ava turns towards the bunk beds, her back to Mary and Camila once again, her eyes stringing with tears she refuses to let fall. She’s done crying.

Mary looks to Camila, her brow scrunched up, not sure how to respond to appease Ava. Make her feel like she had any control at all. Mary knew Ava was reeling with the lack of control and she couldn’t give it back to her. Couldn’t ground her again.

“Ava. We’re doing the best we can right now,” Mary stopped moving back and took a step forward, watching Ava’s shoulders fall just a little. “We’ll figure it out. Like I told you. We just need to wait. Wait for Mother Superion. Wait for Kristian. Doctor Salvius. I’m sorry it's a waiting game right now, but we’ll figure it out.” Mary held her palms up again, hoping Ava would realize she was submitting to this fate as much as Ava should.

“I won’t accept that,” Ava turns from the bunk beds, looking somewhere between Camila and Mary but not at either of them directly. “Please leave.”

Camila opened her mouth to talk but the hand on her wrist stopped her. She followed Mary out of the room, casting one final glance back at Ava before closing the door.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December. Am I right?

Ava paced the room. Her hands worrying against each other, pointer fingers digging and pulling and ripping at the cuticles of her thumbs. 

_I brought Beatrice to Leah. Done. She is fine. Mary confirmed. I have the sword. Kristian will be here to decipher it. Lilith will go back and get Marcus’ body. We’ll figure out what his body tells us._

Ava continues pacing, counting out the things she needs to solve. Her hands stay clenched in front of her, ripping at skin. The back of her mind echoing and vibrating off her skull. She can’t place the multiple echoing voices but she doesn’t want to. She wants to, needs to, push them down. Maintain a steady mind. A mind that belongs only to her. Shove the sickening, taunting voice in her head away. It seeps through her resolve. Into her soul. Consuming her mind. She is using all her might to push it away. Keep it at bay. Don’t let it take over.

_The sword, the body. The sword, the body._ Ava paces and chants each word with each step. This is her goal. That is the new mission. Learn. Defeat. The sword. The body.

Ava continues pacing until the late hours of the night, her eyes heavy, her footsteps becoming heavier and heavier but she can’t stop, slow down. She can’t. She can’t. If she does, Ava feels like she’ll die. Be consumed. The pain of stopping. Relaxing. Sleeping. It will kill her. So she doesn’t let herself slip. Back and forth. Forth and back again. For minutes. Hours. She can’t tell. She only knows when she starts crying and when her tears run out. She takes a few sips of water and the tears start again. She wants to throw the glass across the room. She doesn’t need replenishing if no one else gets to replenish themselves. She doesn’t deserve it.

Ava cries. She paces. She chokes on her tears. She doesn’t want anyone to know. She just does it. As quietly as possible. The night never ending. The fluorescent lights above unwavering.

She hears the front door open and close and then she hears nothing but her own labored breathing.

\----

“Lilith?” Mary whispers into the room, watching Camila run her hands over Lilith’s hair, not sure if she’s awake yet completely.

“Mary,” Lilith breaths out quietly, shifting in the bed, her face peaking around Camila’s shoulder towards the door. “You’re here. You’re okay.”

“Of course. Can’t get rid of me that easy,” Mary smiles with her lips closed, her jaw tight, from the doorway. Mary stills herself, breathing deeply before taking a few steps into the room. Her chest feeling heavier with each step. Ava wasn’t herself. Mary couldn’t handle if Lilith reverted back to the person she was in the catacombs. Not herself. Taken over.

“I’m me,” Lilith holds Mary’s gaze as she walks closer, nodding her head, attempting to ease the expression of pain on Mary’s face. “I’m completely me I think for the first time.”

Mary hesitates just behind Camila before dropping to her knees and pulling Lilith into a hug, gripping her tighter than she ever had, already on the verge of tears. She didn’t relent until Lilith started patting her back asking for air.

“Sorry,” Mary cleared her throat. “What happened?”

Camila looked between Lilith and Mary, then back at Leah peeking in from the doorway. Not sure if she should have Mary wait to question Lilith until she’s recovered more fully or make Mary wait.

“It’s okay,” Lilith nodded, Camila’s eyes immediately getting less wide and worried. “Ava and I. We were with the Tarask. We need to get back to Marcus’ body. We need to go now before Adriel gets him. Makes it so we can’t examine his body. The last thing we were told was to map the glyphs. They will help us.” Lilith slowly pushes herself up into a sitting position, but shoves Mary out of the way, her face going white, eyes widening, her hand coming to her gagging mouth. Mary jumps away just in time to miss Lilith throwing up on the floor.

The thick, black, tar-like substance that came from Lilith’s mouth forms an unnatural glyph on the floor. Camila gasps, looking at it take form and solidify itself. 

“What the fuck,” Mary whispers looking at the still-forming glyph on the floor and back to Lilith wiping her mouth and laying back down, unconscious again.

“Gross,” Leah calls from the door, moving into the room to check on Lilith’s pale form laying back on the bed. Leah places the back of her palm on Lilith’s forehead. “She’s burning up.”

“She’s run hot since she came back,” Camila responded with finality, not looking at Leah.

“Came back?” Leah looks over her shoulder at Camila. “Came back from a different place than with the Tarask with Ava or…”

“Well same place, different time I guess,” Camila shrugs and looks to Mary, “I can go and get Marcus’ body.”

“I’ll come with you,” Mary, brushed a few strands from Lilith’s face before standing and following Camila out the door.

“Okay no, what. Wait. Lilith was with the Tarask before this? What are you talking about she runs warm? She is literally burning up right now. Why do we need to map a dead man’s body? What is even happening?” Leah had run in front of Mary and Camila and stopped their forward progress, one hand stuck against the door frame, the other on her hip.

Camila looks to Mary, face scrunched in half confusion, half apprehension, head tilted to the side. Her eyebrow raises at Mary in question, Mary nods then tilts her own head towards the front door.

“Okay, words please. What’s happening?” Leah pulls her hand from the wall and crosses her arms against her chest.

“Come on,” Mary brushed past Leah, “we’ll tell you on the way.”

\----

Mary, Camila, and Leah climb back into the van after loading Marcus into the back.

“Third dead body. We need to stop making this a thing,” Mary hooks her thumb over her shoulder, attempting to make light of their current situation.

“That’s not funny,” Camila shrinks in on herself, hugging her arms closer to her knees already drawn to her chest by the middle dash.

“I know,” Mary drapes her arm over Camila’s shoulder and brings her in close. 

“So, are you going to tell me what's going on now or do I have to keep lugging dead bodies around for you to get real answers?” Leah looks to the pair from behind the wheel, a cheeky grin on display, her eyes on the road.

“I think we owe you that much,” Mary starts telling Leah about their time before they met her. About Shannon, how Ava got the halo, how Lilith has been taken by the Tarask only to reappear a few weeks later. Father Vincent, Mother Superion, Adriel. All of it.

Leah sat in the driver’s seat in the driveway of the cabin, white knuckling the steering wheel, absorbing the words when they finally arrived.

“So, are you two alive and completely human or are there other things you left out?” Leah asks, eyes trained on the light coming from the front window of the cabin.

“We’re human. Lilith and Ava are human too. It’s just more… complicated,” Camila looks to Mary for confirmation.

“She’s right. We’re all human. Doesn’t matter the past. We’re all still sisters. We’re all still part of the order.” Mary looks to Leah, unblinking, unmoving after the tale they crafted. “Or this new version of the order we’ve created. You’re fully part of it now too. Regardless of you pushing away and rejecting the OCS in your isolation. Are you with us?”

Mary and Camila both watch Leah, still unmoving, breathing heavily, still gripping the wheel. They had laid out the entire story, they had shared the journal, Leah knew everything now. They waited for her to say anything. React.

“Okay,” Leah sucked in a big breath, releasing and flexing her fingers in her lap, “Okay, yeah, I’m in but what even is the play. Lilith is completely out of it. Beatrice is barely alive. Ava is… Ava is a crumbling piece of drywall that’s not capable of stable emotion right now. What are we supposed to do?”

“We wait for them to be okay. We’ll be there for them as they recover. And then we move forward.” Mary declared, no uncertainty in her voice, only resolve. She would not leave her sisters. 

“Then I’m in. Whatever happens. I’m in,” Leah lets go of the wheel and turns to take in the small smiles of Mary and Camila at her admission.

\----

“Yo,” Ava calls and knocks on the doorframe of Liltih’s room after watching her toss and turn on her bed. Lilith stills momentary, her eyes shooting open, looking at the ceiling. She lays like a statue for several seconds, breathing, before turning towards the door.

“Ava,” Lilith pinches the bridge of her nose before sitting up completely, looking at Ava.

“You were yelling. Really loudly.” Ava stands, hands shaking, crossed against her chest. She didn’t want to leave her room, her pacing. But the front door closing and van pulling away couldn’t stop her own mind from checking on Lilith when the yelling started. She pushed the voices and feelings out long enough to gather herself. 

“What of it? You yell about ridiculous things constantly. Was I disturbing you?” Lilith feels herself smile, smirk even, and starts to feel more like herself again. She even feels a laugh bubbling in her chest.

“What’s this?” Ava takes a few steps into the room, crouching to get a better look at the black-tar glyph on the floor.

Lilith pushed herself over to her side to look at the floor. She furrows her brow, trying to decipher the glyph. “It says something like banish or exile I think. I can’t quite tell which but they mean the same thing anyway.”

“Whatever,” Ava grumbles, her head splitting in agony at the very sight of the glyph after its meaning was exposed. She clenches her teeth and breathes heavily through her nose before standing and turning to leave.

“Wait, get back here,” Lilith throws her legs over the side of the bed and stands on shaky legs locking eyes with Ava when she turns back around. “The hell are you going? Where is everyone?” Lilith listens for other people in the cabin, any other noise outside the buzz of the fluorescent lights and Ava’s labored breathing.

“Gone.” Ava turns and actually leaves, trudging back to her room with a pounding in her skull, her chest tight beyond measure. Lilith follows after, her knees buckling, stumbling against the door frame and the walls along her way.

“Um, stop maybe? What’s wrong with you? Did you get sick too?” Lilith feels her stomach churn again, the nausea, the tightness, pulls at her.

“There is nothing wrong with me,” Ava turns towards Lilith, her hands clasped in front of her, back straight, expression tight. Lilith recoils at the similarities in the harsh, stoic look of Ava.

“Did you talk to Shannon again? What did she say? Did she tell you anything about the halo after it's been with the Tarask? Give you an idea of what we should do?” Lilith took a few steps towards Ava while talking, trying to gain her attention, get her to break from her reverie.

“How long have you known how to read Tarask glyphs? How often do you visit them?” Ava puffs her chest out, asking questions of her own.

“What do you mean?” Lilith stops her forward movements, taking at the crease in Ava’s brown, the deep frown on her mouth.

“I mean, you felt right at home with them. Have you been visiting them since you got back? The past few months? Does Beatrice know? Does Mary?” Ava tilts her chin up, her hands shaking and gripping together. The voice, muffled, echoes in her head, growing louder. 

**_Take her out, Ava. She should be the true barer. They all want it to be her. Take her out while they’re gone. It would be so easy._ **

Ava looks at the soft skin of Lilith’s neck. She could snap it in one flare of the halo.

Ava shakes her head of the thought, scrunches her eyes shut, balling her fists at her side. The voice will not control her. Adriel will not control her. Ava practically growls it away as she opens her eyes.

Lilith takes a step back, hearing the low growl, watching Ava’s eyes flash the same yellow of the halo’s glow. She watches Ava crack her neck and reclasp her hands. She can see the struggle with reality behind Ava’s eyes as much as she felt it in herself in the catacombs. She needs the others to get home now, Leah might need to sedate whatever has come over Ava. 

“You think you can hide the truth from all of us but we see right through you. You’re barely human anymore, Lilith. Ada can’t even see you. None of them can. You are a hell beast. Do you, do they, even know what you're capable of? Whose side are you on Lilith? Are you just biding your time to take us all out?” Ava began advancing towards Lilith, her feet feeling like cinder blocks, her words didn’t belong to her.

Lilith backs up as Ava advances, her chest tightening with the verbal attack and Ava’s biting features. 

“Ava, you’ve trained with me, coached me even. You know I’m on your side. I’m here. With you. We all are.” Lilith wants to wrap her up, do what Mary did for her. Take steps closer. But Ava is out of her mind with the power of the halo, her eyes nearly completely black.. Lilith didn’t stand a chance and nothing she could say now would convince Ava otherwise.

Ava laughs a bitter, harsh laugh that echoes off the walls much like the sickening feeling in her head and turns her back to Lilith. “Coached you? Please, I can barely even look at you. The other sisters, they have it easy. That can’t even see you at all.”

Lilith sees the halo’s glow on Ava’s back before true fear takes over. Ava could kill her in an instant and she knows that. Lilith was defenseless, too weak to run let alone phase away. She watches as Ava clenches her fists tighter, her shoulders clicking and shifting unnaturally. Her eyes widened as she recognized the movements. Those of Vincent in the alleyway. Fighting. Fighting off a takeover.

“Ava,” Lilith whispered. She was going to use her words the way Mary had. To bring Ava back to reality. “You know I didn’t ask for this.” Lilith paused. She needed to think and bide her time. She had no idea when the others would be back but she needed to drag this out long enough to get Ava, their Ava, back. Lilith waited for Ava to turn around, the silence seeping all around them.

Ava was sick of the silence, she couldn’t stand it. She needs Lilith to be screaming in agony, needs Lilith to get out of the way.

_No._ Ava whispers into her own head at the thoughts corrupting her. Her voice was weak even then. In her own mind. She was weak. She felt her shoulders turn themselves, then her feet, she felt Lilith in front of her before she saw her. Ava wanted to run. Run far far away so she wouldn’t hurt Lilith. But she wasn’t in control.

“Ava, I think I know what you’re going through,” Lilith lifted her hands at her side slightly, holding steady in her spot in the hallway, willing her body to stay put and not move away. “I want you to acknowledge me. As me. Like you would as you. Can you try?”

Lilith watches Ava’s head twitch, her neck shift. She hears her take in a gasp of air. Watches her shoulders pull in but her chest stay centered. The forced movements beyond unsettling. 

“Ava. Acknowledge me as you. Try. I’ll try first. Is that okay?” Lilith follows the jarring movements of Ava’s head as her eyes finally find hers. Lilith nods reassuringly, putting on as best a smile as she can muster. “You’re an idiot you know that right?”

Lilith makes a feeble first attempt. She feels dread and fear taking over the humor in her voice and it falls flat on a compromised Ava, almost making her angrier.

**_I told you. They all hate you. Kill her. Do not let someone call you an idiot and get away with it. Make it look like an accident. You know it would be so easy. Do it._ **

“Ah that must not be clever enough for the self proclaimed master of tricks. How about this,” Lilith wracks her brain for any joke, any teaser she can think of. “What has legs but cannot walk, and obviously you can’t say you six months ago.”

**_Can you not see how she sees you, how they all do, as an imbecile. The lame duck who is up for the slaughter. You mean nothing. They want you to go back to the decrepit thing you were months ago._ **

_Can you not see…_ Ava falters attempting to fight back against Adriel’s mind control. _Can you not see she lo-loves me you fuck?_

A yell rips though Ava’s mind. An angry noise, tearing all thoughts of a response to Lilith’s joke away. Ava’s body convulsing. The scream in her mind turns to a sinister laugh, retaking control.

Lilith watches the uncharacteristic movements once again. Not deep enough, not clever enough. “It was wine by the way, when you twirl a glass. You wouldn’t know much about that since you know, you’ve never had god wine. Low brow and all.”

**_Low brow. She thinks you nothing but a neanderthal. You mean nothing to her and her sisters. They are hers, not yours. The Order. You don’t belong here. Kill her._ **

_You. Are. An. Idiot._ Ava feels her mind ripping, splitting, spilling, every single nerve ending on fire. If she clenched her teeth any harer together they may shatter. She knows her nails are drawing blood against her palms. She feels herself pushing back. Feels those same nerve endings pushing Adriel out. Slowly. Painfully. But out they were going.

Lilith braces for an attack, physical or verbal but Ava seems to be warding off whatever is controlling her for the time being.

“Didn’t take the bait? That’s fine, here is another one. What falls down over and over every night but never gets hurt? Again, clearly not you because you trip constantly and you do get hurt.”

**_She thinks you weak Ava! You are weak! You are nothing!_ **

_You... You don’t grasp what is happening._ Ava grits her teeth, lips tight, body ridged, unmoving. _You don’t know us. You know nothing of me. Her. Us. You. Know. Nothing._

There is another pause with no movement from Ava, just a steady vibration around her, Lilith feels like she is pacifying her but she has no way of telling.

“The answer, and you should be embarrassed you aren’t getting these by the way, is your head against your pillow.” Lilith, maintaining her ground in the face of a disgruntled statue of Ava, looks on at her. Would welcome any reaction. Any movement other than the whitening of her knuckles, the trickle of blood in her palms falling to the floor.

**_You will never sleep soundly again. I will be with you forever. I will never leave you. I will be a part of you until you end this._ **

_Bet you bitch. I will..._ A piercing yell rips though Ava’s lips into the hallway, startling Lilith. Ava falls to her knees, the bloodied palms of her hands going deep into her eyes, digging out the voice.

“We will defeat you, you fuck. Get. Out. Of. My. Head!” Ava screams into the hallways, punching the wooden floor her last few words. The wood splintering and flying around her. Lilith stands stock straight, watching her until the last word. 

Ava lifts her head and screams, one loud, long full bodied yell into the ceiling of the cabin, the veins of her neck bulging, her eyes squeezed tight to the static. The image of Shannon swimming in it.

“Ava!” Lilith finally moves to Ava’s side, close but not touching, hands hovering over her as Ava grips her sides, mouth hanging open but sound failing to exit. Lilith waits until she sees Ava’s body relax, her shoulders slumping naturally, curling in, before she places her hand on Ava’s arm.

“Lilith,” Ava takes in a shaking breath, her hand moving to Lilith’s hand on her arm. “I’m…” Ava looks up at her, her eyes smeared with the blood from her palms, tears falling freely but silently. Her eyes as wide as saucers. Apologetic, haunted, heartbroken.

“I know,” Lilith attempts to soothe Ava but feels the nausea from early come back up. She releases Ava and drops to all fours, heaving onto the floor. She feels Ava’s hand come to her back, hears mumbling above her. Nausea turns to agony, Lilith’s own mind seeming to break again before she heaves another round of black tar.

Lilith takes in gasps of air as Ava rubs her back, the tar moving beneath her, taking the shape of another glyph. 

“What the fuck is happening with us?” Ava asks, not to Lilith but to the air as she watches the new glyph form.

“Vanished?” Lilith croakes out through a dry throat. “What does that mean?” Lilith coughs and sits back on her heels looking up at Ava, her Ava.

“Adriel? He was…” Ava trailed off. Wrapping her arms around herself, sheepish in her actions and her thoughts.

“I know,” is all Lilith offered before pushing herself up to a standing position. “He’s gone now. I should clean this.”

“How about instead of that,” Ava stands, rotating her neck and shaking out her shoulders, looks down at the glyph then back and Lilith, feeling her mind as her own for the first time in many hours, “We make some legs and walk this off? Plus I’m sure Mary will want to know that my head is clear and your… throw up in maybe the clearest indication of that.”

“Make some legs?” Lilith looks down at the glyph and back at Ava.

“Wine you idiot. We need a drink after all of this. They did leave us alone and there are like four bottles above the fridge and I think we’ve earned it.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright breakdown of what the hell has actually been happening because that's a lot of chapters and I can barely remember:
> 
> 1\. Started out as a kiss (joke fic about pranks) but how did it end up like this  
> 1(A) Pretty quickly the jokes stop and Ava and Lilith come to an understanding about making each other better  
> 2\. The Tarask aren't actually bad they guard the gates of hell and keep the bad things in - the halo is the heart of a Tarask  
> 3\. That whole bit about Bea saying Ava's name  
> 4\. Adriel is using the divinium weapons to track them  
> 5\. Ava and Lilith train to enhance Lilith's abilities   
> 6\. Fake nipple piercing joke on Bea  
> 7\. The crew stakes out a bar on a fake recon mission queue Ava being V jealous  
> 8\. Ava confirms she is bi walking home from the failed attempt with Camila and Lilith  
> 9\. Bea and Ava sleep in the same bed - only sleep   
> 10\. Camila and Ava bake together  
> 11\. They all go to therapy  
> 12\. Ava official died but they lied to her for a bit about it - they tell her in a bar over lots of beer and tequila - where in Beatrice fought tooth and nail to not remove the halo  
> 13\. Everyone gets excommunicated and they hit the road to retrieve the second forged cruciform sword  
> 14\. Safe house in Barcelona produces a new member - Leah  
> 15\. This safe house has everything, there is stargazing, there is a Mary/Lilith convo, there is training in VR, group meditation, intro to so many different past Warrior Nuns (Ada is legit my personal favorite) drinking and friendship confessions  
> 16\. They finally kiss - 26 chapters later but gotta love a slow burn  
> 17\. They track down the sword transfer in Genoa  
> 18\. Things go poorly for our band of warriors - but they get that sword and a dead body covered in glyphs  
> 19\. Beatrice ends up in the hospital, Lilith and Ava at the gates of hell, Ava then with the Warrior nuns then taken over by Adriel 
> 
> Honestly - rereading everything - would truly not believe I wrote this but here we are with a quick recap leaving out a lot of bits of humanizing but hopefully you can remember the best tiny bits as we go into this chapter

“Do you want to talk about it,” Lilith asked after Ava poured their second glass. The first glass spent recounting their time with the Tarask and Ava’s with the Warrior Nuns.

“I…” Ava looked at Lilith then back in her glass. “I don’t really know how to describe it.”

“That makes sense… I think I get it though,” Lilith offers, lifting her glass slightly, taking a small sip from her glass. “I feel like I lived through a take over of my own.”

Ava regards Lilith, debating on whether she should ask her about coming back from the literal dead or just drop it. She wants to drop it. Heavy and Lilith don’t go hand in hand. They aren’t these people. They are Tom and Jerry, light, teasing, lifting each other though jokes and sparring. Ava decides to drop it, silence envelopes them, the only sound the sloshing of wine, shallow gulps, glass against the table.

“Do you think…” Lilith stops, smiling ruefully to herself, taking a drink instead of responding.

“Do I think what?” Ava looks up expectantly, hoping the silence was enough to spur Lilith to her own decision. The decision to actually talk. Ava doesn’t know what Lilith said during therapy. If she said anything real. If she said anything at all, but Ava feels her anticipation of anything emotional from Lilith growing.

“Do you think… maybe I could tell you what my experience was like? I mean, not in like an emotional way or whatever. Just the facts, describe what I felt and see if it's similar. Maybe,” Lilith trails off the last word, mumbling into her wine mug.

Ava takes a moment, not wanting to come off as overly eager. She takes a slow, calculated drink, and casually, or not casually at all, sets her glass down and looks at Lilith, tempering her smile.

“If you think that’s something you want to do. I… I know the others never wanted to ask or bring it up but if you think you want to now, then sure. Totally up to you though.” Ava feels her heart beating a little too fast, too excited, too eager. Lilith doesn’t owe her anything. Ava doesn’t need to know what happened. She’s experienced the Tarask for herself. 

“I think yeah. I would like to tell you. I think it might help you come down from the- the Adirel takeover. And I mean, I haven’t talked about it either so yeah, like it might be good mentally or whatever.”

“How very self aware of you,” Ava grins and tilts her glass in Lilith’s direction.

“Shut up,” Lilith clinked her glass against Ava’s and thought about her next move. “Okay, so.” Lilith pauses again, taking a deep breath, thinking about how to best describe her experience. “While I wasn’t… me, I only had one goal. Get the halo. That was it. I didn’t feel any other desire. I didn’t even want food or water.”

Ava watches Lilth’s expression sharply change, her eyes downcast, her forehead furrowing, her fingers tapping uncontrolled against her glass. The regret in losing yourself to something beyond your control written in Lilith’s body language long after it had ended. Ava knew, in that single moment, that it had been the same for her without the verbal explanation. But she didn't want to stop Lilith from finally feeling able to speak out about her truth.

“That feeling, that drive, it consumed me even when I saw all of you safe at the lab. I called out to you because I needed you, the halo part of you, to get rid of the feeling,” Lilith scrunches her brow and pauses in thought. “I knew I should be dead but I wasn’t. I knew I should feel grateful, that I had a new purpose but somewhere in me, I still knew how I was raised. What I was raised for. I couldn’t even sacrifice myself for the order like I wanted to, like I was born to,” Lilith laughs humorlessly through her nose. 

Feeling Avas hand grip hers, she became unable to pull her eyes from the swirl of the red numbing agent in her glass. The firmness of her grip says a thousand unspoken words of what they have both been through but most importantly, she feels the unspoken _I hear you and I see you. You aren't alone._

“I killed Sister Crimson. I still see it like I was standing beside myself watching someone else do it. I wanted to kill Beatrice, Mary. But it wasn’t really about killing them. It was just the easiest path to the halo.” Lilith pauses and takes a drink, she never thought she would take the life of a member of the OCS but it had happened. She needed to move passed it lest she be pulled into the sorrow of it. “They, we didn’t want to harm anyone but when humans look like they are harming the halo they attack, we attack. Sister Crimson was coming for you, the halo. That was why they… I killed her.”

Lilith up ends her glass in one large gulp, Ava watching her. Ava’s mind was spinning, finally her own, no longer possessed by Adriel. Ava had never felt controlled or guided by the halo or the Tarask like Lilith had been. That was Lilith’s experience and hers alone. Ava felt more like Eve and the Tarask were watching, waiting for her to succeed. 

“When I found you I felt torn. It felt like a high stakes game. I could retrieve two of my… the fallen Tarask or just take Balam, you, back, even if I knew deep down it would kill you. I didn’t want you to go into the tomb to lose both of you but then if you did and succeeded I would get both. I would have convinced you to recharge and go back for the Tarask in the walls. We did not foresee Adriel to be as strong as he was.”

“Here,” Ava closed her open mouth, sighing at the revelation. She lightly took hold of Lilith’s hand, halting the subtle shake of the glass and poured her more wine. “We can take a break if you want. You don’t need to tell me everything in one go.”

“No, no, it’s fine. This is the best part,” Lilith smiles to herself, remembering. “We… I saw you defend each other in the catacombs. They saw the love you had for each other and for me and I felt the connection break, not entirely, but I was allowed to feel Mary. I was allowed to follow your plan. I just needed someone to break my resolve or prove that what we were doing, what we’re still doing, was the right call.”

The two sit in silence for several long moments, swirling their glasses, not knowing how to continue the conversation. 

“In the hallway. Adriel was in my head. He was telling me to kill you...” Ava admits, trailing off and looks up at Lilith. “... and I was going to.”

“I know,” Lilith pauses, looking up directly into Ava’s eyes, “I could see it.”

Ava didn’t want to go into detail just yet. She almost didn’t need to. Not with Lilith. But she wanted to give Lilith a little more.

“You did for me what Mary did for you and… I am really grateful. I’m grateful you didn’t run or point a shotgun at my head like I did to you. Thank you,” Ava held Lilith’s stare the whole time, unwavering. She wanted what she said to matter.

Ava still felt a slight, sluggish pounding in the back of her mind but she knew she could ward it off. She felt like she could do anything when she up-ended the bottle of wine into her glass and moved to open a second.

\----

“So like, we’re kind of super heroes right?” Lilith chimes as Ava clinks her coffee mug against Lilith’s pint glass for the fifteenth time. An empty bottle of wine sat at the table next to them and a nearly empty one was resting upended inside the glass decanter.

“Undead superheroes. We’re like advanced zombies? I couldn’t eat a brain though, the texture seems like it would be like ricotta cheese and while I haven’t ever had that cheese I’ve heard what it sounds like when you spoon it into a bowl,” Ava frowns, wrinkles her nose and shudders.

“I think if I were faced with death I would eat a brain.” Lilith cheers her glass to no one and takes a drink.

“Humans can die if they eat too much human flesh and their stomachs aren’t accustomed to it, did you know that? I heard this urban legard, no no, do not make that face, urban legends are based on facts, stop. This girl had dinner with this guy and then three days later went to the hospital with food poisoning and they pumped her stomach and found human flesh. Come to find out, she went on a date with a cannibalistic serial killer.”

“I’d serial kill if it was for a good cause.”

“Jesus you’re goddamn psychopath you know that?” Ava grins at Lilith when she cheerses her glass in the air again, “And you know that’s why I love you.”

“Not because I broke you from the grips of Adriel when you were an actual zombie that would have fully become an actual serial killer if I didn’t crack you?”

“Sure, sure.” Ava stops mid-sip, looking at Lilith. Her newly easy smile, her gray hair, the cuts on her hands, the blood still on her skin for lack of a shower. “I do love you, you know that right? I wouldn’t be here without you for so many different reasons.”

“Ditto.” Lilith takes a drink, not looking at Ava.

“That’s it? I said I love you and all you say is ditto? I mean, come on, that was big of me, even you-” Ava stops, looking towards the front door hearing the locks move. “Stay here.” 

Ava stands to go investigate, coffee mug of wine still in her hand, Lilith half an inch behind her. Ava feels the breath on her neck and turns to Lilith.

“No, go back. Halo remember? I got this, top off your glass,” Ava waves her hand at Lilith as the door opens. All lights outside the kitchen off, including the porch light, rendering the intruders nearly invisible in the dark as the door swings open.

“Ahh!” Ava yells, throwing her nearly empty mug at the door, pulling Lilith behind the wall of the kitchen. “That was just phase one, intruders! I have Macaulay Culkin back here with like seventy booby traps so leave now!” Ava had lowered her voice to sound deep and gravely. Ava’s hand was bunched in Lilith’s shirt as Lilith started to laugh, causing Ava to snort. “We’re serious! He’s here. Leave now!”

“Ava? Lilith?” Mary’s voice rang through the house, kicking aside the broken glass of Ava’s mug.

“Mary!” Ava jumps from behind the wall pulling Lilith by the shirt with her. “Oh thank god you’re back. Lilith was going to turn into a homicidal zombie superhero.” Ava threw her arms around Mary, even in her drunken stupor, she could feel more weight drop from her chest the longer she hugs Mary.

“Zombie superhero? Usually it’s one or the other,” Leah calls from behind Camila, both bending down to pick up the broken shards of the mug.

“Well if I had to pick, I’d be a superhero, obviously,” Ava turns and points to her back.

“Sure we can want to be heroes but I think we’d end up zombies to be honest. Not saying we’d want it but you all were gone for so long we’d for sure be dead without you,” Lilith shrugs and raises her glass with half shut eyes. Mary grabs the glass from Lilith, sniffing its contents.

“You’d be a zombie. I’d be a hero. I can’t die,” Ava smirked at Lilith, raising an invisible glass but looks at her hand in confusion when her mug was missing.

“Zombies don’t die either idiot,” Lilith reaches out and swats at Ava’s empty hand down.

“You both are nothing but a bunch of whiners that can’t fend for themselves.” Mary chugs the rest of Lilith’s glass. “What happened here?” Mary looks around the kitchen seeing the two open wine bottles, the half eaten packets of food.

“Was that…” Ava looks to Lilith, then Camila and Leah, her eyes sparkling, before landing back on Mary. “Was that a pun because we’ve been drinking wine?”

“Shut you. You have a lot to explain and diving into my one and only pun is not one of those things,” Mary threw her arm around Ava, pulling her back into the kitchen. “You,” Mary pointed to Lilith, “go shower. You look undead still covered in blood. How did you not insist on that earlier?” Mary pulls Ava closer, wanting to understand the shift in her demeanor but wanting to bask in the normalness of their current situation more.

“We were busy?” Ava shrugs against the arm over her shoulder, burying deeper into Mary’s embrace.

“We’ll talk about that later. Lil, go shower and come back. Mother Superion should be here in an hour or so.”

Mary shuffled around the kitchen, putting together a very late dinner. Her muscles tired, her mind barely able to stay awake long enough to make something edible.

“Mary?” Ava whispered from the stool next to the kitchen counter.

“Yeah?” Mary quickly glanced over her shoulder at Ava while dropping pasta into boiling water.

“I…” Ava audibly swallows, tightening her grip on her cup of water. 

“Don’t. It’s fine. You weren’t you. I get it,” Mary looks at the knife in her hand, holding the ripe red tomato in her other, ready to dice.

“I want to though,” Ava stands and moves closer to Mary. “I know you know. Obviously. You know me. I just… I’m sorry for how I acted.”

“Don’t be. It’s fine. I don’t know what happened really but I get it,” Mary sets the knife down and turns to Ava. “You were in a bad spot. Mentally. I get that.” 

“I don’t think you do,” Ava looks up at Mary, the older girl attempting to mask her concern, her fear, but it's written all over her face. Mary shifts around the kitchen and sits in the stool next Ava, nodding her head for Ava to go on, if she’s ready. Ava tells her about Adriel taking over her mind, wanting to kill Lilith, all of it.

Mary’s shoulders droop lower and lower, her brow furrowing deeper with every word. When Ava is done, Mary doesn’t trust her voice. Doesn’t trust much of anything anymore but she lets out a quiet sigh, shakes her head to stop herself from crying and grabs Ava’s hand. Mary’s mouth opens and closes repeatedly, failing to say anything at all. Instead she focuses on Ava's hand in her own, squeezing tighter, holding her, grounding her.

\---

“I’d like to report that whoever set up this safe house must have known, that at some future point, a body sized freezer would be required.” Camila calls over the sound of the kitchen sink running as she washes her hands.

“To be fair, I had one too,” Leah chimes in making her way to the now vacant stool next to Ava. Mary shoots her an incredulous look over her shoulder before shaking her head, turning back to the red sauce on the stove.

“Hey,” Camila whispers coming up next to Ava, “Okay if I hug you?” 

Instead of replying, Ava stands from the stool and wraps her arms around Camila, burying her face in the crook of her neck. The two sisters stand together, only breaking apart when the entire kitchen tenses at the telltale signs of tires on gravel.

“She’s here.” Mary wipes her hands on a towel, and turns to the others, back straight, face neutral. “This goes without saying,” she lifts an eyebrow looking directly at Ava, “but please, be on your best behavior. We’ve been through hell, literally, and back but that doesn’t mean you can mouth off.”

“Aye aye captain,” Ava solutes but her voice only carries a fraction of humor. Her mind is spiraling. Will Mother Superion blame her for this? Will she cast her out because she let her mind be invaded? Ava tightens her jaw and sits up straighter in her chair, waiting for the inevitable.

\----

Mother Superion enters the small cabin without knocking. She stands in the entryway of the kitchen where none of the women inside the kitchen move a muscle. She takes her leather gloves off slowly, one finger at a time. Her eyes dart around the kitchen pausing briefly on each girl in turn. She folds the gloves up and places them in her pocket, and clasps her hands in front of her before speaking.

“You’re new,” she says, leveling her gaze at Leah.

“Um not specifically Mother Superion. I run the safe house in Genoa,” Leah stands from the stool, the wood making an echoing scrape against the floor as she bows slightly, her cheeks turning pink at the daft, unnecessary act of bowing. Ava snorts behind her and tries to cover it with a cough, her hands staying over her mouth to cover the smile.

“Ah yes. Leah of Genoa. I didn’t recognize you. Lovely to see you’ve… grown. And Ava, you haven’t changed a bit.” Mother Superion tilts her chin up, even from across the room she manages to look down on Ava.

“That was truly the most dramatic entrance I’ve ever seen. You even left the front door open,” Ava stands and bows deeply at her hips, her arms fanning out to her side. As Ava rights herself, hitting Leah with the back of her hand to stand as well, Mother Superion lowers her chin, the faintest of smiles forming on her mouth. If their eyes hadn't been focusing so intently on her, they would have missed it.

“I didn’t come alone,” Mother Superion turns towards the door as Dr. Salvius and Kristian walk in carrying several plastic crates.

“Doc, good to see you,” Ava finger waves at Jillian as she sets the crates on the floor.

“Ava,” Jillian nods her head at Ava and the others in turn.

As if the arrival of the others broke the tension in the room, Mary finally moves from the stove to Mother Superion. “It’s good to see you,” Mary holds out her hand and Mother Superion grasps it in both of her. Mary’s brow is furrowed and only Mother Superion is close enough to see her bottom lip slightly quivering, her jaw tightening.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” Mother Superion grips Mary’s hand a little harder before letting them go. “We’re missing one. Where is Lilith?”

“We’re missing two actually. Beatrice is currently…” Ava clears her throat at the sudden, unexpected lump forming there. “She’s...” Ava stops her attempt to speak when Mother Superion raises her hand and nods her head in acknowledgment. 

“I know, Ava. We plan to visit tomorrow. Lilith is where? Still on this plane I am hoping?” Mother Superion peaks around the corner into the hallway looking around.

“You know about that?” Ava’s confusion is written all over her face as she looks to Mary for answers.

“I know about quite a bit, Ava. Dr. Salvius and Kristian have been most helpful in understanding our next move against Adriel. While you have been on the run, we’ve been deciphering Mary’s messages, most importantly, the recent development on your trip to the gates of Hell.” Mother Superion turns away from the kitchen to chat with Kristian and Jillian as Ava slowly turns on Mary.

“You’ve been keeping her in the loop this whole time? She knows Lilith is part Tarask? Why haven’t you told me? Why are they just getting here now? They could have helped! They could have stopped Vincent from ki- hurting Beatrice!” Ava feels her voice getting louder and louder and the slight echo of a laugh in the back on her mind. Camila moves closer to Ava, placing a warm hand on her to settle her mind.

“Ava, please calm down,” Mary holds up her hands, her voice even, watching Ava’s eyes get darker by the second.

“No way, no way, you don’t get to tell me to calm down,” Ava pulls her arm out of Camila’s soft grasp and moves closer to Mary. The loud rapping of Mother Superion’s cane against the wood floor echoes in the hallway.

“None of that,” Mother Superion’s stern look halts Ava on the spot, her chest heaving, her eyes nearly black. “Ava, it wasn’t Mary’s fault. I was made to… keep up appearances during your absence. To keep wandering eyes off of you. Mary was corresponding in secret and informed to keep that messaging from anyone,” Mother Superion finally moved into the kitchen, closing in on Ava, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, nonverbally commanding eye contact. “While we are deeply upset about Sister Beatrice, Dr. Salvius has a solution. Now, settle your thoughts lest we have an unwanted guest arrive.” 

Mother Superion emphasized her words by tightening her grip on Ava’s shoulders and searching her eyes. She watches as Ava blinks several times, her chest heaving less, her breathing evening out, the black fading. 

“Come,” Mother Superion directs Ava back to the stool she vacated. “Have a seat. Let’s talk.”

Over the next few minutes, Mother Superion filled in the group on the goings on of the rest of the world while they’ve been on the run. Pope Duretti had coined the explosion the work of a fringe group. The area has been roped off and unexplored as far as the world knew but everyone in the room knows that Mary and Kristian snuck in to retrieve the Tarask skeleton for Jillian to test. The Catholic church had put every effort into returning to business as usual that their absence in the OCS and the disappearance of Father Vincent had been but a blip on the radar. 

Mother Superion has spent the majority of her time tracking and cloaking divinium within other OCS chapters effectively cutting off any connection Adriel may have with them. Dr. Salvius has thrown her entire being into synthesizing the repairing properties in Lilith’s DNA to apply to the average human, work that took her mind off of her son for only a fraction of the day. Kristian has been busy on the black market of the Catholic church. Listening in on chat rooms and bidding wars of key items that may or may not be tied to Father Vincent. His research and sleuthing resulted in nothing useful that could lead them to the whereabouts of Adriel outside of the sword currently in their possession.

“Fuck,” Ava signs out, rubbing her eyes after Kristian ends his investigation notes.

“Language, Ava.” 

“Mother S, all due respect, this situation fully deserves a fuck and you know that,” Ava challenges but drops her head into her hands.

“Again, all of my respect, but it doesn’t seem like anything that’s been happening out there,” Camila points vague out the window, “has done anything to make our situation better. Or bring us any closer to knowing how to defeat Adriel.”

“I wouldn’t speak so soon ladies,” Dr. Salvius stands up with a folder as Lilith finally reenters the kitchen.

“Mother Superion?” Lilith stops abruptly, looking around the kitchen. “You’re here.” Lilith moves towards Mother Superion as if to hug her but stops herself. She’s never been the touchy feely type, has never been anything but a cold warrior in the presence of Mother Superion. Seeing a familiar face, arguably her only real parental figure, for the first time in weeks, Lilith was almost unable to stop herself, remember who she is supposed to be in front of her. She steals a glance at Mary, only briefly before looking back and taking a step closer.

“Lilith,” Mother Superion breaths out, the tiniest of smiles on her face as she moves forward to meet Lilith half way, grabbing Lilth’s hands in her own. It’s the closest either of them will get to a hug. Lilith feels her eyes sting with the ghost of tears, she feels her heart swelling. She swallows deeply, swallowing the tears as well.

“Now that we are all here,” Mother Superion clears her throat, letting Lilith’s hands fall gently, “Mary, is dinner ready?”

Mary nods her head silently, pulling down plates and cups from the cabinets silently as the others move towards the slove to fill their plates.

Dinner is a near silent affair. The group is scattered around the kitchen, Leah and Camila eat cross legged on the floor, others standing around the kitchen counters, all heads bowed in their own thoughts. It’s just after two in the morning, bodies tired, minds nearly numb, but the night is far from over. There is a very serious conversation that needs to happen before they can retire for the night.

\---

Ava holds her hand in the air, waving it after a second of not being noticed, “Ava, what is it?” Jillian acknowledges the hand with a tight lipped smile and a head nod.

“Where did the projector come from?” Ava drops her hands into her lap, smiling a fake sweet smile. The girls find themselves sitting on the floor, a projector screen set up in front of the entry door. Kristian standing behind them manning the projector, Mother Superion and Jillian standing on either side of the screen. Mary punches Ava in the arm, “What? It just feels really excessive to have a projector when words would work just fine. I mean, I am a very visual learner but again, excessive.” Jillian rolls her eyes before motioning to Kristian to start the slide show.

“While you may all find the last several weeks to be in vain when it comes to Adriel. We have spent significant resources on cloaking divinium in the OCS armories across the majority of Europe,” A map flashes on the screen, Europe seems to be covered in blue with a few patches uncovered. “Our other associates are working tirelessly to make the map you see here complete.” Jillian pauses, ignoring Ava’s raised hand this time. 

“We have taken every-” Jillian is cut off briefly by a grunt from Ava and she pushes herself up higher, making her waving hand more visible. “Yes, Ava?”

“Thank you,” Ava shakes out her hand as if it had gone numb being held up for less than ten seconds, “who are the other associates? Mother S, do you trust them?”

“Yes Ava, we trust them,” Mother Superion answered in a clipped tone, blinking slowly as if the question held no merit.

“But,” Camila hesitates, looking to Ava before she continues, “who are they?”

“That is a great question Camila,” Mother Superion nods and looks to Jillian to continue speaking.

“As I was saying, we have taken every precaution, subtly, quietly, in many OCS chapters. Mother Superion has visited nearly every chapter within three hundred miles of the Vatican. Relying on those she has trained, in some capacity or another, to guide the actions of each sect. The names and faces of our associates do not matter at this time. You only need to know that every active member of the OCS is being guided by your current mission in one way or another.”

“Tight, so it’s like undercover shit,” Ava nods her head happily, looking at the others.

“Sure,” Jillian nods to Kristian to continue on to the next slide. “Why I have gathered you here is to explain our research on the Tarask skeleton and Lilith’s newly altered DNA as it related to the human genome and the ability to self heal.” 

Kristian plays the video on the slide. It’s a silent view from a microscope of burned skin healing itself. It switches to a palm, split open, gushing blood and a needle being injected into the skin. The open cut on the palm glitters a bright white for a millisecond before closing itself. The final segment is a femoral attorney being nicked and left severed, blood gushing, until another needle appears and the artery and surrounding skin heals itself.

“That, is divinity,” Jillian finally says, her chin lifted in triumph, after the video ends and the screen bathes the room in blue light.

Ava looks around at the others, slack jawed staring at the screen before she claps once, then after a beat again, and again. “Come on, that was slow clap worthy. So Doc, what are you waiting for, get down to the hospital. Pump Bea up with that and we can get back to business.”

“It’s not that simple,” Jillian replies after a beat. “I have only been able to map it to my own genome. My own person. I had not been subject to life-threatening injuries while administering the dosage. I don’t yet know if Sister Beatrice will even take to the serum. It will take days, weeks even to map it to hers.”

“Who cares. Go do the thing. Go try. Now. That’s the point of this slide show. Go. Get into that room like everyone else here has failed to do and fix her. I’ll make breakfast so she has something to eat when she gets back.” Ava stands and heads towards the kitchen.

“Ava, please,” Mother Superion grabs Ava by the arm to stop her. “Please have a seat. We aren’t done.”

“No, no, I think we are,” Ava had done a spectacular job keeping her feelings at bay. Telling herself that Beatrice would be okay. That she would be here in a day or two. That it wasn’t her fault that she could be dead at this very moment. Granted, yes, she didn’t do a great job and let herself be taken over by the very embodiment of evil, but since then, since coming back to herself, she pushed it down. She told herself Beatrice was fine. She had to be.

“Give me the serum, I’ll zap in, give her the shot, then we show up in four hours and they tell us it’s a miracle. I don’t see the issue. You probably weigh close to the same thing, sure you’re like twice her age but that should… shouldn’t be a problem. I can do this. I can do this one,” Ava coughs to clear her throat, “I can do this one thing. I can fix it. So put me in coach.” Ava feels wetness on her cheeks before she even knows she’s crying. Lilith and Mary stand at the same, noticing the fracture in Ava’s posture, her shoulders slumping, caving in on herself.

“I’m sorry Mother Superion, Dr. Salvius, we’ve had a long day. If the material isn’t pertinent to this moment, do you think we could maybe table the rest of this until the morning?” Lilith lets Mary take hold of Ava while she addresses the women at the front of the room. Camila and Leah standing now too, move closer to the group.

“Yes, of course,” Dr. Salvius nods and has Kristian kill the slide show, flipping the lights back on seconds later.

“Go, rest,” Mother Superion nods and waves the girls off. “We’ll connect in the morning. We plan to leave here at 6:30 for the hospital. I know that doesn’t give you much time to gather yourselves but you can always follow after us.”

“Thank you,” Camila nods to her and directs Mary, who is holding Ava, towards their room. All five girls file into the tiny room with the bunk beds, Mary practically pushes a sobbing Ava into the lower bunk.

“Ava,” Mary crouches down to Ava’s eye-line now that she is sitting on the bunk. “You need to breathe, okay? She’ll be fine.” Mary holds Ava’s hands in her own, her thumb stroking over her knuckles.

Camila and Lilith sit down on either side of Mary and place their hands on Ava’s knees. Silent comfort, the only thing they can think to do. Camila looks to Mary, silently asking to take her place.

“Ava, it’s Camila. The baby otter, your kitten, can you hear me,” Camila reaches up to wipe the silently falling tears from Ava’s face. “From one sweet girl to another, I need you to look at me. Just for a minute okay?” Camila continues stroking Ava’s cheek until she finds her eyes. Lost, nearly black, so distant they send a shiver down Camila spine.

“There she is. Remember when we breathed together, in the basement. I need you to slow your mind down, okay? Think about what Dr. Salvius just showed us. Beatrice will be fine, we just need time, okay? We all need time. We will win. The entire chapter of the OCS is with us. We’ll go to Beatrice tomorrow and you’ll be able to see her and you’ll know then. She’s here too. She’ll be here and you can make all the breakfast you want, okay?” Camila whispers and soothes Ava, but at the mention of Beatrice’s name, Ava seems to jolt.

“I can’t go tomorrow. I can’t,” Ava stands, sidestepping between Camila and Lilith, brushing shoulders with Leah. “I can’t,” Ava coughs through a sob, “I can’t see here in this fucked up half state that I put her in. I can’t see tubes down her throat. I can’t see her not moving. I- I - ugh I can’t do it.” Ava paces the room, hot tears continue to fall, her hands worrying in front of her.

“You can and you will. You will regret not going with us tomorrow. You are so much stronger than you think you are Ava,” Mary is up and standing nearly in Ava’s personal space. “You pushed back a demonic presence from your mind not even five hours ago. Not only that, you halo-flared to save all of us, sacrificing yourself in the process. You’re clever, you’re smart, you’re stupid as shit but you are so smart, Ava. I have told you this over and over. You are our leader and if you give up now, if you give up because you can’t see someone _recovering_ in a hospital bed, I don’t think I know who you even are anymore.”

“She’s right Ava. So were the Tarask. You are more than you think you are. You are so much more,” Lilith moves to stand next to Mary.

“You didn’t do this, Ava. You didn’t put her in that hospital. She knew what she was getting into. She did it for you. She fought for all of us,” Camila stands now, looping her arm into Lilith’s.

“Ditto what they said,” Leah joins the circle. “As an outsider just casually looking in, Ava, you did everything you could. We all did everything we could. No one died… that we loved dearly? Definitely people died, I’m going to stop talking now..” Leah trails off but stands her ground in the circle.

Ava’s tears continue, but her eyes look around the circle around her. She feels herself slowing, she feels their presence, their backing, not for the first time. She feels their stability, their support. She feels them there with her.

Ava nods and wipes her eyes with the back of her sleeve, “Okay, okay. I’m sorry I just- I just,” she lefts out a deep sign from the depths of her chest and shakes her head looking at the floor.

“We know,” Camila says and moves her wrap Ava in a hug. The others follow suit, all five standing in the center of an absurdly small room, holding on for dear life.

“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay in here tonight,” Mary asks, the others nodding with her.

“Obviously. Though two twin beds might be a little tight,” Ava wipes her eyes again and looks around the room.

“I’ll go pull the cushions from the couches and let the adults know they can take the other three rooms,” Leah hops to it, her words following her out the door.

“We’re going to be okay,” Mary looks at Camila, Ava, and Lilith in turn. “We have to be.”

\----

Only half awake Ava finds herself running down cobblestone streets. She can’t tell if she is dreaming or awake. Her lungs are burning, her calves are aching to rest, but she continues running. Running until she sees the red-lit cross on the front of a hospital building. She pushes herself faster, her legs pumping double time as she bursts through the automatic doors and stands in the lobby.

She doubles over to catch her breath for a matter of seconds before she's jogging to the reception desk.

“I’m looking for Beatrice. She was brought in about nine hours ago with several stab wounds. I was told I could see her if I asked for Henry.”

“I’m- I’m Henry. Did Mary send you?” Henry stands from behind the reception desk and smooths the front of his blue scrubs.

“She did yes. I’m… family. I know I’m early and I’m not on the contact list but I need to get in there okay. If you fight me on this, I’ll do worse than whatever Mary said to you I can promise you, so please, let me back there,” Ava points to the swinging doors a nurse just emerged from.

“Are you Ava?” Henry asks and receives a silent nod. “I can do that. She’s been stable for a few hours now. Please, follow me,” Henry stands from the station and leads Ava back behind the doors.

They walk in silence before Henry breaks it.

“The small woman that signed Beatrice in said you’d be intense but I didn’t expect you to be more intense than Mary to be honest. You are on the list, by the way,” Henry offers a small smile to Ava. Ava just clenches her jaw, fully realizing she is not in a dream and had run all the way here on autopilot before she realized. Mary is going to freak the fuck out when she wakes up but that’s a future Ava problem and not something she can focus on in the current moment.

“You’d be surprised. It’s the small ones you need to look out for,” Ava attempts an easy going tone but it comes off flat and void of any emotion, more like a threat. She sees Henry ball his fist and nod tightly next to her as she leads her down yet another hallway.

“Alright, here is Beatrice’s room. There is a rotation coming in,” Henry checks the clipboard in his hand, “fifty-seven minutes. You need to be out of here in fifty okay?” Henry looks at her expectantly, hoping for an acknowledgement of his words.

“Noted,” Ava says looking at the numbers on the door and not at Henry at all.

“Well, okay, um, if you need me I guess just page the front desk on the phone. Dial star then zero. I’ll be there for the next fifty minutes you’re allowed to be in that room.” Henry states then slowly starts to back away.

“Wait, Henry,” Ava turns to look at him in his eyes for the first time that night. “Thank you. For this and for what you did before this. I… I can’t thank you enough.” Ava receives a smile and a nod before Henry leaves her.

Ava’s palms are sweaty, her breathing has just leveled out from running for miles. She can’t make herself open the door. She wants to yell for Henry to come back and open it for her, force her to go inside, make the decision for her.

 _No you idiot, you can do this. Just open the door. Just open it. Arguably the most simple task you’ve had all day. Move your stupid hand and open the door._ Ava wars with her mind for another minute before she drops her hand to the handle and turns it.

Ava hears the beeping before she registers the machines. She smells the antiseptic and sterile environment before she fully takes it in. She can smell the faintest of Beatrice’s shampoo before she sees her. When it registers, all at once, Ava sinks to the floor, the door clicking behind her. Her hands feel the cold tile of the floor, she feels the fading ache of her legs in her crouches position. When she lifts her head up, her eyes dragging from the speckled beige floor, to the white of the sheets, to the pale skin of Beatrice’s hand, she can barely breathe. 

She shouldn't have come alone. Why did she come alone? This was entirely too much. She pushes herself back on the floor, her back hitting the door, stopping her retreat. Her nails dig into the cold tile, her eyes shut tight, unable to reason with reality.

 _When I open my eyes, we’ll be in the Cradle. We’ll be there just after a training on treating wounds, that's why it smells like this. When I open my eyes I’ll see Bea, alive and up and here. I’ll feel her reach for me. I’ll feel her. I’ll feel every part of her._

Ava begs with herself for a little longer before peeling her eyes open. She sits against the door of the hospital room, taking it all in. She wishes she knew what blood pressure numbers meant. Which heartbeats per second meant good or stable. But she just watches a green line sputter across an ancient looking screen. Pulsing. It was good enough. Good enough for this moment. Beatrice was alive. Recovering.

She takes it in for a few moments more before pushing up and crawling a few feet towards Beatrice bedside. She stands then, looking down at breathing tubes and IVs and bags and wires and the palest skin she could ever imagine. A sob chokes it way out of her throat. She doesn’t even attempt to cough it away. Her hand flys to her mouth, squeezing her lips in her thumb and forefinger, stopping herself from crying out. She does let herself feel it though. She lets herself feel beyond pain, passed fear. 

Ava reaches out, pulls back slightly, before finally resting her hands against Beatrice’s, careful not to move the IV in her hand. She slides her hand up to grip on to just one of Beatrice’s fingers. One thing to hold on to. One tiny part of her that she can hold in her hands, feel physically.

Her hands feel the same. If Ava tricks her mind, she can pretend Beatrice was just asleep after a particularly rough training day. A black eye and stitches in her eyebrow were nothing really. Ava didn’t dare look under her hospital blanket. She just takes in Beatrice’s face. Imagining it without the bruises, the stitches. She reaches up with her other hand not gripping a finger to brush Beatrice's cheek.

“Hi Bea,” Ava does choke on a sob this time. She feels her chest shake with it, her shoulders. She lets herself cry. She doesn’t hold anything back. There isn’t a single reason to. She doesn’t need to be strong, fight back a demonic creature, be anything other than Ava.

Ava moves around the bed to the other side, to the hand without an IV, to the chair next to the bed. She sinks into the chair, the halo long having healed her aching muscles but it still feels good to sit in the presence of Beatrice. Ava takes Beatrice’s hand in hers fully now, not worried about obstructing fluids or whatever was running through the tubes.

“Bea,” Ava breathes out, lifting Beatrice’s hand to her mouth, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to her knuckles. “You’re never going to believe the day I had,” Ava lets out a tear-filled laugh. Ava drops her chin to the side of the bed, looking up at Beatrice. She almost wants to count her eyelashes, her freckles. 

Ava holds Beatrice’s hand, recounting her day, periodically kissing her knuckles, stopping to wipe tears, stopping to just look at Beatrice, hoping for a single sign that she can hear anything that Ava is saying. Hoping that even if she can’t acknowledge, that Beatrice feels her there.

Ava looks up to the clock. She only has four minutes left until she has to leave. She feels a fresh batch of tears fill her eyes and slowly descend down her face.

“I know you can’t hear me. Or maybe you can. I don’t actually know. I do know that I love you. I love you so much Bea. I love you in so many different ways and I want you to wake up so I can tell you about them okay? I’ll be back but I need you to come back. Come back to me. Because I’ve heard of vegan ice cream but I’ve never had it. And I’ve seen pictures of the London Bridge but I want to see it with you. I want to meet your shitty parents and fuck up dinner so royally, obviously we’ll preplan the fuck up so you’re in on it. I want to see a kangaroo, maybe. Like not the bats or spiders or the crawlies of Australia but I’d do it if you were there with me. I need you. I need you with me.” Ava stops. Her time is up in seconds, she already overstayed.

“I love you beyond experience Bea. Just wake up so I can tell you,” Ava lifts Beatrice’s hand to her mouth once more before standing and slipping out of the room.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the absurdity of 'Supes' will be explained in the next chapter I swear.
> 
> Also like. Hope the entire fandom is doing okay. Love you all

Ava stops at the reception desk to squeeze Henry’s hand wordlessly before darting out the front doors of the hospital. She runs, faster and faster, the slap of her feet against the pavement matching that of her heart, a metronome counting down, to what she is not sure. But that beat propels her forward though the dark streets.  
She keeps time with her feet, her heart, the threat of daybreak and the house waking up pushing her faster still. No watch. No phone. She had completely disappeared into the darkness of the night. She knows that there will be hell to pay if anyone is awake when she makes it back. 

When she sees the cabin in sight, the sun has just started to peak over the horizon, it couldn’t be more than five in the morning, the others should still be asleep. She opens the door slowly, and closes it as quietly as possible, leaning her head against the cold wood, taking several deep, calming breaths.

Ava takes one final breath before pushing off the door and turning into the cabin only to be met with a sickening back hand across her face.

“Biiiitch,” Ava hisses out, rubbing her cheek, the daggers in her eyes falling away as she takes in the angry faces of everyone glaring at her from the front room.

“You are a piece of shit Ava Silva,” Mary stands in front of her, wiping blood off the back of her hand from Ava’s split and bleeding lip. “Where the fuck were you? How dare you leave in the middle of the night? How dare you make us think you ran off again!?”

Mary stands with her chest heaving, her eyes ablaze with anger. Camila, Lilith and Leah sit together huddled on the couch, Jillian and Kristian have their arms crossed. Mother Superion stands to the side with an unintelligible expression on her face, her cane in her hands in front of her.

Ava works her jaw out, wiping the blood from her lip, moving her tongue over her teeth, tasting more blood before she speaks.

“Okay, yeah, that was a dick move and I deserved that back hand. Solid force behind it for,” Ava peaks around the wall to the kitchen, “Five twelve in the morning.” Ava feels the heat of the halo healing her. She moves further into the room, shaking her shoulders out. Even though the halo could fix her lip, it wasn't capable of mending the tense state her body had been in for the past day.

“I’m sorry, Mary,” Ava looks past Mary at the others in the room, “I’m sorry to everyone for messing up. I was in the hospital parking lot before I even knew I was there. I thought I was dreaming.” Ava pauses, ringing her hands together, whether it was nerves or tension she couldn’t tell. “I didn’t take anything with me so I couldn’t let you know where I was but… I went to Beatrice. Henry let me in just like you said he would. I just. I had to see for myself and I guess my subconscious led me to Bea before I even knew I wanted to go. I’m sorry.” Ava shrugged then wrapped her arms around her middle, seeming to shrink in on herself. The fight completely gone from her body.

Camila stands up first, moving to Ava. “Did she seem okay? Were the nurses being nice?” Camila smiles at Ava, wrapping her warm hand around Ava’s cold forearm, tugging just a bit to get Ava to look up.

“Yeah,” Ava smiles, thinking about the warmth of Beatrice’s hand, her freckles, just her. “Yeah, they were being good to her. The green heart monitor thing was going regularly. The numbers read one-sixteen over seventy-two. Is that good?” Ava looks to Dr. Salvius.

“It is good Ava. She is being well taken care of. I have called several times on our behalf as well. She is stable and will remain stable until her next surgery,” Jillian offers a small smile to Ava in reply.

“Okay, okay good. And Doc, I’m sorry for my outburst early. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d have some magical science to fix her right away. I know you’re doing all that you can for us,” Ava tightens her lips and looks sheepishly at Jillian.

“Bygones Ava. I know what you all mean to each other. And if we could have continued with the slide show I would have let you know that we have a preliminary trial for Beatrice. We have her DNA from a few hair samples. I was going to attempt a small injection tomorrow, well, in an hour, but I can’t let you all get your hopes up.” Jillian turns to the rest of the sisters to emphasize her point.

“I get it. Whatever you’re doing is enough. I’m sorry,” Ava turns to Mother Superions. “Supes, when are we leaving? Wheels up in thirty?”

“Did you just refer to Mother Superion as Supes? Like multiple soups at a deli? Ava, come on,” Camila tries not to laugh, tries to maintain decorum.

“Camila,” Mother Superion interjects, “if I may.” She turns slowly towards Ava, shifting her cane in her hands, lifting it up, parallel to the floor, almost ready to snap it in half to make fighting sticks. “Ava, you are without a doubt a thorn in the heel of Catholicism. The most reckless Warrior Nun I have encountered in my years. Your rhetoric is absurd and your manners more so. But you are also arguably the most capable of pulling this off and ending the order once and for all.” Mother Superion lowers her cane again, the rubber end hitting the floor loudly in the silent room. “So if you wish to refer to me at _Supes_ you may do so if, and only if, you are capable of pulling off an Irish coffee.” Mother Superion pulls a tiny flask from her sleeve and wiggles it in the air.

The room is silent for a beat, then a beat longer, before Ava thrusts her fist in the air and whoops loudly. “Supes, my ma’am! I always knew the soft spot I had for you wasn’t a lie.” Ava moves to grab the flask then reaches for Leah’s shirt, pulling her up, completely ignoring the gobsmacked looks of Mary, Camila, and Lilith’s faces. “We are all over Irish coffees. We’ll have a thermos ready to go in say twenty, then wheels up in thirty like I originally suggested?”

“Very good. We will be ready,” Mother Superion nods her head in approval, the tiniest of smiles and affection on her face as she moves back into the cabin to prepare for departure.

\----

“So, Supes, now that we’re friends you think you can amend my sparring score to, say, A minus? Ask anyone, I have improved a lot.” Ava pours the thermos into tiny paper cups for everyone except Leah, currently driving. Mary, Lilith, and Camila exchange confused glances, still barely able to wrap their minds around the flask, Mother Superion accepting an asinine nickname, and the fact that Ava was just casually doling out Irish Coffee on the way to the hospital to visit their sister that should be dead.

“When we return to Barcelona, you can show me for yourself,” Mother Superion meets her eyes in the rear view mirror and takes a small sip from her paper cup.

“Why are we returning to Barcelona?” Lilith asks from the very back of the van as she blows on her own coffee.

“It is the least likely place for anyone to look for us. It’s also the largest safe house. I have submitted for sabbatical so I will be with you to craft the last stages of our plan. As will Dr. Salvius and Kristian. We will be with you to the end of this, God willing.” Mother Superion lifts her glass.

Mary and Lilith share a glance having known Mother Superion the longest. Her attitude, her demeanor, it was all just off. 

The rest of the girls, barring Leah, raise their glasses in silence, all waiting for Mother Superion’s nod of approval of the Irish Coffee. “Ava, I have to say, the ratio of this is truly immaculate. Though I believe I have you to thank for that, yes?” Mother Superion directed her comment towards Leah.

Leah sputters and nearly jerks the car into a storefront but rights them in a swift pull of the wheel. “Yes - yes ma’am. I assisted Ava. Her first attempt was… good though heavier on the whiskey than many would appreciate this early in the morning.”

“Thank God for you. I’ll write to your parents. Let them know of your achievements,” Mother Superion hums next to Leah.

“Actually,” Leah hesitates before continuing, “actually I would like them not to know and at the end of this I would like to be excommunicated. I want to go to the States. I would like to… start over. If that’s okay with you.”

Leah locks eyes with Camila behind her in the rear view mirror, leaning into the small grin on her face, leaning into the small reveal of the life she wanted outside of the OCS she gave to Camila last night. Leaning further into the small amount of admiration she saw on Mary’s face at the reveal, like she had known all along that Leah didn’t want this life. She watches Ava lick the foam from the top of her lip, flexing her jaw at the burn of the first batch of Irish coffees in her cup. These were her people for right now but she would carry them forever.

“Anything you want dear,” Mother Superion takes a calculated sip of her coffee, her eyes darting to Leah with an almost satisfied look.

\----

“Oh wow. There are… lots of you now,” Henry stands from behind the desk, his shift nearly over. “You must be Mother Superion. We’ve been waiting for you.” Henry holds out his hand to Mother Superion, nodding to the others he hasn’t met.

“I am, yes. It’s a pleasure Henry, I’ve heard you’re keeping our sister well cared for,” 

“Yes ma’am, let me take you back to her,” the group moves in unison after Henry towards the double doors, “wait. I’m so sorry. I can only take four of you. It’s a policy, and no,” Henry steals a glance at Ava,“this is one I can’t break.”

Henry seems to shrinks in on himself as Mary levels him with a glare so cutting he nearly caves.

“No matter,” Mother Superion waves her hand to calm Mary. “I will go with these three,” Mother Superion places her hand on Mary’s shoulder, pulling her forward and gestures towards Kristian and Dr. Salvius, purposely leaving their names out of any hospital record. “We’ll go in shifts after that. Please proceed.”

“She hasn’t yet been able to breath on her own yet. The tube, while it looks bad, is just assisting her until she recovers enough to breath on her own,” Henry says after they enter Beatrice’s room, the silence became awkward.

“Yes, thank you Henry,” Dr. Salvius offers a nod to him, “We are well aware of the implications of a breathing tube. If you wouldn’t mind, we’d like a few moments with Beatrice.”

Henry took in Jillian’s smile, the tight expressions of the others and backed out of the room. As soon as he was out of sight the movement in the room felt frantic. 

Kristian moves to check the lock on the door and pulls the pale blue curtain out from the wall, blocking Beatrice’s bedside from view as he pulls out hidden equipment from his trench coat, Jillian pulls more still, even Mother Superion produces a few cords from her sleeve.

“What the,” Mary says out loud, betraying her internal thoughts. “What the hell is this? I feel like you could have warned me.”

“I will say again, if we were able to continue with the presentation yesterday this would all be old news to you. As it were,” Jillian connected a few tubes to the base of a metallic device, “We are doing our first test on Beatrice now. If you’re squeamish with needles you can watch the door.”

“Doc, all due respect, I’ve killed more things than you can even imagine. I am not _squeamish_ with needles. Besides, I’m not the look out,” Mary looks to Mother Superion who’s eyebrow was already raised, the expression making Mary deflate, before moving towards the door, reluctantly, peeking out through the slit of a window.

“Okay, fine, go on,” Mary looks from the window of the door back to Jillian. Jillian nods, pulling out the syringe. 

“Recorder?” Jillian gets a nod from Kristian, “Test subject zero zero two. Injection site, right brow ridge, injury most likely due to blunt force trauma. Laceration approximately one point five centimeters. Surgical antiseptic and stitching have been applied. Injection of 2 milliliters of Divinity Serum in three, two, one.” Jillian inserts the syringe into Beatrice's eyebrow. “Divinity Serum has been injected. Subject appears to be displaying healing properties. At ten seconds the laceration appears to be closing, the stitches are being pushed out of the epidermis. Fifteen seconds, the subject is holding the serum.”

Jillian holds her hand up to stop the recording, watching as the skin on Beatrice’s forehead remains closed, unscarred. She looks to Mary, standing at the door, mouth hanging open, and smiles. She smiles at Mother Superion. Kristian shakes his closed fist in victory, moving to pull more serum into the syringe for other places on Beatrice’s body.

“Wait!” Jillian whisper yells into the room. “Recorder! Forty-one seconds. Subject is rejecting the serum. The laceration appears to be reopening, let the record note that blood platelets have not been disturbed in the reopening process as the subject is not hemorrhaging from the laceration site.” Jillian pulls a butterfly bandage from her bag and places it over Beatrice's eyebrow.

“Subject zero zero two has not responded to the Divinity Serum positively. We will return tomorrow after testing their blood sample and altering initial serum to account for zero zero two’s genetic make up. End.”

“No,” Mary pushes away from the door, “No, do it again. That’s not right. She, Bea doesn’t fail,” Mary takes Jillian’s hands in her own. “Try again. Please. Please Doc, just do it again.”

Jillian takes in Mary’s pained face, she darts her eyes up to Mother Superion, stoic, but clearly disappointed as well. 

“I can’t risk it, I’m sorry Mary. It’s not her I assure you. It's the weak genetic sample we had. She didn’t fail. We’ll try again when we map it right,” Jillian nods to Kristian, who moves to draw a vial of Beatrice’s blood. 

Mary focuses on the gush of it, of Beatrice’s blood, pushing against the end of the sloped vial, swirling until it fills it completely. Her mind is only on Ava, the blood and Ava. Mary knows how she will react to failure.

“Don’t…,” Mary stops, dropping Jillian’s hand, stepping away, “don’t tell Ava. Not yet. Tell her a mark healed on her ribs or something. Just don’t tell her, okay?” Mary pleads with her eyes as she runs her fingers over her forehead, smoothing out the worry lines etched deep.

The three exchange knowing glances, silently debating revealing the truth or keeping it to themselves.

“I can do that,” Jillian responds after receiving a nod from Mother Superion. “We won’t say anything as not to lie but Mary, we will do this. I can assure you. However many vials of blood we need. We will.”

Jillian takes the warm vial of blood from Kristian, placing it into her bag carefully, and makes her way towards the door, Kristian following after her.

“Be with your sisters. I will send the others in shortly,” Mother Superion stays rooted in her spot, talking to Mary but looking at Beatrice before she moves, griping Mary’s shoulder before making her way to the door, before stopping yet again.

“Mary,” Mother Superion closes the door before continuing, her tone serious, her face stoney and cold. “You know what must be done, with or without Sister Beatrice.”

“Of course Mother, I know,” Mary furrows her brow, swallowing thickly, before returning Mother Superion’s hard gaze.

“I know the burden on you. The one handed down to you by Sister Shannon. I can see it on your face, the expectancy of the others. Ava bares the halo yes, but you,” Mother Superion takes slow, calculated steps towards Mary. “You are their strength, their courage. A burden yes, but you bear it immaculately.” Mother Superion grips Mary’s shoulder, searching her eyes, “I am so proud of you.”

Mary is caught speechless, no retort, no remark. She is caught by the sincerity, the confusion from the Irish coffee incident growing. Mary had a panicked moment, though brief, that Mother Superion may be possessed. Her agency compromised by the amount of time she spent riding the countryside of divinium. Mary searched the eyes appraising her, looking for a shadowed look of a wraith, but found nothing but earnestness, thoughtfulness.

“Mother Superion, are you well?” Mary all but blurts this out, her next panicked thought jumping to Mother Superion’s character shift starting due to an impending death. Mary’s thoughts settle as crinkles appear on either side of Mother Superion’s eyes, the faintest of smiles on her lips.

“I am well, Mary. Though we have much to discuss when we return home. I will send in your sisters shortly,” Mother Superion squeezed Mary’s shoulders once more before turning to leave.

Mary watches her go, before turning back to Beatrice. She looks at the tiny pinprick of blood blooming on Beatrice’s arm. She takes in the cuts, the bruises, the more serious injuries she can’t see but can guess at. What hits her hardest though, is how small Beatrice looks. Plain, wrapped in a white blanket, eyes unmoving, limbs not fighting.

She had seen death, she had seen the last breath, the last moment of so many. She has held the woman she loved as she died. This. This felt worse. Ava talked about the in between stage at the cabin but Mary didn’t internalize it. Now though, she gets it. Mary completely understands. Standing in a smell, a feeling of defeat. A feeling so small, debilitating, that she can’t bear to look at Beatrice. So she doesn’t.

“Hey Bea,” Mary looks at a spot on the far wall, her back to the bed, rearranging the patterns to pull up the small, smug smile of Beatrice, the one she would give Mary when she knows she's right. Or that little eyebrow raise and head tilt she’ll level Mary with to get her to cave into a request. 

“I… I just want to let you know.” Mary stops, thinking all of her sentimental feelings were utter bullshit. She didn’t _want_ to talk into the stale, empty air of this hospital room to feel better, it felt embarrassing. She didn’t _want_ Beatrice to know how the fight ended or what they were able to achieve, Mary wanted to tell her when she woke up. She didn’t want to be alone, talking to no one, but she _needed_ to.

“Ava… you should have seen her Bea,” Mary chokes down the tears threatening to spill over, “She’s the real deal.” Mary pauses, chancing the smallest of glances at Beatrice laying still on the hospital bed, face unmoving, no attempt to hide a proud smile, or a small laugh.

“By that I mean she _fucking_ killed it. Sorry for swearing but you would have been so proud,” Mary turns towards the bed, looking at Beatrice, no blush covering her cheeks, no look of concern, so neutral, unfeeling.

“She was everywhere but… But she wanted to be here with you. The whole time. All she cared about was you. So just,” Mary moves towards the hospital bed, her eyes burning but not letting her resolve break. “Just wake up so you two idiots can talk about it. You’ll tell her she was too reckless, she’ll tell you to relax and break something throwing her hands up,” a choke disguised as a laugh broke through the knot in Mary’s throat. “So please Bea,” Mary reaches for Beatrice’s still hand, gripping it between both of hers. “Wake up so you can be there for her. I need someone else that can put her in her place and you’re the only one she’ll do that for. Plus, I think you need her just as much as she needs you.”

Mary runs her thumb over bruised and cut knuckles, she shifts her hand and runs her pointer finger over the notch of the needle on the tip of Beatrice's hand. Wishing she could rip it out and replace it with life, do anything to wake her up when Ava arrived.

“I need you too, you know,” Mary breathes out, dropping Beatrice’s hand and standing again. “I need you more than I thought. I need my voice of reason. I need my push. I need you in the most selfish way. I need you to.. to just... I need you to just be here. I need you, Bea.” Mary feels the tears start to fall. Her throat so tight, she can’t force the words from her mouth any longer.

Mary kneels beside the bed, pulling Beatrice’s hand back in her own and pulling it to her lowered forehead. Mary can feel the regulated pulse, the indent of the IV. She can feel the lack of movement, the cold where it should be hot, strong, and sure. 

“Come back, please, please come back,” Mary lets her tears fall into the silence of the hospital room, letting herself feel for the first time in a long time. Her tears come like they haven't before, like they might never stop. 

“Mary?”

The voice startles her, but she keeps her forehead pressed to Beatrice’s hand. She couldn’t make herself let go, even if it was Henry implementing another hospital policy. She didn’t care. She’d beat him, hide his body and lie when the next person came by. She would remain here until she truly could’t any longer.

“Mary.”

This time, the second call, the voice, she could place it. Lilith. Concern, hesitation, reservation. Lilith called her name like a warning, though gentle as she could manage. Allowing Mary enough time to gather herself before Ava came bursting through the door.

“Ava,” Mary holds up her hands, looking at Lilith with wide eyes as Ava does burst through the doors. “Hey, relax, just stop. You shouldn’t touch her or move her.” Mary held Ava at arms length away from Beatrice’s bedside. “The doc did the thing so you should just not touch her.”

“What's that?!” Ava shrieks into the silent room as Camila closes the door, pointing to the tiny bloom of blood on Beatrice’s arm. “What did they do to her?”

“Baby Hay, calm down, please,” Mary felt exhausted trying to calm Ava. “The doc took her blood to map the Divinity Serum more closely to her body. Please, please calm down. We’re all here together okay. Bea is fine, that's the tiniest amount of blood. She’s fine.”

Ava drops to her knees at the bedside, her forehead resting on Beatrice’s forearm, her body shaking in tears. Lilith moves further into the room with Camila behind her. Camila rests her hand on Mary’s shoulder, squeezing briefly before kneeling next to the bedside, murmuring prayers.

“Are you okay?” Lilith asks in an awkward tone, her fingers fidgeting together as she and Mary move away from the bed.

“I have no idea. The Gods or God or whatever. He is not in this room. I honestly don’t want him to be here given all of this,” Mary gestures to the dull glow of Ava’s back channeling her energy into Beatrice and then to Lilith’s hair. “I know I should, that divine shit is clearly in you and Ava, but why Beatrice? Right? She’s the best of us. It doesn’t make sense that she doesn’t get a piece of that.”

“I know,” Lilith looks down at her feet, then back into Mary’s blood shot eyes. Lilith flexes her fists at her side, not knowing what she should do, if anything. She watches Mary wipe aggressively at a stray tear. Lilith’s hand reaches out, taking hold of Mary’s wrist, using her other hand to wipe gently at another tear, her thumb lingering on Mary’s cheek for just a beat too long before lowering her hand. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I know that but it feels impossible,” Mary shifts close to Lilith, lowering her voice into a whisper. “I know you all need me to be the hard, unfeeling rock in this but I just can’t do it. I have no idea what I’m doing. I… We need Bea. All of us aren’t _us_ without her.” 

Mary wants to collapse. She wants to retreat, run. Do anything other than being the person the others need. She knows they expect it, the strong resolve, the witty remark to a hard situation. She just can’t make herself do it. Mary is barely able to stand on her own two feet.

“It’s okay,” Lilith whispers, watching Camila stroke Ava’s forearm from across the bed, watches Camila whispering reassurances to Ava. She steps into Mary’s space, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and pulling her into an awkward side hug. “Just… just be here. With us.”

Mary looks up at Lilith, her eyes glossy, red rimmed, uncertain. Mary is the only one that knows Beatrice didn’t take to the serum. But there will be other serums. This isn’t the end and she can feel the faintest glimmer of hope, however small. Maybe it's the glow of the halo filling the room, maybe it’s reaching her, healing her heart just a fraction. 

“I’m here,” Mary reaches out, taking Lilith’s free hand into her own, intertwining their fingers briefly, a smile tugging at her lips, “This is the most awkward hug I think I’ve ever experienced.”

“You’re an ass. I’m trying here,” Lilith drops her arm from Mary’s shoulder and attempts to shake away Mary’s hand from her own.

“Do better than that,” Mary tugs at Lilith’s hand, pulling her into another hug, Lilith’s arms wrapping around Mary’s neck, Mary dropping her forehead to Lilith’s shoulder. They remain there, absorbing each other, taking and giving everything they have. Mary lets go first, her smile sad but hope shines in her eyes.

“Cam, Ava, I think we should talk,” Mary whispers, not wanting to break the vigil at Beatrice’s bedside.

\---------

“So dead body-mod guy is at the cabin and when we get back, Lilith and I will be mapping the body. Love you,” Ava nods at Mary, then the others. “Love you for sure I just feel like this could have waited until we got home yah know? I mean, we could be like, meditating or channeling our energy into Beatrice.” 

“It can’t wait Ava. When we get back the adults will be nose deep in Bea’s genetic material and we only have one day before they’re back here to do the rest,” Mary feels the lie deep in her chest but she lets it go for right now. “Hell, we might not even have that given how fucking loud we were downtown last night. We could have been followed or tracked back to the cabin. We are running out of time.”

“I get it, totally there with you,” Ava reaches to smooth out the hair on Beatrice’s forehead, pushing it behind her ear. “You think she would like her hair braided? Like a tiny one, it’s so much shorter than I thought it would be. I can’t braid or anything but she might like it when she wakes up tomorrow, what do you think?” Ava looks up to the others, a bright smile on her face.

“Ava,” Camila slips her hand around Ava’s biceps, grabbing her attention. “I can braid it if you like, you can watch, then you can do it next time.”

Camila looks to Mary and Lilith, concern clear on her face, she points to her head, then down to the floor. Mary cocks her head to the side, unsure of what Camila is saying.

“Cam and I are going to get a hairband, we’ll be right back okay. You,” Mary points to Lilith. “You,” then to Ava, “Don’t touch anything, don’t do anything, just don’t move. You’re destructive together.”

“That’s rude,” Ava huffs.

“It’s the truth yah idiot, so just play statue,” Mary directs Camila out the door and down the hallway enough to mask their voices and their bodies from the window of the door. “What’s going on?”

“Ava is dissociating. You’ve got to pull her back in.”

“How am I supposed to do that. I gave her a task, that usually works to refocus her,” Mary throws her hand up, directing it towards the room.

“She’s devastated and she isn’t able to express it. When we go back, no more mission talk okay? We’ll braid Beatrice's hair, we’ll tell stories, or anything else Ava wants to do to feel close, with all of us, and we can do the mission stuff later,” Camila squares her jaw, putting on her toughest face when Mary opens her mouth to protest.

“Fine, you’re right, no more mission talk until we get home,” Mary nods. “Proud of you kitten,” Mary lightly brushes the knuckles of her fist under Camila’s chin before directing them back into the room.

Mary and Camila reenter the room, band aids, cotton balls, and wooden popsicle sticks covering the floor, Ava and Lilith on opposites sides of the room clutching glass jars.

“What did I say! What the hell is happening here? We are in a hospital you god damned neanderthals. Put your weapons away,” Mary smacks the back of Lilith’s head, taking the glass jar of sticks from her hand, “Put your jar down you shit.” Mary advances on Ava, flicking her forehead and taking the cotton balls from her.

“She started it!” Ava and Lilith say at the same time, shouting over each other, pointing aggressively. 

“Shut the fuck up, we don’t care. You were dumb and dumber level friends last night, how are you now at launching weapons at each other over your girlfriend’s lifeless body!” Mary knew the second the last few words left her mouth they were a mistake. She shouldn’t have said any of it. She should have laughed at the absurdity that followed Lilith and Ava everywhere. Mary let her exhaustion get the better of her, the state of the room too much. 

“She’s not lifeless,” Ava whispered, moving from her crouched position, sitting on the cold tile floor.

“She didn’t mean that,” Camila sat next to Ava on the floor. Mary set the two glass jars down on the counter, sitting on Ava’s other side.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean that, Camila is right. I just, fuck dude, we were gone for three minutes. How do you both just do this all the time? We leave you alone for minutes and _this_ ,” Mary wants to laugh at the destruction of the room as Lilith moves stray ammunition out of the way to join them on the floor. It looks like medical supplies rained down all over. Stray pieces lay on Beatrice’s legs, covering the majority of the floor. 

Mary suddenly starts to laugh, low and deep in her stomach, her shoulders shaking, soundless in how deep the laughter was brewing. It slowly bubbled up to her throat then out into the deafening silence of the room. Her body shook with her, the scratchy, high pitched giggle bursting from her throat.

“You both are so fucking stupid,” She pushes out between her laughter. Camila joins in, small giggles made way to huge belly laughs. Ava and Lilith’s eyes widen as tears of laughter stream down Mary and Camila’s faces. Lilith joins in next, kicking a few cotton balls away as she uncurled her legs from her criss-crossed position on the floor, leaning her head back against the wall, laughing directly up into the room.

Ava feels her chest tighten, her face twist as she closes her eyes, her own shoulders shaking, not in laughter, but in resolve, contentment. She feels hot tears push out of her closed eyes, she cries as her mouth forms into a true, honest smile. She lets herself be pulled down against Mary’s chest in a shuddering hug, lets Mary give her a rough noogy, messing up her hair, laughing, crying. All of it.

“So,” Mary clears her throat, chuckling once, releasing Ava from her hold, reaching next to her to grip Lilith’s hand. “It's been agreed while you were having your medical battle, Camila will do the braids, though I did put up a good fight,” Mary holds up an old hair tie between her fingers, before pulling it back on her pointer finger and launching it at Ava, hitting her directly on the cheek. 

“Come on,” Camila bounces up, pulling Ava up with her, “I finally get to teach you something not violent or baking related,” Camila grins at Ava and pulls her towards the bed.

The girls pull up the two chairs around Beatrice’s bed, Lilith disappearing and returning with two more. They sit at her bedside, watching Camila braid Beatrice’s hair, Ava undoing it and trying herself. Camila’s patient, calm voice guiding her.

“Hello girls,” the door to the room opens, the voices startling them, Lilith and Mary on their feet immediately, fists balled, only half raised. “Yes. Yup. Should have expected this reaction and the state of the room from the very detailed note from Henry. I’m Kaya, the day nurse for Beatrice.” Kaya holds up her hands, waving them before slipping into two thumbs up as she takes in the messy room and the tense girls. “I’m not kicking you out but I will need you to head out in about forty five minutes, morning visiting hours are ending then. I wanted to give you enough heads up so when the time comes you don’t have this reaction.”

“They mean well Kaya, thank you,” Camila stands much slower than Mary and Lilith, voice silky smooth and calming, her hand resting on Ava’s shoulders after hearing the scared gasp that left her mouth. “We’ll be sure to heed the visiting hours I assure you.”

Kaya nodded, smiling at the four girls before turning to leave.

“Hey, we’re good,” Mary turns suddenly to Ava. “There’s evening hours and we can come back, yeah? Everything’s fine. Just think, this time tomorrow, the Doc will have that Divinity Serum up and ready and you can kiss the shit out of her.” Mary grins down at Ava as the worry slowly drains from her face.

“You think so?” Ava whispers, looking at Beatrice. 

“I mean, maybe not the first day she’s back, but every day after for sure,” Mary settles back in her chair, grabbing the fabric of Lilith’s pant leg, hoping to God she isn’t making a liar of herself.

“Cool. And that’s fine with you all right. I know it's maybe not fully fine with Beatrice and if she wakes up a different person I don’t,” Ava coughs back the lump in her throat. “That will be fine too. As long as she comes back.”

“Can I tell you my favorite memory of Beatrice?” Camila asks, smiling and taking Ava’s hand.

“Yes, please,” Ava licks her suddenly dry lips and hold’s Camila’s hand tightly.

“Okay, not really my favorite, not even like top ten, but one that maybe no one else knows. Remember when this one came all the way to Dr. Salvius’ building as a zombie?” Camila nodded her head towards Lilith, letting out a tiny laugh. “I was in with her and watching the two of you through the door in the hallway.” Camila stopped, remembering wanting to leave the room as soon as Lilith fell asleep but wanted Ava and Beatrice to talk a little longer.

“I watched you do that weird little uncomfortable dance when you swivel on your ankles and scrunch up your face. While you were doing that, Beatrice, I wish you could have known her a little more then. But she put her hands behind her back and leaned against the wall, so relaxed, her shoulders dropped, I could tell she was talking slow and low, like she does when she feels safe. She tilted her head a little, that little smile she had just for you.”

Ava was watching and listening with rapt attention, trying to recall the subtleties Camila was describing in that conversation but she couldn’t. She only remembers how nervous she felt hiding outside Lilith’s room. 

“She watched you talk, all of you, looking down to your hands, your body language, then slowly back up. I swear I’m not a creeper or anything but I just couldn’t break that magical globe you were in. I didn’t want to wipe that Ava smile, there are many I can tell you about, but that one is truly yours, I didn’t want it to leave. It was a secret for her then. That smile. How easy she let herself be with you. She won’t wake up different. She’ll wake up with that smile on her face, looking for you.”

“My baby otter,” Ava whispers out, “thank you.” Ava leans into Camila, an aching smile on her lips, a longing. The girls sit in the silence of the story, reflecting, the ticking of the clock more prominent now that there was a timeline to this bliss.

“Remember that time Bea absolutely obliterated Lilith in their first fight,” Mary snorted, moving her pinched fingers in Lilith pants to the top of her knee, letting it rest there.

“Oh wow, that was. Wow. Most humbling moment of my life,” Lilith lets out a huff of laughter.

“Tell it Lil,” Mary squeezes her hand and urges her to continue.

“I had been at the cradle for about a year, I think I was fifteen. Beatrice comes in, cut on her lip, black eye. Just a mess,” Lilith stops to laugh, Mary smiling at her. “Cam, you weren’t there yet so it was really just Beatrice and I, Mary was all about Shannon at that point. So Mother calls up Beatrice on day one, she was still in her civis, maybe even taking a tour or something, hands her a baton and just nods to me. Like I’m supposed to know what to do with this child in khaki chinos and t-shirt.”

“Mother did not, I refuse to believe that,” Camila interjects, laughter in her voice.

“I swear, I look to Mother like she’s gone crazy, no way was I about to spar with this little baby. Turns out, Mother was teaching me a lesson. Our Bea here had seen her fair share of fights, fully trained in about four different fighting forms at this point. Bea tossed the stick back and forth a few times and then just whipped that stick around like she was born with it, kid you not, Mother had this shit eating grin on her face as I stepped onto the mat. Suffice to say, I was put in my place. Beatrice had me flat on my back in three moves. I had to clean the mat off after because I bled so much.”

“That’s my girl,” Ava laughed out, looking at Lilith with gleaming eyes. “I know it’s barely been a day but I just, I miss her. With us, telling us what to do. I miss her saying my name. I hate that I yelled at her about it. I was so mad.”

“Don’t do that,” Mary whispered across the bed. “Don’t dwell on the things you’ve already made up for. Tell us your favorite memory? PG please, we don’t need to know the less wholesome side of Beatrice please.”

“Her lips though,” Ava laughs deeply, catching the stray cotton ball thrown at her, before settling. “The first night I was at the cradle. You,” Ava looked at Lilith, “Were suuuch a bitch. But dinner that day when two other ass holes left the table, I slid up next to Bea,” Ava laughs through her nose at the memory. 

“She didn’t smile at me or even look at me, she just continued eating, telling me, for the first time I might add, that I shouldn’t make everything a joke. Less hostile, probably because she wasn’t as invested then or maybe because I wasn’t ruining Lilith’s life yet. But she stayed there. Talked to me like I wasn’t the worst thing to happen to the OCS. She told me about Shannon. Honestly why I started pranking Lilith in the first place. I didn’t get to know everyone like she said Shannon did, but I got to know you all and I did that because Bea told me you didn’t expect anything of me. It’s also why I came back.”

The beeping of the heart monitor takes up the quiet of the room. Each caught in their own mind. At Ava’s arrival, her departure, her wild return, what led them all to this exact place. Beatrice was a part of it all. They felt it all around them. She was with them still.

“Mine,” Mary breaks the silence. “It’s not a specific thing. My favorite thing is that she always shows up. She’s always exactly where you need her. She was next to me with Shannon. She was next to me in Shannon’s old room to get the book and fight off that Crimson fuck. She’s here with us right now. And maybe we needed this. To finally be here for her. Locked away in a hospital room in order to be better after.”

“I think you're right,” Lilith finally reaches for the hand on her knee, wrapping her fingers around Mary’s hand. “We needed this. I don’t know if any of you feel this but Ava, whatever you’re doing with the halo for Beatrice, I feel it too.”

“Oh wow, thank you. I thought it was just me. We haven’t slept in two days but I feel alive, and this,” Camila pulls up her sleeve, revealing a nearly healed gash, “It’s almost fully healed. Whatever has happened with the halo, with all of us in this room. I feel good about what comes next.”

Mary reaches up to the cut on her eyebrow, turning to Lilith, silently asking if it's still there, getting a head shake in response. She pulls up her shirt, the shallow cut there was also gone. Mary looks at Ava in awe. 

“I think… I think I feel good about what comes next too. We’re nearly out of time. I’ll clean up this mess and we can go home. Map that dead guy,” Ava smiles as she stands, bending down to pick up cotton balls and wooden sticks. The others follow suit, cleaning up the room.

Ava stays back for a few seconds, running her fingers over the freckles on Beatrice’s cheeks, her silky hair, before leaning down and kissing her forehead.


End file.
